The summer heat flooded the house and the afternoon. In the distance she heard the cries and laughter of the children in the neighboring houses. Shelagh closed her eyes. Her Saturday was complicated. Her woman's body was bothering her more than ever. Since Teddy had stopped breastfeeding, her cycles seemed regular again, something that had not happened to her in years. However, her period was halted for two months, two months in which she thought she was pregnant again, something that filled her with panic and joy in equal parts. Until this day, when it was present again and with pains that reminded her of the first cycles in her adolescence. Her legs ached, she felt swollen, her head stung and the heat made her uncomfortable. Besides, she'd been angry all day.
She sighed, leaning back against the pillow. Yes, she had been very angry. Teddy seemed to notice her change of mood and added to the heat, he had become a fussy child who did not stop crying until she bathed him in cold water and laid him down. Until he fell asleep, he fought against her, who wanted to cover him with a light sheet, but the boy removed everything, suffocated.
And then there were Angela and Timothy. Her son had the bright idea of playing with a water hose just after Angela was bathed and changed, ready to go shopping. It only took them a while to be covered with water and mud. And there she exploded. She had never scolded them like this, she suspended shopping, and again she bathed Angela, this time without songs or games, and Timothy took her to visit Caroline Guillespie, who had a sister a little bigger than her daughter and they are friends. Although she warned them that Angela would probably get dirty again, Tim left with his sister, slamming the door.
She sighed. She was losing her son, she knew. He ran away from her and her foul mood to run to the house of Caroline, a girl definitely much sweeter and without so many problems and rules like Shelagh.
A tear rolled down her cheek, now came the moment when her foul mood dissipated and led to the tears. She closed her eyes at the light breeze coming through the window and waving the curtains. She had never taken such a break when she had her cycle, but today she had to give in and that was not typical of her.
She remembered when she was a child. God, she was just 10 years old the first time. She did not understand what was happening to her and thought she was going to die until she told a girl she used to play with. The girl, frightened, told her mother and Mrs Smith, moved with pity, helped her, but did not explain anything else. It was at that moment that she began to look for medical books at her school, where her vocation aimed at women began to grow. She spent all her adolescence trying to hide the pain and discomfort and evidence of her period, with shame and fear of her father. Then, as a nurse and as a nun, things were a little more comfortable. She lived surrounded by women, and from time to time they said their pains aloud, mostly asking for help. The long days in bicycle were the worst, but she knew how to handle them. She squeezed her eyelids. She always knew how to handle them. Why not today? Maybe it was because of the heat, or the unusual pain in her head and legs, or because she wanted to join her children's water game and she could not...
The image of her daughter came to her mind. Any other day, Shelagh would have laughed at the sight of Angela covered with mud. Her little girl was having a good time, and she loved her laughter, except today when she scolded her, took off her clothes and put her in the bathtub without saying a word. The confusion was written in Angela's eyes and she did not feel sorry of them. God, she was a terrible mother who could not control her impulses. Her own mother never treated her like that. She tightened her eyelids with her fingers when another twinge gripped her head. If her mother had not died, she would have helped her be a good mother, she would have helped her in her dreadful cycles. She thought of Angela. She would not let her child have any doubts, feel bad, be ashamed. Her daughter would not feel the same way about her father. She smiled as she remembered her Patrick. When she left her life surrounded by women she thought that living with him and her cycles would be a challenge, it would be like to return to live with her father, hiding and hiding her discomfort. But Patrick was different from all the men she met. Slowly her headache let her relax and she fall asleep, thinking in her husband.
She felt the sheet over her and opened her eyes. It was night and she jumped up, ignoring the pain in her belly. She saw Patrick sitting in the dark on the end of the bed.
"Patrick, what time is it?"
"Not too late. In a little while I'll bring you the dinner."
"Dinner? Did you make dinner?"
"When I arrived I didn´t want to wake you, it's weird that you lay down and you were sound asleep. So I made dinner. What happens, love?"
As if answering, a stitch in her belly made her twist.
"It's this damned period" she hissed. He smiled and she felt the blood boil in her veins "It's not funny, I want you to have it so you know how it feels."
"Hey, hey, don´t be angry with me. I´m sorry." he whispered, kissing her on the forehead. She groaned in pain.
"No, I´m sorry."
Patrick stood up, walked around the bed, and sat down beside her. She sighed and sniffled, before another stitch made her complain again.
"It was a long time ago that it didn´t hurt like this, or that I had this horrible mood. I shouted to Angela and Timothy, I didn´t make dinner, I speak badly to you...it is terrible."
"I'll give you ibuprofen."
"I already had two pills."
Patrick raised an eyebrow. No doubt her pain was very strong, because Shelagh never took medication, or lay down in bed, or scolded her children.
"Stay in bed, you deserve to take a few hours off. It's not your fault, the weather has been terrible too, everyone is upset. Tell me where it hurts."
"The head seemed to explode but now it's better. And of course, the belly. And the legs, Patrick, the legs have been killing me all day. And damn it, I think I must have stained everything, what a shame!"
"Shame? Shelagh, I'm a doctor, why do you say that?"
"Yes, but you´re my husband too."
"Love, this is normal, do you think that I'll love you less because you stained a sheet? Do you think that I´ll love you less because I had to make dinner because you feel bad?" he kissed her forehead again and then took the sheet off her, "Let's see those legs."
"What are you going to do?"
