A.C 201, June 17.
Wufei woke up screaming again this morning. I was already awake before he managed to fight his way out of the dream, choking off the sound for fear I'd hear him. We sleep in separate rooms, of course, but sound carries at night. I heard the gasping for air that is all the reaction he ever allows himself, as if he's afraid I'll want to help him. I do, of course; I just know that he'll see it as weakness. And the first rule of living with Wufei is to not make him feel weak.
To look at me, you would think I'm well-adjusted and confident. Pretty good work for a Gundam pilot, right? We saved the Earth and colonies twice, even though we had to drag the good citizens kicking and screaming along the road to Peace, and avoid all the nasties trying to kill us 'terrorists'. Heero had to avoid killing Miss Peacecraft a few times too – though we knew he really, REALLY wanted to - and Wufei had to kill his arch nemesis. In the morning he acts like the nightmares never happened to salvage his pride. I pretend they never happened just to take the haunted look out of his eyes.
When the alarm went off and I was finally allowed to move without letting him know I'd been awake half the night, I sat up and yawned. Then I dragged my sorry butt to the shower, stretching my neck and shoulders out on the way. I've never needed a lot of sleep, which is a good thing; Wufei keeps me awake so often with worry for him that I'd be a zombie otherwise. I don't know how he manages. All I hear is his reactions, and he's one of the strongest men I know – the nightmares must be horrific. To deal with that night after night is amazing, though it probably accounts for his perpetual bad mood. Since I'm pretending not to hear them I can't say anything about it, which sucks.
I'd been in the shower for all of a minute when Wufei pounded on the door. "Hurry up, Maxwell!" Sigh. One thing I definitely hadn't considered when I moved in with him was that he'd be so bloody anal about every little thing. I guess I should have figured it out – we Gundam pilots are control freaks to the extreme – but it had just never crossed my mind. I grit my teeth and told him I'd be out in a minute or so. I could hear him grumble as he walked away and ducked my hair under the hot water with a sigh. I started to count in my head.
Exactly five minutes later I walked out of the bathroom, one towel wrapped around my waist and another on my hair. Wufei was waiting for me, leaning against the wall opposite the door with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. I kept a straight face. "Shower's free." He glared at me.
"I can see that, Maxwell. Why did you take so long?"
"The 'or so', Chang. Leeway." As I left him to figure that out I walked back to my room, shutting the door behind me quietly. I sat on the bed to dry my hair. God he was grumpy today. Guess the dream had been a bad one. As I rubbed the towel over the ends of my hair, I was thinking how nice it would be if every now and then he'd treat me as a person, instead of an annoyance. I knew he couldn't see it but I'd changed since the war. I was still outgoing around my workmates and the general public, but when I was on my own or with one of the guys I was quiet and calm. I know them now – I don't have to be manic and infuriating to hide my real self anymore. Wufei still doesn't get that.
I brushed my hair out quickly and braided it wet. I knew it would make the back of my uniform damp but I just didn't really care today, I was too tired to put in the extra effort. If Une took issue with that she could bite me; all I was going to be doing today was paperwork. It was not something I looked forward to, especially since I would be working with Trowa. Guy's great but he's quiet. Maybe I could take my laptop and headphones just to provide some background noise.
I dressed fast and was sitting at the breakfast table with a steaming coffee in front of me when Wufei walked out of his room fully dressed except for shoes. He barely looked at me, instead adjusting his tie and walking to the front door to get his boots. I stood up, drank half my coffee, tipped the other half out in the sink and rinsed the mug. I let it stand on the drainer. We had a rule: each person did their own dishes in their own time. So when his lips pursed in annoyance, I raised an eyebrow at him. He didn't say anything, just grabbed his jacket and walked out the door. I followed him, locking it behind me– as I'd expected, he hadn't waited for me and was already halfway down the stairs.
I tucked the keys into my pocket and jogged down to him, ignoring the way he pulled to the side to put maximum space between us. I didn't say anything to him and nor did he to me, so it was in total silence that we made it to our motorcycles.
