My Angel

--

Stroking her cheek with the back of my hand, I allow a tear to slip from my eyes. Looking at her now, I realize something that I'd never really thought about before; something that I knew, but just never took the time to consider: she's the only one I could ever love.

Her form was angelic; she was beautiful in every way. Graceful, elegant...even in her casket.

That reminder sends another tear to roll down my face. I don't fight it, there's no point. The fight was already fought and we lost. I couldn't save her from the cruelties of nobility, the dark depths of politics. Her life had been spent, and it ended in the least meaningful way. Murder. That is what stole her away from my grasp.

Carefully, I take her cold hand in mine, mesmerized by the ring that decorates the third finger. This had once been a symbol of our love, our promise to one another. Now it was just a pretty ornament on the digit of a corpse. There was nothing anyone could do about our engagement; it was ended by the foul jealousy of another.

That Crimean noble may have shattered my life, ruined it, trampled on my heart, but there was one thing he couldn't take away from me. Forever would I have the memories of time spent with her. Those passing years I would never forget.

--

Breathless. That one word could sum up how I felt when I first laid eyes on her during the Mad King's War. As she chatted with Ike and the princess, I couldn't help but be struck by her beauty. Many a raised eyebrow did I receive when the other mercenaries noticed the stares I sent in her direction. Such behavior was foreign coming from me, but it was nearly impossible for me to hide it.

In her presence, I was scared to death. If ever I said something to upset her, if ever I harmed her, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I was always so harsh to everyone. I honestly didn't know how to act otherwise. She was too sweet, surely I'd hurt her feelings.

But as I spent more time with her, as we got to know each other through the little bit of information we shared as we fought alongside each other, I realized she was just like me. She spent her whole life feeling inferior to everyone else, just trying to protect the one she was sworn to. I had Ike to watch out for, she had Elincia.

Her life had been nowhere as cruel as mine; she had her parents to protect her, the life of a noble, but I could still feel some sort of connection to her. She was lost, fragile, emotionally alone. Physically, there were always people surrounding her, but I don't think anyone ever understood the pain she went through. Standing up for Elincia, protecting her younger brother, paying for the mistakes her father made as count...she didn't really have anyone to confide in, and neither did I.

We were so perfect for each other, and yet, we were cursed. Star-crossed was our love, only meant to cause harm to us and to those around us.

--

I glanced up to see the count of Delbray chatting quietly with his son. I could tell that they wanted to see her before her body would leave us forever, but they were intending to respect my privacy. I knew that the proper thing for me to do would be to leave her coffin, never to see her again, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't leave her like this.

But her father...I could never even begin to grasp the pain he must feel. Sadness and guilt must rise above all else in his heart. Yes, guilt must be present; her death must haunt him like nothing else could. I know that he blames himself for what happened. In a sense, it was partially his fault, but I would never consider it to be so. He hadn't intended for this to happen.

True, this had happened because of a feud between the man and another noble. What it was about, I can't quite recall, but it must have been quite serious for this to be its outcome. That vicious man had definitely known how to get back at the count, taking the life of his pride and joy. His daughter was the one he treasured above all else, the one whom he cared the deepest for. She was his heir, his flesh and blood, and, most importantly, his ray of hope. Without her, he must be devastated.

I, I was just her fiancé--the man that had known her for a mere five years. He was the one that had known her since birth, the one that had cared for her, kissed her bruises and scrapes...he was the one that had always loved her, always been there for her. I was nothing compared to him. I didn't deserve her presence. I wasn't worthy of her hand, but her father had approved of it, though I would probably never know his reasoning.

--

I don't think I had ever been so nervous as I was when I was down on my knees in front of the woman I loved in my entire life. I honestly couldn't believe I was doing this. I had never been the type to show such strong emotion, especially to someone I had barely known. But...she had changed me, hopefully for the better.

She stared at me, shock clear in her expression. I could tell that she was on the verge of tears, but the only thing I could think of was what Boyd or Shinon would say if they saw me right now. As I held her hands in mine, watching her hair blowing in the light breeze, I realized that I didn't care what they thought. This was what I had decided to do, what I wanted to do, and I wouldn't--couldn't--back out now.

I felt my heart beating rapidly in my chest as I pulled the ring box out of my pocket, opening it up to reveal the diamond ring inside. It was a simple thing really, a silver band with a fair-sized diamond in the center, surrounded by a few more stones that were encrusted on it, but it had cost me nearly my whole pay from the last war.

My nerves settled when I saw the smile spread on her lips. I shut my eyes for a moment before I was able to fully regain my composure. I shouldn't be this afraid and I knew it. Her father had already given me permission to ask for her hand, as had her brother. Her grin told that she obviously wasn't upset by my actions, but I still couldn't help but feel that something was wrong.

Sighing, I allowed the words to escape my lips, "Lucia Delbray, will you marry me?"

Her smile widened as she bent down and sat on the ground next to me.

Giving my cheek a slight peck, she laughed, "Soren, you didn't even have to ask me. Didn't you know that I would say 'yes?'"

