Disclaimer: I do not own Frozen
Rating: for mentions of mental illness, death and adult themes.
A/n: When I first thought of this, it was to be a oneshot, no more than 6000 words long. It's ended up being over 18000 words long and, after some deliberation, I've split it into three parts. So, this is the first part. I'll post the second part tomorrow (today? It's half midnight...) and the third part possibly the day after. In the meantime, I will warn you that due to the direction the story takes, some of the main characters from Frozen will not appear. I will also add that the basis for what happens to Elsa can actually be found in an interview - I'm not (entirely) making up canon. I hope you enjoy!
Darkness Burning
1) Kindle
When Anna hugs her parents goodbye, she hugs them with the certainty that they will return.
When Elsa curtseys her parents goodbye, she curtseys with the horrible fear that they will die.
Three weeks later, King Agdar and Queen Idun return. Anna hugs them again, laughing and joking, telling them about the chaos she caused while they were away, asking what they saw and how their trip was.
Later, they slip into Elsa's room to say hello.
Her smile is so relieved that Agdar's heart clenches.
There is no doubt that Elsa will one day be queen. What is in doubt is her marriage prospects.
"I can't," she says each time her parents suggest suitors. "What if…"
Agdar agrees. "Her powers are too strong," he says to Idun late one night. "All it would take is for her to lose control once. Her husband would be in danger. She'd never be able to live with herself. And then there are the diplomatic repercussions."
Idun rolls her eyes. "What's she going to do when we're both gone? She's never killed anyone she's met, you know."
But the memory of Anna, small and slowly freezing, hangs in the air and Idun finally agrees that there is a difference between ruling from afar and living every day with another.
Then there is Anna. She is sixteen – nearly of marrying age. And although she acts happy, they can both see how she chafes at being cooped in a castle.
"Elsa need not marry immediately," Agdar says, "but we could look for Anna." He smiles. "Perhaps someone who lives somewhere sunny. She'd like that."
Idun smiles. "There has to be snow. She never goes a winter without making a snowman."
Agdar hesitates. "Maybe it would be better if…"
Knocks on a door that never opens. He's watched – they've both watched – that ritual. Until, one day, there were no more knocks. Just small snowmen, missing something, if only he could work out what.
(Elsa's snowmen, which would sit in the corner of her room around the same time, also missed something after that.)
"No," Idun says firmly. "Somewhere with snow in winter." She laughs suddenly. "Listen to us. We haven't even talked about who the suitor should be."
"A prince?"
"Or maybe one of our nobles. It'll have to be someone … special. With an interesting sense of humour."
Agdar freezes. "Good God," he says. "We'll never find anyone who wants to talk to portraits."
"Well, not if we start with that, we won't. We'll tell Anna to make that a seventh or eighth meeting question."
Anna is not thrilled at the idea.
"That's not how love works," she says. "You don't fall in love by pushing people together."
"We won't make you do anything you don't want to," Idun says. "But there are other things at play here. Alliances, for one. And Elsa will need an heir."
Anna blushes. "I don't … hey, why can't Elsa make an heir? I mean not make but she can marry and then she can sleep … not sleep, obviously you don't sleep when you … do you … wait, what?"
Idun laughs and strokes her daughter's hair. "I am not having this talk with you again, Anna."
Anna is still bright red. "I didn't mean … but you didn't say, why can't Elsa have her own child?"
Idun's hand pauses momentarily. "You know what your sister's like. Your father and I think…"
But Anna shakes her head. "There's someone out there for her. There's someone for everyone."
"If you don't want to…"
Anna thinks of what her parents want and of closed doors and wanting to be with someone, anyone, who would let her in.
And then she thinks of Elsa, so reclusive, being forced to meet people, shying away, trying to hide...
"I'll do it," she says. "But only if you don't do this to Elsa."
"I promise," Idun says.
Elsa is not thrilled at the idea.
"That's not how love works," she says softly, watching her father from her desk. "You can't push Anna at people and hope they'll fall in love."
