All a Stupid Dream
Harry woke up as suddenly a giant light exploded from the crumbling wall of his house. Out of that light burst forth some very angry blue pixies. The blue pixies then promptly proceeded to continuously slap the poor Hogwarts student while screaming, "Fuck you, you bitching piece of shitty assholery!" Harry pulled out his wand and cried, "Stupefy!" but in his haste, he did not realize that his wand was accidentally aimed at himself. The stunned Harry kept on getting a storm of slaps from the pixies until Hermione arrived. Her wand was a blazing blur of curses and stuns as she fought her way towards Harry. Finally, all the pixies were disposed of and Hermione slapped him awake. "Ow. What was that for?" "Missing your anniversary with Ginny, that's what! She finally said yes to you and now you miss the celebration to which she invited everyone!" "All right, all right, I got you. I feel miserable about it too. Wait. Is that Snape and why is he in Uncle Vernon's clothes?" said Harry. Hermione turned around and screamed, "Whaaaat? How are you alive?"
The crazed Potions master cleverly replied, "I am Severus Snape, my character has no logic." and with one punch, he knocked Hermione unconscious. Harry then boiled over in rage. He put a nearby baseball cap on his head backwards. His pants sagged, revealing a serious pair of plaid boxers. He pointed his wand at Snape and cried, "Ridiculous!". Snape promptly turned into Professor Umbridge and disappeared in a cloud of pink smoke and adorable felines. Ron Weasley then promptly ran towards Harry, screaming " Why the fuck does you possess such horrid clothes?!" "Shut up! I am returning to my slumber because I was woken up at 1:30 in the shitty morning!" and Harry promptly did so, shutting his door with such a thud that it defenestrated Ron.
Harry could not sleep that night. All he kept on seeing was a scene that would kill any dementor on sight: Dumbledore in a bikini. As Ron walked by Dumbledore, he said, "Hey Dumbledore, nice polka-dot bikini and those aaabs." Just as the tanning headmaster was about to thank Ron, Harry, cried "Harry Smash!" and socked Ron's head from its body.
Harry woke up in a lake of sweat just as the claws of Fenrir Greyback slashed his throat. Then, Harry finally awoke in the hospital and he saw Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Luna watching over him. He screamed as he punched Ron in the face, " Wait I was dreaming the whole time! Ron, you need to drive better so I don't end up in comas like these!"