Chapter 1 - Everyone is Dying to Meet You

This is my first ever fanfiction, please don't hate! I spent ages trying to finish this chapter and i haven't had it checked so just tell me and i'll fix it :) Thank you for reading!

"What do you mean I'm leaving?!" A slow-burning rage built up inside me; he was only just telling me this now?! I always wondered why he treated me like that, with a worried, almost disgusted look in his eyes every time he looked at me. But it wasn't that that bugged me so much as the fact that he didn't act like that to my siblings. They never got that 'look'.

He hesitated before answering. "Before you were even born... Well, you've heard all of the stories about the Circle? Your mother and I, we used to belong to the organisation, used to hang onto Valentine's every word. And when he asked us... How could we refuse?! He said it was for a good cause, it would make you better, stronger, one of the most powerful Shadowhunters that there was." I couldn't believe they were chucking me out over this! They should be proud of me, getting this far in life, especially with Valentine's help. At least at the start. Instead, they were shipping me out to the Clave to get examined, thinking it would help their 'situation'. It was their fault that they had got into this mess in the first place, not agreeing with them and siding with Downworlders of all people! And now they had decided that i was different, not good enough for them, too violent! Ha, wasn't that our whole life, violence, killing, and yet they planned to take that away from me.

"We left not long after that. Your mother became sick, throwing up every night, more than normal in a pregnancy. Valentine gave her special concoctions, he said it would make her better. But she just got worse. So we left, acted out our deaths so as he wouldn't think to follow us, and contacted the Clave. We told them everything we could; they were no help at all. They didn't understand what was happening. So we hid ourselves away, and waited to see what happened.

"Your mother died at childbirth. When you were born, she held you in her arms, just one time, and she screamed. She died choking up blood, and i was left with you, the last link to her." He paused, a haunted look in his eyes at the memory. Finally, he shook the feeling off.

"I tried my best, you know. To raise you to be a good kid. But everything i tried just had the opposite effect. You were the kind of kid that ripped the wings off butterflies or set ants on fire using a magnifying glass on a sunny June morning. So i thought, maybe this was my fault, maybe you needed some kind of mother figure in your life. And when we had your little brother... you almost killed him. Or at least you tried to. Several times, in fact." His eyes clouded over as he remembered my dealings as a five year old. Sure, i had been a jealous child, but weren't all at my age?! But no, that boy, he wasn't my brother, he never would be. He didn't belong in my life and he didn't deserve to be there spoiling it and taking all the attention. So what if i was trying to get rid of him? They didn't get the hint anyway, and had about three more! Stupid people.

"And? Why would you care?! He's nothing special." It was true as well, he was nothing like how i was, i could beat him easy. He wasn't anywhere near as clever in his going-ons but he didn't get in trouble like i did! It wasn't fair! I watched as my father's face transformed into a mask of horror at what i had said, paling considerably and almost blending in with the white wall behind him.

"Trix..."

"My name is Trixy;" my voice sounded sharp even to my ears and i looked on in satisfaction as my father flinched back, "so why don't you call me that instead of pretending that you like me just as much as the rest of them?" His mouth hung open in blatant shock.

"W-what do you mean? I love you all just the same." For a moment he seemed lost for words.

"Don't lie. Don't even try it 'cause if you do, i'll know, and you'll regret it when i do something about it! So don't try and convince me that i'm not any different from the rest of them, that you don't have favourites in a family, because i know that you like them better, i've seen it. I've seen the way you look at them, with all that love and warmth," i spat the words out with a venom i knew was striking him to the core and took a step towards him, "and how you always tell them that everything will be just fine because mommy's here and she'll protect you from all the bad dreams; well, what about my bad dreams?! Do you know that i wake up sweating every night, feeling like there is a massive hole in my life, something missing, and it kills me! And who do i have to go to to tell me that everything will be alright?" By this time, i noticed with some amusement, my father had shrunk up against the wall, covering his ears as if to hide himself from the blunt truth. My brother and two sisters had crept through the door to see what all the noise was about, still sleepily peering through their half-closed lids. One of them wasn't there. "I have NO-ONE!" My voice rose to a shout. The anger that had been raging inside of me was let go in a sudden tsunami of emotions, and he couldn't even LOOK at me. It flared up to a scorching warpath, burning up everything else as i took those last few steps towards my father and dragged him to his feet, shaking him gruffly by the shoulders. "WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME?! ITS YOUR FAULT, ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!" A massive crack resounded through the air as I slammed his head back into the wall, wanting to make him hurt as much as possible. He muttered under his breath, praying. I snarled. How dare he?! How dare he have the gall to pray against me? Grabbing his hair, i flung him across the room with a strength that was growing quickly, that had been expanding faster than everyone else's. In the back of my head, i registered that my brother and sisters were sobbing quietly, every now and then breaking out into a loud cry. I stormed over to the pathetic man that deemed to call himself my father and gave him a kick that echoed with a hollow thud. The cries got louder.

"SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU STUPID, ANNOYING, WHINY LITTLE BRATS! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN LEAVE AND STOP CRYING!" The three of them left the room quickly, shuffling out as fast as their weak bodies could take them. I turned back to my father. Looking at him, lying there, broken, calmed me down slightly. I knelt down beside him, crouching towards his ear.

"So why am i different?" My voice had taken on a soft, dreamlike quality, was almost forced to stay even. "Why don't you tell me that at least? You owe me that much." He shuddered inwardly. "You can't even stand the sight of me." The accusation was clear in my voice. "Why is it that you want to send me away, father? Did you seriously think that you could save those inbred degenerates from a higher judgement?" I rose to my feet, standing above his head. He choked feebly on blood, spitting out part of a tooth onto the wooden flooring.

"I got a message from him a week ago, you know. Valentine, I mean. He said that he knew what i was and who i was. Now what could that possibly mean, i thought. I knew what i was too, or at least i thought i did. But no, maybe i should let you do the explaining. On you go then, tell me how much of a monster i am, in your eyes anyway. I'd more like to think of myself as a tortured soul, don't you think? I mean, its not my fault, what you did to me." He just stared at me for a quiet minute, his blonde hair matted slightly from sweat or blood, i couldn't tell either way.

"I never meant for you to be like this," he said, and it would have been almost too quiet for me to hear if i was anyone else. "You know, you could almost look like your mother if it wasn't for those eyes. I don't know who you get those from. But every time i look at you, it just reminds me of her. I've always blamed Valentine for your mother's death. I don't know what he did to you exactly, but whatever he did is slowly poisoning you from the inside. And it isn't just you that he did that to. He did it to his own son. I remember being there when his son was born. You weren't alive yet, we left as soon as we could so as he couldn't do the same thing to you. It was too late though, he'd already done damage. His son, his name was Jonathan. He.." He sighed, and took a deep breath before starting over. "He was burned to death along with Valentine when he found out about Jocelyn's part in the Uprising. But now you say that you got a message from Valentine? Well, maybe he isn't as dead as we hoped he was. There has been a lot of speculation and rumours floating about, about how Valentine had returned from the dead. We've been hiding away from all of it, and just a week ago, we got a message from the Clave saying that Valentine was back and he had both the Mortal Cup and the Sword." He looked straight at me, for the first time since he had told me i had to go. "That's why i thought you could help. If Valentine is still alive, then maybe Jonathan is too. And both of you are the same, i figured out that much. So if Jonathan is helping Valentine, the Clave could figure out how he is different from everyone else from you." His expression hardened marginally. "So that's why we are sending you away." In the time it took for him to say those last few words, i had dragged him to his feet. I held his shoulder loosely, knowing in a split second i could easily move and change the situation drastically.

I leant into his ear again. "I understand now. Thing is," his shoulder tensed up beneath my hand, "I've met Valentine. And i don't see what's all that wrong with him." Somewhere behind me, someone gasped loudly. I spun around to see my step-mother standing there with a look of shock and horror on her face. And that was when it clicked. My father hadn't made the choice for me to go. It was her. I already knew she was a die-hard supporter of the Clave and Council. It just all made sense now! And i hadn't exactly hidden how i felt about her, so of course she would want to get rid of me so she could have my father all to herself! Not gonna happen, bitch, she had wrecked my life enough as it was. It had only taken a second to think all this, and only took one more to move behind her and snap her neck. I felt nothing as her body fell limply to the ground, the expression frozen on her face. Good riddance.

