** I don't own the characters, we all know this, and I just borrow them for my own twisted amusement and hopefully yours! **

Chapter I

The Decree:

Due to the losses of the war and the steady decline in the birth rate the Ministry of Magic has no recourse but to institute a Marriage Decree. These pairings will be made for those that are not currently in a relationship and will be done using an ancient spell that when used will find the pair of those most likely to produce magical heirs and sustain a marriage on common grounds and compatibility. Due to concerns raised in the past, the couple will not be required to immediately produce children, they will be allowed time to become comfortable with each other to assure the future success of the marriage, a maximum time frame of 18 months for conception will be allowed. The marriage however must take place within 7 days of notification and will require that it be consummated as per previous ministry standards (7-14 days).

More details will follow.

HG

'Bloody, sodding hell! Not again!' Hermione Granger launched her Daily Prophet at the ground near her kitchen nook. She couldn't believe they were trying this shite again! Last time they tried this she stomped and shouted and made her way down to the Minister's office with a group of other outraged witches that were not going to have their wombs taken hostage in the name of magic. Their protests along with some angry news writing and a letter writing campaign were enough to get the decree put on the back burner but they knew then it would only be a matter of time before they tried it again, well it had been three years and here they were again. It seems the small boom after the war wasn't enough to satiate their desire to have new blood infused into the mix.

She knew what this would mean; she knew that she was one of the ONLY females her age not spoken for. She was the girl who helped the boy-that-wouldn't- die and his orange friend. She loved her boys but she loved them like brothers so when Ronald took off with Fleur's sister the summer after the war, Hermione took it as a stroke of luck to end Mrs. Weasley's insistence that she marry her youngest boy.

She could never envision herself with a gaggle of kids, she barely had time for herself let alone kids not with all the work she had to get done for her courses and to now prepare for her new job. She sometimes wished she had the time turner again, that way she would always have time, then again she would probably be 90 while everyone else was still in their 20's. Time turner logic, go figure.

So here it was again, a Marriage Decree and they seem intent on pairing her off with some poor unsuspecting wizard who probably was single for a number of very undesirable reasons. The minister told her last time that she better not think about protesting again lest she find herself without a wand and out of the wizarding world all together. The thought alone sent a shiver down her spine, do you know how tough doing laundry without magic is?

She would have to bite the proverbial bullet as her father used to say, and make a go at it. She was getting older (well 22 isn't old, even with a time turner) and the men certainly weren't beating down her door. She wasn't that bad to look at, sure she wasn't a drop dead stunner but she had passable eyes and good skin, so what if her hair looked like it had fought a Kneazle and lost? Really who was she kidding, she had a few extra pounds on her that added to the curves she got from her mom and a head full of unmanageable hair, she was lucky if they didn't pair her with Filch!

Who knows maybe they will get it right and pair her with some drop dead sexy wizard with sex on the brain and she can finally get this virginity thing out of the way.

She walked over to her mirror and looked at herself. The last three years at university had gone very quickly with advanced classes and a double course load; she finished at the top of her class in record time. Her double major degree in Transfiguration and Magical History allowed her pick of teaching jobs but Hogwarts was home and she couldn't refuse Minerva's request. The time at university had opened her eyes to the world and she wanted to live a little, she tried making time to go out and make friends, but she was never really good at it to begin with. How she managed to keep Harry and Ron for so long puzzled her because they had absolutely nothing in common. Sure she talked to Ginny and Luna but they weren't as close as she would have like them all to be. The war had scattered them all to the four corners and she found herself alone a lot of the time, her books her companions. Damn that Trelawney, how did that twit know? Shaking her head she packed up the books she needed from her flat, the rest would be picked up during winter break. She didn't want to give up the flat yet, if things didn't go well at Hogwarts, she needed to have a place to come back to.

With one last look around her flat she eyed the Daily Prophet again, mocking her, with a flick of her wand it went up in flames.

"Ha, take that!" it was a hollow victory, shameless really but it was all she could do from slumping down and crying.

αααα

SS

"Minerva this is barbaric! Even you must realize that these decrees make no sense."

"Severus, please you are over reacting, many long lasting marriages have been formed by way of ministry intervention" Minerva tried to sound as calm and soothing as possible, but he knew, he knew that he would wind up a pawn in the ministry's witch hunt (excusing the pun). 'Let's get the former death eater married!' he could almost hear them tittering in the ministry office as they gathered the list of eligible bachelors.

He stomped away from her office back to the dungeons. He needed a drink, Hades it was quitting time somewhere.

He had been ranting and raving all robes-a-billowin' for the last three hours since the morning post had arrived. The teachers would be back this week to prepare for the start of term; this was not what Severus had in mind as a side for his breakfast omelet. He knew he would wind up on the receiving end of some long list of hags that had nothing in common with him, or some lonely crone with a wart the size of a small planet with that one long hair growing out of it that seems to blow gently in the wind when she speaks. Bleh the image alone would keep him flaccid for a lifetime.

He knew he was no prize catch, seems the only thing he could catch was cold. He had been alone all his life not necessarily by choice. Having fallen for the wrong girl as a teenager and relegated to the 'friend zone' he had found it hard to find someone to live up to a ghost. After a while he didn't even bother trying, with what spying for both sides, teaching dunderheads and trying not to die from an overly menopausal Dark Lord, he had his hands full.

Lily had been his friend when no one else had and he misinterpreted her intentions like the overly hormonal teen-aged wanker that he was and wound up hurting her. He had since made amends and spent the remaining years protecting the boy-that-would-not-be-killed-yet-had-to-die and come back to save the world and his orange friend.

He didn't include the fuzzy haired Granger, she took care of herself and except for that once he shielded them from Remus, she was pretty good on her feet. Too bad the other two were like anchors weighing down the poor girl. She was an annoying bint, but far too smart to waste it on them. But he knew what it was like to be alone, seems there is strength in numbers which would explain why Granger stuck with Dumb and slighter Dumber.

He knew he would be on the list of bachelor's. Hey, maybe they would match him up with some tall, long legged witch with sex on the mind and he can finally get this virginity thing taken care of. Sure Severus, keep telling yourself you'll get someone even remotely likable let alone attractive.

All attractive witches were already taken, he would get stuck with a female version of him but hopefully her nose was a bit smaller. He raised his finger to trace the bridge of his nose. He looked at the mirror in profile, "it's not really that bad is it?"

'It matches the rest of your face' answered his reflection, damn these enchanted mirrors.

'Oh shut up!' Severus sneered and covered the mirror again.

What was he going to do? He was going to have to go through with it. The details, that Minerva had given him was that anyone that resisted would have their wands taken and they would be obliviated and left in Muggle London. They were still reeling from the protests by Granger and her friends a few years back. They had caused uproar, calling the practice of forced marriage medieval and that their wombs were not for hire.

They had enlisted the help of Granger's nemesis Rita Skeeter to write a scathing editorial on how woman's rights were being ignored in the wizarding world and how this antiquated system would likely lead to dissent in the ranks of government and society. It was a great piece that Snape knew Granger had written, after 6 years of grading her tedious essays, he knew her writing when she saw it. Come to think of it, Skeeter had shared a by-line with her, so he was sure Granger wrote it. He guessed this was coming back to bite them all in the arse.

He wondered if she had finally married the orange menace, then she would be one of the lucky ones not having to put on a spectacle for the ministry.

He wondered how long he would have to wait to find out who the ministry thought was a good match.

He swallowed the amber liquid in his glass, when it was all said and done, he was lonely and maybe this would not be such a bad thing.