AUTHOR: Goddess Isa
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com
SUMMARY: Xander tries to deal with Cordelia leaving, without her knowing it. Companion to If He Only Knew, but it doesn't matter which you read first and you're not required to read one to read the other.
SPOILER: Graduation Day
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =) http://planetslaythis.homestead.com is my site
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P
RATING: TV-14
DISCLAIMER: Slayerettes and Sunnydale = Joss. Depressed, bitter, angry, depressed, bitter and angry = me. If She Only Knew = 98Degrees.
//If she only knew
What I knew but couldn't say
If she could just see
The part of me that I hid away
If I could just hold her in my arms again
And just say I love you
But she's gone away maybe she'd stay
If she only knew\\
I blew it, didn't I?
I really, really love her, and she has no idea.
The worst thing is that I know she loves me, and I didn't do a damn thing about it.
I could've stopped her. I could've rushed into the bus depot at the very last minute and pulled a movie-like moment on her. She would've died. We would've been together. Instead, I'm lying on my bed clipping my toenails on a Saturday afternoon and she's somewhere in LA. I hope she's safe.
//If she could just feel
What I feel here in my heart
She'd know it was real
Pure and true right from the start\\
It's not just high school love. This is the real thing. Fireworks, tingles, all that good stuff.
Cordelia Catherine Chase is the love of my life. Angel is Buffy's, Oz is Willow's. Cordy's mine.
We have a special bond, and it goes far beyond the fact that I actually know her middle name.
So why couldn't I tell her?
//How, how did I let her get away?
'Cause love, love is so easy to feel
But the hardest thing to say\\
I want to go find her. I want to run to LA and find her and tell her how I feel. I can't though, because she would know that Giles told me and she'd think I was only doing it to protect her, and not because I loved her. But God, I do love her.
//I'm just a man who didn't understand
What she was going through\\
Why do I always have to be such an asshole? She wasn't wrong to call me the Zeppo, I'm the Hellmouth Idiot. I wanna be HER idiot.
//If I could just hold her in my arms again
And tell her I love you\\
One more chance would be enough. One more chance to hold her hands in mine and get down on my knees and tell her I loved her more than anything. I need one more chance.
//If she could just see
What I see when I close my eyes
All that I dream
Surely she would realize
But like a fool I waited much too long
To let her know the truth
She's gone away, maybe she'd stay
If she only knew\\