Over the summer Hermione had decided to change. So she had. She had asked advice of her muggle friends and spent the entire summer getting pampered and beautified, now--
Wait, wait, wait. There is no way I spent the entire summer doing, whatever you just said. I was studying, reading my books for next year, completing extra-credit assign--
Look Missy, I'm the author so I decide what you did all summer, got it?
No, I don't "got it," it makes no sense for me to--
Shut up. Just let her get on with this so I can go and take a beauty nap.
Don't you tell me to shut up, you--
Stop it. Both of you. Now. I'm going to continue. And you're going to be quite, alright?
-mumble-
-mumble-
I can't hear you!
Yes, we'll be quiet.
What she said.
Now, after spending the entire summer working for her new image, Hermione was quite happy with the results. Her hair, once a bushy mass, was now sleek and shinny. She-
Laughter
What now?
The thought of my hair ever being manageable is laughable. Let alone, 'sleek and shinny.'
Shut up! This is my story and I can write what I want!
Okay! Okay! Sorry!
She was wearing a cute jean skirt and t-shirt that said "Magic" across it in glittering pink letters--
Laughter
Laughter
Stop Laughing!!
Chrikets chirp
The skirt and shirt clung to her slender yet curvy body like a--
Slender yet curvy? Dear god woman, what are you on?
For once I'll have to agree with you, Malfoy. The definition of slender is: Having little width in proportion to height or length; long and thin: a slender rod. Thin and delicate in build; gracefully slim. Whereas the definition of curvy is: having curves; (of a woman's body) having a large bosom and pleasing curves; bosomy, busty, buxom, curvaceous, full-bosomed, sonsie, sonsy, voluptuous. There fore--
Snicker
What are you snickering about Malfoy?
You just said "bosom."
I hope some boys mature quicker than you.
Shut up!
Anyways, as I was saying, before I was so rudely and unnecessarily interrupted. One cannot be slender and curvy at the same time. They cancel each other out.
But!
Now what were you trying to say?
Well?
I wanted to say that you were thin but had a big rack, alright!?
Then why didn't you just say that? Salazar, save me from morons.
Well it doesn't sound half as nice does it?
No, but it doesn't contradict itself either.
Fine. Grumble The skirt and shirt clung to her slender yet curvy body like a glove. Her body had grown over the summer. She was now very thin but...Do I have to say it?
Just hurry up! Merlin.
Fine. She was now very thin but had a huge rack. Happy?
No, not really, but I'll be happy as soon as this is over, so hurry up.
Walking towards the train, numerous heads turned to watch the lovely witch's progress. Draco Malfoy's was one such head. He--
What? You've taken my head off my body and it's turning by itself? Sick, I tell you, sick!
Malfoy, I think she means--
Oh would you calm down, all I meant to say is that you were watching her.
Well, why didn't you just say, "Draco Malfoy was watching her"?
Because it doesn't flow as well.
Doesn't make it sound like my heads not attached either, does it?
Fine. Draco Malfoy was watching her. He was spellbound--
Oh you just had to bring in the bad puns!
SHUT UP! clearing throat He was spellbound by her beauty. He was seeing her through new eyes--
WHAT? What did you do to my eyes woman! I like my eyes! Oh no, don't tell me you're one of those, 'let's make Draco all angsty and self-harming' authors, aren't you?!
Malfoy, breathe. Deep breath, come on, it's okay. You could try and be a little more considerate you know! Look what you've done to the poor boy.
I want my mummy.
Shhh, it'll be okay Malfoy.
I just meant that it was the first time you'd thought of her like that! It's a figure of speech.
Screw your bloody figures of speech! Can't you see they're mentally scarring the poor boy!
Wow, Granger, never thought you had that in you.
What are you doing here?
Shrug
Wait...had what in me?
You swore.
No I didn't...oh bugger.
I could kiss you right now.
What, no you can't she's--
Kiss
Mummy...sniffle
NO! Damn you! You were supposed to end up with Draco!
Uh, I don't swing that way...I know what everyone thinks, but you'll have to take my word for it. I'm straight. And even if I weren't, I'd never even consider Draco!
Not you, Her!
But...Oh Merlin! This was going to be one of those scary sex-change fics wasn't it? Oh Merlin! Hyperventilate
Shhh, It's okay, I won't let her do that to you.
No! No! No! You weren't going to be a boy Hermione, Draco was going to be straight.
Crickets chirp
Laughter
Laughter
Laughter
Crickets laughter
Salazar, I knew you were sick, but I didn't know you were that sick.
Well, if you don't end up with Hermione who do you end up with Hmm?
Potter, Male Weasley, Snape shrug really, anyone with a d--
Malfoy!
Malfoy!
What? It's true.
There are children present! Watch your language!
Watch my language? Oh please, d--
Malfoy!
--is hardly a dirty word!
Wha...Draco...guys...di...twitches...faints
I think the author fainted.
Pause
Groovy. I'm going to go hunt down hot males.
Have fun!
Bye!
Hey Blaise...
Yeah...
Come over here.
Snog
The End (Thank Merlin!)