Author's Note:
This is a tale which shows Liara T'Soni in a different light- slightly askew from the one depicted in ME1, but not so far off from ME2 and ME3. Enjoy!
Belief
I have attained my objective. All of my effort and diligence- the sacrifices, the lies, the deceptions, have finally come to their fruition. The secrets of the universe now dance beneath my fingertips and I will use that information in any way necessary to further my goals. For too long the asari have stuck to a model of coherence when interacting with the galactic communities and shaping galactic events. Harmony and balance have always been the focus of my species when dealing with the galaxy outside their borders, but in order to survive and grow, we need to change our ways. With the rising tide of dark incidents occurring throughout the galaxy, we do not have the luxury of time to wait for evolution to recondition our perspective. If the asari are going to have a foothold in shaping the galaxy then we need to transform ourselves now. My mother once told me that there are times when a catastrophe is needed to promote change.
My name is Liara T'Soni. I am the daughter of Matriarch Benezia. I am the Shadow Broker.
I am a one woman catastrophe.
How I ended up here could never have been foreseen nor could it have been pre-planned. Too many inconsistencies and uncertainties existed; too many variables had been in play to accurately calculate this final destination. For all of their wisdom and intelligence, neither my mother nor the Illusive Man could have predicted this outcome. It was definitely not in my plan, but such as life weaves its way through time, I had to weave my way through life.
My mother raised me to believe that the asari should have a greater role in shaping galactic events and over time I made that mantra my own. I saw the wisdom in her words and devoted myself to that belief. Early in my childhood, she shared with me the knowledge that the Protheans were the founders of the galaxy's technology and that the Mass Relays were left over from an age before the Protheans roamed freely among the stars. The disappearance of the ancient race remained an elusive mystery, but I always felt that unraveling the events surrounding their exodus would be a pivotal moment in the galaxy's history. Armed with this belief, I devoted myself to Prothean lore in the hopes of uncovering their demise and thereby bring power and enlightenment to the asari. Knowledge is power and those who had the key to understanding the Protheans had the key to unlocking the secrets of the universe. So with my mother's blessing, I pursued the Protheans to the exclusion of all else.
Seven years ago, my mother approached me and asked for assistance. She told me of Saren Arterius and her intention to side with him in the hopes of guiding him along his journey. I did not like her involvement with him and voiced my displeasure, but ultimately she was a Matriarch and my mother, so I deferred to her judgment and what was thought to be greater wisdom. She enlisted my aid in the search for a Prothean device known only as the Conduit. For the next three years I devoted my research to the sole goal of finding that artifact and eventually found myself on Therum, a mining planet in the Knossos system of the Artemis Tau cluster.
A month into the research, on a day much like any other day on an archeological dig site, I was informed that a system Alliance ship had landed on the planet close to my base camp. When I was notified that the geth detail assigned to me had been decimated and the interlopers were headed toward my location, I took the precaution of encasing myself in a Prothean stasis field. First impressions have a lasting impact and if I was found and seemed defenseless, then subterfuge would be on my side along with the power it wielded. Commander Shepard, joined with a turian and krogan, arrived soon after asking questions about my mother and demanding answers. I played the role of a frightened, helpless victim which worked out to my advantage when the rest of the geth and the krogan battlemaster working for me perished at the hands of the newest Council Spectre.
I was taken to the Normandy and subjected to an impromptu crew tribunal. I held true to my ruse of being unaware of my mother's motivations and involvement with Saren and after some deliberation I was informed of the Commander's contact with the Prothean beacon on Eden Prime. I was fascinated and intrigued by this unprecedented chance to delve into Prothean history and also by the opportunity to discover all the Council knew about my mother and Saren. Like all asari children, I had been schooled in the various techniques of melding with another's mind. When I came of age, I had chosen to practice this skill with the lovers I had taken to my bed, so I was confident in my ability to join my mind with another. However, the experience of joining with Shepard had been unlike any other I had encountered before. The chaotic imagery of the relic and the human mind's intrinsic resistance to the joining had been exhausting and debilitating to navigate and I only came away with fragmented visions. I was also surprised by the Commander's revelation of the Protheans' extinction by the Reapers, but believed it to be true, as there was remarkably little evidence of the Protheans' existence—as if something or someone did not want the mystery of their extinction solved.
Shepard kept me on the Normandy which suited my goals perfectly—I would be able to assist my mother by keeping an eye on her pursuer. To facilitate my deception, I continued with my personae of being shy and naïve. Having never been around humans, I was surprised by how quickly and easily they jumped to the false conclusion of their superiority over another species—a sign of low-self esteem and self-worth. Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams was particularly reticent in pointing out my faux ineptness when deciphering social cues. She did not hesitate to make a snide commentary regarding my social misconduct but neither did she take into account that she was measuring my transgressions upon human customs. She did not bother to research asari culture; therefore she had no base knowledge of similar asari customs. The Gunnery Chief's actions wrapped arrogance and stupidity in the same package. Humans were becoming more efficient every day.
The only humans to step out of that superiority mold were Shepard and Dr. Chakwas, but out of the two I believed only the doctor's interest was sincere. While amusing more than off-putting, the Commander's attentiveness resembled someone making their customary rounds, as though talking to each member of the crew was just another checkpoint on a list of things to do. I told the truth when speaking about my culture and my genuine interest in the Protheans, but when questions about my mother arose I held true to the deception of having had no contact with her. During those discussions and while researching the commander's personal and military history, I focused my attention on deciphering the Spectre's motivations. It is much easier to lie once you know what your listener wants to hear—just keep it simple and only tell part of the truth. Half-truths can cause your listeners to arrive at false conclusions. In this way, if your listeners realize that they were misled you can still say that you told only truths. Over the many months of talking with the commander and interacting with the crew, I grew weary of the tedious duplicity, but I continued the illusion of naivety and found humor in the thought of ever being that innocent.