Wufei has a thing for fast motorcycles. I have to admit, after hearing the stories of him running from Noin in her Aries suit on one and using it as a distraction to get away, my interest was piqued. He seems far too strait-laced to be an adrenaline junkie, but I guess we share a common core. He favours a blue Yamaha YZF-R6, while I like my black Kawasaki Ninja 650R. Racing our bikes is about the only time we get along well, though it always turns into a competition.
Today I let him ride out first, pretending to fumble my helmet as I put it on. He gave me a look of disgust from behind his visor and peeled out fast, obviously in a bad mood. I adjusted my helmet again and tugged on my backpack straps, making it tight and comfortably balanced. Then I started my engine. The roar of start-up soothed my nerves, making me think it wouldn't be such a bad day after all. I turned out of the apartment parking lot and headed for work.
Predictably Wufei beat me there, his bike already parked and him leaning against the wall waiting for me. I was surprised to see him; my plan had been for me to give him some space to get over his bad temper - when I usually did this he went straight inside, none the wiser for my intervention. I parked my bike carefully, shutting down the engine and swinging off it. I took off my helmet, holding it tucked under my left arm as I walked towards him. "What's up, Chang?"
He shrugged, giving me some intense eye contact. I frowned and walked past him. "Well, come on. Wouldn't do to be late for your briefing with Yuy."
He swung round off the wall, keeping pace with me. I mentally rolled my eyes. Of course he had to be in a weird mood today. It was Wednesday. Our 'catch-up-with-the-guys' day. We'd all agreed that we should keep in touch, but work often conspired to keep us apart. Solo ops, team ops, business conferences – we did our best to not let them interfere but most times we'd be missing someone. This would be the first night in awhile for all of us to be there and I'd been looking forward to it.
I hadn't seen Heero in ages. He and Wufei are generally thrown together as a team, mostly because Wufei is the cavalry to Heero's battering ram. They work exceptionally well together and Une knows that, so they're most often the first response team to a fire with Trowa and me as backup.
Sometimes we work the other way around, with Trowa and me getting the case long before Heero and Wufei get the chance to come thundering in. Usually it's a mission that requires stealth over muscle, and I know the guys resent it. Or at least, Wufei resents it. I'm not sure about Heero, but the man probably understands that it's just a different skill set that's needed and it's okay if it's not his turn this time. Ultimate soldier mentality.
I headed inside and hit the lift, swiping my security card and pressing the button for level 4. Wufei followed me in and stood next to me without a word, though he was still looking at me. I frowned. If he was waiting for a reaction he wasn't going to get it – I had other things to concern me. Like the woman standing at the lift entrance when it stopped and the doors opened.
"Hey Sally." She nodded to me.
"Morning Duo. Good morning, Wufei."
Wufei didn't even acknowledge her, merely brushed past her and strode off down the hallway. Sally gave me a concerned look. I smiled, but not like I was happy.
"What's going on, Duo?" I shook my head.
"Beats me." I didn't tell her about the dream; it wasn't my secret to tell. And if he was in a bad mood, so what? Wufei was always angry about something or another. Sally sighed.
"Just look out for him, will you?" she asked, turning on her heel and heading in the opposite direction. I scowled. Like I wasn't already. In fact, I did so much looking out for the guy I was bound to get whiplash. With a sullen grumble I headed towards my workstation, hoping to avoid any further confrontations. I made it with a sigh of relief.
"Hey Tro'," I greeted the tall man sitting at the desk next to mine. He looked up from a scarily huge pile of paperwork and smiled slightly.
"Duo." Wow. I was glad I'd brought my music in, I had a feeling it was going to be a quiet day. I threw my backpack onto my desk and shucked my jacket off, hanging it over the back of my chair. I felt Trowa watching me but didn't react, merely turned on my computer and pulled my personal laptop out of my bag. I had only just placed it on the desk when I felt a presence behind me.
