This is what happens when you read homestuck for seven hours straight and then watch Pirates of the Caribbean. I am not very confident in this so I put Sollux in a dress. Now there's no way anyone won't like it. Homestuck and its characters belong to Andrew Hussie

== BE SOLLUX

You are now Sollux Captor.

You have just woken up in your room in the Governors mansion. The Governor is your Lusus. You do not know how he secured such a high position in the government with his yellow blood. You suspect money changed hands.

You just had another strange dream recalling the first time you met Karkat. You were going to America when he floated from a pirate wreckage on a piece of wood and next to your boat. When your father asked you to tend to his wounds you found out a secret about him. You then used that secret to blackmail him out of the gold coin he wore on his necklace.

Just as you finished your morning stretching, your lusus barged in. He was carrying a dress, and looked very excited. "why are you bringing me a dreth?" you ask. "i am thort of a guy."

Your lusus looks at you with a blank expression. "Terezi Pyrope is being promoted to Commodore today" he says as if it were obvious.

"what the fuck doeth that have to do with me wearing a dreth?" you look at your guardian through your dual colored glassed.

"It is about time you found a Matesprite, and Commodore Pyrope is a very respected troll." Your lusus tosses the dress at you, and you repeat your previous question. "Because you do not look good in red shirts or pants, and Commodore Pyrope cannot resist anyone in red. In this SKIMPY RED DRESS, you will be irresistible."

"fuck my life" you put on the dress and go downstairs for breakfast. On the way across the hall, you see Karkat, the local blacksmith. He is the one you had the dream about.

"I had the dream again" you say, "about the first time we met."

"Why the fuck would I care about that?" said Karkat, "I wouldn't. Seriously, you have some serious ego problems if you think I give a flying fuck about your stupid dreams. The only thing I fucking remember about that night is that you stole my gold coin!"

"Thut up KK" you lisp at him, "If you tell anyone about that I will tell them all you thecret."

"Whatever." Karkat scowls at you, but that doesn't mean anything, because he's always scowling. "Why the fuck are you wearing a dress?"

"My luthuth wantth me to theduce Terezi."

"You couldn't 'theduce' anyone. And besides, doesn't he know that Terezi is already Matesprites with Dave?"

"I don't know, and I don't care. Unlike you, I don't thpend all my time gothiping about everyone elseth quadrants, becauthe I actually have my own." You storm out into the dining room just in time to hear Karkat mutter, "Fuckass"

== BE VRISKA

You are now Vriska Serket.

You are sailing the high seas. Not really though. More like you are sitting in a sinking rowboat that was luckily floating towards a dock. That was the only GOOD luck you'd had today. But at least you are nearing the dock. You step off the boat just as it sunk. Lousy piece of shit. Couldn't even take a little bit of canon fire.

You have been sailing for weeks now, and out of supplies for nearly two days. Not the rum though. Thank gog for that. You have been waging a Pirate War against Eridan Amphora for a while now. Ever since he took your ship and crew, leaving you on a deserted island to starve to death. Luckily you were able to make a signal fire large enough to attract a ship. Unluckily, the ship belonged to Captain Terezi Pyrope of the navy. You barely escaped with the rowboat.

As you step off the boat onto the dock, a small bald man sees you and scurries over. "I will need your name and 3 troll shillings to tie up your boat at the dock." You look over at the boat. All you can see is the tip of the bow sticking out of the water. Raising your eyebrows at the small man, you decked him in the face and took his bag of money. Hey, you're a pirate. What did he expect?

As you walk off the dock, you make a mental checklist. You need a crew, a ship, and supplies to get back on the seas and take back the Black Pearl. All you have right now is the bag of money you took, your set of dice, your cutlass and gun, and your treasure maps. Your train of thought is interrupted as you look over the bay and see an enormous ship. You have to have it.

