Yeah pretty much no point to this story I just got really bored and my brain spewed this out... of my ears... into my fingers... forcing my poor fingers to type.. halp meh! ( * A * )!
Oh yeah no ownage (lol ownage) of Naruto here.. or Akatsuki... just a weird random story I just felt like writing. :3
It was a super hot day in the Akatsuki's base. Too hot. So hot Hidan started poking Okami and she kicked him in the shin and here we are now.
"" Hidan screamed. Okami slapped him with a banana taco.
"WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!" He yelled at her and pointed at the taco. She smirked " SA TACO BANANA." he growled "STOP TALKING NONSENSE WOMAN!" yelled and he shook her shoulders. She grinned as she spit out like a zillion M&M's and they were literally pouring out like a waterfall.
He did a man scream. "GAAAAWW! WHAT THE HECK! HOLY CRAP KAKUZU SEW HER MOUTH! PAIN! LEADER! DO SOMETHIIIIING! DARNET WOMAN STOP MOUTH CRAPPING AND GIVING BIRTH TO A ZILLION M&M BABIES!" he screamed as they were still pouring out.
The whole floor around them was covered in M&M's. She increased the force of it and spray vomited more M&M's into his face as her head was spinning around and around.
Kitsune jumped out of nowhere with a huge caveman club and whacked him on he head. "GO TO SLEEP!" she screamed in his face. He groaned and sprayed M&M's all over as he passed out.
Five hours later he woke up. On a chair. That was hanging over a vat of mashed purple potatoes (yes, there is such a thing as purple potatoes 030!).
The rope on his chair was attached to the ceiling with... what the heck! tape! It looked like the cheap kind too. And he was in a pink frilly dress.
"Screw you Kakuzu... Always buying cheap- AAAAHH!" he screamed as he was being sprayed. He saw people in purple cloaks with Joker masks on spraying him with peanut butter and jelly from water guns.
As he wriggled in his chair, the Peanut Butter Jelly Time song started playing full blast in the speakers.
He fell into the potato vat and went through a hole into the room below. He looked around. Nobody. Nothing. It was a plain white room.
Then, the walls started to very very slowly close in with metal spikes on them and Ronald McDonald was playing on the tv, doing Ronald McDonald Insanity while colorful rave lights were being turned off and on, flashing.
He growled. "WHAT IS THIS CRAP!" a dwarf with an axe chopped the door down and sprayed him in the face with kool aid. After he left the Kool Aid Man burst through the wall screaming "OH YEAAH!"
Then, random doors appeared and a bunch of midgets wearing voodoo maskes and grass skirts swarmed in and started tickling him with sticks that had hands on them while chanting "Ikuduthathungeebonzo."
They started break dancing around him, giving him a completely disturbed look.
Taka and Kimi ran by with rubber chickens and slapped him in the face before warping into a random portal.
Kitsune then ran in wearing a Colonel Sanders mask and started spraying blue goo on all of the midgets. Then she brought out a machine gun. Hidan growled as she aimed it for his head. She fired it but when she did, a bunch of lima beans got shot at him, mostly into his mouth.
Hidan HATED lima beans. He started spray vomiting everywhere.
Suddenly, the lights went off and when they went back on, Itachi was wearing a Wal Mart smiley face mask. He was holding a foam pool noodle.
Hidan laughed. "What are you gonna beat me up with that?" a second later Itachi was blowing fire through it like a flame thrower. The fire set Hidan's hair on fire before it was put out by a pile of clay.
Zetsu ran in and ate the clay off of Hidan with a fork and spit it all over his face.
Hidan fell through the floor again and into a maze. His ropes were cut off by a bunch of random kunais shooting through the wall.
All of a sudden, he heard a noise behind him and saw all of the voodoo midgets wearing gangster clothes. "AAAAAHHH!" he screamed as he ran around the maze and into random room.
Neko was sitting there, at a desk. "NEKO WHAT THE %^&$ IS GOING ON?" he screamed in her face.
She sighed. "You're getting punished by all the crap you've been doing to all of us. Like stealing our food, borrowing out money for stuff, getting blood all over the tv remote, the fridge handle, the walls, the doorknobs, the silverware, the drawers, the shower, the bathroom, eh, you get it everywhere! And flushing Kisame's fish, messing with me and Zetsu's plants, shaving Okami's cat, getting more blood on Konan's paper, drinking milk straight from the carton then spitting it back in, and putting goat pee in Itachi's shampoo bottle. You get the deal, your a butthole."
