Well hello everyone!
I'm sorry for disappearing for a whole week. A lot has happened, and I had to deal with tons of stuff, so I genuinely didn't have time or strength to write anything. And I know many of you (at least I hope so) are expecting the ending of Ghost, and I have written half of the last chapter, and I promise I will update it soon, but.
I just really needed to write this. This idea was haunting me, and I have no clue where this will be going, but I just sort of want to write it.
I honestly don't know what this is, but I hope you enjoy it because I loved writing it.
Please remember to comment!
It takes Beth less than a few minutes to realise she is not going to enjoy it. Any of it.
It seems like a lifetime ago when she actually liked public gatherings, with people chatting, laughing, and giving each other tight hugs. She used to be happy when surrounded by people but now she feels uncomfortable. And she shouldn't, because it's her graduation day, and there is a good chance she might never see these people again.
She just wishes she could bring herself to care.
She doesn't dislike them, it's just that she doesn't know them, and they don't know her. Not anymore. Not since she closed off from everyone after her mother's and Shawn's deaths.
It is hotter than sin in the open of the school football stadium, and Beth can't wait to get out of the long gown of a deep navy blue colour. Who has come up with the idea of graduation day being held in June anyway? The heat is so intense she can feel makeup beginning to layer off of her face with sweat, and ignoring the warm sickness in her belly that usually forebodes fainting is getting harder with every second.
The principal sweats her way through the most generic farewell address, which adds to Beth's tiresome of the whole process, and then it's almost over.
As everyone stands up and throws their graduation caps up in the air, Beth does the same. She forces a smile, but only because she is a good girl. That's what good girls are supposed to do. Pretend they are happy when deep inside they are sad.
Beth leaves the crowd filled with noises and happy laughter to find her family. She notices her daddy, Maggie, and even Otis and Patricia, waiting for her, standing a bit away from everyone, in their own secluded little circle. Maggie is telling them something, gesticulating actively, and everyone else is listening to her, watching her face with genuine attention.
Beth smiles, looking at them. She loves her family.
As she almost approaches them, Patricia, who has Beth in her line of sight, gives her a bright smile and a friendly wave.
"I'm so proud of you, doodlebug," daddy says, giving her one-armed hug, and Beth smiles softly in return. "Come on, let's go celebrate."
Beth gives the crowd one final look and, taking off her gown, gets in the car.
She watches the disappearing Starr's Mill High School sign from the window, while Maggie chatters away about things she usually like to talk. College, Glenn, life. Beth absently listens to her but her mind is concentrated on a sudden feeling of emptiness that is residing in her chest, and she doesn't even notice that her thumb has pushed away the bracelet on her left wrist and is now circling pale white scar that always remains hidden from everyone's sight.
She knows she is smart, she will go to college, find a job, and in general do well in life. She is told that more than often. But she has to admit that she is afraid of… life, to be frank. The only friends she had, gave up on her when she shut them out, and she can't help but think that maybe there will never be anyone who will care enough to fight for her. To refuse to let her go.
Beth has her family, and she loves them to pieces, but she needs a friend. Someone who won't judge her or treat her like glass. They do it because they love her and don't want to lose her, but Beth is tired.
She suddenly imagines doing something wild and impulsive, like running off into the night with a friend, going to a nightclub and returning home at four in the morning. Climbing out of the window to disappear somewhere in the woods, swim in the river naked, after getting undressed via drinking game. She wants to be reckless, feel adrenalin pump through her veins. She wants to feel. She wants to do something she will never tell anyone about, and just that one person will know. The friend she will probably never have.
"Beth?" she hears Maggie's voice that has previously just served as a background. Now it sounds annoyed, and Beth doesn't hesitate to give her sister a smile. "Are you even listening to me?" she asks, folding her arms.
"Sorry, I must have gotten distracted."
There must be something unusual in a way she says it (or the opposite, actually), because Maggie's eyes soften.
"Are you okay, Bethy?" she asks with that tone that irritates Beth more than anything. Concern.
"Yes, I'm great," Beth states and tries her best to force a convincing smile, knowing that Maggie won't leave her alone unless she is sure Beth is fine.
She must be doing well because Maggie decides to let it go and just lets out a heavy sigh, turning her head to look out the window as they drive up to the diner. It was Beth's idea: to just have a quiet family dinner at the local diner, without any major celebrations. She doesn't feel all that great about leaving school (or about that day in general for that matter), so there is no reason to celebrate really.
It's when she sits down at the booth in the diner when she realises that her hands are still clutching to the graduation cap. It suddenly feels like she needs air, even though it is probably much cooler inside (thank God for air conditioning).
"I'll just take this back to the car," she tells her daddy quietly and leaves the diner.
Their car is parked a little further into the parking lot, away from the windows, which she is grateful for because that means that Maggie or daddy can't see her when she takes a seat, leaving the door open and throwing her head back to try and breathe deeply. She always feels shitty about preferring solitude to the company of her family, but no matter how hard she tries, she can't help it. It's just that sometimes it feels like their protectiveness and care just start crashing down on her to the point when she just can't breathe.
She decides to spend a few minutes here and then go back because if she doesn't return soon, they will start getting worried, and she doesn't need that. She doesn't need any more concerned looks.
Beth remains in her position until she hears someone stride past the car, at some distance, heading further into the parking lot. Her eyes fly open and she turns her head to look.
