Days to Remember
A/N: This was written for the current anniversary challenge at The HarmyBoard Extras Fanfic Board.
Disclaimer: I claim no rights to the show JAG and the characters. This is for fun only and no monetary gain.
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June 20, 2010
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The bedroom door opens and the light turns on. I have no idea what time it is, but it is too early to be up on a Sunday morning.
"Harm," my beautiful wife calls softly. "Are you awake?"
"Yeah," I mumble as I stretch and scrub my hands over my face.
"Good, because someone has something they want to give you. Sophia," she calls down the hallway. "Harm is awake, sweetie. Why don't you come and give him his surprise."
Sophia, a shy, six-year-old girl who came into our lives two years ago appears at the door. "Hi, Harm."
"Good morning, Sophia." I say with a smile. I watch as Sophia struggles to climb up onto the bed. I look at Mac, and silently communicate with her. Sophia is finally starting to "warm up" to me and I don't want us to have a setback. Mac nods with a twinkle in her eye, so I offer my help. "Sophia, would you like some help?"
"Yes, please!"
"Okay," I stretch out my arm and pull her up. "There you go."
"Thanks," she giggles.
By now, Mac has joined us on the bed with a large gift bag. "What should we do first?" she asks.
Sophia peers into the bag and studies it for a long moment. Then, somewhat shyly, she turns to me. "Would you read me a story, Harm?"
"Of course! Any story you want."
Sophia reaches in the bag and pulls out the book. "Here," she hands it to me.
"If You Give a Mouse a Cookie," I read the title. "This is one of my favorites."
"It's my favorite, too!"
Sophia sits closer to me and rests her head on my shoulder so she could see the pictures. As I begin to read the book, my mind wonders over the last few years. There have been a great number of milestones along the way. Some happy, and some sad, but no matter how the cookie crumbles, those milestones shaped Mac and myself as a married couple.
It's been five years since Mac and I got married and started fertility treatments.
Four years since we added our names to a foster/adoption list.
Three years since we had to stop the fertilitytreatments.
And two years since Mac had a hysterectomy and Sophia entered our lives.
I will never forget that day.
****FLASHBACK****
March 4,2008
"I love you." I whisper and place a kiss on her soft lips.
"Love…you…too," she whispers back, her eyes already heavy and voice heavy with emotion.
"I'll be right there when you wake up. Promise."
"I know. You always keep your promises."
I feel my heart drop. There is one promise I can't keep and she knows it. "Mac…"
"I know what you're going to say, Harm. It's okay. I accept out fate. Fate's a funny thing, you know. I was bitter at first – about not being able to carry out my end of our deal, but like you said. "It doesn't matter how it happens, just as long as it happens with you." You're right."
"Captain Rabb, it's time for your wife to go now," the nurse says. "I'll come and get you the moment the surgery is completed. Mrs. Rabb is in good hands. Doctor Johansson is one of the best."
I nod slowly and watch as Mac is wheeled into the operating room.
I know that it isn't anyone's fault that we are not able to have biological children, but I still feel the dull ache, this numb feeling in the pit of my stomach for making a promise that I couldn't keep. I think Mac handled that better than me. She's an even stronger woman than I could have ever imagined. Not even Hollywood could come up with a character was strong as my wife. I put on a strong front for Mac, but it tears me to pieces. And I know that deep down, somewhere inside, Mac feels the same way, but she won't let on. We'll talk about that sometime. It's important to grieve for the children we can't have, or at least that's what Harriet told me.
I stare at the clock for a minute. It feels like hours since Mac was wheeled away, but in reality it has only been fifteen minutes.
I have a hard time staying positive. Talk about a milestone. In all of my life, having a baby with Mac was the one promise I am unable to keep and it was the promise I wanted to keep the most. However, I can hear Mac's voice in my head.
Her words repeating over and over again.
"We didn't know this when we made the deal…"
"I didn't marry you because I wanted just a baby with you. I married you because I love you more than anything."
The fear in her eyes when she said, "Are you going to leave me because you want children of your own?" was unbearable.
No. Absolutely not. I would never leave the woman of my dreams. Sarah MacKenzie-Rabb means everything to me and I cannot imagine my life without her in it.
The cell-phone in my pocket vibrates and rattles me from my thoughts. I pull it out and look at the number. My heartbeat quickens when I see the name. "Hello?"
