Still half asleep, Canada yawned widely as he stumbled into the kitchen, clutching his polar bear cub Kumajirou who was still fully asleep and drooling quite heavily.
Now….just to make this clear…..Canada had been living in the same house, going down the same flight of stairs, and walking into the same neatly tiled room for a good couple of centuries.
So he was very surprised when he tripped over something, essentially face planting spectacularly(like Olympic grade even)onto his nice clean floors. Needless to say, Canada and Kumajirou were both fully awake at this point, because nothing say 'Morinin Bitch!' like suddenly eating some floor. To add insult to injury, Canada received a head bop from his indignant and slightly squished bear who stomped off to seek safer pastures in the living room. He resumed his sleeping in as was his right as a cute bear(them's the rules-Google it).
"Oh Maple! What the hell!?", Canada grumbled, sitting up as he straightened his crooked glasses. He half expected to see a semi-unconscious nation sleeping it off in his kitchen(nudity was a viable option) or perhaps even a beaver(it's Canada-it happens). He did not expect to see two rather innocent looking boxes left out on his floor, one with the red and white maple leaf logo of his nationality and the other bearing a black eagle on a white background, the enduring symbol of a lost(and awesome!) nation.
Canada reached for the one labeled with his flag to find it empty save for some wilted lettuce leaves. He checked the Prussian one as well to find the same thing-a whole lot of nothing. Further investigation produced a letter of elegant rice paper and flowing script from Japan and a rough note of hamburger wrapper and sharpie from America. Canada set the letter aside for the moment, scanning the note.
It stated-
Hey Bro!
Dropped this off for Kiku!
Why the hell is your milk in bags?!
Btw-You need more beer, weed, and ketchup chips!
Xtra Btw-Did you know a peanut is neither a pea or a nut!
It's a legume or some shit like that!
Blew my mind dude!
-the Hero!
Canada blinked at the over usage of exclamation points. "Hoser.", he muttered, crumbling up the wrapper note(be happy Canada-at least America was recycling) wondering vaguely if the boxes had had food in them at some point. America got the mad munchies when he was high. Canada wouldn't be surprised to find his fridge raided. Even the marmite he kept for England would not be spared in the face of America's super sized hunger of blackhole-ness.
To his shock, all his food was still(mostly)intact though all of his maple cookies were gone, damn it….and oddly enough all of his mustard too…..Hmmmm. "England must be on cloud nine right now.", Canada mused, knowing if Alfred went straight home he would have made England cook for him…and actually eaten it(and getting so laid for it-food poisoning had never been sweeter).
Gross thoughts of UK/US/UK nookie(cause both nations was flexible….oh so flexible….) aside, Canada focused on making pancake batter. He nearly dropped all of it when a random thought streaked through his mind naked with balls aflapping in the mental wind.
Prussia's box had been sent to his house, not Germany's house….his house…..in Canada…
Oh Maple…..
So much for discretion.
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MochiCanada rolled up to another window to stare at the winter wonderland outside of it. It looked so pretty and perfect to him for some reason. He wanted to bury himself in the soft mounds of the white stuff. It was what he had been doing ever since he had gotten out of white box of stuffiness with the pretty leaf on it. He went from window to window, staring off into space…..but not for long.
MochiCanada kept moving because every time he stopped for too long he heard a strange sound.
"Kesesesesesese…."
MochiCanada shivered with fear. There it was again…..
He rolled away in search of another window quickly.
"Kesesesesese…"
A pair of red eyes followed his every movement.
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Prussia scratched at the underside of his impressive vital regions, still groggy from sleep, wondering why he didn't smell the sweet scents of pancakes in the air. Canada had already gotten up a while ago so that meant pancake time, lovely warm fluffy pancake time of loveliness and joy, and joy and loveliness!
Upon entering the kitchen though, Prussia did not find pancakes of any sort or type. He did however find a bowl of uncooked batter and a stressed out Canada who was suddenly realizing he had somehow gotten himself a roommate at some point in time. A roommate who demanded sex, beer, and pancakes and gave back awesome, feathers, and occasionally naked, inebriated members of the BFT.