I looked up to see my father holding a small penknife with runes intricately carved into the blade's surface. He held it in the position so he could fling it at any moment. Something inside me tugged at the sight, seeing him that ready to kill me.

"Go on then. Do it, i dare you." My eyes were trained on his face, keeping a sharp eye for any slight movement that could give away an action. "But don't you want to know how i met Valentine? It could help your precious Clave SO much." I waited for an answer, knowing i wouldn't get one, and continued. "You see, the night i got his message, he came to my room. As a projection of course, he isn't that stupid. And he also sent me a way to contact him if i ever decided to join him; he sent me his raven, Hugin. I'm sure you know him. So you can lose all of your illusions that I'm going to the Clave with you." I smiled slightly at the thought, not a nice smile, one that would turn your insides to ice. "I think i better go now, right father? Don't miss me too much." The sarcasm was obvious and that was when i saw it, the change i had been waiting for.

As the penknife flew towards my head at what might have been a frightening pace to some, my hand flew up, catching it by the hilt inches before it struck. I looked at it for a minute before lowering it, and noticed my father standing with his mouth hanging open. I grinned.

"What? Want another go?" I knelt down and slid it towards him across the floor. "On you go. Give it a try." My grin widened as he bent to pick it up. "Hey, how about i make this fair and i have something too?" I reached into my denim pocket, bringing out a ballpoint pen. "This do?" He just stared as he straightened up.

"You expect me to fight my own daughter when she only has a BALLPOINT PEN?!" His face coloured in disbelief.

"I would fight you with nothing if i didn't think that you would have a fit at the thought." I just looked at him cooly until he gave up. He sighed.

"Fine, how is this going to work out?" He seemed resigned to the fact that he was going to have to kill his daughter, but slightly bothered by it.

"Atta boy, knew you'd come round to the right decision." I laughed, a cold laugh with no humour in it. I didn't have a problem with fighting him, it was his fault anyway. "Why don't we just take turns until one of us hits the other? That should just about work." I gestured for him to start. "You first." He went deadly still and again i concentrated on his face. One minute went, then another, and still i waited for him to make a move.

"What's going on?" A small voice came from the door. Brody stood, a small, forlorn figure in the doorway, trembling. "The others woke me up and said..." He trailed off, his eyes finally locking onto the lifeless body of his mother. "Mom?" I lost my patience. I always had around Brody.

"Get out. NOW!" My attention was now entirely focussed on my half brother, not even slightly bothered about my father a feet away. "I'm giving you one last chance to leave before i do something really drastic." I took one step forward, and in that one movement i caught sight of that small change i had been waiting for. I would have missed it if Brody hadn't looked at my father at the last minute, and i cursed myself internally for my lack of concentration that had almost cost me my life. I flung myself backward at the last minute, and in a moment of hesitation the knife blade slashed through my shirt, slicing through a layer of skin in the process and drawing a bead of blood from my chest. The knife flew past me, imbedding itself in the white plaster. Brody was screaming, running over to his father in fright. Little idiot, i thought distantly. I felt strangely empty, as though in that last gesture, my father had leached all feelings from me. I looked up to see him calming Brody, pushing him towards the door. Go, his eyes said. Run. Because i was the monster here.

I watched as Brody ran out of the door and i heard the front door of our apartment slam shut behind him. I didn't know where he would go, and i didn't care anymore. That was his problem now. My father straightened up, flattening out the creases in his shirt.

"You gave me no choice you know." His voice seemed to float through water, as if from a distance. I closed my eyes and welcomed the dark oblivion deep inside me, letting it take over as he spoke. I gave into my demon side. When i opened my eyes again, i saw everything with a perfect clarity. My father's face looking at me with regret, the small device in his hand that i knew would summon the Clave to our doorstep. The cracked window, i couldn't even remember how that had got there. But all i knew was that i was leaving, and i wasn't leaving any survivors.