Agdar shivers. "We won't make her do anything she doesn't want to. But we need to open our borders at least slightly. Besides, we think she'll enjoy not being in the castle. And…" He coughs.
Her eyes pinpoint him. "And?"
He wonders how Idun managed with Anna. She wouldn't tell him – just said that Anna had agreed.
"Elsa, when you're queen, you'll need an heir after Anna."
Ice suddenly covers the desk and it takes all of his courage to stand there and face his eldest daughter. "Anna is more than a womb."
Despite the snow flurries, part of him is grateful for the spark of life she's showing.
"I know. We know." He holds his hands up placatingly. "As I said, if Anna meets the suitors and hates every single one of them, we'll stop. But, Elsa, how do you think your mother and I met?"
"Have you spoken to her yet?"
He nods. "She agreed to it."
The snow hangs in mid-air.
As she walks down the empty corridor, a door clicks shut. Curious, she turns around. Elsa stands there, arms wrapped around herself. Anna gapes.
"Hi," Elsa says softly.
"Hi. Uh, hi. Hello. Um, how are you?"
This is Elsa. Outside her room. Talking to Anna. Of her own accord. Not because of class or dinner.
"I'm well, thanks. You?"
"I'm good. Great. You look really good. I mean, you always look good, not like me, I ripped my dress. But you look really good today. Aren't you hot with those gloves on?"
Elsa's fingers twist in her dress. "I wanted to ask you something."
Anna takes a few steps forwards, trying to savour each moment. "Yeah?"
"Do you plan to meet the suitors?"
She knows then. Somehow, Anna is unsurprised. She nods. "I said I would."
"Do you want to meet them?"
Anna wants to smile, to make Elsa feel better because she doesn't look at all like Elsa, standing in the corridor, arms wrapped around herself, as though freezing.
"I didn't want to when Mother asked," she says, "but I think so. I don't get to meet many … people here. And it would mean a lot to Mother and Father."
"You're sure?"
"Why are you so worried, Elsa?"
Elsa glances away. "Mother once said sisters need to look out for each other when no one else will."
Warmth fills her but, at the back of it, she can't help wondering where this has been for the past eleven years.
"I'm fine. Elsa, this was always going to happen. You're going to be queen and I'm … me."
Elsa is silent. She mutters something, too quietly for Anna to catch. Then she says, "If that's what you want then I suppose this is what you'll have to do."
"You're not … mad, are you? I mean angry, obviously you're not crazy, at least I don't think so. I guess I wouldn't know … wait, what?"
Elsa's lips quirk but then they settle. "I'm not mad. I didn't think you'd want to do it."
"I guess there's a lot about me you don't know."
She doesn't mean to say it and instantly puts her hands to her mouth, as though that will take the words back. Elsa barely reacts.
"If that's how you feel."
"Elsa, I didn't mea-"
The door slams shut and Elsa is gone.
Agdar and Idun worried that Anna wouldn't like any of the suitors but the opposite happens. Anna likes them but they eventually turn her down. The third suitor explains.
"I'm sorry," he says, while Anna sobs in her room. "She's wonderful, really. I … I feel like she's fallen in love with an idea of me. I mean, we don't know each other yet but she's so attached to me. I can't do that to her. I don't want her to wake up one day and realise it's me she married, not Prince Charming."
The words sting despite the lack of rebuke. Idun sits down and talks to Anna about the importance of taking things slowly and Anna nods and says she's trying but then…
She improves but she is still attached to anyone who shows willing. Her parents intervene once or twice. They only have a few suitors left when Anna finally meets one she doesn't instantly like. He's a quiet, serious young man and when Anna comes back from their first meeting, she sighs.
"He's so dull," she says. "I don't think he even knows how to laugh."
Idun decides this might be a good thing and implores Anna to have a second meeting. She agrees because there has to be someone out there for her and maybe Prince Joachim of the Southern Isles is it.
