I do not own this game! Enjoy!
Ganondorf's Boss Interviews: Part Two
Narrator: Seven years later, Ganondorf was concerned. He decided to have another boss interview. So he takes his clipboard and glasses…
Ganondorf: It is not necessary for me to have glasses! Bob! Get me a coffee and a donut!
Bob: (frustrated) I have given you massages. I have given you plays. I became your jester. And I even gave you Chinese carryouts! I am NOT getting you a coffee and a donut!
Ganondorf: You are my servant!
Bob: Not anymore. I QUIT!
Ganondorf: You can't quit! I fire people. I don't make them quit!
Bob: You know what? EAT THIS! (he shoves donut in Ganondorf's mouth and storms off)
Narrator: Here we go again! So Ganondorf hired, yet, another servant.
Ganondorf: Who are you?
Servant: …Malcolm?
Narrator: Mirror Mask!
Ganondorf: What?
Narrator: …Nevermind. Anyway, Ganondorf took his clipboard and glasses and waited for Malcolm to return with his coffee and donut, which he did. Ganondorf sipped it quietly.
Malcolm: Nice!
Ganondorf: First boss…Phantom Ganon!
Narrator: Suddenly, out of the ground, came…
Ganondorf: Ohmygoshelookslikeme!
Phantom: Hello.
Ganondorf: Hello…wait a minute! So you have something to cover up your face because I feel like I'm talking to myself.
Phantom: Oh, sure. (he puts on mask that shows only his eyes)
Ganondorf: Thank you. So what can you do?
Phantom: I like to plant flowers.
Ganondorf: ...Wha?
Phantom: Flowers, you know. To bring sunshine into the world.
Ganondorf: (to himself) I like to bring sunshine to his world!
Phantom: The world will be happier and brighter and more beautiful. Did you know that a rose symbolizes romance and that a sunflower has so many seeds that it's hard to count them? It would take me months to figure that out.
Ganondorf: …Do you like baseball?
Phantom: Why?
Narrator: It was just then that Ganondorf formed a ball of light and threw it at him. Phantom pulled out his spear just in time for him to bat it back at Ganondorf. Ganondorf dodged it in time, but the sphere knocked over his coffee and sizzled his donut.
Ganondorf: Oh, come on! You knocked over my coffee and sizzled my Boston cream!
Phantom: Why did you do it? All I was talking about were flowers!
Ganondorf: Who cares about flowers?
Phantom: I do! It brings happiness and…
Ganondorf: I don't want to hear that mush! You want a place to plant flowers, then go to the Forest Temple and plant as many as you want!
Phantom: (hugs him) Oh, thank you! I won't forget this!
Ganondorf: There's one thing you will forget…HUGGING ME!
Phantom: Oh! Sorry! ( releases him and begins to walk out) I'll make it the most beautiful place in Hyrule. I'll plant daisies, roses, bluebells, pansies, irises…
Ganondorf: Thank goodness, he's gone! Next…Volvagia!
Narrator: In floated a long red dragon with fiery red mane that flowed behind him. He sat down in the chair.
Volvagia: Hey, dude.
Ganondorf: Hello, sir. What is your…
Volvagia: Like my hair?
Ganondorf: Uhhhhhhhh…
Volvagia: Worked on it for like hours, man. I mean, check it out! (shows mane) I had to like use a ton of oil for this baby.
Ganondorf: Sure. Why don't you tell me what kind of power you posses?
Volvagia: Oh riiiiiiiiiiight! I breathe fire and make earthquakes. Though I have to be careful with those rocks 'cause they might mess up my hairdo.
Ganondorf: Impressive. You can go to the Fire Temple and munch on some Gorons.
Volvagia: Gorons? Cool, dude. My favorite snack. Is there going to be any oil there or somethin' 'cause I don't wanna…
Ganondorf: Just get going!
Volvagia: Chill out, man. I'm goin'.
Narrator: Volvagia laid quietly in the heart of Death Mountain Crater, enjoying the heated paradise.
Ganondorf: Next…Morpha. Morpha?
Narrator: Did I mention that Ganondorf had a fountain in his palace?
Ganondorf: I do?
Narrator: You do now!
Ganondorf: Sweet!
Narrator: Well, out of this fountain came some kind of nebula and it sat on the ledge.
Ganondorf: You're Morpha?
Morpha: …
Ganondorf: …Hello? Can you speak?
Morpha: …
Ganondorf: ANSWER ME!
Narrator: The nebula jumped back into the water. Then, a long, water-like tentacle came out of it, grabbed Ganondorf, and swung him around.
Ganondorf: STOP IT! PUT ME DOWN! I'M THE KING AND I DESERVE RESPECT!
Narrator: So Morpha released him, letting him fall on the floor with a thud.
Ganondorf: Ow! At least I found out your ability. You will do well in the Water Temple. I'll make sure that the Zoras stay away from there by freezing the river…
Narrator: But before he could finish, Morpha was gone.
Ganondorf: Oh, gee. Leave while I scheme. Next is…Bongo-Bongo? What kind of a name is that?