"I'll just look at them" he said, kneeling down on the mattress, taking one of her calves gently, "they don´t look swollen. Rather they look perfect as always" he laid a soft kiss on her leg and Shelagh smiled.
"Don´t start, we can´t do anything."
He laughed and laid her leg on the mattress and began massaging them. She let out a sigh of relief.
"It feels good," she said, closing her eyes. He smiled and kissed her other leg, "I'll bring you ice, it will make you feel better."
"No, don´t go yet" she tangled her hand in his. He smiled and put his hand on her belly, starting to make small, smooth circles. She closed her eyes again, relieved.
"Do you feel a little better?"
"Yes, thank you" she opened her eyes, her look watery, not because of her cry of pain, but because of the affection she felt to this man.
"Timothy told me what happened. You were right, they shouldn´t have gotten muddy like he says they did."
"But I shouted at them, Patrick, I don´t like it."
"Angela told me that. Shelagh, she doesn´t hate you. She just said that you got angry and that she will not do it again."
"She is so sweet. But I want her to continue doing it. In fact I want to do it. I was dying to play with them, but I couldn´t as I am. And Teddy was annoying with the heat and my head was full of his cries and...it was chaos."
Patrick kissed her cheek and stroked her hair.
"I'm not going to work tomorrow, I'll stay here to help you."
"Patrick, you don´t have to…"
"Let me do it, let me help you as you help me. When you said that it should happen to me to know what it feels like, you were right too. I wish I could avoid this to you, my love. I wish I could avoid this to Angela in the future."
"I was thinking that too. I don´t want her to feel bad like I felt. I was afraid of my father, you don´t know everything I did to wash everything secretly...I felt it was my fault. You're going to avoid all this to our little girl, I know."
"Of course I will. But I don´t want to think about it now, I don´t want to think about when she´s a teenager and boys come here to see her, like Timothy does today with that poor girl Caroline."
Shelagh laughed and so did he. He kissed her softly, glad to have made her laugh even a little. Shelagh pulled away with a small groan.
"It hurts?" he said, seeing her touching her belly.
She nodded several times.
"Not so much as when Teddy was born. But it hurts anyway."
They heard a knock on the door and saw Timothy appearing shyly.
"Something happened?" asked Patrick.
"Emmm...yes. The food is burned."
"Dammit!" Patrick jumped up and left the room.
x
The food was not very burned, Tim saved it almost on time. She ate in bed and soon Angela entered the room. Shelagh shivered when she saw her daughter looking at her with suspicion, or worse, with fear.
"Come here, my angel" she said patting the bed. Angela climbed up, took off her shoes before.
"Did I dirty something?" she said, looking at the sheets.
"No my love, and if you dirty it, it doesn´t matter. Forgive me for yelling at you."
The girl made a half smile and Shelagh hugged her and kiss her on each cheek.
"Mom was a little sore today and she lost her temper."
"Does your belly hurt?"
"Yes my love."
"Is that where Teddy was?"
"Yes, exactly there."
"Is there another baby?"
"No" she laughed, "There's no other baby. But it does hurt a lot."
Angela reached out and put her hand on her Mom´s belly and began to caress as Shelagh did when a pain overwhelmed her. Shelagh admired her daughter's concentration face, something she had undoubtedly copied from her father."
"Are you better, Mommy?"
"Oh yes, Dr Angela."
The girl laughed, and sat down next to her. Shelagh put an arm around her back and noticed that Angela was already beginning to close her eyes. She imitated her.
"Hi, Timmy!" she heard to Angela and opened her eyes.
"Are you all right, Mom?" she swallowed, her son looking at her with worried eyes. He sat on the edge of the bed, and stirred his sister's hair and she complained.
"Yes Tim, I'm fine" she smiled and reached out to touch him "Sorry for this afternoon. I don´t know what happened to me."
"Are you with your period?"
She swallowed, feeling her cheeks turn red. On the contrary, Tim seemed calm, very far from the boy who did not want to pronounce the word "breast."
"I read it in Dad's books" he explained, "At school, boys talk about it, they say that women go crazy."
"Timothy…"
"I know, it's terrible how they talk about women. They say it because they don´t know anything. I read that sometimes it is very painful. It is normal that you get upset if something hurts a lot and you can´t talk about it."
Shelagh could not believe it, when did her son grow up like this, and talk like a man? Suddenly Tim's air of superiority vanished as he looked at his sister, who watched them with the bored expression she used when the adults talked things she did not understand.
"It happens to all women, does not it?"
"Yes. Take care of her" that was all Shelagh said, and Timothy nodded.
"I don´t understand anything." Angela folded her arms.
"When you grow up, maybe your belly hurts like mine, but you will not worry. Dad, Tim and I will take care of you. But that will be when you're a big girl."
"How big? Like Caroline?"
Tim turned red and Shelagh smiled.
"Yes, like her."
"And will there be boys who fall in love with me like Tim with Caroline?"
"Angela!" Tim shouted.
"What's all this talk?" said Patrick, coming in with Teddy laughing in his arms.
"We are talking about adult´s things" Angela made the same face of self-sufficiency that Tim used to make.
"Oh, can´t we join you?" Patrick sat on the bed and stretched to kiss Shelagh on the cheek. Timothy looked at them with disgust and they laughed as Angela said that in her fairy tales books the princes always gave kisses to the princesses.
Shelagh sat Teddy on her legs, which suddenly no longer hurt so much. Although she continued to feel pain, she could not help feeling happy seeing her whole family with her. A happy family, without fears, doubts or taboos.
Only love.