Voldemort and the Makeover Magic
Summary: Everyone's got a secret, and Voldemort's is that in truth...he's just a ladies' man
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER!
A pale, bald, psychopathic man was walking along Wilton Blvd. The lamp posts were already beginning to turn on as the sky grew darker, and as he took each step he struck fear into the hearts of every man who laid his eyes on him. (Of course, you know who I'm talking about)
His wand was poised, the man sauntered over to a group of teenagers, happily chatting. He approached closer, and closer, heart pounding furiously, creeping soundlessly along the pavement, hands nearly dropping the wand due to clamminess...until...
"Hel-lo, ladies!" said Voldemort, smoothing his head (not hair, since he was bald) casually. "What is up? May I join this incredible babble?"
The teenagers wrinkled their nose at the hideous creature. "No thanks!" they said quickly. "We don't like baldies."
Voldemort sighed. He sat on the bench in the park, listening to the conversation of the teens shamelessly. Why, oh why did he have to be so horribly misshapen, with a head like plastic and a nose like an elephant? "Oh, dear lord, what can I do?" he said anxiously. "I'm so ugly!" Tears streamed down his pallid cheeks as he held up a mirror to his face. "Why? Why? WHY?"
The only person who knew of Voldemort's awkward moments was, of course, Severus Snape.
"My Lord," he drawled. "You may have not turned out perfectly, but why worry? You are the greatest Dark wizard who ever lived."
"But—Severus! You can't be serious! Voldemort, the Most Evil Man Who Ever Lived, Who Still Can't Find a Girlfriend? Egad, I'd rather be called Voldemort, the Nerdy, Bald Weirdo Who Has Angelina Jolie!"
"I know, my Lord, I know." Professor Snape patted a sniffling Voldemort on the back. "But we've simply got to make the best of things, yes?"
"You're right, S-Severus," hiccupped Voldemort, as Snape allowed him to blow his nose on a stray piece of tissue. "But how I wish I could be me again! Tom Riddle, I mean."
"It's best we return to the house, my Lord," said Snape. "We shall talk it over there." The house was where the Death Eaters held meetings and where Voldemort lived, and sometimes Severus would visit him.
Voldemort nodded.
. . .
"Now, let's see if we can make you the handsome Tom Riddle again, shall we?" said Snape in his most motherly voice, which was rather sickening to him, but relieved his master.
Voldemort nodded. "Mm-hmm." He was behaving as though he were three years old.
Just then, the doorbell rang. "Please answer it, Severus," said Voldemort, begging in his voice. "I don't want people to see me like this."
"Of course, my Lord." Snape swept away, robes swishing.
"May I help you, Terrence?" he said to the paperboy.
"Look at this, sir!" squeaked Terrence, handing him the evening paper. "Harry Potter's on TV!"
Immediately, Severus grabbed the newspaper and shut the door. He slid some money through the crack under the door and started to read. "Well well well." He smirked.
"My Lord!" he called. "There is something you should see!"
Voldemort got up instantly.
"Turn on the television, my Lord."
Voldemort turned it on.
Immediately showing was Harry Potter, talking to a brunette reporter.
"Exactly!" shouted Voldemort, standing up. "I want to look like him!"
"Harry Potter, my Lord?" said Severus gently.
"Yes! Yes! Yes! Then everybody will love me!"
"All right..." Snape shook his head as he gathered up a pair of glasses, a wig, and some green contact lenses. "Let's get to work..."
. . .
"Well, how do I look?" Voldemort asked eagerly. The makeover was done/
I'm sure my ribs have cracked! Snape thought, trying to contain his laughter. But he kept a straight face as he held up a mirror to his master's face.
In short, Voldemort was...a mess.
*Click* Snape flashed a picture. Quick as lightning, he posted it on FaceBook. "Huzzah!" he cried. "Huzzah! You're an Internet sensation, my Lord!"
"SEVERUS, I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!" screeched the man, turning over the chair in which he had been sitting. "AVADA KEDAVRA!"
"AHHH!" shrieked Snape, dodging the curse just inches away from his waist. "I did my best, sir! But you know—nobody can look exactly like Haaaaarry!"
. . .
"And then he chased me around the house and nearly clobbered me!" Severus was now laughing with a blue-eyed, bearded man. "Can you believe it, Dumbledore, he actually wanted to look like Harry Potter!"
"It's not very obvious, is it?" Dumbledore said, smiling, red in the cheeks. He turned to a small man in purple robes. "More wine, please, Grimm." His assistant refilled their goblets. "Thank you."
And they laughed the whole night.
THE END.
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