On the walk over the beach to the big boat, you hear a big commotion going on in the town square. You would wonder what it was, but you are too focused on the ship up ahead of you. When you reach it, you see two guards. In order to get on the ship, you will have to convince them to leave. You could just manipul8 them, but it would be funner to just trick them.

"Hello there." you say to the guards.

Gamzee and Tavros walk over. "You, uh, you can't be here, uh, right now." Tavros mumbled. "Leave this to me, lil bro" said Gamzee with a grin, "we don't want to scare this motherfucker to bad." Gamzee laughed and grinned even bigger, if that is even possible. "You can't come on the boat."

You can tell these two aren't very bright, though the Hispanic one is sort of cute… you break away from this train of thought. You are here to get the ship, not woo some shit for brains guard. "Why not? YOU'RE on the boat. I think I am more qualified than you."

"Sorry motherfucker, but Commodore Pyrope ordered us not to let anyone on. Especially pirates."

So she got promoted to Commodore, huh. Even though you escaped from her not a week ago? You guess that simply surviving an encounter with you deserves a promotion. You are so cool.

You are getting bored, and decide to run Gamzee through with your cutlass and let the other one live, but paralyze him from the waist down, when you look up at the sound of yelling. Terezi and Sollux were up on the castle wall, and Terezi was trying to lick Solluxes skimpy red dress. That chick is so weird. What is it with her and the color red? It doesn't look like sollux is enjoying this. You think it would be funny if you manipul8ed him into jumping off the castle wall. After a moments consideration (not) you hope your luck is good, because you can only control him half the time.

== Be Sollux

You are now sollux

You are up on the castle wall talking to Terezi. She won't stop trying to lick your dress, which is weird, but you are pretty sure it's just because of the color, and she doesn't actually like you. This is fine, because you don't need a Matesprit. You have bitches overflowing from your quadrants.

You would try and make Terezi stop, but you don't want to disappoint your lusus. You look over at a ship at the dock and have just enough time to say, "ith that vrithka?" before you jump off the wall into the ocean.

== Be Terezi

You are now Commodore Terezi Pyrope. You have just been promoted from captain to Commodore, and now you are with sollux on top of the castle. You find the red of his dress delicious, and are trying to lick it. He is putting up with it, but is scowling almost as badly as karkat. Suddenly, he says something about vriska and jumps off the castle wall. Fuck. You didn't think you were THAT bad to hang out with.

== Be Gamzee

You are now Gamzee Makara

You were just explaining to this pirate that even though you won't arrest her for being a pirate because you think that she should be able to do what feels right all up in her heart, she can't come on the ship. You hate telling people what they can or can't do, but you don't really have a choice here.

You were thinking about what to motherfucking do to make this chick go away when she stops talking for a second and starts to concentrate on the castle. More specifically, where Sollux and Commodore Terezi are talking. Suddenly, Sollux jumps off of the castle, into the water!

There is only one thing to do.

== Engage Hero Mode

You engage hero mode, and this time it's not completely useless. You leap into action, shrugging off your coat and diving into the water. In no time you reach the spot where Sollux is flailing around in the water, being a fuckass and not knowing how to swim.

You hoist him onto your shoulder and start to swim back to the dock. It is much harder swimming back than it was going there, but you can't just let the little motherfucker drown.

When you reach the dock, you throw him up, and then climb up yourself, just in time to see Vriska jump into the water. You look at the direction she was looking when she jumped in and saw Commodore Pyrope and a group of soldiers running up. You realize that she cannot hold her breath forever, and so you quickly come up with at cunning lie. You really need to go eat some pie. You are having ideas and its giving you a headache.

== Be Terezi

You are now Terezi Pyrope

You rush over to where Sollux is laying on the dock and kick him in the ribs. "Why would you do that?" you yell at him, "I was being NICE to you! I'm not that bad to hang out with, am I?"

You turn to Gamzee. "Thanks for saving him Gamzee," you say.

"I didn't save that motherfucker," said Gamzee, "it was Vriska."