They start in one of the palace wings and head towards the gardens. As they walk, he looks around and shivers.
"Why do you shut all the doors here?"
Anna hesitates. "What do you mean?"
"I'm sorry," he says carefully. "I'm just curious. When I came here yesterday, everything was shut and today as well. Are you scared of cold?" He smiles to take the sting out of his words and she finds herself thinking that he has a nice smile.
"It's been this way since I was little," she says. She looks at him properly. Tall, with brown hair and glasses. Older than she is, by about seven years – the oldest suitor she's seen so far, in fact. "What's it like, where you live?"
He tells her about the Southern Isles. Warm and rainy for most of the year, with snowfall in the dead of winter. Their palace is big. Large gardens. Council rooms, doors open to everyone.
"It has to be, I suppose. There are thirteen of us."
"Of you?"
"Princes of the Southern Isles. I have two younger brothers and ten older brothers."
"Wow." She thinks about what her parents said, about the need for alliances and trade. "How does an eleventh son end up being the one sent to, uh, woo me?"
"My older brothers are mostly sorted and the two who aren't sorted aren't for good reason. As for my younger ones … Josef is also engaged and Hans … well, it's more respectful if I come than he. And he wants to travel, we think. It's hard for him, being the youngest of us."
They continue their walk. She asks about his brothers. He tells her about pranks they played on each other and wars they fought for each other. He asks about Elsa but she heads him off with more questions. He is a prince but he knows he will never be king. He doesn't seem to mind, preferring his study and time alone to telling people what to do. She asks what he does, if he's not being groomed to be king.
"You'll laugh."
She doubts that.
"I mainly work on policy but, uh, I'm also in charge of planning balls and events. As of last year."
The Southern Isles suddenly sounds remarkably gloomy.
"What do you do in them?"
"Well, so far, my only policy has been to get the Duke of Weselton to attend as many as possible. You must know him, Arendelle is one of his biggest trade partners." She shakes her head. He smiles. "Well, you see, he's not a pleasant man but he thinks he can dance. It looks something like this."
He flails his limbs wildly, shouting that he is a chicken. She giggles at the sight of this quiet man acting so ridiculously. Hearing her giggle, he laughs too.
"You see?" he says. "I can't possibly hire better entertainment than that. I mean, I usually end up having to apologise to the girls he dances with but so far, no one's caught on to what I'm doing."
"So, he dances … like this?" She tries to copy Joachim's movements. She nearly loses her balance but he pulls her back by her dress, making them both laugh even more. His laughter is quiet but she likes the sound of it. Around them, snow begins to fall. She catches a snowflake on her hand and looks at Joachim as though seeing him for the first time.
"Say," she says hesitantly. "Do you want to build a snowman?"
Elsa hears them outside her room.
"I don't know. Sometimes, I think of something and I think, I gotta tell Joe. Other times, I go hours and then I remember I'm meant to see him and I think what'm I gonna say?"
"That's normal, dear."
"But everyone always says I don't know when to stop talking and then I think, what if he knows that and I stand there and I don't know what to say."
"OK, you not talking isn't normal but I mean the feeling."
"It's not like the stories."
"Love rarely is."
Elsa, for her part, only notes that Joachim has become Joe, and that he has lasted longer than the others. She wants to ask Anna for more information but then Anna will trip over her words and say something insensitive and…
Anna falling, unconscious before she hits the floor.
Conceal, don't feel. Don't let them know.
She turns back to her books. If Anna is happy then she is happy.
On the eighth meeting, they're walking through the portrait hall when Anna says, absently, "Hang in there, Joan."
Joachim turns. "Sorry?"
"Not you. Joan. The portrait." Her words catch up with her and she glances at him warily. "Um, how do you feel about talking to portraits?"
He smiles. "I'm fine with talking to them. It's when they talk back that I freak out."
One day, Agdar requests that Elsa join them for dinner. She's supposed to eat dinner with her family at least three days a week anyway but something important is clearly about to happen. Nodding, she follows her father down the stairs, careful to keep her hands locked to her sides.
