Okay, I just got this idea and couldn't let it go. I got writer's block halfway through the fifth chapter of my other story, so I thought I'd try this one to get the creative juices flowing again. Trust me; the title of this one will make sense eventually. By the way, Will is still Halt's apprentice in this. And Halt's a little OOC in parts, sorry, but it wouldn't have worked otherwise.
Disclaimer: I don't own Ranger's Apprentice, or lizard's abilities.
Note: No lizards were harmed in the making of this one-shot… Except the one that inspired it.
Halt was looking oddly at Will, not that his apprentice noticed. The said apprentice seemed to be creeping up on a wall with utmost precision. Halt was sorely tempted to jump and startle him, but he was admittedly curious as to what he was doing. He figured the best way to find out would be to simply watch.
Will approached the side of the house slowly, applying all of his Ranger abilities to get there without being seen by… something. Gradually, he came closer, finally speeding up his actions when he was nearly close enough to touch it.
He lunged out, his hand slamming noisily into the wall. Halt winced. The loud sound was not anywhere near after the fashion of a Ranger's approach. What in the world was his apprentice doing? A moment later he found out.
Will turned around, triumphant, holding a lizard. Halt just stared, his gaze shifting between the features of his apprentice and the lizard in his hand. By the ecstatic look on Will's face, you'd have thought he'd just caught an arrow in mid-flight. But he was only holding a lizard half as long as his hand, and half of that a surprisingly long tail.
Halt raised an eyebrow.
Will saw the disbelieving expression on his mentor's face and his smile faltered a bit. He waved the lizard around a little in a 'what' gesture. "It's a lizard!" Will exclaimed, still happy with his catch.
The second eyebrow joined the first. "Yes, I can see that," Halt said dryly.
Will's fading smile turned into a full-fledged frown. "I'm just happy I caught it. It was hard to catch."
Halt snorted. "Yes, I could see you had to put all your Ranger skills to work there."
"What, don't you like lizards, Halt?" Will pouted.
His mentor glared. "Would there ever be a reason to?"
"Is there a reason not to?"
"Yes."
"What?" Will asked, wondering what Halt had against the diminutive reptiles.
"They're just…" Halt glared again, this time at the captive lizard, shaking his head in detestation, "disgusting."
A grin lit up Will's face. Halt didn't like the look of that. "That wasn't very nice. You should say sorry, Halt." Will stepped toward Halt, holding the lizard out in front him.
Halt backed up quickly. "I don't think so," he said gruffly.
Will was delighted with the reaction, which was about as close as Halt got to panic. He was enjoying Halt's suddenly revealed lizard-phobia. Then an idea came to him. His grin turned into something a little more sinister. Quickly, Will switched his grip on the lizard, pinching the tail between two fingers and pretending to fling it at Halt.
His mistake.
It went wrong.
Halt let out a couple words Will wasn't sure he'd heard before and the lizard sailed quite neatly into his open mouth. He gagged and retched, but the darn animal was firmly latched onto one of his teeth. (A/N: Halt did not bite the lizard, it's still alive, it just is kind of stuck.)
Will, however, wasn't enjoying his mentor's discomfort. Usually he would have been doubled over and shaking with laughter, but now he had other things on his mind—and in his hand. Will was staring fixedly at the lizard tail between his thumb and forefinger, still wriggling.
What Will didn't know is that the lizard he had caught was used to being picked up by his tail. And so his species had evolved to drop off their tails in order to escape birds and other predators. Whenever there was any pressure pulling on its tail, the lizard would release his tail and grow a new one back later. The bird got the tail and the lizard got his life.
In this scenario, however, it seemed that Will got a souvenir and Halt got a snack.
Finally, Will tore his eyes away from the severed reptile appendage and looked up at his mentor. A ridiculous grin instantly lit up his face and he had to hold his sides to keep from laughing. The ever-grim Halt was doubled over, shaking his head frantically and trying to spit the lizard out of his mouth. It wasn't working. The lizard was very stubborn, and had quite the grip.
