AN: Sorry the formatting on this is so strange. I wasn't allowed to format it the way I wanted to, and this is the best I could come up with. If you want to see how I intended to have it formatted, send me a PM and I can send you a link to a post on my tumblr.
Disclaimer: I do not own Dead Poets Society. Otherwise I wouldn't be writing fan fiction.
-Todd had always considered Neil to be the strong one. Had always considered himself the weak one. But when Neil kills himself, when Neil takes what Todd sees as the coward's way out, Todd's whole world is shifted. And nothing Todd knew about himself or Neil makes any sense anymore. The universe is thrown out of whack. And to balance it out Todd feels he has to become a strong force of energy to fill the hole Neil left when he fell into weakness.
-Todd is numb. Numb for days. Days in which he floats through life more or less gone himself.
-Todd gets mad at himself. For not being able to stop Neil. For not being enough to keep Neil here, and alive.
-Todd gets mad at Neil. Gets mad at Neil for leaving him here. Gets mad that Neil backed out of their love before it really had a chance to grow.
-"I'll love you until the day I die." Neil had promised.
If Todd had known that Neil would die so soon, only two weeks after saying those words, he wouldn't have put so much stock in them.
-Todd finds himself smiling for the first time since Neil died. It's at something Pitts said, which wasn't even that funny, but dear god Todd needs a smile.
-The room starts to feel less empty in Neil's absence. Todd is surprised to find that this doesn't completely crush him.
-Todd learns to make do. It's still hard, of course, but life goes on.