Dora the Explorer's Untimely Death

by Pala-and-Papipa

Theme Song: Dora Dora Dora the explorer!!!

And so on and so forth.

Dora is wearing a party hat and her party dress.

Dora: Hi!!! I'm Dora, and this is my friend Boots!!! Today is my birthday!!!! I'm turning seven!!!! In Spanish, seven is siete!!! Everyone say it with me!!!

Audience: Holy shit you're seven? You're still a fucking kid. Why should we do what you say?

Dora: Siete!!! Great Spanish!!!

Audience: We didn't do anything.

Boots: Dora, it's time for the party and no one's here yet!!!

Dora: Oh no!!! What should we do?

Audience: What? What's happening? Oh, go fuck yourself.

Dora: That's a great idea!!!! We'll search for the guests!!!

Audience: We said to "go fuck yourself," you bitch.

Dora: Will you help us find the guests?

Audience: Um, NO. I'm not your slave. Shut the fuck up.

Boots: But Dora, how do we find them?

Dora: Who do we ask for help when we don't know which way to go?

Audience: OH SHIT NOT THE MAP!!!!!!!!! KILL ME PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

Dora: Right!!! The Map!!!

Audience: SHIT RUN!!!!!!!

Map: I'm the Map I'm the Map I'm the Map!!!!

And so on and so forth.

Map: First you go to Cuba. Then you go to Iran. Then you go to Iraq!!! And that's where you'll find Dora's guests tied up and handcuffed in a terrorist hideout!!! Say it with me!!! Cuba, Iran, Iraq!!! Cuba, Iran, Iraq!!! Cuba, Iran, Iraq!!! Now you go tell that to Dora.

Dora: Where do we go first?

Audience: Up your ass.

Dora: Cuba!!! Right!!!

Audience: Holy fuck!!!! You had no idea we were going to Cuba and now you know and we didn't tell you?!!!! Stalker. You know too much about us.

Boots: But how do we get there?

Dora: Do you see anything we can ride to get to Cuba?

Audience: Your fucking ugly face.

Dora: Right!!! That airplane!!!

Audience: Didn't you hear me? I SAID YOUR FUCKING UGLY FACE!!!!

Dora: Do you see Cuba?

Cuba becomes strangely closer than it's supposed to.

Audience: What the fuck now you have the power to bring countries closer to one another?!!!

Dora: Right!!!

She and Boots get on the plane and land in Cuba.

Cuban: ID, please?

Dora whips out her and Boots' IDs.

Cuban: Are you Americans?

Dora: Do you know my nationality?

Audience: Duh. You speak Spanish and you look Spanish so you must be SPANISH. Go figure.

Dora: Right!!! Spanish!!!

Cuban: You are allowed in.

Dora: Yay!!! We got to Cuba!!!

The weird bug things play their weird music.

Dora: Where do we go next?

Audience: Up your ass.

Dora: Right!!! Iran!!!

Audience: I thought "where do we go next" meant "where do we go next" instead of "HAHAHA I know where we're going!!!"

Dora: Do you see Iran?

Iran becomes way too close to Cuba.

Audience: Holy fuck there it is again!!!

Dora: Right!!!!

They hijack a different plane and fly to Iran.

Dora: We're in Iran!!!

Cue weird music... NOW!!!

Iranian: Welcome to the Black Market. What can we do for you?

Dora: What do we need?

Audience: How the fuck are we supposed to know?

Dora: Right!!! Tickets to Iraq!!! Two tickets to Iraq, please!!!

Audience: You forgot us. You know, you're too stupid to know anything and you need our help and yet you don't give us fucking tickets to Iraq?!!!!

Dora and Boots board a plane and fly to Iraq.

They land in Iraq.

Dora: Yay!!! We made it to Iraq!!!

Boots: Where are the guests, Dora?

Dora: Do you know where the guests are?

There's an image of the guests tied up and handcuffed in a terrorist base.

Audience: Behind you!!! DAMMIT THEY'RE RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!! ARE YOU DEAF?!!!!!! TURN AROUND YOU BITCH!!!!

Dora: Right!!! That terrorist base!!!

Audience: WE SAID THAT!!!!!!!!!!

Terrorist: May I help you?

Dora: I need these guests to come to my party!!!

Terrorist: NO!!! NO RELEASE!!!!!!!!!!

The terrorist shoots Dora and Boots.

Dora: Quickly!!! We need something to defend ourselves!!! Yell "Backpack"!!!

Audience: Shut the fuck up. You're fucking seven.

Dora: Louder!!! BACKPACK!!!!!

Backpack magically comes to life!!!

Backpack: Backpack Backpack!!!

And so on and so forth.

Backpack: Dora and Boots need something to defend them!!! Which of these defends them?

They show an AK-47, umbrella, picture of a dog, kite, and a paper clip.

Audience: I'm fucking sure it's the paper clip.

Backpack: Right!!! The AK-47!!!

Audience: NO SHIT THE PAPER CLIP!!!!! GIVE THEM THE FUCKING PAPER CLIP!!!!!!!!!

Dora and Boots get the AK-47s.

Dora: Thanks!!!

Boots and Dora shoot the shit out of the terrorist, but then more terrorists come along with Swiper the Fox.

Swiper: FINALLY!!!!!

Dora: Oh no!!! Boots and I ran out of ammunition!!! Can you find more ammunition?

Audience: SHIT THEY'RE GETTING AMMO SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!!!!

Dora: Right!!!

They get the ammo, but it's too late. Dora and Boots die.

Swiper: YES!!!!!!!!!!! VICTORY IS MINE!!!!!!!!

Audience: HELL YEAH!!!!!!!! DORA DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE REJOICE!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!

The End.