unbeta'd
Everyone was always telling Eren how strong he was. When he mastered the 3D Maneuver Gear, they clapped and applauded. When it became apparent that, though he lacked skill and talent, his drive was relentless, everyone knew he would do whatever it took. When he talked about going outside, or defeating Titans, everyone admired his devotion to his dreams, regardless of the fact they thought his dreams were impossible.
No one had ever praised Armin for his dreams.
Before Shiganshima fell, he was beaten for them. He was called a heretic, he was chased down streets, he was hit, slapped, harassed and told how sick and wrong he was. He took that day in, day out, and yet still believed that humanity would one day have to leave the walls they called home. He wanted so desperately to see the fields of snow, the rivers of fire and the salted water that existed outside their prison. And he gave that dream to Eren, shared it with him, trusted him to keep it safe for him.
Even when his parents... Even though his parents never came back from the outside world. He didn't give up on his dream. Was he strong then? No. He was foolish. But when Eren vowed to defeat all the Titans? He was serious. He was threatening. He was unhinged and he honestly scared some of the recruits.
When Armin pushed himself to his absolute limits in training, when he worked so hard he ached for days, when he ran further or faster than the others because he could not- no, would not allow himself to be the one who slowed them all down, he was cute. It was admirable that he would try that hard, but he was still pathetic weak little Armim. When Eren pushed himself to his limits, people would sit back and think, woah, this kid actually means it when he says he's going to kill all the Titans.
He knew it was stupid to compare himself to Eren, but he had grown up with him. Eren and Mikasa had been the only people he'd ever called friends, and to see them excel at something he would never be able to master because he was so pathetic hurt.
But what hurt more was that half of Eren's dream had been his first. It had been his, but because he was so weak, so pathetic, he would never achieve it.
Eren would. He was strong enough to pass any challenge he was faced with, strong enough to see the outside world. And he would still be stuck here. Useless little Armin, the boy who was too fragile to even leave these walls, too delicate to set foot outside, too meek and timid to make his dream come true.
He hoped Eren would remember him differently. He hoped Eren would remember him as the boy who inspired him, the boy who sparked his interest in the outside, until eventually even his memories of Armin outlived their usefulness, and began to break and fade, like the boy himself would.
Tightening his 3D Maneuver Gear, Armin grit his teeth. He wouldn't let that happen. No matter how weak or useless he was, he would live to see his dreams come true. He would leave this stone cage, and see the outside world.
He would do whatever it took to make that dream come true. He would do whatever it took to become stronger.
Author's Note: There aren't enough fanfictions in the snk tag and I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing angst so here we are. Angst. Armin Angst. I literally couldn't believe I wanted to write this. Armin is my wonderful, sweet baby and I wanted to think about all the sad, negative feelings he has and put them in a oneshot.
wow.