Still not processing. Gonna need some more time. Just a reminder that the forum is still available for ranting/grief counseling. Link is in my bio.
I have three one shots in mind – a happy one, an angsty one, and a smutty one. I'm gonna start with the angsty one, and fair warning, this is ANGSTY. I cried all the way through writing it. It's a mirror of my story "Tell Paige" from last year so proceed at your own risk, but if you're as generally angsty as me, what does it matter right now anyway, right?
There was nothing more inefficient than staring at a sealed envelope for two hours.
Walter was painfully aware of the clock in his peripheral vision, which only served to confirm the seconds he was counting in his head. The letter was slipped under his door three days after…
After.
He assumed a member of Centipede had brought it, since there was no stamp. But the script on the front was unmistakable. One of the first details he'd obsessed over, before he worked up the nerve to steal discreet looks at her throughout the day, was Paige's handwriting. She had written his name on hundreds of forms, for efficiency's sake. Even when she tried to toy with the style, just for a change, the little quirks that made her penmanship distinct were still there.
In a rush of bravery, impatience, or stupidity, he grabbed his opener and slit the envelope, unfolding the letter onto his desk. Once he read it, that would be the end. The last piece of her. Her last words.
While part of his brain was debating the validity of locking it in a safe for fifty years to delay the inevitable, the other part began to read of its own volition.
Walter,
I'm sure letters are about the most inefficient form of communication you can imagine. But an e-mail seemed too impersonal, and I couldn't keep it together long enough to record a video. And if you're reading this, then saying it in person wasn't really an option.
We had a close call today. Really close. If you were there, you would have lost it. I know we've always made it through, because Scorpion never fails, but one day…one day things might not be okay. And if that day comes, there are things I can't leave unsaid.
I loved when we walked on the beach and you gave me lectures on marine biology.
I laughed when you complained about parsley at restaurants.
I wished you were better at pretending to enjoy games with my friends, but to be honest, they can be obnoxious sometimes. I understand.
I know you didn't mean to hurt me with Florence.
You did. You hurt me a lot. But I turned around and hurt you right back. I told you that I was only pretending to be happy, and yes, there were things that I pretended to like, for you. But I didn't pretend to love you. That was real.
God, Walter, that was real.
I'm trying to work up the nerve to tell you this in person, but I'm not ready yet. I don't know if I can ever be in a relationship again without being jealous and insecure. Maybe, if I accept it and work on it. And maybe we could learn to communicate better and maybe things could be okay between us. I don't really know. I do know that being away from you is a million times harder than teaching you boyfriend lessons ever was, and I wish I had realized that sooner.
I hope one day I can say all of this, and then rip up this letter, because I won't need it anymore. But if I can't, then just know that I loved you. Admired you. Respected you. To the end.
I'm sure my lawyer will have already told you this, but I didn't change any of my paperwork. Ralph is still yours. I can't think of anyone better to love him and help him grow up and become something amazing. You were always his father in every way that mattered. I'm sure the rest of the team will be right by your side, helping you. Ralph brought us together, and he holds us together.
Just make sure he doesn't get lost in his head too much, okay? Make sure he goes to dances and dates and wastes time playing video games. Make sure he lives his life completely.
Like I said, I'm really hoping this letter is just a waste of my afternoon. I hope we end up having a long and ridiculously happy life together and that this is just a bump in the road. Whatever happens, keep going. Run Scorpion. Save the world. Take care of your family. Maybe, fall in love again. Find someone who can't wait to go to lectures with you but also pushes you out of your comfort zone, like you did for me. You deserve to be happy. It's long overdue.
This all feels like a lot of platitudes. Just know that you've always been enough. More than enough.
Love,
Paige
His first instinct was to read it again, but his vision was nearly nonexistent. Walter folded up the letter, placed it neatly inside a drawer, and let go.
"Happy's, uh, gonna turn part of this into a separate room," Walter said, motioning to the loft's living area. "If you give her a list, I'm sure she can customize it for you. In the meantime, you can sleep in the Airstream, or you can take my bed, and I'll sleep somewhere else. Whatever…w-whatever you want."
Ralph shrugged, looking around at the familiar space. "Airstream is fine," he muttered, dropping his backpack onto the couch. "It's quiet in there."
"Yeah. It is." He'd offered to continue paying rent on Paige's apartment, so that Ralph wouldn't have to move. His finances didn't necessarily allow it, but the rest of Scorpion had been willing to pitch in. No, Ralph had insisted the first week, and then into the second and third. Too many memories. I don't want to wake up every morning expecting to see her.
He wasn't sure that would be any easier in the garage, but he understood the need for a fresh start.
"Going back to school tomorrow," Walter said, taking a seat on the arm of the couch and making himself slightly lower than Ralph. "Are you sure you're ready? You could graduate school now. O-Or we could homeschool you."
Ralph shook his head, his overly-long hair grazing his eyebrows. "Mom wanted me to finish school. So I will." He pushed his lips into a tight line, offering Walter the closest thing he'd seen to a smile in a long time. "Be determined to have a good day and you will, right?"
Walter smiled back. As long as Ralph was there, Paige would never really be gone.