In discovering how to live for herself, Annerose learned to be selfish. Before, she had thought herself a martyr, selling herself to the Kaiser's whims for the sake of family. It was her burden to bear, a weight that was as much as part of her as her own desperate heart. She had acted out of nobility, she felt, not like the other frivolous noblewomen who fought for a place in the Kaiser's sight and were forgotten and discarded after a single night. Every morning, she would see those hopeful eyes wandering the halls and every morning, she would see a spark of something in them die as the Kaiser returned to her side. In her naivety, she had wondered at the intensity of emotion that boiled deep in her chest, warming her bones. With the benefit of hindsight, she recognized that the feeling had been pride and that her celebrated modesty had always been an empty disguise.
She shed that false modesty now, curling her fingers in dark, greying hair and standing on tiptoe to brush kisses against half-lidded eyes. Hers were the hands that swept across the hidden expanse of his body, sliding under cloth to press against warm, living skin. As for him, his hands twitched at her waist, uncharacteristically timid and awaiting permission that he did not need. His breath was soft at her cheek, made irregular by his uncertainty. It was not the first time they were so engaged with each other but it was the first time she had taken him by the hand and led him to her bed.
"The Kaiser will take offense if he finds out," Oberstein muttered to her as she guided him onto the mattress. His expression was blank but his eyes were dark with what she imagined might be worry. Even all this time, she could not read the language of his artificial eyes.
She drew back for a moment. "Do you iwant/i me to stop?" she demanded quietly, searching his face for refusal. "Or is it only for the sake of my brother that you are asking me to?"
"Frau Grunewald," he said instead of answering the question, the hint of a sigh in his voice, "this is a bad idea."
For that, Annerose pitched all her weight onto him, straddling him as he was laid flat on his back. Their lower bodies brushed for an instant as he squirmed under her and she restrained herself from pressing further against him. "I refuse to be championed without my consent," she said in a low voice, her hands rubbing his wrists. She had bent enough that she could smell the scents of her garden on him, crisp and fresh. "Reinhard will have to live with it." It was because she was watching for it that she could see his Adam's apple bob.
Her fingers, well practiced from years of embroidery, worked at the buttons on his uniform and then the dress shirt he wore underneath. Helplessly, his hands slid down her shoulders, her arms, and her sides, repeating the motions continuously as if he had no idea what to do. It occurred to her then, imagining if he had any previous lovers, that he most likely completely inexperienced in these matters. She had been as oblivious once, long enough ago that it felt like a dream.
She stripped quickly, casting her clothes to the ground and forcing him to look at her when he averted his gaze. His lips pressed together as his eyes wandered across her exposed body before snapping back to her face. His hand was cold and clammy in hers, obediently following the path she traced for it, down her chest and the over slight swell of her abdomen. She went lower still, watching as his eyes widened when it came to rest between her legs.
Actually stuttering a bit, Oberstein sounded minutely pained. "I am not -I have not-"
"Virginity is nothing to be ashamed of," Annerose said, interrupting him bluntly. Once, she would have been embarrassed by such an exchange. Years spent at the whims of a much older and mostly unwanted man, however, had done much to quell her sense of shame. For once able to bed whoever she liked, she could admit that the ability to choose made her recklessly glad. Using his hand to rake her damp pubic hair, she could feel his fingers curling in indecision against her.
Oberstein expelled one long, shuddering sigh. "I would not want to harm you," he confessed, to the extent that Annerose was actually startled by his honesty.
Recovering herself somewhat, she told him, "Your Excellency, there is very little you could do that I have not experienced before." He grimaced slightly at the reminder but after a tense moment, his fingers relaxed.
Satisfied, she drew him deeper into herself, taking her time to familiarize of them with each other. His fingers, long and slender, moved two and three at a time at a languid pace which increasingly made her impatient. With her free hand, she reached under his remaining clothes. Already half hard, she took his cock in her hand, massaging it from base to head. He faltered as she did so, his entire body freezing beneath her. Leaning forward until she lay on top of his body, she nipped at his earlobe solely to hear the hitch of his breath and feel the twist of his body as his mind caught up with his body in time to restore order.
"It would help if you relaxed a bit," she said gently, turning her head up to him. "I'm not holding a gun to your head."
He sighed. A clever twist of his wrist took Annerose by surprise and she let out a short, pleased sound as she clenched tightly around him. "I serve, of course, at your pleasure," he drawled.
She huffed at him good-naturedly, releasing his hand. "You are awful," she chided, watching with great interest as the corner of his lip ticked up. It was only for a moment but that single second was a memory to be cherished, stored away safely before she could question whether or not it had truly occurred. In that instant, she was seized by an unmeasurable depth of fondness for him, knowing that she could never put it to words for fear of scaring him off.
As Oberstein reached for her, she pushed his hands away. At his raised eyebrows, she gave him a sly smile and, slowly, began to lower herself onto him. There was little to say after that point as they pushed together, their fingers locked tightly together. He probed at her control, the force in his arms trying to twist them around. Amused by his efforts, Annerose put his attempts down, moving their joined hands until his arms bent backwards by his head. He struggled once, grimacing as she chuckled.
She rode him until she sheathed him to the base, moving so that he slid almost fully out of her and then in again. Eyes closed, he gripped her fingers until they were white, buckling his hips in rhythm with hers. Even as want and need boiled in her, Annerose forced those desires down, quickening her pace as his movements became more frantic. Oberstein was the first to break, coming with a shaking breath that left him boneless. Finishing herself off quickly with her fingers, she dropped to his side, digging a place for herself in the crook of his neck. They lay there like that for some time, the sound of their breathing permeating the room.
"The Kaiser will have me executed for this," Oberstein remarked after a time, sounding remarkably put together.
Shifting so she could see his face, Annerose found that he was looking down at her, the brief flash of humanity hidden back away under his mask. "It's none of his business what I do with my own life," she said, relaxing back into his warmth. "He cannot protect me forever."
But he would try, Annerose knew. Her dear, brilliant brother would try for the rest of his life to make her happy in all the wrong ways. One day, perhaps, she would have the courage to shatter his image of her forever. But for now, she would be selfish, keeping these secrets close to her chest as the world outside the estate continued to turn.
Blowing out a breath, she buried her head into his shoulder and closed her eyes. Time could be put on hold.