She knows what they're going to say when she sees Joachim sitting at the table. They've met once, briefly. He stands up and bows a bow to a royal heir. She curtseys, the way she was taught to curtsey to a minor prince of a foreign land.
Small talk fills the room for the first half of the meal. Joachim tries to speak to her once or twice and she is polite but distant. She watches him keenly, however. He and Anna are slightly stiff around each other. Joachim seems uneasy while Anna's jokes are almost too loud.
And yet. They laugh. They joke. They talk and while she doesn't look ecstatic, Anna looks … happy. Not in love but Elsa could see them being in love.
Her father knocks his spoon against his glass and says that Anna and Joachim are to be married shortly after Anna's eighteenth birthday. Elsa manages to smile despite the feeling of darkness rising.
Later, Anna sees Elsa standing outside her room and, instinctively, knows that she is waiting for her.
"Elsa?"
Elsa turns. Her expression is blank and yet, somehow, lost.
"Hello, Anna."
Anna wants to hug her but Elsa would push her away. In everything that has happened in the last few months, she has never talked to Elsa about Joachim. But then, she never talks to Elsa about much of anything.
"Hi, Elsa. You look … cold." She wanted to say lonely but maybe that's her imagination. "I mean, weather cold, not personality cold. Except it's hard to look weather cold. Maybe if you covered yourself in snow."
"Cold?" Now there's an amused smile on Elsa's face.
"You're kinda hugging yourself. And you've got your gloves on."
But she always wears those. Something to do with germs.
"I'm fine." She looks at the gloves and then back at Anna, the smile flickering away. "So. You're to marry him."
"Yes."
"Do you love him?"
"Yes," she says but she can feel the lie burning through her. She likes him. It doesn't feel like she thought love would.
He likes her too. Maybe even loves her. He's smart, he can be funny, he's nice but she's never sure when to stop speaking around him. She never knows what's OK and what isn't.
They have a year and a half to work that out. Mother and Father are right. They need this.
Elsa nods. "Where will you live?"
"I think with him. For a short time at least. If … when I'm needed here, we'll return."
It won't be for forty years at least. It can't be.
"You're leaving, then."
She tries to smile but Elsa still looks somehow lost. "At least you won't have anyone bothering you when you want to be alone."
Elsa doesn't smile. "I know."
Anna marries Joachim shortly after her eighteenth birthday. Her father gives her away and her mother watches from the aisles, tears streaming down her face.
Elsa is not there.
Afterwards, her father comes to see her.
"She's gone, then?"
"They're leaving for the Southern Isles tomorrow."
Elsa is stone-faced. "I'm happy for her."
Anna slips into her new life in the Southern Isles with the same subtlety she applies to everything she does. By the third day, she's befriended four of Joachim's brothers, their parents and several members of the waiting staff.
They live away from the palace but the city is small enough that they can go back and forth. Everyone welcomes her and for the first time, she thinks maybe she can live this life.
Elsa spends more time locked in her room. Studying, she says, though for what, she can't say.
Her parents speak to her often. They occasionally draw her out for official functions but it feels as though conversation between them has slowed.
Once, Idun asks whether Elsa is shunning them because of Anna.
Elsa says no. Because it's more than that. She can hardly fault her parents for being responsible monarchs, nor for allowing something that Anna agreed to. But now, she feels this darkness in the back of her mind. Before, she could keep it at bay – she could watch Anna, always laughing, always smiling, always alive and it would be enough. She could do all of this, knowing she was doing the right thing.
Now, she has only images of her sister in a foreign land, married to a man she doesn't love, and she thinks, I saved her for that?
The darkness consumes her and she feels lonely and alone and what's the point of waking up if she can't go anywhere or do anything?
Conceal it, don't feel it.
Feel what?
Anna returns to Arendelle once in that first year – for Elsa's coming of age party. The conversation between the sisters is stilted and Elsa retires early, while Joachim and Anna attempt to follow the Duke of Weselton as subtly as they can.
