(A/N: Here's my newest fanfiction! Okay, I really apologise about chopping It's Called Us halfway, but I think that storyline was getting overrun, considering I actually wanted it to be a one shot in the first place, so yeah. This story is only sort of related to the show in the way that Serena is not in New York. I think that's all. Oh, I'm intending to make this a long one, 20 chapters at least, so it'll be a long-running story, with some one shots that I'll be throwing in if I'm bored and stuff. However, I don't know if I can make it last all the way, so I hope you guys like it. It won't be very DS-centric for the first part. XOXO)
"Are you sure you're not returning to New York with me?" Blair held Serena's hands as she stood in front of the departures hall. It was just a fortnight before the new term at Columbia would start, and Blair had to go back. They had a great time touring Europe, hopping from Paris to London and a calming weekend in Wales. Serena looked away, then shook her head, biting her lip. "I don't think I can go back, not until..." She trailed off, unable to continue. She didn't know why she felt so afraid of going back. It was just a sense of dread and she didn't know how to face Nate, Dan; even her mum, Rufus and Eric. Blair glanced at the clock, and looked sadly at Serena. "I'll call you when I reach New York. Promise me, text me often, tell me where you go. Come back for Thanksgiving at the very least?"
"I promise." Embracing each other, they bade each other goodbye as Blair walked into the departures hall and Serena stood there, waving with a slightly forced smile. She turned around as Blair disappeared into the brightly lit shops, and wondered where to go. She had booked her hotel room in Paris until the next day, and she was feeling kind of sick of Paris. Where next, she thought. She knew she should really have been on this flight back too, her mum would be wondering why she wasn't; Dan would be too, would Nate? From the last that she had said to him, he must have been so disappointed, so hurt. But she knew it was for the best, not letting it drag on through the summer. She knew from firsthand experience, dragging it over the holidays was nothing but more trouble; it wouldn't solve anything, just compound it further.
I don't understand why we do what we do to each other
According to his word, we're all born sisters and brothers
But we lie and we steal
Fight and we kill
Even though we know the way
She strolled out of the airport, and hailed a cab. She decided, she would visit Eleanor and Cyrus, before she would leave for Germany. No one would probably think about her going to Germany, she didn't speak a word of German. Not that she was intending to learn, since it would probably just be a short while for her to sort out her thoughts and everything. She looked at her phone, wondering if she should just text Eric and tell him that she was safe and well. Her mum and Eric must be so worried, she hadn't contacted them a single time since she left for France. She typed out a text, "Eric, tell Mum I'm safe and I'm not going back with Blair. Will call soon." and sent it.
The next day, she was at the airport once again, but this time with her luggage in tow, and passport in hand. She had scheduled a flight to Frankfurt, booked a hotel for a week. She wasn't entirely sure whether a week would be enough time for her to be clear about what she needed and wanted to do, but in case of that, she had already checked out hotels in Austria, since it was within close proximity of Frankfurt, just a train ride away.
Why do we go dancing in circles
when we know
it never ends
we come so close to loving each other and then
we go dancing in circles again
Blair landed in New York, and Chuck and Dan were there to receive her. "What are you doing here, Humphrey?" Dan looked around, into the arrivals hall, and questioned, "Where's Serena? Weren't you two supposed to come back together?" She took a deep breath, then looked at Dan straight. "Serena says she doesn't want to come back yet, she's gonna tour Europe for a couple of days, possibly weeks." Dan creased his eyebrows, and clenched his fist in frustration. He thought that, perhaps, that once Serena was back, they could sit down and say what they had been thinking about all along. "Why didn't you tell her to come back with you? Why didn't you insist!" He demanded, his expression growing fierce.
"Hey, hey, chill, I'll send Blair home, you need a lift?" Chuck stepped in between Dan and Blair, trying to prevent anything from happening. Blair narrowed her eyes and glared at Chuck, "I haven't forgiven you yet. I'll hail a cab myself." She tossed her head, and walked towards the stand, ignoring Chuck's offer. Dan rolled his eyes and looked into the distance. Why hadn't Serena come back? What was keeping her away? Who was with her now? Where did she decide to go? When would she deem the right time to return? How would he find all the answers?
All through the ages we try to share this world together
turning the pages pretending we'll live here forever
But we'll have to face our maker someday
and reap what we've sown on the way
In the lift, Dan removed his coat and closed his eyes, wondering where Serena could possibly go to. Did Nate know they were supposed to be back today? Why hadn't he bothered to turn up? Had he really hardened his heart this time? 'Ding!' The lift doors opened, and he walked into the Van der Humphrey's apartment. "Dad? Lily? Eric?" He called, hoping that at least one of them could give him an answer. Eric came down the steps, smiling. "Hey, Dan! Long time since you came over, how are you?" "Eric, has Serena contacted you since she left? Blair's back. But she said Serena didn't want to. Where has she gone?" "Well, she did text me, but she didn't say where she was going, just that she was safe." He gave Dan a little smile, and shrugged.
If Eric didn't know, who else would? Clearly Blair didn't. "That's all right then, thanks so much, I'll drop by for dinner sometime, bye!" He grinned, and went into the lift. He took out his phone, and scrolled down his contacts list. "Hello, Nate? Are you free? Can we meet at the park?...Alright, in 10 minutes." He checked his watch, he should have enough time to grab a sandwich on his way.
