Love Triangles- A Triple Soliloquy with a Twist
by Bandit O_o
#1- Insecurity
Lately, I've been doubting things that I thought were always just basic facts about my life. I guess that it comes with getting older, but does it have to be so confusing? I mean, for as long as I can remember, it's always been Tai and Sora, Sora and Tai, destined to be... I never really thought about it, until lately. But lately...
I feel like I'm trapped in an endless round of introspection. What kind of person trashes a friendship as close as this, just to get what he wants? I'm not even sure I want it! Still, I can't help wishing, every time I look into those trusting eyes. Wishing that it could happen, that it could possibly be. But to make it happen, I might have to ruin one of the closest friendships I've ever known, and I wonder if I have any right to do that to her.
It might even hurt more than it helps-it might ruin my life forever! What if I come out and say it, and they both just hate me? I've known them for so long, and I could end up losing them both...
It reminds me of something my history teacher once said. "There is no second place in war. Whoever loses, loses everything." Well, there is no second place in this, either. If I'm wrong, that's it. Game over. And it's very possible that I will be wrong. I like to think that I've seen as much longing in those eyes as there is in mine, but if there isn't...and I admit how I feel...what if my heart gets ground into the dust?
I don't think I could take it...
There's another saying, though. 'True happiness comes only at great risk.' So, I'll risk it. I'll risk losing the friendship of one of the most wonderful girls I have ever met. And I'll risk the anger and disgust of my best friend, the guy who's seen me laid open to the soul and who is my friend in spite of it.
I guess all I can say is...wish me luck.
#2- Hope
He asked me.
He finally, finally asked me.
It was the moment I've been waiting for, since...since I don't know when.
And I don't have the slightest idea of what to say.
I don't know if it's right. They're best friends. What right do I have to come between them like this? To do this to them? If I tell him the truth, that yes, I love him, I've loved him since we were kids in the Digital World, that I want to be with him forever...what then?
I'll tell you what. The dynamic duo of Kamiya and Takenouchi will be broken up forever. But whether I say yes or no, someone will end up hating me...
Or is that being unfair to him? He wouldn't be bitter, would he? And if he was, could I handle the sight of anger, of betrayal, lurking in his eyes every time I look at him? He opened his heart up to me, and if I break it, I might never forgive myself.
I guess it all comes down to what I want. Do I even know what I want? Of course I do. I can be evasive, I can beat around the bush all I want, but I can't laugh off what my heart tells me. Whenever I look into his eyes, I know that right or wrong, he is what I want. I just hope he's sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's what he wants, because we're both running the risk of losing a good friend, and it had better be worth it.
So I'll tell him yes.
And we'll see what happens.
But whatever does happen, I will never regret my decision to keep on hoping.
#3- Letting Go
My two best friends have fallen for each other.
And I can't do a thing about it.
The person I grew up with, my best friend since childhood, the one I always assumed I'd be with in the end, is in love with the soulful musician that pulled me out of some of the deepest holes I've ever fallen into, back in the Digital World. But now I feel like I'm falling into another hole, and neither of them is going to reach out a hand this time, because the only way that they could do that would be to let go of each other.
I've talked to Kari about it, sometimes for hours, and she's spent long evenings discussing it with TK. They think that we should wish them well and let them go. Whatever happens, happens. I guess they're right...so why is my heart breaking?
The two of us were a classic case of Boy Meets Girl, Boy Barfs In Girl's Hat, Girl Calls Boy Up To Yell At Him...I still laugh thinking about that. It's those things, the memories of us together, that nothing will ever take away from me. Not Matt. Not anybody.
I thought at first that I might hate him for it. But I don't hate him, surprising as it may seem. I've known him too long for that. If he did it out of spite, I might be angry, but he wouldn't do that. He isn't that kind of person. The only explanation I can think of is that he was truly in love, and that he did what he had to do.
It was actually incredibly brave, what they did, when you think about it...
So I can't bring myself to be angry at him for it. I wouldn't be his best friend if I let this come between us. It's not like I didn't see it coming, really. I saw the way they used to look at each other, but I always put it down to friendship, nothing more.
Oh, I have my regrets. I wish I'd admitted what was happening and tried to keep it from going any further, but I didn't think it was possible that anything could come between us. Tai and Sora, Sora and Tai, remember? We used to joke about that. The great duos of all time: Abbot and Costello, Gilbert and Sullivan, Han Solo and Chewie, Taichi and Sora. Now our duo is a shambles.
Or is it? We may not be that way about each other, but we're still friends. And in the time ahead of them, they're both going to need a lot of support and encouragement. The world isn't a kind place to be. If I'm truly their friend, I'll stick around and be a rock to hold onto...just like I always was back in the Digital World. It's funny, the way things come full circle sometimes.
So I guess I just have to let go, like Kari said. He'll always be my best friend, no matter who he chooses to be with. And I'll always be there for him, no matter what.
And so, my almost-brother, sharer of so many happy memories, all I can really say is, may you find the love with him that you couldn't find with me. I'll always care for you...
Good luck, Taichi Kamiya.
Bandit's Note- No, I don't believe in Taito, or in Sorato, for that matter. I am a staunch Taiora and Mimato, in fact. But I had a tricky idea, and I couldn't resist. I had you for a while, didn't I? You can look back over it; I didn't say anything that didn't fit the person who was really talking. (Can you figure out who each of the monologues belong to?) I like writing stories that make you do a double-take at the end, like the story Star-Thinker from the anthology Andromeda. They're tricky to read *and* to write. Like I said, I'm not Taito or Sorato. I just know a good story idea when I think of one. M_~*
by Bandit O_o
#1- Insecurity
Lately, I've been doubting things that I thought were always just basic facts about my life. I guess that it comes with getting older, but does it have to be so confusing? I mean, for as long as I can remember, it's always been Tai and Sora, Sora and Tai, destined to be... I never really thought about it, until lately. But lately...