They leave the next morning, bowing and curtseying their goodbye to Elsa.
Anna sends letters to everyone in the castle. Her parents reply and so do some of the servants. Elsa sends nothing.
Anna still sends her thick essays.
Elsa keeps the essays until she accidentally soaks them.
One day, Agdar and Idun knock on her door. She is thin now, and she avoids their eyes when they look her up and down.
"Come downstairs," Agdar says. "There's something we want you to see."
"I can't."
"Yes, you can, dear," Idun says, starting to reach out for her hand before realising what she's doing. "We'll be with you." She smiles. "You'll want to see this." Then, softer, "Please, Elsa? For us?"
Elsa only leaves for official duties now. People talk but the royals' reclusive nature is well known. Try as she might, Idun cannot close her ears to those who talk about Elsa's too-pale skin, the shadows under her eyes, the cold tone in her voice.
It's for the best. All of this, it's for the best.
Elsa nods and stands up. She steps carefully, as though worried that even that act will cause damage. In silence, they walk to the entrance hall. Idun stands to one side and says, "Anna's home."
Elsa's eyes widen and she even smiles, but it's her regal smile. "Anna," she says, slightly huskily but otherwise blandly pleasant. "Welcome home."
Anna clings to Joachim's arm. She looks well. Her skin is tanned and there's a glow in her cheeks. They've obviously been feeding her well too. Joachim bows, ever the proper gentleman, except Anna forgets to release his arm and he nearly pushes her over.
That's normal.
Except they both fuss over her and that isn't.
They eat dinner together. Anna talks excitedly of her life with Joachim, gesturing too wildly and knocking wine onto her husband. She had always thought of Joachim as a man who wore white but his clothes are dark. From his non-reaction to the spill, she suspects it may be a regular occurrence in the Westergaard household.
Anna barely touches her dinner, though she eats her vegetables rapidly.
Anna asks Elsa about her time and Elsa responds in that bland, regal manner. She keeps stealing glances at Anna when she thinks no one is looking. Idun only notices because she is stealing glances at Elsa when no one is looking. Anna's plate is not the only one that is curiously full.
Anna forgoes dessert, something even Elsa doesn't manage.
Afterwards, Idun corners Anna and Anna blushes as soon as Idun looks at her stomach.
"Well, I don't need to ask now," Idun says and Anna blushes further. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about," she adds. "I'd have been worried if you two weren't-"
"Mother!" Anna smiles and places her hands on her stomach. "Is it that obvious?"
"Your embarrassment or your pregnancy?" Seeing Anna's expression, she laughs. "I noticed but I don't know if your father or sister did. I hope you plan to tell them?"
"I wanted to, tonight." She pauses. "Mother, is Elsa … OK? She looks thin. Thinner than usual. And tired but she must be sleeping loads 'cause I bet she's still not leaving her room and I can't think what else she could be doing in there so…"
If it were Agdar, he'd tell Anna that Elsa was fine. Idun has never been able to lie so easily.
"She's having a difficult time. She misses you."
Anna's eyes soften. "I miss her too. Hey! You could all visit us out there! That would be awesome. I could show you the mountains though Joachim never lets me up them on my own because he says I'd fall down. But he'd let me take you up there because he thinks Father's sensible and Elsa would never let me fall."
"Maybe one day," Idun says, knowing that Elsa will never go. "But, for now, I think I'll retire to bed. Tell everyone your good news at dinner tomorrow." She pauses. "This is something you want, isn't it?"
Anna nods vigorously. "I love him already. Her already. It already. I don't want to call it an it but I don't know what it's, he's, she's, gonna be. Joe's happy as well. He cried when I told him and said I wasn't allowed to tell any- oops."
Idun laughs. "I won't tell him. But I am serious about going to bed."
Anna kisses her cheek. "Goodnight, Mother." As Idun begins to leave, Anna says, "Mother? Does it hurt as much as they say?"
