The boarding house was in ruins, half-falling in, half-still standing, vine and moss ridden sitting in the midst of an unkept yard. The sign that had once announced it as the Brotherhood headquarters had been ripped up years ago and in it's place a large condemned sign now stood. No one lived there anymore, no one except a single amphibious mutant named Todd 'Toad' Tolansky, who lived off to the side in a small trailer provided by the city. It had been years since Toad's teammates had mysteriously vanished and years since he'd given up really caring for the place. Far too many memories for his tastes. Sure he did some patch work here and there and chased some vandals off from time to time, but it was no use and so he holed himself up in the trailer only coming out when absolutely necessary or when he wanted some fresh air.
One day, Toad was lounging on his bed eating Ramen when he heard the unmistakable sound of Lance Alvers' Jeep Wrangler. Setting the noodles aside, Toad hurried to the window to find nothing, no Jeep full of rowdy teens, just an old ratty pickup trucking down the road. Disappointed the amphibian shuffled back to his bed and stretched out once more, but he didn't bother to finish his lunch. His appetite was practically gone at that point. He sighed and turned to look at the picture on his bedside table. It was the one that had been taken when the original sign had been put up, again. There was Pietro and Lance arguing about something, Toad couldn't quite remember, Fred towering over them with a sour expression on his face with Toad, himself, sitting on his shoulders, and Wanda and John kind of standing off by themselves, not really wanting to be a part of the joyous moment. Toad frowned and blinked back fresh tears. He'd give anything to have them back, to have the life he had with them before the mysterious accident that left a young couple critically injured and the Brotherhood nowhere to be found. Some days he thanked God that Lance Alvers had forced him to stay behind, otherwise his name would be on a polished rock as well, while other days he wished he had been there with them.
"Hallo, Toad," Kurt Wagner's prominent German accent sliced through Toad's thoughts, causing the poor guy to jump.
"Damn it, fuzzy, I wish ya wouldn't do that," Toad growled through gritted teeth, he turned to find the blue-furred, demon-like mutant standing in his holographic disguise beside his bed, "What are ya doing here any ways?"
"I come baring dinner and movie invitations," Kurt revealed, a huge grin gracing his face, "So get up, get showered, get dressed, cause we are going out on the town, no buts."
"Fine," Reluctantly, Toad drug himself off the bed once more and shuffled off to do as he was told, deciding that maybe going out with his frienemy would be better than loafing around all day.
. . .
After a quick shower, Toad slid on the all black outfit he'd taken to wearing after the memorial. The shirt had once belonged to Lance, the jeans to Pietro Maximoff, the choker to Pietro's sister, Wanda, and the leather jacket to John Allerdyce. To top it off, Toad wore the belt Fred Dukes had won at a derby, but had been way to small for him. The golden monster truck shaped belt buckle shined in the dim trailer lights causing Kurt to frown. He knew how badly Toad missed the others, but sometimes he wished he'd go back to wearing his original outfit, the one he was wearing when they had met, the one he wore when Kurt had fallen madly in love with him. . .
"We going or what?" Toad implored, snapping Kurt back to the present, sliding on a pair of old tennis shoes that had Velcro instead of laces.
"Yeah," Kurt scratched the back of his head, "I've got Scott's car outside, my car is in the shop."
"Ya know that fancy car of his looks so weird out there next to my rusted old farm truck and trailer, of course," Toad snickered, leading the way out to the living room being sure to grab the padlock key before exiting the house with Kurt on his heals.
Kurt watched as Toad went through the motions of chaining the door shut and clicking the padlock in place before hopping over to check the doors of the boarding house. With that done, the two got into Scott's Porsche and headed off for their night out on the town.
. . .
"Hey, Logan have you seen Kurt?" Katherine 'Kitty' Pryde implored, smoothing out the plain black dress she'd worn everyday since Lance had vanished.
"Ya just missed him," Logan replied, "He went to see if he couldn't get stink boy outta that trailer of his."
"Oh," Kitty sounded as disappointed as she looked, "Well I was kind of hoping he could help me get rid of some stuff, but it can wait."
"More of Lance's stuff?" Logan cocked an eyebrow and frowned when Kitty nodded, "Listen kid, I know you're hurting, but you can't just keep giving away the stuff Lance gave you, if it bothers you so much, you should find a safe place to keep it, out of sight, out of mind."
"I wish it were that simple," Kitty rubbed her arm and adverted her eyes, "But like, I just can't bring myself to do it, I mean if I hide it, I'll know where it is and it'll keep bothering me. I just can't. . ."
