The sun usually rose and brought a warm, cozy feeling to most people's skin, making each hair stand up and the UV rays spread out across their bare skin like paint, but, nothing was usual about Gerard, for him, the sunlight was a curse, a painful headache, the awakening of all he feared, including his own thoughts, so many mornings, he ran the likelyness of being expelled if he just stayed in bed, if he just let time blissfully pass him by, most mornings, it was the act of his mother screaming her head off about how he was "a dissapointment, and now, he was gonna make his brother later," that made him drag his body out of the comfort of his lumpy matress and heap of blankets. Gerard walked slowly to his chest of draws, looking down at the mess of unfolded clothing he chose a black tee, ripped black jeans and a leather jacket.

"Move your ass, Gerard, right now," his mother said furiously, his smug little brother smiling mockingly. Mikey never had a problem getting up in the morning, then again, he didn't have to take sleeping pills just to get to sleep, Gerard and sleep were polar opposites, when the cold night came, Gerard often slipped into a deep sleep, sat at his drawing table, only to wake up with a face covered in blochy ink, but, most nights, it was a struggle to get to sleep, the hours spent tossing and turning, running through all the things that made him anxious, like it was a military chant, telling himself to get by, day by day, it wasn't so hard when he had help, when he took sleeping pills, but the nausia and headaches the next morning brought, almost seemed worse than the exhaustion, but by the time that he passed out on the stairs, going to a lesson, he just accepted his body needed it, whether or not he wanted it was different.. Seeming as Mikey was up much earlier than, he always had time to put on his neatly folded clothes, shower and eat breakfast. Gerad rarely had the luxury of all three.

He poured himself a mug of disgustingly thick black coffee and almost downed the entire thing.

"Gerard, don't talk to me, at all during school, I can't let them know we are brothers."

"What the fuck Mikey, we have the same last name, we get out of the same car and go home in it."

"yeah, whatever, I can't be known as the fag's brother, God I wish you weren't mine, why can't you just run away, just kill yourself."

Gerard shot a look of pure hatred at his brother.

"that's fine," Gerard said, as he realized it was too much effort to shout at his brother.

The car journeys to school were a thing of hell for Gerard, his perfect brother sitting in the front seat, chatting happily to his mother, and him, sat lonely in the back seats his pair of headphones, barely holding together, blaring a Green Day song into his ears. The familiar scenery flooding his car windows and the dread filling his body.

He made his way through the grey rusted gates of his school, vacant looks from homophobic kids, whispering about how he would "rape all the guys in school." he didn't care anymore, he knew they were coming, he knew his school, he knew every book, shelf, and scream that this school hid from the outside world.

He made his way to his locker, which he quickly grew to hate, he hated how he fit perfectly in it, he hated how there still wasn't enough room for his books, he hated having to be bailed out and let out by the janitor after having spent multiple hours sat in the dark, with only his thoughts to entertain him, most of which scared him rather than entertained him.

His eyes flicked through the schedule stuck up on the inside door of his locker.

he felt a firm hand grip his shoulder and pull him to the floor, the hard surface ramming its self into Gerard's back, he felt the shock of his head hitting the floor and spots begin to dance around playfully in his vision. he let out a painful shout, he felt many feet, flying into his ribs, his face, his stomach. he just wanted to grow a pair of wings and fly off into the wind, let it take him away.

"so, Gerard, how was your holiday, First day of senior year and you didn't pop round to say hello," Gerard's bully, Patrick Costello said, mockingly.

Gerard felt all the air escape his lungs, how he envied it.

"Just, Just le..leave me... alone," Gerard said, struggling to find the air to speak.

"now come on, we all have history together, it'll be fun," Patrick said sarcastically.

He dreaded history, he sat right next to Patrick, circled by Patrick's friends, who seemed to find endless entertainment in his pain.