"Isn't that against regulations?" Mocking. I spun on my chair to face Heero.
"Yeah, so what?" I retorted, feeling my face break into a huge grin which Heero did not return. He's finally learned to use a little humour and his deadpan face is incredible. I scooted my chair back a little and gestured at Trowa. "I mean, look at that guy. I'll go insane if I have to spend the whole day not talking!"
"Maxwell, you are insane," Heero said, and I saw his mouth twitch in that tiny goddamn smirk he wears when he's teasing you. I heard Trowa chuckle quietly to himself, not arguing the point – he knew I was right. I turned around to face my desk again and stubbornly booted up the laptop.
"So where's Chang?" Heero asked, looking over my shoulder while I browsed through files, though never getting too close. I shrugged.
"I thought he was meeting you for that briefing." I felt more than saw Heero stiffen behind me, and looked at him over my shoulder. "What?"
"I haven't seen him so far." Flat, totally emotionless. Crap. Not good. Where had Wufei gone now? I heaved a huge sigh. Now I had to go and find him, because I was his roommate and his friend. Didn't that just suck.
"I'll go," Trowa offered suddenly, standing up. I always forget how goddamn tall he is, and I hate to say I'm jealous but there it is. He looked at me calmly, his eyes serene. I never know how he manages that, either; we've all seen the same stuff but he's the only one who looks so calm about it. As if he doesn't get the nightmares. If that's true, then I wonder how the hell he managed it.
I shook my head and pushed myself to my feet. "Nah, I came in with him. He's fine, I'll find him." Better that they didn't know at this juncture about his nightmares. There might be a recommendation for him to attend counselling again, and that wasn't a good idea. The last time hadn't been all that successful. I'd done the counselling myself and had to admit that it hadn't really done me any good either – the questions were all based around making yourself vulnerable and none of us ex-pilots could do that very well. Needless to say, Une needed us on board and pulled some strings, but we had to be on our best behaviour at work.
I walked out of our area, heading down the hallway. I thought hard. If I was Wufei, and I was depressed and tired, where would I go? The answer struck me as I got to the lift: the gym. I pressed the button for the first floor and waited for the lift to make its slow descent.
Wufei doesn't like to feel weak or miserable. He's not good at dealing with it. He practices fighting whenever he's feeling down because of the adrenaline spike, and I had a feeling that he was probably taking his anger at himself out on some unfortunate recruits. Hurrah for hierarchy – they wouldn't be able to complain, which was all to the good.
I strode into the gym in time to hear a cracking sound accompanied by a yelp, and sighed. Bingo. I approached the section expressly closed off for martial arts training and watched for a moment. Wufei was dressed in just a pair of loose pants, his torso bare. He was covered in a light sheen of sweat, his face intense. His body was coiled like a spring. I grimaced. The recruit who had just danced back out of reach was about to get it real bad – he didn't know how bad. As he smirked and scuttled forward, hands raised for a head blow, Wufei ducked in and slammed him in the solar plexus with an uppercut. The recruit's breath left him explosively and he choked, staggering back and clutching his chest. I shook my head.
"Give it a rest, Chang," I called out, and he flicked his eyes to me rebelliously. I gave him a look. He scowled but came up out of his stance, walking to his gear. The recruit had sunk to his knees and was still wearing a pained expression, but I ignored him – it was his own fault for sparring with Wufei. Une made it clear to all newcomers that we were to be avoided, so any attempt on their behalf to complain about us would go unregarded. I guessed that when Wufei had walked in to practice he'd been challenged, and given his current state of mind it wouldn't have occurred to him to say no. I'd have bet big that he'd jumped at the chance.
"What do you want, Maxwell?" Wufei growled, wiping his face with his towel. I watched him through level eyes.
"Yuy's wondering where the hell you are." Wufei grunted and turned away, picking up his shirt. He started to walk towards the showers.
