Hooray for Heartless!
Chapter 1: no real plot. Seriously. Nada. See, uh.. it's kind of hard
to explain. It's just these 2 Heartless who do stuff and uh.. Yeah.
And before we begin, I realize that Heartless have no emotions or social order, or other
such things. Don't tell me about it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Or much of anything else. Except 13 dollars in
Sacagawea (is that right?) coins. Do they still use those?
"So, Soldier no.11237, how'd things go with that Red Nocturne?" (those little
magic things strike me as female. I don't know why.) "Oh, the usual. She decided to
chase after some asshole wizard." "Dude, that's like, the third time that's happened. Why
didn't you kick his ass?" Well, it's kind of hard when he keeps ELECTRIFYING me!" "I
keep telling you those music thingies are bad news man." Oh, YEAH, no. 11453, you've
had real success with women. Remember the bouncywild? Did that scar she gave you
ever heal? "What do you think?" "Just proving a point." "Oh CRAP! We're late!" "what
in Kingdom Hearts are you talking about?" "Guard Armor's called another "emergency
strategy session." Ever since our "Great Leader" Maleficent appointed him leader of
soldiers and roundbodies things have been going down the tubes." "ever since we ate that
witch bitch's world's heart things have been going down the tubes." "Though that heart
was quite delicious." 'Oh yes, exquisite." "Where have you guys BEEN? Guard Armor's
S.S. started 20 minutes ago!" "Calm down Roundbody no.11762! it's cool." "Yeah! We-
"excuse Me!" "Uh.. Yes Guard Armor no. 14, Sir?" "I believe Maleficent appointed
me, the latest Guard Armor, in charge of you grunts?" "Yes." The G.A. switched his
head to Opposite Armor mode. "THEN YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY ANSEM-
DAMNED WORD I HAVE TO SAY, AND NOT SPEAK WHILE I AM! DO I MAKE
MYSELF CLEAR!?" "Y-y-yes, SIR!" He then switched back to Guard Armor mode.
"good." And so, for the next 5 hours, G.A. outlined his plans for success against the key,
all of which involved randomly appearing and attacking, with little or no thought
processes behind it, and absolutely none of it made sense. "And so, in conclusion,
Roundbodies shouldn't attack until provoked. DIS-MISSED!" "Uh, did you get any of
that?" I blanked out during his speech about how green requiems should fly about
randomly and not heal who's most damaged. "ha-ha! Looks like you wimps are staying
on the bottom!" "Ah great. Flying soldiers no. 11247 and no. 11248, what do YOU
want?" "we just wanted to say we've been promoted.. to SECOND class!" "grrr. Ya
know, Ansem's gonna come back, and when he does, this class system will be abolished,
and you wads 'll be lower than a shadow!" "hey, don't make fun of shadows!" "oh...
right sorry no. 11453." "Ohohho, that does it! We're going right now, you wingless
chumps!" "Yeah we'll- OH GOD!" the poor, winged, bastards had been squished by a
roundbody. "GUYS! I'm so HUNGRY!" Screamed the fat Heartless, his vest nearly
bursting from the strain of running, as he shook his tinier buddies. "c-c-c- al-m-m d-d-
dow-w-n, n-no. 11762! W-we c-can g-get y-y-ou so-ome f-o-o-od!" "Oh, thank Ansem
for you guys." "Yeah, let's go to 11453's place." "So, whaddya got here? Well, let's see,
I got... heart chips, cream of heart, heart soup, artichoke hearts- "What? Isn't that a
plant? No, no, it's from that old world, artichokia. "dude, we ate that place YEARS ago!"
"they only get better with time my boy." "Grr, Bark!" "hey, Bitey!" " I can't believe you
keep shadow no. 1344568 as a pet! "hey! Shadows deserve as much respect as any other
Heartless! They're the original kind, you know, and I for one,- "Okay, I concede to your
infinite wisdom and 11762 if you don't want high-speed liposuction you'll save one of
those artichoke hearts you bastard. "Excuse me, is this the residence of Heartless soldiers
11237 and 11458?" said a Green requiem who had just entered the room. "uh...
Yeah." "well according to Guard Armor, no, wait, Opposite armor, no Guard Armor, no-
well, one of them anyway. You've been selected for Missionary Work!" "Whoosajigga-
wha?"
And there you go. Sorry for anyone who likes my other KH story, Kingdom Hearts:
Again and again (obvious plug) but I'll probably be working on this a little more. So, if
you like this, write a review. (I'm trying to see if writing that actually prompts you to
write one.) review. Review. Review. Review. Review. DO IT! And what the hell is
missionary work for heartless? Find out next time (whenever the hell that might be.) To
find out!
