AUTHOR: Goddess Isa
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com
SUMMARY: Buffy and Angel angst in the future
SPOILER: Graduation Day
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P
RATING: TV-PG
DISCLAIMER: Sunnydale, ect = Joss Angry and AOLhating = me Hot and getting hotter by the moment = Xander Oh, and the song is actually from California Dreams, but I added a verse because it was too short. My verse sucks and I know it but I don't care
DEDICATION: For Sandee, just because =) Oh, and for Angelus and Xander, because they were sooooooooo good to me tonight =)
July 3rd, 1999
"I'm going to Northwestern."
Four sets of eyes stared at her.
"What?" Buffy demanded. "All of a sudden I don't deserve a chance to be happy?"
"Buffy, we never said..." Willow wasn't sure what to say. She was still too shocked.
"I'm going. My father agreed to pay for it now that Mom's gone, and it's just easier this way. I love you all, and I'll miss you, but I'm leaving."
And with that said, she was gone.
*****
The line for registration was longer than Buffy had anticipated. She hadn't expected to wind up at the University of Delaware by the end of the summer, but by August 31st, that was where she was. There were demons, so she was Slaying. It wasn't different than Slaying in Sunnydale, as far as the actual vamps went, but it was different for her. She wasn't required to do it. No one was depending on her to save everyone. Nobody was at home pacing the floor, waiting for her come home. It was just her, on her own time, doing the only thing she was any good at. She wasn't even sure what she was doing at school, but thanks to her dad she had money to burn, and college seemed like a good enough place to do that. Not as good as the Mall of America sounded, but good enough.
//So many places to go now
So many people for me to know
Don't even have time for missing you
There's just so much to do\\
Buffy was lying to herself that Angel wasn't on her mind one hundred and fifty percent. When she'd finally been assigned a dorm room, the first thing she'd done was wallpaper the entire ceiling with a clouded paper adored with tiny angels. It was symbolic of what she could never have. A constant reminder of what she would always long for. That was what she wanted. She wanted him with her 24:7, one way or another. If it had to take wallpaper on the ceiling, so be it. It was no replacement for his arms holding her close at night, but it would have to do.
//It's hard living without you
Had it figured out
Right from the start
From morning 'till night
There's so much for me to do
But what will I do with my heart?\\
Buffy's head was spinning. Classes in this building and that. This professor is there on this day, but you have this professor the other days. Odd days are these courses, and the others are on evens. She wasn't even positive which dorm she was staying in anymore. She had half a mind to just drop out of U of D when she saw him.
HIM!
Angel.
He was walking alone in one of the parks she had taken to patrolling. He was holding a stake.
She had to get out of there before he saw her.
//I'm unsure where I should run now
Everywhere I go turns into dead ends
Won't matter which way I run now
I've lost all of my friends\\
"Let's see," Buffy got behind the wheel of the used Jeep she'd bought with the money leftover from cashing in her classes. The windows had to be up or down, there was no in between, the power locks didn't work so she had to do them manually, the windshield was cracked and the radio was broken.
She loved it.
"Where all have I been?" she opened an atlas book and checked the main cities list. "I've hit Chicago, New York City, Boston, Minneapolis and Los Angeles." She closed her eyes and ran her finger up and down the list, opening them and saying "I will go..." she looked down and nearly fainted when she saw where her finger had landed.
Miami.
Cordelia had said she'd seen Angel in Miami. But if he was in Delaware, he wasn't in Miami. Right?
She put the key in the ignition and started for the home of the Happiest Place On Earth.
//It's hard living without you
Had it figured out
Right from the start
From morning 'till night
There's so much for me to do
But what will I do with my heart?\\
Miami was lonely. Buffy was almost out of money, so she took a nanny job to have money. She lived with the family whose children she cared for, but she was miserable. She missed everything she loved and she missed Angel.
"Buffy," Marissa, one of the kids came into her room. "Mommy says there's a phone call for you."
"Thank you Marissa," Buffy picked up the phone in her room and took a deep breath. "Hello?"
"Are you through running?" Angel asked.
//Hey, you know me
I can really be
Pretty smart
Now you can't see
Why losing you will tear me apart\\
"Aren't you the one who ran first?" she countered. "You left Sunnydale."
"So did you."
"I left to help you, what's your excuse?"
"I left to escape. My mother's dead."
"I know. I heard. I'm sorry."
"Do you know what I found in her room? She had a note in her drawer that said 'talk to Angel about Buffy'. What did you talk about, Angel?"
Silence came over the phone lines.
"Angel!"
"She told me, not in so many words, but she told me to leave you. To let you be, make your own decisions. Find someone else."
"I don't want someone else."
"Neither do I."
"I wanna go home." she started to cry.
"Home? Where's that?"
"Sunnydale. The library. You."
"I can't go back there," he said softly.
//It's hard living without you
Had it figured out
Right from the start
From morning 'till night
There's so much for me to do
But what will I do with my heart?\\
"You want me to go back alone?"
"I want you to do what you need to do and call me when you're ready for me."
Buffy hung up the phone and Star69ed him back.
"Hello," he answered cautiously.
"I'm ready."