Her voice trailed off as fresh sobs rocked her body. Logan pulled her into a comforting embrace and let her cry into his shirt, just as he had at the memorial and almost everyday since. Rogue came down the steps then holding the hand of a child who looked so much like his father it was scary.
"Why is mama crying?" the boy inquired, in an innocent tone.
"Yer mama just misses yer daddy, is all," Rogue replied, "Wanna go see if ya can cheer her up, Lance Jr.?"
"Okay," Lance Jr. pulled free and ran down the stairs, crying, "Mama! Mama!"
Logan released Kitty, so she could kneel down and embrace him. He looked up to find Rogue smiling down at him as if to say he was doing a good thing.
"Mama, do you think daddy can see us from where he is?" Lance Jr.'s question stung and startled all the present adults, but Kitty answered anyways.
"Yeah, I think he can," Kitty sniffled, she straitened his shirt before peering into his eyes, Lance's eyes, "Listen, kiddo, why don't you go into the kitchen and ask Auntie Jean if the cookies are ready?"
"Alright mama," And with that Lance Jr. was off on his cookie hunt, running, arms out, making airplane noises.
Once he was out of earshot, Kitty sighed and dried her eyes,
"God, he looks so much like his daddy."
"Indeed," Logan agreed, his frown deepening, "He's gonna be five this year, ain't he?"
"Yeah," A look of pride came over Kitty's face, "And he's so smart, Lance would be very proud."
"Yes, he would, kid," Logan once again agreed, "Yes, he would."
. . .
Toad grimaced as the school came into view.
"Hey, yo, what we doing here?" He demanded, shooting daggers in Kurt's direction.
"I forgot my wallet," Kurt replied, sheepishly, pulling up the driveway, "It'll only take a minute, I promise."
"A minute?" Toad looked as though he'd just been punched in the face, "I's sorry fuzz, but I don't think I could handle a minute, Kitty hates my guts ya know."
"Well then don't come inside," Kurt pulled up and parked close to the school, "I'll be right back."
And with that he was gone. Toad sank low in the seat and glared at the huge manor. He didn't like being there. He knew everyone inside wished him dead or gone and the feelings had grown since Kitty had given birth to Lance's son. What they didn't care to realize was that Toad had been wishing the same thing every day since the accident. Toad sighed and sank lower in the seat, wishing he could vanish within the folds of the soft leather. He closed his eyes and tried to picture himself anywhere but Xavier's School for the Gifted, but it was to no avail and no use. When he opened his eyes, the looming manor was still there in all it's pain filled glory. Just then the front door swung open and a very angry Kitty came out, her brown eyes glowing with a cool fiery rage, her face twisted into a scowl. Toad gulped. This was it, this was how he died. Kitty was going to phase him six feet underground and leave him there to rot. Toad shut his eyes tightly, prepared for the worst, but when he didn't feel himself being ripped from the car, he opened his eyes once more to find Kitty standing a foot away, her hands on her hips, glaring at him.
"Um, I'm not here, I be gone as soon as Kurt get's his wallet," The amphibian blurted lamely before the mistress of shadows could say anything, "You look great by the way, especially all pissed and what not," He chuckled nervously and tried to swallow back the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat, "H-how's Lance Jr?"
"Fine," Kitty growled, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, "I can't believe Kurt even still talks to you."
"You know I's just as surprised as you are," Toad sighed and averted his eyes, focusing solely on the glove box as he considered his next words, he decided immediately that now would be as good a time as any to let someone in on how he'd been handling things, "In truth, I dunno why anyone even bothers with me anymore. I mean I's so pathetic that I can't even bring myself to commit suicide. I tried alcohol and pain pills, but threw 'em up immediately; tried gun in the mouth, but couldn't pull the trigger; tried razor blades to the wrists, but only wound up knicking myself; hell I couldn't even drop the toaster in the tub last night, yo, wound up chunking it outta the fucking bathroom."
"Really?" Kitty was taken aback by this, her anger dissipating fast, "You've been trying to kill yourself?"
"Yeah, pathetic, ain't it?" Toad let out a breathy laugh and looked at her then, his golden orbs reflecting a mixture of pain and sorrow, "There ain't a day that goes by that I wish Lance hadn't told me to hold down the fort, that he'd asked either Fred or even Wanda, but nah, he had to ask me and I hate that he did. I mean what's so fucking special about me that I should even still be here?"
Before Kitty could reply, Kurt reappeared in the driver seat. He looked at Kitty and cocked an inquisitive eyebrow.
"What's up?" The elf prompted cautiously, somewhat concerned, "Did I interrupt something?"