"Tell him I'll be a minute or so." I rolled my eyes at that but turned on my heel and walked out of the gym, heading back to the lift. I was secretly relieved that he seemed to have gotten whatever was bugging him out of his system – I'd fully been expecting to have to fight him myself. It had happened before. Call me vain, but I didn't fancy having bruises all over me today.
I made it to my workstation with no other interruptions. Heero was sitting on my chair, back straight and arms folded. Trowa was steadily working through the papers on his desk. The silence was broken only by the frequent rustling of paper. Whoa. This place was quieter than a morgue. Both of them looked at me as I walked in.
"So?" Heero asked, face blank as always.
"It's okay, he's on his way." Heero got off my chair and stepped away from my desk, giving me a considering frown. I sighed. "What?"
"He's getting worse," Trowa said quietly, eyes on his paperwork. I glared at him.
"What do you mean?" I wanted to snap at him but I knew he was right, which meant I didn't have a leg to stand on. He fixed me with a cool green gaze.
"You know exactly what I mean, Duo," he admonished, making me sigh. Yes, I did know, but I didn't have the slightest clue what to do about it. I was out of my depth. They took my silence as assent.
"I need him on this one, Maxwell. Make sure he gets there." Heero nodded at me and walked out, leaving me standing there with a rather deep scowl on my face. Why the hell was I always the one who had to solve this? They were supposed to be his friends too. Trowa started flicking through his paperwork again, riffling through one stack and then putting it aside before picking up the next. I threw myself into my seat with an exasperated sigh and put on my headphones. Whatever.
About ten minutes later something hit me on the back of the head, startling me. I pulled my headphones off and spun around, angry. Wufei was standing there, his bike jacket on and helmet dangling from his right hand. I looked down. A spare backpack was at my feet; ah, so that was what he'd thrown at me. I glared at him.
"What the hell is your problem?" I asked, scooping up the bag and lobbing it back at him. He caught it, face impassive, and slung it over one shoulder.
"Coming?"
"Where?" I saw Trowa look up out of the corner of my eye, watching the conversation. I fought to keep the irritation off my face but I think I failed. Wufei didn't reply, merely walked out and headed for the lift. I groaned.
"Go, Duo," Trowa said quietly, his face careful. I shook my head.
"No man, we'll get behind-" He interrupted me.
"This is more important. Go. I'll deal with it." Firm and unyielding. I shrugged.
"Have it your way then," I grumbled, closing my laptop and stuffing it into my backpack again. I pulled my jacket on and picked up my helmet, jogging for the lift. Why did this stuff always happen at the worst possible time?
Wufei was actually in the lift, holding the doors open for me. I spilled inside, zipping my jacket up. "What is this about, Chang?" I was angry and I didn't try to hide it. He didn't look at me. He's a master at pretending someone doesn't exist and it never fails to piss me off. I refused to bite though, just squared my shoulders and ignored him back. I saw a faint frown cross his face – apparently he hadn't expected that.
"We need to go," was all he said. Hurrah for being vague. I closed my eyes and waited for the lift to open. I'd had more than enough of his bad mood today, and if he didn't want to go on his mission with Heero it wasn't my problem. Trowa would more than likely have to fill in for him if he chose not to go, and he'd be reassigned to a desk while they re-evaluated his suitability for field missions. Again, not my problem. I still couldn't work out this mood swing though.
The lift stopped and he got out quickly, pulling his helmet on. I copied him, but was surprised when he was slow to get on his bike. I was on mine with the engine started before he even approached his.
I stared at him through my visor, an eyebrow raised. He met my gaze, still intense, but flinching a little around the eyes. I noted with some discomfort that he looked upset, something that up till now I hadn't been sure he was capable of. Since I didn't have the rest of his face to distract me I could clearly read the emotions in his eyes. Crap. He was actually hurting.
I finally looked away from that sadness. I wasn't sure I could deal with this. Maybe I should have told Sally after all, let it be her problem. Then I mentally kicked myself. No, I couldn't do that. He was my ally, my roommate, and most importantly, my friend. Never leave a man behind – that's the rule. I would stick to it if it killed me.