One day in the town of Pallet, Ash was sitting in the front room and eating a tuna and sweetcorn sandwhich.
"Yummy" Said Ash.
Suddonly, Gary came into the room.
"We must challenge, Ash!!" Said Gary "OK." Said Ash.
They went outside.
"Pikachu." Said Pikachu.
"Go, Eevee!" Said Gary.
Eevee looked at Pikachu and they fought.
"Thundershock, Pikachu, to the extreme!" Said Ash Tiny little electric bolts flew everywhere in a firework like fasion.
"Eevee." Said Eevee. Eevee took 1000000 damage and he only had 1 HP left.
"Return, Eevee!" Said Gary, looking angry.
He took a Pro Plus for his head ache and shouted "Go, Pidgey!"
"Pidgey." Said Pidgey. "Pidgey, pidgey."
Ash thought that Pidgey was very cute, pecking around like that and finished him off with one thundershock.
A bit later, Ash and Gary sat on a cliff, sharing a hip flask of Disaronno.
"We make a great team, Ash." Said Gary.
"No, we don't. You suck." Said Ash.
Gary cried and jumped into the water below. He did not come back up.
Ash went home and watched some television.
The next day, Ash went to the market to pick up some eggs, juice and a 20 pack of Marlboro Reds for his mother.
On the way back, some kids hastled him, but Pikachu beat them up.
"Naughty kids." Said the naughty kids.
Ash threw a Pokeball at the kids and caught them, but Prof. Oak angrily called him up five minutes later after children where being transported to his lab in Pokeballs.
Ash decided he'd try out one of his mother's cigarettes. He took one out and lit it with his buddy, Charmander, who he had recently nicknamed: "Dildo".
"Charmander." Said dildo.
The first one tasted baaad. The second, slightly better. The third, he felt like he was almost there.
A whole pack later, Ash couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing in his life. He bought another 2 packets.
When he got home, his mother scolded him and send him to bed. Ash cried the night away.
It was about 6 AM. Ash was still crying. Tears where streaming down his little face. His thoat hurt. His eyes where all blocked and smudged.
In anger, he released his "Dildo" into the wild.
"Screw you, dildo! This is all your fault!" Said Ash.
"Dildo." Said Charmander
"Get ready for mayhem!" Said a mystery woman with big hair.
"And times it by 2." Said a mystery man, who had a gay voice.
"To stop the world from ending."
"Making people join each other."
"Kicking truth and love the curb"
"To put our hand up and touch planets."
"Jesse"
"James"
"Team Rocket go really, really fast."
"Give up now, or we'll kill you!"
"Meowth." Said Meowth.
But Ash didn't have time for two adults who where funded millions to build giant robots yet never saved any for food.
He turned around and realised they had run off with Pikachu.
But Ash was grounded so he waited untill the next day to get him back TO BE CONTINUED.