I feel like I'm trapped in an endless round of introspection. What kind of person trashes a friendship as close as this, just to get what he wants? I'm not even sure I want it! Still, I can't help wishing, every time I look into those trusting eyes. Wishing that it could happen, that it could possibly be. But to make it happen, I might have to ruin one of the closest friendships I've ever known, and I wonder if I have any right to do that to her.
It might even hurt more than it helps-it might ruin my life forever! What if I come out and say it, and they both just hate me? I've known them for so long, and I could end up losing them both...
It reminds me of something my history teacher once said. "There is no second place in war. Whoever loses, loses everything." Well, there is no second place in this, either. If I'm wrong, that's it. Game over. And it's very possible that I will be wrong. I like to think that I've seen as much longing in those eyes as there is in mine, but if there isn't...and I admit how I feel...what if my heart gets ground into the dust?
I don't think I could take it...
There's another saying, though. 'True happiness comes only at great risk.' So, I'll risk it. I'll risk losing the friendship of one of the most wonderful girls I have ever met. And I'll risk the anger and disgust of my best friend, the guy who's seen me laid open to the soul and who is my friend in spite of it.
I guess all I can say is...wish me luck.
#2- Hope
He asked me.
He finally, finally asked me.
It was the moment I've been waiting for, since...since I don't know when.
And I don't have the slightest idea of what to say.
I don't know if it's right. They're best friends. What right do I have to come between them like this? To do this to them? If I tell him the truth, that yes, I love him, I've loved him since we were kids in the Digital World, that I want to be with him forever...what then?
I'll tell you what. The dynamic duo of Kamiya and Takenouchi will be broken up forever. But whether I say yes or no, someone will end up hating me...
Or is that being unfair to him? He wouldn't be bitter, would he? And if he was, could I handle the sight of anger, of betrayal, lurking in his eyes every time I look at him? He opened his heart up to me, and if I break it, I might never forgive myself.
I guess it all comes down to what I want. Do I even know what I want? Of course I do. I can be evasive, I can beat around the bush all I want, but I can't laugh off what my heart tells me. Whenever I look into his eyes, I know that right or wrong, he is what I want. I just hope he's sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's what he wants, because we're both running the risk of losing a good friend, and it had better be worth it.
So I'll tell him yes.
And we'll see what happens.
But whatever does happen, I will never regret my decision to keep on hoping.
#3- Letting Go
My two best friends have fallen for each other.
And I can't do a thing about it.
The person I grew up with, my best friend since childhood, the one I always assumed I'd be with in the end, is in love with the soulful musician that pulled me out of some of the deepest holes I've ever fallen into, back in the Digital World. But now I feel like I'm falling into another hole, and neither of them is going to reach out a hand this time, because the only way that they could do that would be to let go of each other.
I've talked to Kari about it, sometimes for hours, and she's spent long evenings discussing it with TK. They think that we should wish them well and let them go. Whatever happens, happens. I guess they're right...so why is my heart breaking?
The two of us were a classic case of Boy Meets Girl, Boy Barfs In Girl's Hat, Girl Calls Boy Up To Yell At Him...I still laugh thinking about that. It's those things, the memories of us together, that nothing will ever take away from me. Not Matt. Not anybody.
I thought at first that I might hate him for it. But I don't hate him, surprising as it may seem. I've known him too long for that. If he did it out of spite, I might be angry, but he wouldn't do that. He isn't that kind of person. The only explanation I can think of is that he was truly in love, and that he did what he had to do.
It was actually incredibly brave, what they did, when you think about it...
So I can't bring myself to be angry at him for it. I wouldn't be his best friend if I let this come between us. It's not like I didn't see it coming, really. I saw the way they used to look at each other, but I always put it down to friendship, nothing more.
Oh, I have my regrets. I wish I'd admitted what was happening and tried to keep it from going any further, but I didn't think it was possible that anything could come between us. Tai and Sora, Sora and Tai, remember? We used to joke about that. The great duos of all time: Abbot and Costello, Gilbert and Sullivan, Han Solo and Chewie, Taichi and Sora. Now our duo is a shambles.
Or is it? We may not be that way about each other, but we're still friends. And in the time ahead of them, they're both going to need a lot of support and encouragement. The world isn't a kind place to be. If I'm truly their friend, I'll stick around and be a rock to hold onto...just like I always was back in the Digital World. It's funny, the way things come full circle sometimes.
So I guess I just have to let go, like Kari said. He'll always be my best friend, no matter who he chooses to be with. And I'll always be there for him, no matter what.
And so, my almost-brother, sharer of so many happy memories, all I can really say is, may you find the love with him that you couldn't find with me. I'll always care for you...
Good luck, Taichi Kamiya.
Bandit's Note- No, I don't believe in Taito, or in Sorato, for that matter. I am a staunch Taiora and Mimato, in fact. But I had a tricky idea, and I couldn't resist. I had you for a while, didn't I? You can look back over it; I didn't say anything that didn't fit the person who was really talking. (Can you figure out who each of the monologues belong to?) I like writing stories that make you do a double-take at the end, like the story Star-Thinker from the anthology Andromeda. They're tricky to read *and* to write. Like I said, I'm not Taito or Sorato. I just know a good story idea when I think of one. M_~*