I'm Still Here

Chapter One: I Still Miss You

A/N – I don't own Hetalia, this is a work of fan-fiction, blah, blah, blah.

Warning: Mature subject matter, and human names used (mostly).

"Feliks?" Toris whispered into the phone.

"Toris! Thank god! You never picked up yesterday! I thought something, like, happened!" Feliks' relieve voice rang through the receiver. Simultaneously, the two let out a relived sigh and remained in silence for a while longer. Toris' shaking fingers weakly held the receiver. What if Ivan heard them?

"Feliks… I miss you…" Toris whispered.

Feliks remained silent on his end for a moment then laughed. "If you miss me so much then you should, like, totally come back!" Toris pouted. Feliks never took any situation seriously. "I'm sorry…" Feliks mumbled. "Does he still… y'know?"

"Everyday…" Toris' eyes became fixated on the section of rug between his feet and his voice became distant.

"Does anyone tend to your wounds?"

"No. You know Raivis, too scared to act against Ivan in anyway… I don't blame him. I don't think Eduard even cares." Toris said, forlorn. "To be honest, I've stopped caring. It isn't a big deal. I can live with a little infection."

Feliks remain silent. Their secret phone calls had been like this for the last few weeks and Feliks couldn't help but worry. Feliks began to say something but stopped. What could be said in a situation like this?

"Some times I feel it isn't worth it anymore-"

"Toris!" Feliks screamed. "Don't even think about it!" Toris grasped for a response but Feliks continued. "You remember our promise! Don't break it! You promised me that we'd be together again!"

"Feliks, I don't think that's possible-"

"What ever it takes. You promised me that!" Feliks snapped, his voice choking with tears. Toris shut his eyes tight fighting back tears himself. His fingers gripped the receiver and his feet shifted awkwardly.

"I'm sorry Feliks. What ever it takes. I promise," Toris breathed. Out in the hallway Toris could hear the heavy steps of Ivan. "Feliks… it's him… I'm sorry." Toris slammed down the receiver. He collapsed to the floor and burst out in tears, the ones he held back during the phone call. His shaking fingers grasped at his hair and tugged in frustration. "What ever it takes…" Toris sobbed.

"Liet?" Ivan's voice chimed from outside Toris' room. "Is little Liet alright?" Toris rubbed his eyes and took a deep wavering breath.

"I'm fine, Ivan." Toris replied unconvincingly.

"We will be having supper soon, I trust you will be there, da?" Ivan asked happily. Toris nervously twiddled his fingers. He wished he didn't have to eat. Toris didn't want to move. He just wanted to sit there and cry.

"Yeah… I'll be there…" Toris responded. Russia's heavy footfalls faded away as he marched down the hall. Toris hit the back of his head against the wall over and over again. "What ever it takes," He mumbled each time his head hit the wall.

"Ah! Liet, you finally came! We waited for you!" Ivan bellowed from the head of the table, casting everyone's attention Toris' way. Ivan extended his arms "Take a seat, da?" Toris nodded and sat in the chair on Ivan's right, next to Eduard, and across from Natalia. Eduard cast a glance his way, with an expression similar to concern. Toris sat staring at the soup in front of him.

"Na zdorovje!" The table said in unison throwing up their cups in cheers. Toris quickly followed suit, mumbling the cheers. Toris brought the cup to his mouth, but barely let the drink touch his lips.

Meekly, he ate the food that was set in front of him. "It looks like, totally delicious! You should eat more!" Feliks said, standing behind Natalia. Toris stopped, his spoon half way to his mouth, his eyes fixated on Feliks.

"Are you alright?" Eduard asked shaking Toris' shoulder.

"F…Fel—" Toris began, and then stopped realizing what he was saying. "F…fantastic… I'm fantastic Eduard." The whole table began to stare at him. "I spaced out, how silly of me!" Toris explained to the table, and faked a smile. Everyone began eating again as if nothing happened, except for the occasional glance his way. Toris looked back to the spot where he saw Feliks. No one was there.

Toris unbuttoned his shirt and threw it in the pile of his other clothes. Toris turned his head around and looked into the mirror. He winced at the sight of himself. Scars and fresh cuts riddled his back. Some cuts had traces of infection. Every time Toris caught a glance of his back in the mirror the infection seemed to become worse and worse. "How unsightly," he mumbled, and collapsed onto the bed.

Toris yawned and rolled onto his side. "G'night!" Feliks said from the foot of the bed where he sat cross-legged. Toris sat straight up, shocked.

"Feliks?" He whispered, crawling forward and reaching his hand towards Feliks. Toris' long fingers touched his friends golden hair. "It's you! It's really you!" Toris said and smiled. Feliks placed his hand over Toris'. Toris could feel the warmth of Feliks' hand. "How? I've missed you so much!" Toris leaned forward closed his eyes and hugged him tightly. "Feliks…" he breathed. Toris opened his eyes only to find he was hugging thin air. "Feliks? Hey! This isn't funny!"

There was no response. Toris grabbed at his head and curled into a ball. "Feliks…" He sobbed. "This isn't funny…"

A/N – Hey! I haven't done much writing recently, and I've decided to go on a darker note for this one. Constructive criticism is welcome just don't be an ass. I'm not the best writer but I hope you enjoyed this short chapter. I just got this idea out of the blue so it's not really polished, but it turned out better than I thought.