I couldn't help but grin when he pressed a button on the device, a grin that could melt skin off of the bone, as the room exploded into movement. The glass panes shattered from the pressure as a portal burst open in the centre of the room, blocking my view of my father momentarily and allowing a flood of Shadowhunters, armed to the teeth with weapons, to enter the room. They formed a rough circle around me, blocking every exit with a body. I would have been flattered by how much effort they were going to, if it wasn't for the fact that it was all going to waste. A low hum spread through my veins, adrenaline pumping through them in anticipation of the fight that was going to follow. I stood stock still in the centre of chaos, embracing my element. When all movement stopped, i waited.

One of the dark mass of Shadowhunters stepped forward from the crowd, walking with an air that made it clear that he was in charge here. He cleared his throat once, twice, and addressed me with a sneer.

"Trixy Abendstern, you are hereby arrested for suspected treason to the Clave, association with the murderer, Valentine Morgenstern, and the murder of Helena Willowfern, as seen before us. Do you disagree with any of these charges?" He looked severely bored.

"Why no sir," i replied, sarcasm dripping from my voice, "apart from one." Curiosity spread across his features. I was pretty sure that this hadn't happened before to him.

"Oh? And which is that?"

I walked over to him casually; the atmosphere changed tangibly and everyone tensed. I leaned in closer, as if to spill a secret.

"I wouldn't call it murder to cleanse the world of beasts, sir." My voice had dropped considerably, and everyone leaned in to hear what i was saying. "More like righteous judgement to be fair." The whole room hushed in shock. "Now then," i raised my voice to full level again and everyone jumped; "all you have left to do is put me in shackles and be done with it! Chop chop!" No one moved for a painfully long second, until the Clave official gestured for a small, timid man to step forward, carrying with him heavy thick chains and two bulky bashers. I couldn't help but laugh at the sight of them. "Well now I'm flattered," i sneered sarcastically. A small glint appeared in the little man's eyes, just what i was looking for.

He stalked over determinedly, and i held out my wrists for capture. He looked strangely surprised. I battled with myself for a minute, trying to keep myself in check. If my demon side completely took over right now, it would be a disaster and everything i had worked towards for so long would be ruined! I needed to keep a straight head on, just for now.

Instead of ripping them all to pieces as i would have liked to, i tapped into a glamour, one i had learned to do years ago when my father had told me off for scaring everyone and being a rude menace. Charm soaked into my smile, and the man hesitated.

"Come on, please? I haven't got all day you know." I batted my eyes to seal the deal and he walked forward, wrapping the thick chains around my small, wrists. I was deceptively small for my age, and i had stopped growing at the rate i had before, at about five times the average pace. As the chains snapped shut, i swung my arms so the chains untangled and the man was facing the other way, towards the shocked spectators, with the chains wrapped around his neck and held by none other than myself. The two bashers moved towards me, gliding along at an inhuman speed. The darkness pulsed inside me and i struggled to regain control. Not yet, i told myself. I ducked, avoiding one of their hands and dragging my prisoner down with me. He choked as he was forced to his knees, and my hands loosened slightly around his neck. He couldn't die just yet. I sprung back up as the basher's hand went over my head and dodged under his guard, grabbing his chin and twisting. A loud crack filled the room as his neck snapped and he slumped to the ground, lifeless. Surprisingly, none of the Shadowhunters standing around the room ran in to help, and just stood there with their mouths swinging open like trapdoors. The remaining basher kicked out towards my legs, hoping to trip me up. I jumped up and landed on top of his airborne foot, making it slam into the ground with a crunch. He screamed in pain for a second before my foot connected with his face and his nose smashed into his brain. I smiled to myself. So far so good. The man trembled violently in my arms and the adrenaline kicked into gear.

I looked up from the gory sight to see Shadowhunters from every direction point a weapon at my face. So they had learned. Good on them. My father stepped out from the cloud of black. His face was twisted until it was unreadable and his hands shook at his side.

"Trixy..." I raised an eyebrow at him. Now this i couldn't wait to hear. "Please, just stop. You don't need to do this anymore, hurting people. Just come with us, maybe we can help you!" At that i snapped, and it showed on my face. All the charm i had worked to keep up disappeared and the man choked as my arms tightened unconsciously. I didn't care anymore. A part of me that was getting bigger the more he said raged.

