Once upon a time the demons of hell, in their pride and arrogance, carved an enormous, round mirror from a solid block of ice. They enchanted the mirror so that anything good or beautiful would appear ugly and twisted when reflected in its surface. The demons, delighted with their handiwork, carried the mirror upwards to display it to the angels. As they wafted higher and higher, though, they found their burden grew heavier and more cumbersome, until, with a resounding CRACK!, it shattered into a million million pieces, many too miniscule to be seen, which rained down to earth as a tremendous ice storm.
These mirror fragments caused great harm wherever they fell; if a mote no larger than a speck of dust landed in someone's eye, that person would see the world as if through a jaundiced lens, which resulted in much sorrow and evil. The damage continued for many years, for the life-giving rays of the sun were not powerful enough to melt the ice.
I do not know the precise circumstances of how it happened, but one day, an unusually large sliver of the mirror pierced the skin of a maiden named Ostara; it caused her heart to freeze and she forgot her true name. She lost her ability to see anything good in life, and transformed into the Snow Queen, mistress of frost and cold.
She built for herself a terrible white palace on the top of a mountain. Her estate was a solid sheet of ice that never melted; she named it Cocytus. There she ruled, spinning her plots, until such a time as she would succeed in covering the world in freezing death.
To begin the story proper, however, we must relinquish our attention from the Snow Queen and turn it to a young woman entirely untouched by the cursed mirror. Her name was Gerda, and she was, quite unremarkably enough, sitting alone in an ice cream parlor.
...
"Men are impossible," mumbled Gerda. Her overcoat, trapper hat, scarf, and gloves lay piled on the stool next to her. It was a cold day outside, but not too cold to enjoy one of Mrs. Swoop's sundaes, delectable works of art, every one of them. She dug listlessly into her peach melba, that classic concatenation of peaches, vanilla ice cream, and crushed raspberries. "I absolutely hate them all."
"Of course you do, dear," Mrs. Swoop said, lending a sympathetic ear as she ran a cloth over her immaculate counter.
"I can't believe Kai left me," Gerda said with a hiccup. "What does it take to keep a guy's attention?"
"Why don't you try this?" offered Mrs. Swoop, retrieving from her apron a lipstick tube decorated with orange peppers. "It contains ground habaneros, one of the hottest peppers in the world! Whenever Mr. Swoop's interest in me seemed to be flagging I'd apply a bit, and believe me, one kiss always got him properly focused again!"
"It's no use," Gerda said sadly, but seeing Mrs. Swoop wasn't interested in taking her lipstick back, tossed it in her coat pocket and returned her attention to her sundae.
Gerda was quite a pretty damsel, with hair black as a starless night, and a petite nose with a delightfully upward turn at its end. She wore a sweater decorated with snowmen, warm trousers, and stylish boots. Earrings shaped like snowflakes adorned her ears, a gift from Kai from happier times. "Give me another!" she said loudly, pushing her empty dish towards Mrs. Swoop.
"Don't you think you've had enough, dear?" Mrs. Swoop asked.
"Yes, I suppose you're right," Gerda sighed. "I still can't believe Kai ran off with the Snow Queen."
"The Snow Queen‽" Mrs. Swoop exclaimed, so loudly that the only other two customers in her shop, who sat in a nearby booth, looked at her in surprise. "She's a thoroughly wicked woman, dear. I can't believe sweet Kai went with her voluntarily. Have you considered the possibility that he is her prisoner?"
"Oh!" exclaimed Gerda, her pale cheeks blushing slightly. "I just assumed he'd left with her! Do you think she enchanted him somehow, and is holding him against his will?"
"I'm certain that's the case!" Mrs. Swoop said firmly. "And what are you going to do about it, dear? It's not like the Gerda I know to sit quietly, moping and feeling sorry for herself, while the man she loves is a prisoner!"
"You're right!" Gerda announced. "I'm going after him, to the Snow Queen's palace!"
"That's the spirit, dear," Mrs. Swoop encouraged as Gerda bundled herself into her winter wear and headed with determination to the door.