"You wanted to meet me, Dan?" Nate walked towards where Dan was sitting, a stone bench where he had a beautiful memory with Serena. Dressed in a casual checked shirt and pressed bermudas, with cream loafers, hair stylishly ruffled, he grinned as he nodded towards Dan. "Hey, Nate. Uh, did you know that Blair's back?" Nate sat down, and looked at a kid feeding ducks, "Really? Oh. I didn't know that." "Serena didn't come back with her." "Really? Okay, so what does that have to do with me? We broke up, I didn't contact her, she didn't bother either. I don't know anything about Serena, not since she left." Sensing that Nate was disturbed by this, Dan swallowed, then muttered, "Alright. I thought you might. It's alright, have a nice day."
Why do we go dancing in circles
when we know
it never ends
we come so close to loving each other and then
we go dancing in circles again
No one knew where Serena had gone. Perhaps, Eleanor would? Blair had said that they had spent some time at her mother's, maybe Serena would have dropped some hints on where she would be going. "Hello, Blair?" He called Blair, hoping that she would help him. "Did Serena really not say where she would be going?" "I've already said, no. If you really want to talk to her or see her, go and find her yourself, Humphrey." It hit him, he should do that really. "Could I have Eleanor's contact number in France?" "Alright, I'll send it over. Good luck." The line went dead, and Dan decided that by hook or by crook, he couldn't just wait for Serena to come back without doing anything. He would try everything he could.
We know how so
why can't we just get it right
I pray someday we'll overcome all the damage we've done and we'll fly
Because I want to tell you, my love, that you've always occupied this space in my heart, and there's no way, without a sound, I'll let us part. Promise me, we'll never end. This wait, is just so that we'll be even more beautiful. I need you so much, Serena. You're the girl of my dreams. The way I saw you before, like no other girl captured me the way you could and did. You're special, Serena. Even if no one else in the world thinks so, remember, I've always loved you. You're sexy as hell, alluring; and you're totally unaware of your effect on me. I'll run through Europe if I have to, but I swear that I will find you. Our hearts beat as one, let's make them beat side by side. I love you, Serena van der Woodsen. Regardless of what you've done before or what you're doing now. Please, stay the same, stay that girl I fell in love with, on October 8th, 2005.
I don't know where I'm going, why I'm on this plane. Why have these three years been so complicated? I thought I was starting life anew, but I'm repeating my mistakes, all over again. I'm running away, once more. Am I? Can I do this another way? Do I love Nate? Did I love him before? Did I love Tripp? DId I love Gabriel? Did I love Aaron? Did I love any of those guys that I said I loved them? Did I really love Dan? When we broke up, did that little part of my heart die with our love? Do I still love him? Will Germany give me these answers that I need? Am I repeating my past mistakes or am I doing what I should? Oh, I wish someone was here with me, by my side, telling me what was right.
"Could I have a glass of red wine, please?" Serena caught the attention of an air stewardess, and smiled. She needed to get to sleep. Red wine always worked, especially when she was worn out like this. She needed to sort everything out soon, if she wanted to do something fruitful this year. Technically, Blair had told her to come back by Thanksgiving, but that was too long. If a week in Frankfurt wasn't enough, she would spend a fortnight in Vienna. If that too wasn't enough, she would go somewhere else. Surely, somehow, she would find a place that could help her rediscover what was it that she once wanted and was now missing in her life. Surely, it was possible? She drank the wine slowly, swirling it in between drinks, and sighed as she pondered over what she could and would do.
He lay in bed, head propped against two pillows on the headrest, holding the stories he had written about Serena. He read 10-8-05 once again, and he realised, he had been so naive, so unsuspecting, so pure, in the past. With everyone, he had changed so much, no longer did he detest the Upper East Side in the same way. He had become friends with the people he had once hated, thinking they were simply heartless, rich brats with huge trust funds. But he knew what he once thought was no longer the case. In simple terms, he was, in a way, one of them. 3 years ago, he would have said, "Is that a joke?", had he been told he would have dated Serena van der Woodsen, lost his virginity to her, became great friends with Nathaniel Archibald, Chuck Bass and to some extent, Blair Waldorf. But now, it just seemed like it had been a breeze. He had changed, appearance wise, totally. But deep inside, he felt like Lonely Boy had never left. He missed Serena. He craved her scent, her smile, her childish laughter, that flirty gaze, the goofing up, the flip of the blonde strands of hair, the luscious lips, the one hell of a sexy babe. He wanted her back. "Serena...I swear, by the moon and the stars in the skies, I'll find you. I'll bring you back, and we'll talk about it till it never ends."
Why do we go dancing in circles
when we know
it never ends
we come so close to loving each other and then
we go dancing in circles again
(A/N: Wow. It's been a long chapter, huh. One of the best I've ever written, in my opinion. I enjoyed how this chapter flowed, it felt so easy to write, and I felt truly happy penning down all these dialogue, the thoughts, the words. It's 1am here for me, I'm exhausted, but wholly satisfied. I hope you guys have enjoyed reading this, I think it's been quite some time since I planned a chapter like this. And no, there won't be DS so easily like the past this time, I'm planning for them to go Dancing In Circles before letting them realise they're looking for true love, looking for each other. I love this song, Dancing In Circles, and it totally describes what Dan and Serena have been this season. We come so close to loving each other and then, we go dancing in circles again. Look for my next chapter! xoxo)