When did it all start to get weird between her and Octavia ? That was the only thing Raven could think about as she was sitting on the couch, the brunette on the opposite side of it, Clarke separating the two as the three of them were watching some horror movie Raven didn't pay much attention to. She was uncomfortable ; her leg hurt and she was getting tired, but she didn't want to leave and risk missing anything Octavia would do or say, anything that would give her any hint on how the brunette felt.
Maybe things started to get weird that one time at the beginning of the summer. It was the fourth of July and Raven went along with Clarke, Octavia, Jasper and Murphy - all the other members of their group of friends had better things to do, like drinking beyond limits or just sleeping, like Lexa or Bellamy, always the responsible ones - to watch the fireworks explode in the starry sky. They got to the place quite early, enjoying the fresh evening, when dome guy who seemed to already be pretty drunk, although it was only 10pm, started hitting repeatedly on Raven, and Octavia reacted without hesitation, sliding an arm around Raven and resting her hand on the latina's hip.
"You chose the wrong girl dude, she's already taken. Go annoy someone else."
Raven was too surprised to even say anything, and Octavia's hand on her was clouding her mind. The guy seemed to understand that he'd better back off, and Raven was glad that he turned around to leave. Seeing her shivering and still playing her role just in case the guy would still be listening to them, even though he had started walking away, Octavia took off her jacket and put it on Raven's shoulders.
"Here babe, you don't wanna get cold, uh ?" Raven let out a breath she didn't know she was holding when Octavia removed her hand, and laughed at what just happened, causing Octavia to smile at her too.
She kept Octavia's jacket all night after that.
Raven was staring at Octavia without even meaning to, remembering that night. The brunette eventually caught her staring and smiled at her with raised eyebrows. Raven returned a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Did things even seem weird to Octavia ? Maybe she was just seeing to much into their little interactions. Maybe she was over-thinking. Octavia frowned, and Raven sighed. Of course the girl would notice that something was off. She knew her by heart, so much that it could get scary sometimes.
Maybe it was the day that followed Raven's birthday party. That night, Raven drank way too much. So much that Octavia, Jasper and Monty had to combine their efforts to put her to bed . After that, Octavia stayed with Raven, stroking the girl's hair lightly to get her to fall asleep. If Raven did told Octavia she loved her that night, she was still pretty sure that Octavia thought it was friendly and didn't think much of it. She says those words all the time. She tells Clarke she loves her when the blonde brings her breakfast. She tells Monty she loves him everytime he brings her coffee when she's hungover. So why would it be weird saying these words to her best friend after she took care of her ? "Maybe it's the fact that I think it could have been weird, that makes it weird. Or maybe it's the fact that things between us are weird, that makes it feel weird." And there she was, overthinking again.
Raven tried focusing on the screen of the television. She didn't even know what movie they were watching. Clarke was very into it, that she knew for sure, so it was probably vampire-related. In the corner of her eye, she saw Octavia asking her silently if she was okay. She nodded once, hoping the brunette would just drop it at some point. But of course she won't, because she's Octavia, Raven's best friend Octavia. And she would always want to know how Raven felt and make sure the girl was fine, because that's how she is. Raven repositionned herself on the sofa, turning slightly towards Octavia, hoping it would go unnoticed.
Maybe things changed when Octavia met Atom. The tall, muscular and handsome guy with a strange name who seemed perfect for Octavia ; and Raven would have supported this relationship, if she didn't wish to be in Atom's place so bad it almost hurt sometimes.
Because really, things changed when Raven developed romantic feelings for her bestfriend. And that would explain why to Octavia, things never changed. Because to her, Raven was still just a friend. Or was she ? Because on the fourth of July, when she gave her jacket to Raven, Atom wasn't hanging out with them, and Octavia wasn't spending the night at his place ; she was with Raven. And after Raven's birthday, she wasn't with her boyfriend either ; she was taking care of Raven. She didn't even invite him to the party, although Raven told her it was fine. Raven was always Octavia's first choice.
"I'm gonna make us more popcorn !" Clarke said enthusiastically, standing on her feet and running to the kitchen, hurrying so that she wouldn't miss too much of the movie. As soon as she was out of sight, Octavia came to sit closer to Raven on the couch.
"What's wrong Rae ?
- Told you. I'm fine. Just a bit tired that's all.
- Don't do this.
- Do what ?
- Pushing me away, like you do with others. It's me, Raven. Since when are we keeping secrets from each other ?
- Octavia..."
And that's where things got different. That's when things really did change. When Raven all but crashed her lips on Octavia's, who gasped slightly, surprised by the sudden action. She didn't kiss back, but she didn't pull away either, and when Raven pulled back, she just looked at her with shock in her eyes and pink on her cheeks.
"Uh... I... Raven ?
- Yeah, no, I shouldn't have... I mean I'm sorry I did that I...
- Rae. Shut up. That... That was a rather interesting secret." Octavia laughed and Raven would have laughed too, if she wasn't on the verge of fainting. Octavia opened her mouth to say something but was cut off by Clarke plopping back down on the sofa, occuping the spot that was Octavia's few minutes ago, not asking any questions about their new position on the sofa. Octavia and Raven shared a look, quietly agreeing to talk later. Octavia grabbed Raven's hand, and laced their fingers together.
Sometimes things change without us noticing it. And sometimes, for things to change, we have to force them to. We have to play with fate. Kiss the girl that we wanna kiss.