"Anything else for you?" Mrs. Swoop asked the customers at the booth.
"No, thank you, but it was delicious," replied Red Riding Hood, gathering the winter version of her famous red garment, a heavy, woolen, hooded cloak. "Ready to go, Wolfy?"
"Just a sec, baby," The Wolf replied lazily. He turned to Mrs. Swoop. "Did that girl say she was going to the Snow Queen's palace?"
Mrs. Swoop scooped up their dirty dishes. "Not that it's any of your business, Theodore, but yes she is, and good luck to her, too!"
"Too bad," said The Wolf, shaking his head. "She shouldn't be doing that. Baby, I'm a bit low on funds; pay for our order, okay?"
"Wolfy, you invited me to eat here!" Red Riding Hood answered angrily.
"Theodore, I was always taught that a gentleman pays for his date's food," Mrs. Swoop scolded.
The Wolf seemed inclined to object, but something in Mrs. Swoop's gaze convinced him not to. He opened his wallet and handed Mrs. Swoop a bill.
"I think you made a mistake, Theodore," Mrs. Swoop said sternly. "You owe much more than one dollar!"
"Grabbed the wrong one," explained The Wolf, this time extracting a Twenty.
"Wolfy, you said you were low on funds!" exclaimed Red Riding Hood. "Your wallet's full of money!"
"I was just fooling, baby," replied The Wolf, as Mrs. Swoop returned to her counter. "I'm actually quite flush, thanks to a good-paying bit of freelance work that fell my way. Speaking of which, there's something I've got to do now."
"But Wolfy, you said we'd go ice dancing after our sundaes!" Red Riding Hood protested. "I bought this great new figure skating dress, shaped like flames, so it looks like I'm on fire when I wear it!"
"Sounds real hot, baby, but business before pleasure," said The Wolf. "This shouldn't take long, and then we'll get our skates on and burn up the rink with our dancing! But I've got this other matter to attend to first."
Red Riding Hood sighed, recognizing The Wolf's determination, and followed him out into the snow.
...
The Snow Queen had dismantled the ski lifts after claiming the mountain for her own. The old ski lodge, with its sharply slanting roof, distinctive of the Adirondacks, was still there, though, a lonely sentinel at the foot of the mountain. As Red Riding Hood paused outside, she noted with surprise smoke from the chimney.
"Hello, Wolfy, are you in here?" she called, pushing the unlocked door. "No," she answered herself, "although I see he's been here! Gerda, did he tie you up again?"
"Mpfff," Gerda answered, speaking into her scarf, tied to cover much of her lower face. She lay on a bearskin rug in a hogtie, with ropes binding her arms and legs. A merry fire crackled in fireplace nearby, keeping her warm. She twisted her body so that she turned on her side, and looked apologetically at Red Riding Hood.
"Apparently, the Snow Queen paid Wolfy to keep everyone away from her palace," Red Riding Hood explained as she began loosening the knots binding Gerda. "He's taking the job pretty seriously, too, which is a bit unusual for him. It's probably because it allows him to tie up damsels, and we know how much he enjoys doing that!"
"He's amazing at it," Gerda conceded as her rescuer removed her gag. "One minute he's just standing there, and the next minute the ropes are surrounding you and you're all tied up! It's like magic; I don't know how he does it!"
"I've spent some time with Wolfy, so I've learned a few things from watching his technique," said Red Riding Hood, stowing Gerda's ropes into her cloak's ample pockets, "but, yeah, sometimes it seems more like magic than anything else. Well, there you go, all untied. Try to stay that way, okay?"
"I'll try to stay away from Wolfy," answered Gerda, slipping into her coat. "I stepped in here to warm up for a moment, that's why he got me. I won't let him see me as I climb the mountain, though!"
Gerda began the arduous climb, looking anxiously as she went. No one interrupted her progress as she continued upward; she honestly thought she had made it safely to the summit. She could see the Snow Queen's palace glistening in the sunlight. Its forbidding entrance seemed mere yards away! However, just then, out stepped The Wolf from behind a massive icicle, pulling a sled behind him. "Hey, baby," he greeted her.
