Have you ever just stared at the stars. Not just for a couple minutes but really stared at them. If you look long enough you start to see the shapes that the astronomers write about, like the snakes and the bears. They really are brilliant. So perfectly placed. It's almost as if someone put a lid over top of us and poked holes so we could catch a glimpse of what's on the other side. They all seem the same at first but I've been staring at them for so long, I'm starting to see some differences. Take the star Vega. I don't know much about it. I've heard it mentioned here or there. I think that it's one of the brightest stars but please don't quote me on that. At first glance it just seems a little bit brighter, but now that I've been looking at it for a while, and this may just be my eyes playing tricks on me, I could swear that it's the most beautiful shade of royal blue. I wish I could drag it closer and look at it in it's full glory, but wouldn't that disrupt the whole climate or something? Or is that just a myth. Either way it would be incredible. And here's the real world clashing with my imagination. My neighbors, who I've yet to learn the names of, and quite honestly have no intention of doing so, decided to come outside at two am and start bickering about who has slept with more girls, like they're fifteen year old boys in a locker room, not the fifty something year old men I assume they are. They really should try some hair dye, than the number might be higher, their looks don't seem to be getting them much as it is from the number range they were talking about. Anyways, it seems like you can't even get twenty minutes alone to yourself to enjoy nature without someone coming along and ruining it. Hell, I can't even get twenty minutes alone to myself to even read a book if everyone's awake, hence the reason why I stay up all night. It's the only time I can get some peace. You see, I live in a house of eight people, none of which I'm biologically related too, but they are my family none the less. Four kids, four adults and one and a half couples, none of which involves me. I don't think that the "fiancé" knows about the other relationship so let's just keep that between us. Long story short "his girl", if you can even call her that is having an emotional affair with his brother that lives here with us. I'm just waiting for that pot to boil over. Until it does there is just stolen glances, constant Snapchat's and car rides alone at night because she needs to do Uber Eats but can't do it alone because she "needs protection". I think it's the first time she's mentioned protection honestly since she has kids. Now this is all said in good fun though. Not to be taken seriously. Though, I do feel like that comment is going to bite me in the ass. The kids are, well, kids. Ten, four, two and one. Each one has a COMPLETELY different personality. I go from pulling my hair out one minute, to cuddling and laughing with them the next. It's an emotional roller coaster that I'm never prepared for, nor do I ever want to ride. Last but not least is me I guess. I'm an open book but to be honest I hate my past. I am where I am because I screwed up and that's all I want to talk about it right now. It's getting cold and I should probably go to bed but I'm going to watch Gossip Girl instead. Yes it's 2019. Yes I'm just watching it for the first time. Get off my back. And yes it's 2am and I'm laying in a hammock outside on the deck because, well, camping out in the backyard is a fun thing to do. It's not particularly as fun when it's only spring and it's cold as fuck. Well, I highly doubt anyone else is going to read this, and I'm writing this for me. I really don't know why. Maybe just to vent or find an outlet for my crazy life. But I'll post another blog when I feel like it. If I find anything else that's interesting to write about. See you guys later. If there even is anyone there.
XOXO Bella