Finally, Halt simply reached into his mouth with two fingers and dragged the lizard out. He stared in distaste at the reptile coated in the Ranger's spit.
The expression on his face was just too much for Will. He exploded into helpless peals of laughter, Halt's glare doing nothing to stop it. The apprentice was doubled over, his shoulders heaving; unfortunately, because of this, he didn't see that a wicked look replaced the murderous one on Halt's face.
Halt tossed the sodden lizard lightly onto the back of Will's head. Unfortunately for Will, Halt had a very good aim. It hit where he aimed it, and feeling it, Will straightened quickly, flinging the lizard back onto the cabin's porch. Free at last, it quickly crawled out of sight.
Will felt the back of his head frantically. "Was that the lizard?" he asked.
Halt nodded smugly.
Will made a face as his hand came across a wet patch in his hair. "Ick, I got Halt-spit on me."
Halt's smug look dissolved into a glare. Then he sighed. "Well, at least that lizard's out of our hair," he said.
"Literally," Will muttered, glancing at his mentor darkly. Then he grinned. "Actually, Halt, not quite."
Halt looked at him warily. "How do you mean?"
Will held up the tail.
Halt stared at it, his eyes widening slightly. "What the… It's still moving!" he said, disbelief saturating his voice. His brow furrowed. "You cut off its tail and that's why it flew at me?"
Will shifted uncomfortably. "Actually, no, I didn't. The tail just kind of… detached itself. I don't know how it happened. But its interesting, you have to admit." He raised the tail towards Halt once more, who again backed away.
"Get rid of that thing before you come inside the house," Halt grunted, stalking into the cabin.
Will looked morosely down at the tail. He was reluctant to dispose of it; it would have been useful in terrorizing Halt in the future. Then a grin spread across his face. Halt wasn't watching, was he?
Two days later, there was a knock at the door. Halt sighed.
"Come in, Gilan," he called. Will turned, looking excited.
Gilan opened the door, grinning. "Why can't you just pretend that you don't know it's me, even once?" he complained.
Halt turned toward him, an eyebrow raised. "Oh, please. If you need to feel better, ask Will or Crowley. I'm not that kind of person, as you well know. If you want praise from me, earn it."
Gilan rolled his eyes as he walked inside. "Whatever. Even if I did win, you'd pretend I didn't."
"Then how do you know I'm not pretending right now?" Halt asked, both eyebrows raised. Without waiting for an answer, he continued. "You young people have the oddest logic. You say one thing, then you're next statement destroys it." He shook his head, muttering to himself.
Will couldn't keep quiet any longer. "Gilan, why are you here?" he burst out.
Gilan raised an eyebrow. "Do I need a reason to come by?"
"Well, no, but what about your fief?" he asked.
Gilan shrugged. "I just took a vacation. I needed a break. My fief can manage itself for a week and a half."
"I like your choice of vacation," Will said, brightening. "How long are you staying?"
"About six days."
"Oh, great," Halt groaned. "Two apprentices."
"Hey!" Gilan exclaimed indignantly. "I'm not an apprentice."
Halt glared at him. "You might as well be."
Will felt the sudden urge to change the subject. "So, Gilan, did anything interesting happen on your trip?"
Gilan realized what he was doing and resisted rolling his eyes. Apprentices, especially ones apprenticed to Halt, were so easily cowed. Ah, well, he'd humor him. He thought for a moment, though there really hadn't been anything. "Well, it was a quiet journey. No sudden ambushes or anything of that sort. Once, when I stopped for dinner, I found a dead lizard in my food supply," he said, shrugging. He didn't notice the sudden change in the expressions of his two companions. "Lucky thing I looked before I put it in the pot. I threw the food out. I've never really wanted to know what lizard tasted like."
Will let out a snort of laughter. "I bet Halt could tell you." But anyone could have told him that needling Halt was never a good idea.
Halt glared murderously at his apprentice while Gilan looked between them amusedly. "What is his about? I sense a good story here."