Narrator: Just then, two giant hands and a huge eye appeared before him. The hands pounded the ground and with every pound Ganondorf leaped into the air.
Ganondorf: Will you stop that! (Bongo-Bongo taps finger instead) Stop it! (stops completely) Thank you. So what is your ability?
Bongo-Bongo: Bongo Bongo! (slams hands on the ground)
Ganondorf: Augh! Don't do that! I only asked what you can do?
Bongo-Bongo: BONGO BONGO! (slams hands again)
Ganondorf: That's it? You crush people with your gigantic hands? Okay! You go to the Shadow Temple in the graveyard. And please…change your name! It sounds like you came from a Donkey Kong game! Try…Bigfoot or something!
Narrator: So Bongo-Bongo slipped into the Shadow Temple, but was trapped in a well by Impa. The poor thing fought for months and finally escaped back to the Temple.
Ganondorf: Well, that's his problem! Next is…No! Not them!
Narrator: Suddenly, in a puff of smoke, came two old women on brooms. The first wore blue and the other wore red.
Ganondorf: (getting nervous) Kome! Kotake! So good to see you two lovely old ladies who serve their king well, without causing any pain.
Kome: Of course, Ganondorf. We respect you.
Kotake: As long as payment was on time!
Ganondorf: (falling to knees) Oh, Twinova Sisters! Please forgive me for not paying you! I have enough now. How much was it?
Kome: It was 100 rupees.
Kotake: Now it's 1000 rupees
Kome: And it'll cost you 500 extra for us to work for you.
Ganondorf: 1500 rupees!
Kotake: It's in the contract. If you don't pay the amount on time, it'll cost you extra.
Ganondorf: Alright! Here! (gives them rupees) Now you two can work at the Spirit Temple. Take care of Nabooro so she doesn't spoil our plans.
Twins: Okay!
Narrator: So the Twinova Sisters kidnapped Nabooro and they took over the Spirit Temple. Ganondorf sent a message to all the villains to watch out for a small kokeri kid with a fairy. He relaxed for about a week until Phantom Ganon stormed in with tears in his eyes.
Ganondorf: What happen to you?
Phantom: He ruined my flowers!
Ganondorf: (to himself) Who would care? (to Phantom) Who did this?
Phantom: That stupid kid with a fairy. He shot arrows at me. Then he took the liberty to trample on my roses! It made me so mad that I attacked him with lightning, but he still beat me! He destroyed my beauty!
Ganondorf: The kokeri kid! He's back?
Phantom: But from the description you've given me, he's gotten…older.
Ganondorf: But kokeries don't grow up. Unless he's not a kokeri but a Hylian. Then he's a teen! Even worse!
Phantom: I'm going to get some tea.
Ganondorf: You do that.
Narrator: Then, Volvagia entered, looking upset himself.
Volvagia: He totally trashed my crib, man! And he messed up my do! Look at it! Look at it! I've worked like hours on it and he like totally messed it up with the Goron's Megaton Hammer! He made me so mad I like spat fire on him, but no, he kept on poundin' my head!
Ganondorf: It's one problem after another. What am I going to do about that kid?
Narrator: Morpha burst out of the fountain and was hopping mad.
Volvagia: He said that some kid kept like grabbing him with the hookshot and totally slashed him to bits, man.
Ganondorf: You understand him?
Volvagia: My mom learned many languages for the conference about some demon-possessed mask that nearly crushed the whole world with the moon. Don't ask why.
Narrator: Bongo-Bongo floated in the room and started pounding the ground in fury.
Bongo-Bongo: Bongo BONGO!
Volvagia: He was shot in the hands and then like his eye and then he was stabbed there too.
Ganondorf: This is an outrage! What else can go wrong?
Bongo-Bongo: Bongo Bongo!
Volvagia: Dude, he says he doesn't like you.
Ganondorf: O.o
Narrator: Out of the air came Kome and Kotake who appeared to have halos.
Ganondorf: What happened to you?
Kome: That stupid boy reflected our magic with the mirror shield.
Kotake: Then he slashed us to pieces.
Kome: I'm only 146 years old!
Kotake: I'm only 148!
Kome: Don't lie about our age. We're twins!
Kotake: I don't care, ugly!
Kome: Stupid!
Kotake: UGLY!
Kome: STUPID!
Narrator: Eventually, all the villains (including Gohma, Dodongo, and Barinade) started a huge quarrel. It wasn't until Ganondorf got so ticked that he shouted…
Ganondorf: BE QUIET! (room falls silent) I had enough of this! I will send you all to the sacred realm and out of my sight so I don't have to deal with you! (they disappear) Now I will take care of this kid once and for all!
Narrator: He decided to go to the chapel to see if he was there. Inside he found a shocking surprise. Standing in there was the Hero of Time, looking rather handsome…
Ganondorf: Hey! I'm the handsome guy!
Narrator: …and a strange figure that appeared to be a Sheikah.
Ganondorf: Sheik! I've heard of her.
Sheik: Link, as the Hero of Time, you hold the Triforce of Courage.