…..That was a little too much for anyone to handle first thing in the morning….
"How did this happen!?", Canada kept asking himself like a surprised baby daddy hit up with child support.
"How did what happen?", Prussia asked confused…..confused at why there were no goddamn pancakes! Seriously, who did he have to blow to get some fluffy pancakes around here?
…
Oh yeah!
Prussia smirked evilly, stalking over to his sweet lumberjack of smex. To his surprise, Canada eepped at him, jumping out of his seat to brandish a batter moist whisk at him.
"Do you live here?!", Canada asked furiously, batter dripping from off his weapon of choice. Prussia wondered if Canada had gotten some bad party favors from Holland again.
"Ummmmm…Ja?", Prussia answered slowly, watching Canada pale, his jaw dropping in surprise.
"What the….! Since when!?", Canada fumed. Why was he always the last one to know these things?!
"Scheiße. This sounds like a kinda serious convo. Can I put on some pants for this?", Prussia sighed, visions of pancakes and nookie(in no particular order) getting further out of his reach with each passing second. Canada looked down….not too far down it turned out…the five meters already up to say 'Good morning!'.
"Yeah…yeah, why don't you go do that and we can FUCKING MAPLE! WHAT THE FUCK IT THAT!", Canada shrieked, jumping onto the Prussian in his sudden fright(who was luckily very good friends with France and quite used to this sort of thing) to point at a strange white ball rolling across the tile under its own energy.
Prussia(after some shifting) was able to peek through the arms clutching at his head to look down at the round thing smiling up at him softly.
"Looks like a mochi.", Prussia grunted, his verdict muffled by the Canadian glued to his head and shoulders. The mochi blinked its pretty lilac eyes at him, its head curl bobbing from the action. The sole lock hung over a tiny pair of glasses perched on its suggestion of a nose. Oddly enough it wore a bear shaped bag around its girth.
"Maple.", MochiCanada said in its politest tones in way of greeting.
"KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!", Canada yelled back, throwing the whisk at it(and missing horribly-he did manage to take out that a coffee cup though but it had it coming, dastardly ceramic fiend it was). Prussia rolled his eyes, shifting Canada more to one shoulder so that he could get a better look at the strange creature.
"It's cute. Where'd it come from?", Prussia decided, scratching under the thing's chin with his toe. The mochi purred, snuggling up with the offered appendage. Canada was less than happy about it. In his opinion, food shouldn't talk…ever.
Canada suddenly remembered the letter from Japan. He poked at Prussia's head until the albino glared at him, his mochi love interrupted. Canada pointed frantically to Japan's letter. Prussia tried putting him down only to be spider monkeyed. Seriously though it was worse that getting a piece of static infused plastic off of your fingers, so eventually Prussia just gave up, letting the other nation settle on his back.
"Hmmm….Looks like Japan has been making clone mochis of us. That's creepy but whatever.", Prussia shrugged which was actually really impressive considering the large Canadian tumor he was sporting.
"Is that even legal!? Get me my whisk!", Canada yelled, still not digging what the mochi was serving.
"Would you calm the fuck down? It's a talking rice ball! Who gives a shit?", Prussia grumped, retrieving the cooking implement for the Canadian to wield again. This was starting not to be worth pancakes at all….getting laid maybe….but not pancakes, not when beer was such a simpler, easier substitute. Come to think of it, he had better get some damn beer for all this shit.
"Kesesesese….."
"What are you laughing aboot?!", Canada demanded, starting to feel more than a little silly now. He even considered getting down.
"That wasn't me.", Prussia said confused. At least he didn't think it was him. Oh Sheisse, maybe it was the ghost of that pastry he had eaten last night! He watched as MochiCanada started to tremble suddenly, meeping in fright at the sound.
