This is my first story so please be gentle. I would like to say that I do not own Phil or Hogwarts. I do own Evelyn. Also, I would like to give a shout out to my friend Amy. She is my co-author.
"Good afternoon class, my name is Phil Coulson. You'll notice this room is different. Extremely different. Now listen up, because I have a lot to teach you and not a lot of time to teach it in.
This class is being called Muggle Studies 201 but I like to think of it as Survival in the Real World 101. There will be no magic use in this classroom. At all. Your owls and other pets are not allowed in this room. Doff your robes and hang them on the hooks when you come in for class. There are standard 'muggle' style school supplies in the desk you are sitting at, you will be using them. There are no tomes, no scrolls, no ink wells.
Because let me tell you something. You are all so entirely disconnected from the real world if you were any less capable, it would have smashed you by now. You are two centuries out of date by my reckoning. I have been brought in to explain to you a sliver of how reality works.
Some of you might be lucky enough to come from parents that live outside your fairy bubble. Good. You'll find this easier. We are going to be spending a lot of time on technology. We're going to talk about smartphones, computers, and television. We are going to talk about road laws, and in fact I'll be taking you aside one by one to schedule an extra lab because I brought my car to Hogwarts and each one of you will get behind the wheel and drive it without wrecking it. I'm going to teach you about how normal banks work, and credit cards, and food from around the world.
I am here to teach you to survive in a world that will take you all for fools and leave you penniless because you don't understand. I am here to give you a fighting chance against the march of technology.
Welcome to Modern Earth. You're late."
"Excuse me." Evelyn Moor, a fifth year Gryffindor, raised her hand. "How is any of this going to help us? Most of us will probably get a job in Diagon Alley or the Ministry."
Phil paused, looking around the classroom.
"It would seem many students here agree with you." He said after a beat. "I see a few intrigued faces and one kid in the back whom apparently comes from the normal world if the typing is any indication. Get off Facebook." The student in the back looks chagrined and puts his hands in his lap. "Right then. Why should you care? Well.."
He moved around his desk and brought up a video presentation on the big screen behind him, cuing it up with the remote and suddenly the room is awash in bad audio and news report chatter, Phil talking loud enough to be heard as the clips play. "Iron Man. Tore up a good portion of Malibu California. Damage to highways, danger to civilians, no loss of life. Thor. Entire small town in New Mexico flattened. Somehow, no loss of life. The Hulk, and not the first time in these videos you'll see New York get ripped a new one. The Chitauri invasion of New York. Both of these events? Massive civic damage. Massive loss of life."
He stared at them. "Are you starting to understand? But it's confined to the States! To the Muggle world!"
The video changed.
"Alien spaceship purposefully wrecks itself into Greenwich. Mass chaos. Not a one-off. Riots in Norway. Touched off by another Asgardian device."
The video cut out.
"The world is getting smaller and your world is going to get eaten by it. For the record, my organization has known for almost a decade that you're here. You've dodged most satellites. Not ours. I give it less than a decade before your wizarding world gets blown wide open in the public and if you are very lucky, it won't have the mass fear response that mutants get."
He leaned his hands on the desk. "The only reason it hasn't happened is one of these mad people we label 'villain' hasn't come and found you yet. Be glad Doctor Doom hasn't decided this would make a great summer villa. As it is, it would seem wizards and witches come from all over and a good portion of you know how to use YouTube."
Another array of video came up, blurred faces. All young people. All spells.
"Freely available on the internet. You're revealing yourselves. Oh no one believes it yet and I'm sure some of these kids got in trouble for it but none of your authorities realize the internet is even a thing let alone seem to realize it's going to be your undoing, assuming no one wrecks a spaceship into this castle."
He brought the lights back up. "In the end, you're two to three percent of the population worldwide. The other ninety-seven percent of the world, by my reckoning, has let you live by largely ignoring you. That won't last."
Evelyn looked startled. She raised her hand again. Excuse me, Professor. What's an Iron Man and a Thor? Who's Doctor Doom? What was that thing you just pulled down? What is any of this?" She was so confused. All the strange objects were making her head spin.
Phil glanced around and saw other hands going up, and put his hands up. "I don't know why, but your entire society purposefully missed the industrial revolution." His voice is calming, turning his back long enough to pour himself a coffee from a coffee machine behind his desk before shifting to perch on the front edge of his desk.
"It's odd, really, and I'd love to know the reasoning behind it. I know basically everything in this room, down to the lighting up above, is alien to you. That is on purpose. This is a rough approximation of a computer lab found in most colleges."
He let that sink in.
"I'm not here to teach you electrical engineering, just the basics. So a basic Q&A is as good a place to start as any. Iron Man, Thor, and Doctor Doom are all individuals best left to another day. The thing I just pulled down is a projector screen." He pulled a laser pointer from his pocket. "The computer on my desk is connected to that." He pointed the laser at the projector mounted on the ceiling. "That is replicating images from my computer and projecting them onto the screen."
He paused, then patted the computer next to him. "This is a computer. It's an electronic device that can do a very, very wide array of tasks, practical and otherwise. They break down into basic parts we'll discuss later."
Evelyn stared at the Professor with wide eyes. After a moment she grabbed the notebook and pen from her desk and began to write everything down. "Excuse me!" She practically shot out of her seat. "What is that in your hand?"
Phil almost laughed; instead he held it up to let them look. It's a fairly simple laser pointer, a nice one but not complicated. "This is a laser pointer. It's a focused beam of light used as a colored indicator. Battery powered. The light is intense enough that you can damage people's eyes with it."
He took it apart, unscrewing the barrel and pouring the batteries into his hand, holding it up. "Batteries." He tapped the power button. "No power, no output." He reassembled it and hit the light again, darting the pointer in swirls along the wall. "Believe it or not we use these as cat toys. Cats love them."
He threw it to her.
"What's a battery?" One of the students asked.
Phil uses that as a segue, opening up a presentation on his computer and starting to talk about electricity. Power lines, plugs, how some devices need continual power (the desktop computers they're using) and some don't, and can be powered by charged batteries. It's all very basic language and he answers questions as they come up.
Evelyn scrambles to write everything down. It was fascinating. Too soon was it over and the clock was chiming. She let out a frustrated growl. She wanted to know more and didn't want to wait for tomorrow. "Professor?" She had gathered her things and ran up to his desk.
"Um, I was wondering if I could take extra lessons with you? This is all so very fascinating and I would love to learn more." She bit her lip nervously.
"Just so everyone knows I'm planning on showing some muggle movies in the Room of Requirements after dinner on Saturday. I'm going to put some signs up with the details." Phil remarked as everyone got up. There's a flurry of people asking if they can keep the click-open ballpoint pens and Phil waves a hand, he can get more supplies if necessary.
Evelyn's question kind of startles him, and he blinked at her once while sipping coffee. "Here I thought everyone found me intimidating." He admitted. "I'd rather not take focus away from your other classes and I honestly don't know the policies here on one-on-one tutoring. What are you wanting to know more about?"