"What do you mean it was Vriska?" you said, "where is she?"

"The little motherfucker is hiding under the dock," Gamzee grinned. "She doesn't think you like her, and is afraid you'll be mean."

Just then, Vriska came flying out of the water, landing on the dock. "That is NOT true!" she yelled, "I don't care how you feel about me. I'm a PIRATE. Pirates don't care about those kinds of things."

You look at Vriska and for a split second you consider letting her go, since she saved Solluxs life. Who are you kidding, no you didn't. You drew you sword and said, "You are now under arrest. If you do not come with me peacefully I will have to kill you now instead of later in front of a crowd."

Vriska gave you a look. You knew what that look meant. You would have been disappointed if the hadn't given it to you.

== Be The SpiderBitch

You are now Vriska Serket.

Terezi is giving you a look, almost as if she is teasing you. This bitch needs to be taught a lesson. But not now. She has to many friends with her. Right now you will escape.

Just before you are about to escape, Gamzee speaks up. "Wait a second motherfuckers. Cant you just let this motherfucker go because she saved Sollux?"

Terezi gave Gamzee a smile, as if she pitied him for his ignorance. "One right cannot make up for a lifetime of wrongs." She told him.

"But it seems enough to condemn me," you say sarcastically. Just then, Sollux began to stir awake.

"What happened?" he asked, "Wait, fuck, I remember now. Vriska made me jump!"

You look at everyone like they are crazy. "Well duh, did you think he just jumped on his own?" At this, Sollux jumps up and runs at you.

"NO!" yelled Terezi. But it's to late. Sollux reaches you and you spin him around and grab him in a headlock as a human shield, holding your knife against his throat.

"Goodbye, ladies, gentleman, Terezi. I would love to stay, but I have to fly."

Just as you say fly, you push Sollux at the crowd and grab a rope, kicking the handle. This sent you flying into the air and onto a tall lightpost. "Open Fire!" yelled Terezi, but it was to late. You do a acrobatic fucking move and are on a rooftop sprinting for your life.

== Be Tavros

You are now Tavros Nitram.

You just met a pirate for the first time in your life, and it was SO SCARY. She was sort of pretty, but she was also very dangerous looking. She had given you a look earlier, and you thought she might have had some black feelings for you. The thought of this makes you blush. You don't think you can feel black feelings. You are weird like that.

Somehow she outfoxed Terezi, which was amazing. You had never seen someone get away from Terezi before. Vriska must have so much self confidence. And lots of happy thoughts, too. Maybe that's what being a pirate does. It gives you what you need to fly like Pupa Pan.

You decide to tell Gamzee you want to become a Pirate. Later though, because everyone else would laugh at you. Not Gamzee though. Gamzee never laughs at your dreams.

== Be Sollux

You are now Sollux Captor.

You are flipping out over what just happened. Vriska is such a bitch. Mostly you are mad at yourself, though. You cant believe she beat you up so easily. Today sucks so much ass.

== Be the wind

You cant be the wind because the wind is not an actual person. You can be the one who CONTROLS the wind though.

== Be the one who controls the wind then

You cant be the one who controls the wind, because we haven't met him yet!

== Be Karkat

You are now Karkat Vantez

You are in your Blacksmith shop making a sword and being an awesome leader. Not really though. You are a horrible leader. You always mess up, always. All you are good at is making swords. And you aren't even good at that, because they always end up bent, like a sickle. Everyone is always telling you to stop hating on yourself, and that you can do lots of things, but you know they are lying. Its sad, but you can't help it. It sucks not being good at anything.

You hear a pounding at the door, and open it to let whoever it is in. Immediately you are knocked back onto the ground, K..

Luckily your bro John is home and he is apeshit bananas at fighting and making swords. He hits Vriska on the head from behind with a stool.

What? Where you excepting a cool fight scene? To bad. Problem, Bro?

The End of Chapter One