"Wolfy, please let me past," she pleaded.
"I can't do that, baby," he replied. "Why don't you return to the ski lodge?"
"You don't understand, Wolfy! I've got to get inside because she's got Kai in there and mpfff!"
Gerda's sentence was abruptly cut short as once again The Wolf whisked the scarf from around her shoulders and knotted it into a gag. He had plenty of rope stowed in his pockets, ("Doesn't he ever run out?" Gerda wondered in bewilderment) which just like magic, he wrapped around Gerda before she could respond. He bound her legs together and her arms against her side, and then placed her lying down on the sled.
"Mpfff!" Gerda protested, looking down in dismay at the long ski trail as The Wolf used the rope to secure her to the sled. She shook her head; no, this couldn't be happening!
"You can probably guess what's coming next!" exclaimed The Wolf, pushing her boots gently. "Down you go, baby!"
"MPF-F-F-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f!" Gerda hurtled down the mountain. The ends of her scarf flailed behind her, like pennants fluttering wildly in a hurricane. The wind whistled loudly in her ears, blowing off her trapper hat. "I'll pick that up when I climb back!" she promised herself. "I will climb back, too! Wolfy is not going to stop me!"
She shook her face, dislodging snow flung up by the sled as it moved faster and faster. She could not see where she was going, not that she could do anything to steer the sled or slow it down in the slightest. Fortunately, there were no trees or rocks in her path; no obstacles of any sort. Her real concern was that she was so rapidly moving away from Kai, for she knew The Wolf was only trying to keep her away from the palace. He would have chosen his path carefully so that the rapid descent would not hurt her; still, it was an anxious few moments until the sled reached the bottom and flew along the straighter ground.
Red Riding Hood raced from the ski lodge and placed a foot forward, bringing the slowing sled to an abrupt halt. "You're back down already?" she asked with a sigh as she moved to untie her friend once again.
"Red, can't you convince Wolfy to let me into the palace?" Gerda pleaded.
"I don't think I can do exactly that," she answered, packing more ropes into her pocket, "but I'll tell you what. Give me a couple minutes head start climbing the mountain. I'll try distracting Wolfy, and maybe you can slip by him, okay?"
"Sounds like a good plan," Gerda said hopefully.
...
"My poor darling Kai," Gerda whispered sadly, wiping her tears with her scarf. The Snow Queen did not seem to be present in her silent palace, but Kai stood immobile, his entire body encased in a solid block of ice. He stared ahead blankly, although Gerda thought she saw the occasional flicker of life in his brown eyes.
She removed a glove and placed her bare hand on the ice. She shivered, for the cold was painful in its intensity, but she persisted in touching the block for several minutes before reluctantly pulling her hand away. It moved without sticking, and without any sign of moisture.
"How can I set you free?" she asked.
"You will not free him," answered the Snow Queen, striding into the chamber. Her hair and skin were solid white; she wore a long gown of frosty blue with violet highlights, sandals of clear crystal, and a platinum crown decorated with turquoise, zircon, and tanzanite gemstones. "I discovered in him something with ugliness less pronounced than anything else I have ever viewed in this sick, decaying world. It pleased me to set him beside me, suspended in half-life, and thus he shall remain until the end of all things."
"How can you do such a horrible thing to someone who has never wronged you?" demanded Gerda.
"He is not feeling any pain, if that is troubling you," said the Snow Queen. "Indeed, in his present condition, he can feel nothing at all, which, quite bluntly, I deem to be the ideal human condition. However, I should like to know how you came to be here. I paid that disgusting creature," and there was rancor in her voice as she referred to The Wolf, "to keep all trespassers away, most especially you, little Gerda."
"I have to claim responsibility for that," announced Red Riding Hood, making a sudden appearance. "Wolfy really is easily distracted," she mimed a kissing action with her red lips, "and this passion fruit lipstick really packs a wallop! You should have seen him when… Oh!" she exclaimed, observing Kai. "How awful! Gerda, you have to set him free!"