"I don't need your help," i hissed. "I don't need anyone's help, you get that? And more than that i don't want your help, you can keep it! Is that what you've been thinking all these years? That i need HELP?!" I sneered, fuming. "Well, i'll let you know this; you're gonna need a lot more help where you're going." I could feel my green eyes flashing, my pupils dilating to an unnatural size and swallowing up all colour, leaving only a rim of dark green around the everlasting darkness. My father had only seen me like this once before, when Brody was still a baby. My thick black hair whipped around my face in the wind coming through the smashed window, the curls tangling and knotting, and the air pulsed around me, shaking the drawers. The lightbulbs burst overhead, spraying glass on the Shadowhunters below. The one candle in the room flickered, almost snuffing out. I was drawing all light out of the room without knowing it, and it puddled around me in a black smoke. Several of the Shadowhunter stepped back, confused and scared. Pathetic. The darkness was taking over me quickly now, and there was nothing i could do or wanted to do to stop it. The black flew over my eyes and i blanked out.

I opened my eyes to find myself holding a small broken body in my arms with a ballpoint pen stuck in their little neck. It was Marie. My eyes widened in shock. Her eyes still fluttered slightly, blonde eyelashes casting dark shadows on her delicate little face. She looked just like father like that. I had managed to hold it in for so long, worked so hard to stop this from happening again. But it had happened anyway and it was the worst i'd ever seen it.

Bodies were strewn all over the room, of all shapes and sizes. The portal was still standing open, waiting for the Shadowhunters that would never walk through it. Blood spattered the wall and the floor, even the ceiling, because of what i had done. I held my head in my hands. This was my fault. Maybe it was because i had held it in and it had built up over the weeks. But maybe it was because i was like that, and it would never change no matter how hard i tried. My last outburst had been a month ago, and i had ended up killing the neighbour's cat. That hadn't been the worst i had done though.

I stood up, laying Marie on the floor as softly as i knew how. There was Jonah as well, and Hailey. They were all my father's doubles, lying there. I already knew he was dead before i saw him.

Looking at my father was worse somehow. And seeing him made me know i had to stop trying. Stop trying to hold it in, because every time i did it got worse. I turned away from the sight, sick to the stomach. This was what i got for trying to be good. It was going against my nature. And it had to stop now. I closed my eyes once again, digging deep inside me for that darkness. It had hidden itself away, for now. I pulled it back out, stretching it over every part of me in resignation. As it covered that last part of me that had resisted, it swelled into a sudden burst of black, gouging itself on the light inside. And i let it, for the most part. I still had to have one last memory to hold onto. And that was the one that told me of my home. Where i was welcome. At Valentine's side.

"Hugin!" The black raven flew down from the rafters above my head, settling on my arm cautiously. "Tell Valentine I'm on my way. I'll be there in two minutes." It opened its beak and cawed in confirmation. I walked over to the portal, Hugin still perched on my arm. Stretching out my fingers, they passed through the shimmering air, and i concentrated on the picture that Valentine had shown me of where i was to go. I drew them back, and Hugin spread his wings wide, letting them catch the wind before taking off into the portal. I sighed and turned back to face the ruined room. I still had one last thing to get before i left.

Walking over to one of the locked cabinets, i produced a small key, with intricate designs engraved into the metal, and fit it into the lock. The drawer was stiff from being left unused over the years, apart from to hold one thing. I reached into the rotten wood and picked up the only thing in there.

My ring still shined despite being locked in there for all those years, even in the darkness. It was complicated, yet beautiful, at least in my eyes. Thin strips of dark metal wound themselves around each other, forming a twisting band that fit perfectly around my finger. Chips of fire agate were encrusted into the strips, with a larger piece in the shape of a star in the centre. The precious stone changed colour constantly, changing with the light. It was once my mother's, and was my family ring. It was also the only thing that held any value to me.

I quickly set it on my finger, shut the drawer, locked it and spun around to walk into the swirling light of the portal and into my new life.