While living among humans for the first time, I found myself drawn to their innate physical diversity. The color of their eyes, the coarseness and shape of their hair, and the pigment of their skin were all nuances that piqued my curiosity. Until meeting Ashley Williams, I had never before seen brown eyes. She and Kaidan shared a similar hair color, but the difference of thickness and texture was easily discernable by eyesight alone. Even their androgenic hair—body hair—was a fascination. It not only provided tactile sensory input by transferring hair movement and vibration via the shaft to sensory nerves within the skin, but it also aided heat transfer into and out of the body. Men had more visible body hair than women, which I discovered was a byproduct of producing more testosterone. It was such an intriguing evolutionary trait. Asari, turians and krogan have no hair, so being in the company of a species that did was fascinating.
They also smelled. Their odor was generally not unpleasant—many used some form of perfume or another to mask their natural musk—but even this trait was as diverse as their hair styles. Another interesting facet was the impressive adaptability of human biology to any environment. This ability to rapidly adapt to varying environmental conditions made it possible for them to survive in most regions. They lived successfully in humid tropical forests, harsh deserts, arctic wastelands, and even densely populated cities with considerable amounts of pollution. Even their skin adapted to the rigors of their environment by forming thick layers—called calluses—over roughly treated areas.
I was so fascinated by the uniqueness of crew members that I spent much of my time cataloguing the various combinations of their diversity. I wanted to investigate the dissimilarities more closely—touch the hair, feel the skin—but kept myself at a distance. The researcher in me was shelved and instead of studying human peculiarities, I focused on learning as much as I could about the Spectre's mission.
To further gain trust, I lent myself, my biotics, to away missions. I had been trained by my mother's commandos and already had a mastery over many biotic powers, but once again I played down my aptitude. As the weeks grew into months and Shepard included me on more away missions, I increased my repertoire and biotic force. I was amazed that no one questioned my ability to create a singularity or form a solid, continuous stasis field. Apparently human biotics were not very astute or knowledgeable about the control one needs to manifest such fields of energy because Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko never questioned me or asked where I had learned such feats. Not all of my gained proficiencies were a ruse though. Much like any muscle, the more you use it, the more power and control you attain. Only one individual watched me with untold suspicion—the krogan, Urdnot Wrex. Even though over time his gaze softened there was always an ever-present alertness poised in my direction, as if he were expecting something to happen.
Another way in which I maneuvered my way into a position of trust was by alluding to an interest in Shepard on an intimate level. This proved to be more difficult than I imagined because of my initial ploy of shyness. Eventually though, I successfully established the ruse. For a human, Shepard was more appealing than most, but my interest was for intel purposes only. The closer I was to the Spectre, the more accurate my information on the mission became which allowed me to assist my mother in her quest to help guide the galaxy into its next evolution.
When we reached Feros, I went with Shepard and the quarian, Tali'Zorah to the planet's surface. The geth had attacked a human colony, Zhu's Hope, but the Spectre discovered the root cause of their interest had been generated by what the colony had uncovered: Species 37, the Thorian. The ExoGeni Corporation, the colony's sponsor, had allowed unsanctioned experiments to be conducted on the gullible human colonists. When the geth attacked, the colonists, now thralls of the Thorian blocked the entrance to the ancient alien's lair with their wrecked ship and defended the entity with their lives.
Shepard found a way around killing the enthralled colonists and took the extra steps and measures to ensure no unnecessary deaths occurred. A human sparing other human's lives did not surprise me, but what did surprise me was the Spectre sparing the life of the manipulated asari acolyte, Shiala. She and I had never met, so I was not concerned that my mother's minion would betray my existence, but her words about Saren's influence sparked fear in my heart for my mother's safety.
Almost immediately after Feros, we travelled to Noveria to intercept my mother, Matriarch Benezia. Before our arrival, I sent an encoded message to her warning of our intended destination in the hopes that she would flee. When we landed on the icy planet, I found out that she had not fled but instead had travelled up to Peak 15 for reasons unknown. Before pursuing her, Shepard confronted me and asked with whom my loyalty resided. I lied and said it was with the Spectre's quest, when in truth I was fully prepared to end the Spectre's life if it meant saving my mother's. I was not as gracious as the human.
When we finally reached my mother, more of Saren's plan was uncovered and the truth about the Reaper ship, Sovereign, was revealed. My mother was not in her right mind nor was she in control of her own faculties. Seeing a strong-willed, beautiful woman so violently dominated by Sovereign's will was unsettling on many levels, but somehow she was able to isolate a part of her mind away from the tendrils of indoctrination. To the credit of her amazing strength of mind and tenacity of will, she broke free of the Reaper's control and gave us much needed information. Her freedom did not last long though and Shepard was forced to kill her.
I was devastated. I showed nothing to the other crew members but within I was consumed with grief for the woman whose constant guidance and love had just been violently ripped from my life. The scene on Peak 15 played over and over in my mind—it just would not leave my thoughts—but I could come up with no other way for it to end. Her indoctrination had been too great. The thing she had turned into was but a pale husk of the woman she once had been and its death served to honor my mother, not disgrace her. So I steeled myself to the grief, brought to mind the moment she called me 'little wing' and vowed that her death would not be in vain. I knew that my mother's words of warning were for me and her message was loud and clear—Saren and Sovereign had to be stopped. In that moment a shift I never expected occurred—I was now aligned with Shepard's goal.