"Leave at once and never return," ordered the Snow Queen as Gerda replaced her hand on Kai's block, "or I shall encase the pair of you in ice like him, although not to remain here, for I find the sight of you ugly past the point of endurance."
"Hey, who are you calling ugly‽" Red Riding Hood shouted angrily. "Have you looked in a mirror lately, sister?"
"If only I could melt this ice!" Gerda shook her head in frustration.
"Stop touching him!" ordered the Ice Queen. She raised her arms, preparing to cast a spell.
"Oh, no you don't!" shouted Red Riding Hood.
Gerda gave a gasp of astonishment. Her friend pulled the ropes from her red cloak; how she did it, Gerda could not clearly see, it seemed a blur of action as the cords looped around the Snow Queen, binding her tightly so an icy column.
"Release me at once!" screamed the Snow Queen.
"How'd you do that?" Gerda gasped out.
"I told you I learned something from watching Wolfy," Red Riding Hood explained, as the Snow Queen shrieked dreadful threats. "She's making an awful lot of noise, isn't she? Can I borrow your scarf, Gerda?"
"Certainly," agreed Gerda handing it over.
"Mpfff!" the Snow Queen roared indistinctly, as she was now cleave-gagged.
"I still have to release Kai, though," said Gerda. She slipped her hand into her coat pocket, and felt the tube of lipstick with the crushed habanero… one of the hottest peppers in the world, according to Mrs. Swoop. Could it be hot enough to melt Kai's ice? "It's worth a try," she announced, coating her lips.
She placed her mouth near Kai's and pressed forward. Perhaps it was the ground habanero, although I suspect the truth had more to do with Gerda's heart, but, whatever the explanation, the ice surrounding the young man shattered into the finest diamond dust; much flew into Gerda's dark hair where it sparkled brilliantly, giving the impression of shining stars, a marvelous effect that remained with her for the rest of her life. She continued holding him tightly as she felt his lips against hers as his body warmed and he returned fully to life.
"Aw, that's so sweet," Red Riding Hood sniffed, watching the pair embrace.
"Hey, what's going on?" asked The Wolf, sauntering in.
"Gerda rescued Kai," Red Riding Hood explained.
"Mpfff!" the Snow Queen called out, her look filled with a silent reprimand.
"Sorry, baby," he apologized. "I was standing guard real vigilantly and everything, but she slipped by real stealthily, like an alpine ninja!"
The Snow Queen ignored his glib explanation, and, thinking how she might gain her release, pursed her lips in invitation around her gag. Due to the effect of the mirror shard having frozen her heart, she perceived The Wolf as thoroughly abhorrent to behold. Nevertheless, it occurred to her that, just as Gerda's kiss had freed Kai from the ice, so too might The Wolf's free her from the ropes. "For males are easily manipulated," she thought optimistically.
The Wolf needed little encouragement. He stepped forward and placed his lips on hers. As he did, the Snow Queen felt the ice surrounding her heart melt. Her skin lost its deadly pallor, her lips their purple hue. She recalled her name was Ostara and that there was much beauty in the world, if only one could see it.
"What have I been doing?" she asked after The Wolf removed her gag. She looked around in bewilderment as The Wolf unwound her ropes. "I feel I've been far away; where have I been?"
"Wherever you've been, you're back now, baby!" he exclaimed, continuing to untie her.
"That's the end of the Snow Queen!" Gerda exclaimed.
"A happy ending," Kai amended.
"Yes, that's great," agreed Red Riding Hood, watching as Gerda and Kai walked happily out of the Snow Queen's palace and into their new life together. "Wolfy, you can let go of her now. There's that ice dancing, remember?"
"Sounds like fun, we'll have to do that sometime," agreed The Wolf, not letting go of Ostara, who winked maliciously at Red Riding Hood.
"What about my happy ending?" Red Riding Hood thought jealously as she watched The Wolf escort Ostara away. She felt the rope in her pocket; there was still plenty left! She had a vision of the former Snow Queen, once again bound and gagged, and looking much less triumphant. "That's right; I'll make my own!"