"Yes," Idun says. She turns to smile at Anna. "But it's worth it."
The next day, Anna announces that she is pregnant. Elsa watches her mother's knowing smile and her father's jubilance. Joachim stands with his arm proudly around Anna.
Anna turns to her and with her, everyone's eyes follow. She is expected to say something and firstly, she thinks that Anna is only nineteen and too young to have a child. Then she thinks of a small child, Anna's child, growing up with strawberry-blonde hair and Joachim's stature. A child who will love to build snowmen, with Anna's fierce optimism and Joachim's dry wit.
She falls in love.
And she hates that there will be another member of the family she cannot be allowed near because if she loathes what she's doing to Anna now, she will feel a million times worse if so much as a snowflake accidentally lands on that child's head.
"That's wonderful," she says and she can't stop the emotion in her voice. "Congratulations, Anna, Joachim. You'll be fantastic parents."
She doesn't hug them or move at all but the joy on Anna's face at getting a reaction from Elsa is almost painful to behold.
Anna departs before Elsa has a chance to say anything to her.
That's not quite right.
Anna departs before Elsa can summon the courage to walk up to her and talk to her. Gone are the days of being able to wait for her little sister outside her room, where she is only two footsteps away from sanctuary. She does not want to share her conversations with Joachim. So Anna leaves and with her, takes all of the questions Elsa wants to ask.
Like whether she's happy.
Like whether she still eats chocolate and plays in the snow.
Like whether she's learnt to be quiet.
Like what she wants to call her child.
And other questions, questions which make Elsa blush just to think of them – how Anna fell in love; how she felt when she learnt she was pregnant; how it feels to touch someone like that.
But she's not upset because she has never been able to ask Anna her questions.
"She still wouldn't speak to me. She barely came out to talk to us. I wish I knew what I did."
"Why do you think you did something?"
"Who's been ignoring who for fourteen years? We were best friends when I was little-"
"When you were five." Joachim fiddles with his glasses. "Anna, I don't want to sound patronising but when children are five, they'll be friends with anyone. Maybe Elsa grew apart from you and didn't wa-"
"That's not true." Anna takes a step towards her husband. "Elsa loves me. I'm sure of it. She's … you just haven't seen her good side. She's funny and sensible and loyal and … and … she hates me."
Elsa begins to attend negotiations with her father. They worry that she will become angry but, much like Anna's reaction to suitors, the opposite happens. Elsa's style is ice-cold. Barely speaking, barely reacting, the most anyone can get out of her – once – is a gradual drop in temperature. Her father jokingly begs her to think of the people who can't deal with cold. She flinches away and apologises. After that, she watches, hands clenched under the table as she focuses on keeping the temperature of the room at the same level as it was when she walked in.
Her table is covered in books. Books of law, books of trade charters, books of accounts, books of history. She has read much of it during her years of isolation and once, she thought that could be enough. Yet now, when she opens the books, she thinks of Anna, glowing and pregnant. Or Kai and Gerda, friends both in and out of work. She's lonely and she hates it and-
Conceal it, don't feel it; don't let it show. Don't let them know. Don't mess up. Be a good girl. She can't do anything right and it has to be enough.
"I hate you."
"Anna-"
"Never never never why did you do this you horrible meanie next time you can have the child and it hurts and is there chocolate you better have chocolate waiting."
"Anna, do you want to see your son?"
A smile lights up her face, the weariness already evaporating. She holds her arms out and takes the small bundle.
"He's beautiful."
Dear Elsa
I've written to Mother and Father but wanted to tell you myself. I gave birth to a baby boy. His name is Elias and he's so cute. I can't stop watching him. I wish you could see him. You'll have to visit, or we'll have to bring him. Here's a picture I drew. Joe's a better drawer but I wanted to be the one to show you.
Love
Anna
"Elsa, we have something to tell you. You have a nephew."
"I know." Elsa smiles. Perhaps he's biased but when Elsa smiles, it's as though the world lights up. "She sent me a letter. Did she send you a drawing?"