Ganondorf: So he had the Triforce of Courage all along.
Sheik: As for the Triforce of Wisdom, The Princess of Destiny, and the seventh sage, holds it. In fact, she is within this room.
Narrator: Then, Sheik began to transform. When the light faded, she was…
Ganondorf: Princess Zelda?
Zelda: It is I, Zelda. The Princess of Destiny!
Narrator: It was so that Zelda relayed to Link on how the Triforce separated and how Ganondorf obtained the Triforce of Power.
Zelda: And now it is up to you to rid Ganondorf forever.
Ganondorf: (mimicking) And now it's up to you to rid Ganondorf forever…NOT!
Zelda: These light arrows will destroy the darkness.
Ganondorf: I'm not going to take this anymore. Time to make an entrance. (to Zelda) So you thought you could hide from me, highness? Not this time!
Narrator: With his magic and the Triforce of Power, he trapped Zelda into a pink crystal.
Ganondorf: Now I have you!
Zelda: Link! Help me!
Ganondorf: (to Link) If you want her, come to my castle and we can have a real party! Mwahahaha!
Narrator: So Ganondorf brought Zelda to his castle. Inside the throne room, Zelda was still complaining about her situation.
Zelda: You'll never get away with this! Link will save me and all of Hyrule! Not only that, but he will destroy you!
Ganondorf: (to himself) So that's the kid's name. (to Zelda) I think I have. Once he enters this room, I will take all three pieces and become king of the world! And not even the Hero of Time can stop me! Mwahahahaha! And now it's time for me to play some calming music.
Narrator: An organ appeared out of nowhere and he began playing it.
Zelda: Ewwww! You're a terrible organ player! Even I can play better than you can!
Ganondorf: Last I checked, you didn't even know what an organ was.
Narrator: As he played, he felt the presence of the Hero of Time getting closer. Then he heard the door behind him open and close. He smiled with pride and went on playng his organ. After a few minutes of playing, he stopped. There was a moment of silence.
Ganondorf: (out loud) At last! The pieces of the Triforce come together within this room.
Narrator: He turned to see Link and his fairy. He did look older and stronger than before, but that wasn't going to stop him from taking over the world.
Ganondorf: These toys are too much for you. I command that you return them to me!
Narrator: Then he sent out a serge of black and purple light and they began their first battle. Ganondorf threw a lightning ball at him, but Link reflected it with his sword. They tossed it back and forth until Ganondorf let down his guard. He got struck by it, which damaged his cape in the process.
Ganondorf: I just got this from the dry-cleaners! Brand new! Now you're going down!
Narrator: But before he could even throw another lightning ball, Link shot him with a Light Arrow, which brought him down. Link was already on top of him. He stabbed him with the Master Sword. Ganondorf fell to his knees and held his chest from the impact, breathing heavy.
Ganondorf: Huff…I can't believe…puff…that I've been…huff…beaten by a kid! Huff…Link!
Narrator: Ganondorf release his breath with a mighty cry and fell. His spirit was lifted and with it he tried to bring the walls down. Luckily for Link and Zelda, they made it out before it crashed on top of them.
Zelda: You did it, Link!
Navi: Sorry I couldn't have help. From now on, I will be on your side!
Ganondorf: This isn't over yet! It looks like the real me must come out!
Narrator: Ganondorf's body burst out of the ruble and began to transform into who he was all along.
Zelda: Ganon!
Narrator: Yes! Ganon, the evil monster of Hyrule! His body was gigantic added with a tail and horns on his head. He held two swords and with one of them, he knocked the Master Sword out of Link's hand and it landed next to Zelda blade first into the ground. Link tried to grab it, but Ganon surrounded it and Zelda in a ring of fire.
Ganon: This will be my victory! Now you can't stop me!
Narrator: But Link decided a different approach. He used his light arrows to stun him and hit his tail with the megaton hammer. This went on for a while until finally Ganon fell on his face, feeling weak.
Zelda: Quick, Link! Grab the Master Sword!
Ganondorf: I'm not giving up!
Narrator: Link gained control of his weapon and used it against him. Eventually Ganon lost control and ended up losing. Zelda called upon the sages to trap him in the sacred realm.
Ganondorf: Curse you Zelda! Curse you Sages! CURSE YOU LINK! I WILL HAUNT YOU AND YOUR DECENDENTS FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!
Zelda: You won, Link! You saved Hyrule!
Narrator: Hyrule was saved and the Hero of Time and the Princess of Destiny went down in history from generation to generation and lived happily ever after. Meanwhile, Ganondorf was within the sacred realm and out of nowhere came the bosses from the Boss Interviews who gave him glares.
Bongo-Bongo: BONGO BONGO!
Volvagia: Dude! He says he doesn't like you!
Ganondorf: (as the villains moved in on him) Wait! No! Please! I can explain! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…
Narrator: The End
Ganondorf: Wait! You're going to leave me like that?
Narrator: Yes I am.
Ganondorf: But why?
Narrator: Because…I SAID SO!
Ganondorf: Ohhhhhh…
Malcolm: Regrettable.
Post commets, please!