It doesn't take Beth longer than a second to recognise him. Everyone in Senoia knows Daryl Dixon, which is mainly because of his family's reputation. They are sort of famous in their small town, but definitely not in a good way. Merle is never around anymore, and on multiple occasions Beth has heard rumours that he is in fact locked up in jail. No one knows what he has done, so everyone just presumes it was for drug dealing or something of the sort. Beth and her mom used to run into him at the grocery store (occasionally, thank God), and he always managed to make some inappropriate comments, mainly directed at Annette. It annoyed Beth, but mom never did anything about it, just grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the man. Beth never liked Merle, he is definitely not the kind of person you can trust or even be friendly with. She hasn't seen him in years, and she can't say she misses him.
It's different with Daryl, though. He is always quiet, and when Merle was here, he would just stand behind his back, never saying a word, keeping to himself. He works at the garage in town, situated across the street from the diner, and not once has she heard him say something nasty to anyone. Or was told by someone that he said it. It is always more like people mentioning him in the context of criticising his brother, which in their mind must mean he is "just the same". And if anything, Beth knows what it's like – being judged by what family you come from.
So, when she notices that he has dropped his red rag that she usually saw hanging from the back pocket of his jeans, she climbs out of the car and picks it up. He is walking away, and she freezes for a second, not sure what to do. Follow him? Call after him? She doesn't want to seem weird or creepy.
"Daryl?" she says, and it doesn't come out too loud, which she is happy for. But he does hear it.
Daryl freezes for a second, as if unsure that she has actually spoken to him, and then turns around to face her. He looks at Beth with a scornful look on his face, and it takes her all courage in the world to stop herself from squirming. He looks very intimidating, but she knows she has no right to treat him anything less than politely. The look on Daryl's face, however, tells her that he is probably expecting from her just that – that she will say something terrible to him, offend him or something. She is sure people do that a lot in their small town where nothing ever happens.
She suddenly finds herself noticing how big and impressively strong he looks, with his toned arms showing because of the sleeveless shirt and a leather vest he is wearing. His skin is dark and tanned, glistening with sweat, his jeans ripped and covered in oil stains. There is a thought at the back of her mind that has her wondering how he sees her. She must look awful right now, with her face glistening with oily sweat and ruined makeup, her short white dress creased after a long graduation ceremony, her hair in a complete mess.
Beth realises she is staring, and that he is staring right back.
"You've dropped this," she says, after clearing her throat, and takes a few steps closer to hand him the rag. Daryl takes it, their fingers not touching, and Beth suspects he made sure of that. Beth decides not to concentrate on it, since he gives her another long stare. "I'm Beth," she suddenly remembers her manners and holds her hand out. He shakes it, his hand hot and a little sweaty, and he is looking hesitant and almost shy or even self-conscious.
"I know," Daryl says unexpectedly after their hands fall apart. His voice is low and gruff, but quiet, and it sends shivers down her spine.
"Really?" she asks and gives him a smile. The first genuine smile today. "We've never spoken before."
"Small town."
Her smile grows wider, and he looks down, putting the rag away in his back pocket. Beth can feel him looking at her feet, and suddenly she is glad that she has done her toenails last night. She has let Maggie convince her into painting them with powder blue nail polish (Maggie said it would match the colour of her eyes). Her nails were also done in the same shade of blue.
"I just graduated a few hours ago," Beth says, which surprises her even more than it probably surprises him. She doesn't know why but she feels the need to continue their conversation, hold on to it for as long as possible. But then, she remembers his circumstances and feels extremely rude. Well, what she knows of his circumstances. And all she has is that he is in his late twenties because he has dropped out of high school years ago, maybe even before she started school herself. He seems tense, and she decides to say something else. "Daddy took us to the diner to have a small family celebration. Sort of," she adds.
"Why ain't you there?"
"What?"
"Why are you here then?" Daryl repeats.
Beth freezes. She has no idea what to say to that. Right now, lying seems like sacrilege, and she doesn't even know why. So she decides to tell the truth.
"Just needed a minute for myself. My family is great, but sometimes they can be very pushy."
Beth suddenly realises what he must think of her. Spoiled brat who doesn't appreciate what she has. Beth knows Daryl had a hard life. She was too young to remember, but Maggie told her that his mother used to be seen in town, sporting bruises all over her body. She tried to cover them with makeup and always wore long skirts, but people knew. Will Dixon was beating the crap out of his wife. Beth finds herself hoping that Daryl hasn't been his target.
But when she looks him in the eyes, she doesn't see any judgement there, and she can't help but sigh with relief. She doesn't question why his opinion is suddenly so important to her.
Daryl glances back to his bike that is parked a few feet away, and Beth offers him another smile.
"I should probably go," she says, sparing him the embarrassment. Beth takes a step back, still holding his gaze. "It was nice to meet you, Daryl."
He gives her a slight nod, and it's enough for her. She spins away and heads to the diner after shutting the door of her daddy's car.
Beth spends a few minutes reassuring daddy and Maggie that she is fine and chooses what to order. As she sits next to Maggie and eats her fries, it suddenly occurs to her that although she has no idea what she finds so appealing about Daryl Dixon, she definitely wants to see him again.
Tell me what you think!
Love, Kate xxx