{"Good morning, Captain Rabb. This is Myra from the adoption agency. I hope this isn't a bad time.}
"Well, actually, my wife is in surgery right now, but I have a moment to talk."
{"Oh, I'm sorry. I can call you back later."}
"No, no. That's okay. This can keep me distracted for a few minutes."
{Well, I have some news about a little girl that needs a safe home. I think she would really benefit by living with you and Sarah. Her name is Sophia and she is four years old. Her mom died in a car accident last year, and her step-dad is abusive – physically, verbally, and emotionally. Her biological father is a drug addict and was never in the picture. Now, if you choose to take in Sophia it would start out as a foster home situation because of everything that has to run through the court, but I'll be honest. It doesn't look like she'll ever being going back to her step-father's, so the chance of actually adopting her is very good. I know you need to talk this over with your wife, but do you think you'd be interested in meeting Sophia?"}
"Yes! Yes, of course. When and where?"
{"My office, and whenever your wife is up to it. I must warn you though, the men in Sophia's life haven't exactly been kind to her. She's very shy and fragile around men, but I strongly feel that you can be the one to make her feel safe again. Your record speaks for itself, as well as your co-workers at JAG and Mattie and Chloe. I feel very confident that you and Mrs. Rabb are exactly what she needs. Chloe and Mattie can't say enough good things about you two and how you helped them with their lives and to be the people they have become, and if you ask me, just from my observations, Sophia is a cross between the two of them."}
"Thank you for your faith in me and my wife."
{"I just call it how I see it. I better let you get going now. Send Sarah my best wishes. Do you think she would mind if I sent a basket or maybe some flowers?}
"Um, no. I don't think she would mind at all. That's very thoughtful."
{"University Hospital, correct?"}
"Yes. University."
I end my call with Myra and sit in a daze for a very long time. It's such a long time that the next thing I realize is the nurse is calling my name.
"Captain Rabb."
I quickly stand and momentarily panic when I cannot read the nurse's expression. "How is she?"
She lowers her medical mask and I can see a smile. "She's fine. The surgery was a success and everything went as planned. Mrs. Rabb will be sore when she wakes up, but that is too be expected."
"When can I see Sarah?"
"As soon as she is moved to a recovery room. I'll bring you up once as she is situated."
Not too long later, I am sitting in the chair at the side of Mac's bed and hold her hand. The doctor said she should be waking up soon, and I am going to be the first voice she hears, the first face she sees, and the first touch she feels.
She starts to stir, and I know she is going to try to sit up too fast. "Easy, easy," I whisper. "Not too fast."
"Thirsty." She states hoarsely.
I reach over to the table and grab the ice chips the nurse just brought in. "The nurse brought these for you." I feed her one. "Better?"
She nods slowly. "Yeah. How did -….- How did the operation go?"
I stroke her forehead. "It went well – just how they expected it to go."
"So, then," her voice cracks, "they did a complete…" she trails off.
I can only nod and swallow the lump in my throat as I blink back my tears.
"I know that was what was planned," she wipes a tear or two away, "but I was really hoping that it wasn't as bad as they thought. It was a stupid thing to think. I guess we made it this far and I wasn't really ready to give up hope." By now tears that pool around her eyes and slowly begin to fall.
I wrap my arms around her as best as I can without causing her any pain. "We have to talk about something, but I don't know if now is such a good time."
"What is it, Harm?" There is a hint of fear in her eyes.
"Myra called not too long ago."
"And?"
"She wants to place a foster child with us." And from here, I continue to relay the call to Mac about Sophia.
By the time I finish, Mac is crying. "Are you okay? Should I get a doctor?"
"No," she shakes her head. "I'm happy. I want to meet Sophia so much, it just breaks my heart to know that she's coming into our life because she's suffered so much in her short life. When can we meet her?"
"Myra said whenever you are feeling up to it."
Mac tries to get up. "Let's go now!"
"Whoa, Marine. I don't think so. You need to give yourself time to heal a little bit before we go."
"Tomorrow?" She asks, hopeful.
"We'll go as soon as the doctor releases you and you feel up to it, okay?"
She's still a little disappointed, but agrees. "Deal."