"Is that what it is?" Agdar frowns at the sketch. "Oh. Uh. Will she notice if I lie and say it looks just like him? It's not as though we know what he looks like. Do you think he actually looks like this?"
"I'd still think he was handsome," she says defiantly and his heart leaps. "But maybe don't say that. Joachim might think it's an insult. I assume he's seen the sketch."
They laugh and if he can look past the premature lines and the deepening shadows under her eyes, he thinks that she is one of three (now four) of the most beautiful people he knows.
Anna
I can't quite tell what he looks like from your picture – could Joachim send me one instead? – but as far as I can see, he looks beautiful. Please tell Elias (please tell me this is a joke, by the way?) that his Aunt Elsa loves him.
Elsa
"Anna? Are you OK?"
"Yeah, I-" She sniffs and looks over at the cot. "Elsa wrote back."
"Where's Elsa?"
Agdar and Idun don't trade looks but only because they've practiced this moment on the boat over several times.
"She's having her first go at being queen. She'll … maybe next time."
"Of course," Anna says, beaming wildly. "Next time."
"See, now was that so bad?"
Elsa shivers; an unnatural sight. "I dealt with everything but they resented me. I don't know the people at all."
"But nothing…"
She's shaking now. "No, but I … those portraits in that hall are gone."
"It's fine," Idun says instantly.
"No, it isn't. I c-can't keep committing r-random acts of v-v-vandalism." Tears start to slide down her face. Agdar reaches forwards and she steps backwards, sweeping her arm as she does. A wall of ice appears in the hall. "I'm sorry! I didn't want to hurt you. It's getting stronger, I didn't mean to do that, I-"
"It's fine, Elsa," Agdar says, more firmly. "The point is, you handled everything well and you're upsetting yourself over nothing." He tries to smile. "Dry your tears. Please? For me?"
"OK," she sniffs, feeling thirteen rather than twenty-three. She bites her lip. "How are Anna and the baby?"
"They're wonderful. Elsa, maybe next time, you should come with us?"
"I should," she says because, no matter what they say, she's caused enough damage this week.
Months pass and Elsa can't bring herself to write more than a couple of lines. She shouldn't be writing at all but she's desperate to hear about her nephew, and, through that, Anna. Somehow, it's acceptable to ask occasional questions about Anna and Joachim in these letters.
It's a dangerous game she's playing and when she nearly freezes her chair in a negotiation session and destroys half the furniture in her room, she realises that she can never meet him.
Suddenly, the idea of becoming a queen is laughable. Maybe she doesn't have to be sociable but she can't rule from behind a door. She'll have to meet people and how can she do that when she nearly, oh God, she nearly froze her mother's arm just last week?
She's concealing, she's concealing as much as she can and it isn't working.
That darkness, the one that's always there, it grows and on some days, it's a struggle to get out of bed. On those days, she burns in that darkness.
She's like a rabid dog.
She even had to rely on her sister to procure her an heir.
Her sister, charming, friendly and married to a prince who's (probably) sensible. Anna would make a better queen. She may have spent many of their classes drawing or daydreaming but she's a fast learner.
At least no one else can feel the darkness. At least she's learnt to conceal that, even if she still feels it.
Anna announces that they're planning another visit, over her son's first birthday. Elsa's heart clenches because he and Anna will be here and she feels as though no matter what she does, nothing turns out right.
She's lost weight, she knows. Yet she can still act regal, she can still think, and really, who's going to see her?
But she hears the whispers, and, in the back of her mind, the smoke from that darkness swirls around, hissing that she can't be any sort of a ruler if she won't even leave the palace. And if anyone finds out about her…
And how can they not?
It would be better for everyone if…
She makes icicles and watches them smash as they hit the floor.
"Elsa? Elsa, we're coming in."
Twisted ice up the walls, spikes littering the floor, demonic snowcreatures – one moving – and in the middle of it all…
"Elsa!"