A/N: The Kissing Monster is a direct reference to an episode of Playschool, featuring Philip Quast, where he makes a monster Blue Peter-style from boxes and other odds and ends. The 'monster' takes on a number of guises, including a 'Kissing Monster'. The clip can be found on Youtube.

Javert hated night chases. No matter how well he knew the town the shadows nearly always gave the pursued the upper hand – there were plenty of tight corners and dark passages in which to take refuge and wait with an iron bar to hand. Tonight, however, the moon shone bright with the sky almost cloudless, and for that Javert was thankful.

"Halt!" the Inspector's deep growl echoed down the stone alleyway. "Not another step."

"Or what?" Javert's quarry, hideously bony and decorated with a toothy smile and claw-like hands, snorted at the advancing Inspector's chest.

"You will come to know the full force of the law." Javert was nearly upon him.

"The full force of the law?" the scoundrel questioned. "How you fill me with terror, Inspector." And with a mocking laugh he made to take flight once more.

If only he had been quicker he would not have felt Javert's huge hands seize his grimy linen shirt and slammed him hard against the stone wall.

"There's only one place for scum like you." Javert's icy blue eyes bore into him.

"Scum like me?" another faux laugh. "I hear you're no better than the rest of us – born in a gaol, so the story goes."

"Quiet!" Javert snapped sharply, punctuating his command with another hard thrust of his catch against the wall.

The crook was relentless. He whispered maliciously as a wedge of moonlight glided over them.

"What do you plan to do, Javert?"

"Kiss you."

Javert's voice remained steely, his expression earnest.

"Beg pardon, Inspector?"

"Kiss you" he repeated.

Javert pursed his lips and kissed at the cool night air in an exaggerated manner. His prey, still trapped between the stone and the policeman's broad frame, fought to squirm free. Javert repeated his actions, his thin lips closer to the criminal's scarred cheek, the noise wet.

The crook's expression knitted tight with confusion. He couldn't keep a slight tremble out of his voice: "Are you well, Inspector?"

"I am."

Javert darted his tongue to moisten his mouth, pressed his lips tight together, mashed them against his victim's own and pulled away a long while later with a wet squelch. Javert continued and rained theatrical kisses in the space between them as the criminal writhed yet again: he kicked his legs, flailing like a fish on dry land; he tried to close his hands around the Inspector's thick wrists; he begged feebly to be set free. It was only the sound of approaching footsteps, resonating off the rough brickwork, which allowed him to sigh with relief.

"Inspector Javert?" Monsieur Madeleine's voice called out.

"Monsieur le Maire! Thank Christ!" The trapped man stilled and his voice alone conveyed his desperation. "Inspector Javert – he's gone quite mad!"

Javert paused, his lips circled in an O and his brow furrowed. His eyes widened a little just as the moonlight was veiled by a thick cloud.

"Monsieur le Maire" he murmured as his gaze first fell upon the man then the way he had him pinned before him.

In a brusque action Javert eased his hold and caused his detainee to fall heavily to the ground, before promptly turning on his heels and addressing his superior with a small dip of his head.

The scrawny delinquent had scrabbled to his feet. "He tried to kiss me – Inspector Javert…" He patted down his grubby breeches as the words hurried out of his mouth. "He did…he…Javert tried-"

Valjean held up a hand, cutting short his stumbling speech.

"Inspector" Valjean switched his attention to Javert. "Is this true?"

"Of course not" Javert huffed as he straightened himself up to full height and squared his shoulders.

He turned back to the cretin in front of him: in truth Javert had no recollection of the accusation out before him. Nor was this the first time an incident such as this had occurred, and Javert was forced to revert to his customary course of action:

"Leave!" he ordered sternly, "And do not dare to cross my path again."

The felon needed no more telling and he speedily left the two men listening as his echoing footsteps faded to a distant nothingness. There was a brief silence before Javert spoke:

"I must continue my rounds."

"Of course" Valjean nodded and made to take his leave. "Goodnight, Inspector."

Javert bowed his head in return. "Goodnight, Monsieur le Maire."

They set off in opposite directions. Halfway along the alley the Mayor stopped and glanced back over his shoulder at Javert, his silhouette highlighted in lunar light. For a fleeting moment he swore Javert stretched his neck up and made an elaborate kissing gesture to the bright orb high above them.