"Actually you kinda did," Kitty replied, her hands dropping from her hips as she straitened up a bit, "Toad here was just telling me that he's been trying to commit suicide since the accident and he's wondering why he's even still here."
"Oh," Kurt frowned and looked at the amphibian as though he were really seeing him for the first time, "Is this true?"
"Yeah," Toad nodded, "You know that picture I keep on my nightstand?"
"The one you hide whenever I hang out?" Kurt entreated, cautiously.
Toad nodded.
"Is the only picture I have of the Brotherhood, back when we was a team, before they disappeared," He revealed, blinking back fresh tears, "I look at that pic everyday and kick myself in the ass. I hate it so much, but I can't bring myself to throw it out. I mean every time I look at it, I wind up drinking or crying or both and I hate myself fer doing that."
"Now I feel terrible," Kitty rubbed the back of her neck, "And here I thought you didn't care. I'm so sorry Toad."
"Is all good," Toad sighed and directed his attention back to Kurt, "Can ya just take me home, please?"
Kurt nodded and after saying a brief good bye to Kitty, fired up the engine and putting the car into gear, backed up, turned, shifted again and drove away, leaving the Shadowcat to stare after them, clearly lost in her thoughts.
. . .
When they got back to Toad's trailer, neither amphibian nor fuzzy elf said anything. Toad got out first and hopped up to the front door. Unlocking the padlock, he removed the chain before pushing open the door and slamming it shut behind him, not caring Kurt was still there. Kurt lingered in the car a moment longer before porting inside to find Toad lounging on the love-seat that took up most of the tiny living room. The amphibian looked so tired and miserable then, that Kurt's heart went out to him and before he realized what he was actually doing, Kurt was on top of Toad, kissing him ferociously. Toad returned each and every kiss, matching Kurt's ferociousness, allowing his lips to be parted and his tongue to fight with Kurt's as they probed the recesses of each other's mouths. When they finally broke apart, both were breathing heavily. Kurt rested his forehead on Toad's, his holo-brown eyes gazing intently into Toad's golden orbs. Toad blinked and reaching up, gently stroked Kurt's cheek, brushing back a couple of navy blue locks. He smiled,
"I was wondering when you was going to do that."
"Really?" Kurt mused, "I've been wanting to do that for years."
"What was stopping you?" Toad inquired, teasingly.
Kurt shifted slightly and they kissed again. Toad intertwined his fingers in Kurt's hair, savoring the taste. They made out for what seemed like an eternity before Kurt bamphed them into the bedroom.
They made love as though the world was ending, time crawled, and it seemed as if the world had disappeared around them. There was no X-Men. No mysterious accident that left Toad the only surviving Brotherhood member. No suicidal thoughts. No loneliness. Nothing. The only things that existed was the small bedroom and the two bodies intertwined on the bed, wrapped in the sheets, breathing into one another, their hearts beating as one. It was silently decided that this was how it was supposed to be always, that neither should ever be alone again. When it was all said and done, Kurt and Toad clung to each other, their bodies spent, Toad's skin glistening with sweat, Kurt's fur slightly matted. The silence like the warmth between them was comforting, but it was clear that there was something that still needed to be said, a question that had yet to be answered.
"You didn't answer me," Toad's voice was hoarse and heavy with a mix of satisfaction and exhaustion, "When I asked what had been stopping ya, ya didn't answer, just kissed me."
"Well," Kurt swallowed nervously, he'd been hoping that the question had been completely forgotten or had at least been considered to be rhetorical, "I guess mostly fear, fear of rejection, of you turning me away, in truth I just wasn't sure until now, seeing you so far gone, I had to get you back and now that I have you back, well I am never gonna make the mistake of letting you go again. Never. I love you, Todd."
"Oh," Toad blushed like a virgin bride, "I dunno what to say, I mean I would neva had rejected ya, I think I wouldda pushed ya away and asked fer some time to think about it, but I wouldn't have rejected ya," He sighed, "Just promise that ya won't hurt me, cause I mean I love you too, Kurt."
"I promise," Kurt vowed, pulling Toad a little closer, "I would never hurt you. . .Todd?"
No response. Toad had fallen asleep. Kurt smiled and whispered good night before closing his eyes and drifting off as well.
. . .
Unbeknownst to the lovers or anyone else for that matter, out at the scene of the accident, a rusted, beat up Jeep reappeared, going ninety to nothing, hellbent, Highway to the Danger Zone blaring from the speakers. The driver and it's passengers were just shadows of their former selves, their injuries barely noticeable beneath the layers of dirt and grime. None of them knew where they had been, all they knew was that they had to get home for some reason or another and nothing was going to stop them. . .
To Be Continued. . .