**** END FLASHBACK ****
Three days later, going against the suggestion of Mac's doctor to go home and rest, we met Myra and Sophia at the adoption agency. Sophia was a precious little girl with blue eyes and light brown hair. She smiled a few times, but it never reached her eyes, nor could it mask the pain she suffered. Evidence of bruises still lingered on her arms and face. It was heartbreaking.
Mac and Sophia had an instant bonding. The common icebreaker they had? Beltway Burger. I know, it shocked me as well! They also bonded over their shared interests in painting with watercolors – a trait that Mac has seemed to master from the times years ago when we'd babysit Little AJ and later the other Roberts children.
Sophia and I – well, she kept her guard up, and I can't blame her. On some level, to be honest, I would have been worried if she didn't. It was a rocky start, and she hardly talked to me the first month she was with us, but in due time, things got better. Our initial bonding experience was a trip to the music store to look at pianos. Early on, Sophia mentioned to Mac that her mom used to teach her how to play the piano and she missed doing that. So after weeks of scouting out the local music stores for a sale, the two of us took our first "trip" on our own. I never told her she had to hold my hand, but I warned her that there were going to be a lot of people, so she should stay close. She did at first, but she started to get nervous when she saw all of the people.
Sophia gently tugged on the sleeve of my jacket. "Lots of people, Harm…can I hold your hand? I like you and Mac. I don't wants to be lost. I like your house. I don't want to leave. It's nice there. And I like how you ALWAYS look outside my window and make sure there are no monsters at bedtime. When you go away, Mac checks under my bed and the closet but she forgets to check the window."
After comforting her, and telling her that both Mac and I love her very much, and we were glad that she felt safe at our house, we walked hand in hand into the music store and picked out a piano.
And now, here I am with two of the most important people in my life. I must have read the entire book on auto-pilot mode because I realize I have closed the book and Sophia is reaching into the bag once again.
"Here," she hands me a manila folder. "I made this for you."
I carefully open the folder and see a picture that Sophia has painted for me. Mac and I are in the picture as well as Sophia and our white Maltese, Gizmo. She labeled each one of us, Mac is "Mommy", I am "Daddy", Sophia labeled herself as "Me," and Gizmo as "the puppy".
Sophia refers to us as "Mom and Dad"! Am overjoyed! In shock, yes, but so very happy.
I am just about to thank her when I note from Mac on the folder catches my eye. It says –
Harm-
Myra called yesterday and said that everything is official. Sophia Watkins is now our daughter – Sophia Rabb! I wanted to tell you as soon as I got the call, but Sophia and I discussed it and thought we should wait since today is Father's Day – we wanted you to have a gift that you'd never forget!
She may not have your looks or my looks, or my brains or yours (even though I think she has a new interest in flying!) but she is absolutely perfect!
I love you very much, and cannot explain how happy you have made me.
Love always and forever….eternity,
Mac
I can't seem to find the right words – who am I kidding? I can't seem to find ANY words. If I was shocked before, I don't know what I am now. "It's official?" I finally manage to ask.
Mac nods. "Yes! I wanted to tell you yesterday as soon as I talked to Myra. You have no idea how hard it was to keep it from you for 18 hours and 27 minutes!"
My wife's internal clock never ceases to amaze me. In all the years I've known her, she never once told me how she does it, however, there were a few…situations…where I've thrown her clock off, but we won't discuss that now.
"When Mac told me, I asked her if I could call her "Mommy", and she said yes. So then I asked her if I could call you "Daddy" and she said yes again. Is that okay?" Sophia asks, nervously. I can tell she's afraid I might say "no".
"It's more than okay, pal! It would actually make me very happy."
"Good!" She smiles. "That makes me happy too!"
After our first "official" family group hug, we spend the rest of the morning with Mac and Sophia making plans for later today.
The second we met Sophia we became a family, but knowing that everything is official now brings a whole new feeling of comfort, relief, happiness, and joy. Mac and I no longer have to imagine the heartbreak of a failed adoption. Myra said that once the judge approved this final form, everything would be "legit" – Sophia is ours and nothing can change that. Now, the lawyer in me knows that there is always a possibility that someone will come along and try to mess that up, but I'm not going to think about that. We will deal with that one step at a time if that were to ever happen.
All I can say is that having my family "complete" in every sense is simply amazing.