So! This is short, depressing, and according to my personal "canon Shepard," never happened. I was listening to some music, and the below poem (courtesy of my musical muse, Tuomas Holopainen) suddenly tugged at my heart. The below scene immediately played through my mind and I felt the need to get it onto paper. This is what would happen if my paragade femShep never received Kaidan's message after Horizon. (Hint: she doesn't do so well at the whole mission thing.)

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Teach me passion, for I fear it's gone
Show me love, hold the lorn
So much more I wanted to give to the ones who love me
I'm sorry
Time will tell (this bitter farewell)
I live no more to shame nor me nor you

And you... I wish I didn`t feel for you anymore...

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Her fingers grasped for something – anything – that would help give her a grip. Nothing but smooth metal met her frantic reach. Realization washed over her: she was going to die again. Well, at least she was going out on her own terms…and she wasn't taking the ship out with her. Not this time.

"Joker! Tell them!"

The SR2 hat shook quickly. "You tell them; you're not doing this to me again!"

Damn it. He had to let her go! "You've got to warn them…more are coming." A bullet laced through her left knee, right through the gap in her armor. Pain ripped across her senses and one of her hands finally slipped loose. "Ah!"

He wasn't moving. He had to move. He needed to tell everyone else, tell Kaidan – tell Anderson. They would know what to do. Damn it! Joker was going to wait too long again and everything would be ruined! She had to make the choice for him.

"Joker…go…" She relaxed her arms, sliding from the Normandy.

Free-falling was a really strange thing: it felt like she was floating while being weighed down. Peace mingled with regret as she fell. The base was about to be destroyed; she had completed her mission. Maybe when Kaidan learned what she had done, he'd finally forgive her. She closed her eyes and imagined his face as she waited for the inevitable impact. Goodbye, Kaidan. Hopefully she wouldn't feel anyth–