I sighed, "I was hoping that you would, but I could never be sure." I glanced at her, taking her hand and slipping the ring onto it, before continuing, "Now, I should get you back into the castle before anyone starts to wonder where you are."

"I suppose you should..." she stated sadly, averting her gaze from mine.

Standing up, I dusted off the knees of my pants before holding out my hand for her to take, which she did. Once we were both standing, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer to my chest, staring into her blue orbs.

"Don't worry, we'll be able to discuss the wedding details tomorrow. Okay?"

She nodded, allowing me to lead her back to her father's castle.

--

There had been no discussion of wedding details. There had been no joy, no announcements. We were to tell everyone of our engagement that night at dinner, but she hadn't shown up. It wasn't until a servant went up to check on her that we knew what had happened. Her shriek still filled my ears.

Upon hearing it, I had rushed up to her chambers along with her father, who was equally as concerned. I fell to my knees beside her body, the dagger still resting in her chest. Picking her up in my arms, I allowed my tears to mix with the blood that spurted out of her wound. I couldn't believe it...my love couldn't be dead.

Though I couldn't believe it, I knew it was true. Lucia was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. If I hadn't taken her back there so soon, she wouldn't be... No, he would have done this to her at some point in the near future. This monster would have taken her from me and it wasn't...fair.

It was strange. Never once before had I said something wasn't fair. I had always been the type to just hold my head up high and take whatever was thrown at me. None of this made sense. I had seen death before; I'd seen the deaths of those close to me, so why was this one so hard?

Why were her blue locks, her beautiful smile, her graceful swordsmanship the things that I couldn't get out of my head? Why couldn't that image of her lifeless body lying on the cold ground so helplessly get out of my mind?

Being so absorbed in my thoughts and memories, it took me awhile to realize that anyone was standing next to me. Looking up, I met her father's gaze. That cold, sorrowful, tear-filled gaze pierced my heart, its intensity more fierce than the wildest winter wind.

As he placed his hand on my shoulder for support, I realized just how selfish I was being. Here was her elderly father, the man that could barely stand on his own and who was even more heartbroken than I was, waiting for me to finish, and I just wouldn't. Lucia would have been so ashamed of me right now...

"Sad fate for such a young girl, isn't it, boy?" his raspy voice bit at me, only making my grief heightened.

I nodded, "Yes, I truly can't believe it. I'm terribly sorry."

I could feel his grip tightening before he responded harshly, "It isn't your fault. If it's anyone's, it's mine."

"No, it's not. Lucia wouldn't want you to say that..." I had tried to sound sympathetic, but I doubted my ability of that emotion even more when he didn't respond.

Instead, he reached down and took a lock of her hair in between his fingers, examining the long azure strands.

"It's such a shame...her hair had just grown out again," he sighed.

I nodded, unable to say anything. It was true that neither of us would ever forget what Ludveck had done to her such a short time ago. What he hadn't been able to do, this other noble had. He hadn't been able to claim her life to make whatever point he thought it would, but this man had. He hadn't been able to pull it off, but it didn't matter now. He had only granted her a few more months of life. A few more months for me to fall madly in love with her...

In love with her I had fallen. Yes, it must have been love...there was no other word to describe it. How this happened, I'm still not sure, but there's no denying it. Even more puzzling to me is how she could ever love me. I was harsh, cruel, insensitive; she was sweet and kind.

"You were perfect for her."

I looked up to see him staring at me once again. His expression was a bit lighter, though I could still see the pain. I turned away from him, not wanting to have to face him, not wanting him to see my tears.

"What makes you say that?" I managed.

"You two balanced each other out. Even if you weren't the nicest man in Tellius, you still treated her well, and that gave me a lot of respect for you. ...Though I must say that the first time she brought you home to meet me, I thought she was insane."

"Of course...anyone would be insane to bring me to meet their father..."

"Now, I wouldn't say that. You grew on me, you know, and I finally began to realize why she had given her heart to you."

I stared at him, a bit in disbelief as I muttered, "You did?"

"Yes, Soren...she was able to look past your exterior and see who you truly are."

"What I truly am? It's nothing less than a monster. I caused her distress, I--"

"Distress comes with every relationship," he cut me off. "It's a thing that can't be avoided, I'm afraid. You can try to hide it, but everyone breaks down at some point. You both upset each other every now and then, but there's more in the picture to look at. My daughter was never happier than she was when she was with you. She loved you, no matter the pain you occasionally inflicted upon her. And that...that's more than I can say about the relationship I had with my wife..." he trailed off, overcome with more sadness than was imaginable.

I knew that his words held truth in them, and yet, I couldn't bring myself down to such a level as to believe that she was happy with me. I had never brought joy to anyone in my life...not my parents, not my caretakers... Why would I bring joy to some girl that I barely knew?

"Love," he mumbled.

I stared at him a moment before questioning his meaning, "Hm?"

"She...loved...you, Soren. Please, don't ever forget that."