Chapter 1: no real plot. Seriously. Nada. See, uh.. it's kind of hard
to explain. It's just these 2 Heartless who do stuff and uh.. Yeah.
And before we begin, I realize that Heartless have no emotions or social order, or other
such things. Don't tell me about it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Or much of anything else. Except 13 dollars in
Sacagawea (is that right?) coins. Do they still use those?
"So, Soldier no.11237, how'd things go with that Red Nocturne?" (those little
magic things strike me as female. I don't know why.) "Oh, the usual. She decided to
chase after some asshole wizard." "Dude, that's like, the third time that's happened. Why
didn't you kick his ass?" Well, it's kind of hard when he keeps ELECTRIFYING me!" "I
keep telling you those music thingies are bad news man." Oh, YEAH, no. 11453, you've
had real success with women. Remember the bouncywild? Did that scar she gave you
ever heal? "What do you think?" "Just proving a point." "Oh CRAP! We're late!" "what
in Kingdom Hearts are you talking about?" "Guard Armor's called another "emergency
strategy session." Ever since our "Great Leader" Maleficent appointed him leader of
soldiers and roundbodies things have been going down the tubes." "ever since we ate that
witch bitch's world's heart things have been going down the tubes." "Though that heart
was quite delicious." 'Oh yes, exquisite." "Where have you guys BEEN? Guard Armor's
S.S. started 20 minutes ago!" "Calm down Roundbody no.11762! it's cool." "Yeah! We-
"excuse Me!" "Uh.. Yes Guard Armor no. 14, Sir?" "I believe Maleficent appointed
me, the latest Guard Armor, in charge of you grunts?" "Yes." The G.A. switched his
head to Opposite Armor mode. "THEN YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY ANSEM-
DAMNED WORD I HAVE TO SAY, AND NOT SPEAK WHILE I AM! DO I MAKE
MYSELF CLEAR!?" "Y-y-yes, SIR!" He then switched back to Guard Armor mode.
"good." And so, for the next 5 hours, G.A. outlined his plans for success against the key,
all of which involved randomly appearing and attacking, with little or no thought
processes behind it, and absolutely none of it made sense. "And so, in conclusion,
Roundbodies shouldn't attack until provoked. DIS-MISSED!" "Uh, did you get any of
that?" I blanked out during his speech about how green requiems should fly about
randomly and not heal who's most damaged. "ha-ha! Looks like you wimps are staying
on the bottom!" "Ah great. Flying soldiers no. 11247 and no. 11248, what do YOU
want?" "we just wanted to say we've been promoted.. to SECOND class!" "grrr. Ya
know, Ansem's gonna come back, and when he does, this class system will be abolished,
and you wads 'll be lower than a shadow!" "hey, don't make fun of shadows!" "oh...
right sorry no. 11453." "Ohohho, that does it! We're going right now, you wingless
chumps!" "Yeah we'll- OH GOD!" the poor, winged, bastards had been squished by a
roundbody. "GUYS! I'm so HUNGRY!" Screamed the fat Heartless, his vest nearly
bursting from the strain of running, as he shook his tinier buddies. "c-c-c- al-m-m d-d-
dow-w-n, n-no. 11762! W-we c-can g-get y-y-ou so-ome f-o-o-od!" "Oh, thank Ansem
for you guys." "Yeah, let's go to 11453's place." "So, whaddya got here? Well, let's see,
I got... heart chips, cream of heart, heart soup, artichoke hearts- "What? Isn't that a
plant? No, no, it's from that old world, artichokia. "dude, we ate that place YEARS ago!"
"they only get better with time my boy." "Grr, Bark!" "hey, Bitey!" " I can't believe you
keep shadow no. 1344568 as a pet! "hey! Shadows deserve as much respect as any other
Heartless! They're the original kind, you know, and I for one,- "Okay, I concede to your
infinite wisdom and 11762 if you don't want high-speed liposuction you'll save one of
those artichoke hearts you bastard. "Excuse me, is this the residence of Heartless soldiers
11237 and 11458?" said a Green requiem who had just entered the room. "uh...
Yeah." "well according to Guard Armor, no, wait, Opposite armor, no Guard Armor, no-
well, one of them anyway. You've been selected for Missionary Work!" "Whoosajigga-
wha?"
And there you go. Sorry for anyone who likes my other KH story, Kingdom Hearts:
Again and again (obvious plug) but I'll probably be working on this a little more. So, if
you like this, write a review. (I'm trying to see if writing that actually prompts you to
write one.) review. Review. Review. Review. Review. DO IT! And what the hell is
missionary work for heartless? Find out next time (whenever the hell that might be.) To
find out!