A dream
Summary: Kathy's alone at home. She thinks about her relationship with Elliot and what she has done to him.
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, even if I wish I did XD
Now Elliot's gone. And I'm not sure if he's coming back again this evening. I'm even not sure if he's coming back. We fought. As always.
I wonder about what. I don't recognize it. Maybe that he was at work 'til this early morning. Maybe that he didn't have paid the bills.
I don't know. I'm sad. Why did I scream when he came home? Why did I punch him in the face when he gave me a normal answer?
Why…
I once had a dream. A very beautiful dream. And this dream became true reality. Elliot came back home. For me.
I was so glad that I started crying. Now I feel so guilty that he has left. That he feels betrayed. I'm not sure what to do now.
I can't call him. He wouldn't answer it, would he? And I… I can't call anyone. Not Maureen, who's in College, not Kathleen, because she and the twins are in school… not my mother, even if she would have been there for me.
No. I want to figure it out myself this time. But I can't. Because I know, sooner or later, I WOULD call someone to help me.
Now I remembered the better times of my relationship with Elliot. How we got together. How my family did react when they heard that I was pregnant.
The fear, when he went to the Marines, went to fight for right and freedom. In a land far away from here.
When he came back I had been so glad that he was okay. And one month after his comeback I was pregnant with Kathleen.
We were so happy to have children. We were so glad that we knew someone would look up to our faces and would want answers for all the questions inside his little mind.
I smile at these memories, only trying to hide the fear that he wouldn't come back anymore. That he would leave me another time.
When I look at an not so old picture of our whole family, I can only hold a few tears of happiness back.
We looked so happy when we had made this. There were me and Elliot in the middle, Eli on our arms. Maureen and Kathleen on both sides. Dickie and Lizzie in front of us, all happily smiling.
What have I done to him? Why did I hurt him? I was only trying to protect myself and the children.
I only… I start to cry, wondering how I could do this to my beloved husband. How I could shout at him for unknown reasons.
Walking over to the radio, my sobbing is getting worse. I turn it on, slowly walking back to the couch.
When I sit down, I hear a band I haven't heard in a couple of years. And it makes me cry even harder, realizing, that it represents my feelings right now.
Sometimes it's hard to realize
one's life ain't living,
one rather denies the true loneliness
of this ungiving
but I know I wasn't fruitlessy born.
'Cause I wanna be loved by somebody
am I asking too much
am I too impatient please tell me God
(oh oh oh oh )
that your with me cause deep down inside
(oh oh oh oh )
I'm only hungry to be loved too. Yeah yeah
Everything has it's place
every child has your grace
oh why do I sleep when there is so much to see
help me help myself oh yeah, oh yeah
'Cause I wanna be loved by somebody
am I asking too much
am I too impatient oh yeah oh yeah
(I, I, I wanna be – I, I, I wanna be loved)
(Wanna be loved)
...be loved by somebody
Oh yeah yeah (I, I, I wanna be -)
(I, I, I wanna be loved)
I wanna beloved (Wanna be loved)
By somebody (I, I, I wanna be loved)
Am I asking too much (I, I, I wanna be loved)
am I too impatient oh yeah oh yeah
Oh yeah (Wanna be loved)
Deep down inside I'm only hungry (oh oh)
To be loved too Oh oh oh
I hear the door, still slightly sobbing, a handkerchief in my hands. I look up and watch my husband coming slowly in.
When he sees me, he smiles shyly, probably awaiting another shout, only to see that I'm crying.
I sigh and stand up, walking over to him, just standing there. I look up to him, carefully watching his eyes.
Then I hug him. As tight as I can. I'm not willing to let him go. And he lays his arms around my waist, only to hold me near his heart.
I can only whisper: "I'm sorry…" all the time.
"I'm sorry."
A/N: hope you enjoyed it xD feel free to review.