Another mochi rolled into the kitchen to come to a stop a few feet away. It had a bright yellow marzipan chick on its head and peered up at them with crimson eyes and a toothy cocky grin. "Kesesese!", it snickered loudly.
"…..you have got to be kidding me….", Canada eyed it warily. MochiCanada must have been thinking the same thing cause it started to roll off again, the MochiPrussia hot on its trail as the pair started to roll around the pair in circles. MochiPrussia eventually caught up to his quarry though, jumping on MochiCanada.
"5 Meters!"
"Maple!"
"5 Meters!"
"MAPLE!"
The two nations felt oddly uncomfortable at this point, the pair trying to focus on different things in the room. Kumajirou walked into the kitchen, took one look at the boinking mochis and walked out. Prussia's shoulders slumped in unfamiliar awkwardness as Canada climbed down stiffly off of him. They got to have a chance for some sort of conversation upon the mochi's…..um…..*cough*completion*cough*.
"So are we good?", Prussia asked hesitantly, scratching the back of his head. He winced when he noticed his mochi going back for seconds of his maple candy.
"Yeah.", Canada sighed, stepping carefully over the busy couple. Considering everything and in the face of it all, this morning had already been too weird for him(and that was saying something with France and England as parental figures and America as a sibling).
"So…can I have some pancakes now?"
"…"
"…"
"Yeah."
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EXTRA CRACK OF EXTEME CRACKYNESS-IF YOU GET THIS NEXT BIT AND THE FANFIC/DOUSHINJI I AM REFERENCING…..CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE JUST AS PERVY AS FRANCE….AND ME.
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America found England naked in bed smoking a cigarette. MochiAmerica looked entirely too happy sitting beside him, fluid dripping from his mouth.
"KUMQUAT!", the mochi yelled at the stunned American.
"Not again….", America grumbled. England just shrugged, smirking at him with a raise of a bushy eyebrow..
"Go to hell England!"
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WHAT?! YOU WANT MORE!? OK!
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"Well, I guess it was only a matter of time.", England sighed, eyeing the huge batch of tiny little mochis rolling around the living room. There were hundreds of them, peeping noisily as they rolled busily across the floor. All of them were sporting bushy eyebrows or golden ahoges and blue eyes or green eyes and were being very loud about it. MochiEngland looked very put out, his tea time being interrupted constantly by all the racket. He glared at his prodigy, grumbling out, "Bollocks" and "Rubbish" occasionally under his breath.
"Well shit, what are we going to do with all of them?', Alfred groaned, rubbing his face tiredly. He wondered if the mochis could be neutered. They went at it enough(worse than bunnies). He was actually a little surprised that they hadn't had babies earlier(not that he even considered that possible in the first place). Now he had to watch where he stepped or else get mochi in between his toes.
The two nations watched as MochiAmerica rolled into the room, going over to MochiEngland who fumed at him, glaring acid over the rim of his teacup.
"Git.", MochiEngland snapped as he was jostled once again by the overactive tiny mochis mucking about.
"Are you happy?", MochiAmerica asked, snuggling up to his partner in crime, happily oblivious to glowering being beside him.
"Bollocks.", MochiEngland grumbled, sulking as tiny mochis climbing up, over, and around him. MochiAmerica sprang into action.
Nom, nom, nom!
Nom, nom, nom!
Nom, nom, nom!
MochiAmerica rolled around gulping up all the tiny squealing mochis until not one was left. England and America watched in morbid fascination at the phenomenon.
"Explains why we haven't seen them before.", America shrugged. MochiAmerica looked particularly pleased with itself as it rolled back over to MochiEngland who looked a lot happier now.
"That's disgusting!", England snapped, feeling a little sick to his stomach at the sudden cannibalism.
"It's OK! I'm American!", MochiAmerica yelled up at them, rolling over to produce little flags of stars and stripes from his sides proudly.
"It's the circle, the circle of life!", America sang overdramatically, picking up MochiAmerica to present him to the savannah of the living room.
"Git.", the two different versions of England spat out.