Will glanced nervously at his mentor, somewhat frightened by his glare. "I sense that I am going to have my face rearranged if I tell."
A broad smile broke out on Gilan's face. "That bad, huh, Halt?"
The statement earned him another glare. "Does it matter? No use dwelling on things that are in the past."
Will shuffled his feet. "Are you certain it's in the past, Halt?" Will wasn't sure whether he should be smug, teasing, ir nervous. His actions ended up as a mixture of all three.
The glare switched to the apprentice and turned suspicious. "I'm fairly sure. Do I want to know why you asked?" Halt said distrustfully.
Will shrugged. "Probably not." Despite the statement, he pulled out the lizard tail he'd stowed in his belt. It was drying out, but still looked much the same and was still quite bendable. The reaction he got was exactly what he'd been hoping for.
Halt recoiled instantly, knocking over his chair as he stood up. "I told you to get rid of that thing, Will!" he shouted.
Gilan was also quite amused with his former mentor's response. "Relax, Halt, it's just a…" His voice trailed off and his brow furrowed as he realized he didn't know what it was. "Will, what exactly is that?" he asked curiously.
Will's grin stretched from ear to ear. "It's a lizard tail."
Gilan guffawed. "Where did you come across one of those?"
Will grin got even wider, if that was possible. "Two days ago, Halt and I had a little incident with a lizard. It was very amusing for me, but quite traumatic for Halt here," he said, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
Halt's glare could have bored through a stone wall, but the apprentice was happily ignoring it. Gilan was egging him on.
"I found a lizard, realized Halt was afraid of lizards—"
"I am not," Halt protested loudly, but Will simply continued.
"—and pretended to fling it at him, you know, just joking around. But the tail just kind of came off, and…" he trailed off, noticing Halt's expression, and realizing that if he continued he wouldn't be in the best of shapes by the time he was done. But he still couldn't resist one last jibe. "Well, like I said earlier, Halt could tell you how lizard tastes now."
Gilan's eyes widened. "It went in his mouth?" he exclaimed. "What was it opened for?"
Will shrugged. " To shout. I hadn't heard the words before, but I'm guessing they weren't that great."
Halt had, by then, had far more than enough. He interjected into the two younger men's conversation before it could go on. "Alright, end of discussion, Will, off to bed with you, after you throw that revolting thing out." Will sighed, but knew there was no arguing with Halt when he got like this, or when any part of lizards were involved. "And Gilan," he began, "I don't really care where you go. Just go to sleep."
"Gee, thanks, Halt," Gilan muttered. But he had once been Halt's apprentice too, and he knew when not to push him any farther.
Will sighed as he tossed the lizard tail out the door. It had been so much fun while it lasted. Ah well, Halt had gotten enough for both him and Gilan. He wondered why Halt despised lizards so much. Another past experience, he supposed. It really wasn't his business, and he wasn't prepared to brave Halt's wrath by asking.
As he walked to his room, Will pondered over what else they could do to make Halt's life temporarily miserable. He was sure two people so practiced at it as them could find something. This was going to be an interesting six days.
Okay, that was my fanfic, I'm terribly sorry if it was cheesy. I had writer's block so I was letting my mind wander, and this hit me like a train. I just had to write it.
Anyway, what inspired this story was actually quite funny. I was at my cousins house when a couple of her guy-friends came over. One of them was holding, well, a lizard. My cousin was totally freaked out, but I, being who I was, was actually kind of excited. I asked if I could hold it, but when I did, I held it by the tail. If you read the above story, you can guess what happened. The lizard dropped, the tail didn't. My cousin screamed, and then my younger cousin walked in to see what all the fuss was about, she saw the still-moving tail I was holding and screamed and started crying. Apparently four-year-olds and severed lizard appendages don't mix. I still have the tail, this only happened a week ago. It's almost completely dried out and is on my desk.
Anyway, I like this story, personaly, but I want to know what you guys think. Review! …. Just like everyone says every single time…. Isn't it obvious by now?
-Rydd Rider