Hidan smirked. "Well someone had to screw up your guys' lives."
Neko giggled. "Well if that's how you feel, RAMSLEY! SEDRICK!" swishing and growling sounds were heard before two mutant venus flytrap dogs with stitches, clay wings, piercings, paper claws, gills, red sharingan eyes, puppet legs, and swirly orange fur on their faces came running in.
"GAH! What the heck! Wait... why the gay names?" he exclaimed at them. "They're uglier than Kakuzu!" Neko giggled. "They're a mixture of all the Akatsuki's powers. I give you, Akatsudogs. Go Ramsley! And Sedrick! Rip him to shreds! Oh and their names are very leet fyi."
He started running like crap until he made it out of the base. He ran for miles and heard a strange sound.
He turned around and saw a huge helicopter with machine guns, and Pain was flying it. The machine guns started shooting staples at him until he was into the forest. He wheezed. "Dang... They sure are butt hurt..."
Then, he heard screeching sounds and saw monkey gnomes in the trees above him. He screamed and started running again, his pink frilly dress getting ripped by the branches.
He tripped and fell, rolling down the hill and into a patch of brairs.
He gasped when he felt something slimy touching his feet. He looked down and saw a little slug with google eyes looking up at him. It had a tiny little squeaky voice and cried, "Heelp mee! Hellp mee!"
"What the heck!" he yelled before kicking it. All of a sudden, a bunch of molasses was poured all over him and google eyes started raining out of nowhere.
He ran out of the brair patch looking like a complete idiot. Okami came in with a barney mask on. She sprayed him with pink silly string that hardened like concrete and prevented him from moving.
She kicked him onto a cart with a llama pulling it and slapped the llama in the butt. It yelped and ran towards Konoha.
Hidan screamed. "AAAAAAAAHHHHH!" he was sprayed with lettuce and little pink paper hearts before crashing into the gates.
Everyone just stared, at first they were surprised and though it was an enemy attack. But then, laughter could be heard through the whole village.
Hidan screamed and his pink frilly dress, which had been tattered so much, fell off. Now, he was in his underwear. Covered in molasses, google eyes, silly string, lettuce, and pink hearts. And he was on a llama cart. 'Wow... What a dork' was going through the minds of people.
Tsunade came rushing through. "What the...What is this?" she exclaimed as she ran over there. Hidan hissed in her face. "Umm..." Shizune just stared.
There, was a little white note with hearts on it, attached to the cart.
Tsunade grabbed it and read it. It said:
Dear Hokage and all who live in Konoha,
This is just a little present from the Akatsuki. He's our immortal member, Hidan.
Beat him up as much as you want, cut his head off and sever his body parts if you want.
But be sure to return him in pieces for us outside the villages gates in a week. Thank you! :3
Have many fun times with our wittle Hidan-chan!
With all of our love and giggles,
The Akatsuki. 3 (What the heck. why is there a heart? Leader-sama does not approve of this!)
P.S. Art is an explosion, un!
P.S.S. Deidara is a moron, art is eternal.
P.S.S. Sasori is a tard. Art is seriously a bang, un.
P.S.S.S. Oh you wanna go right now brat? Huh?
P.S.S.S.S. Fine by me, un! You stupid block of wood!
P.S.S.S.S.S. Girly man! Wha-! Gimme my arm back brat!
P.S.S.S.S.S.S. WOULD YOU TWO STOP FIGHTING!
P.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. Sorry Kisame-san...un...Deidara why did you add un? Because its both of us talking un.
Tsunade just stared at the letter, then at Hidan, then at the letter again before looking at Shizune.
"Shizune, get everyone a metal pole. About two feet long each." Shizune smirked and nodded before running off somewhere.
"PEOPLE OF KONOHA!" Tsunade yelled. Everyone looked at her. Naruto and Sakura came from the ramen shop.
"TODAY IS KONOHA PINATA DAY! THAT MEANS WE WILL BEAT THIS AKATSUKI MEMBER WITH METAL POLES! THE AKATSUKI HAVE GIVEN HIM TO US TO BEAT AND THEIR PERMISSION TO BEAT HIM AS LONG AS WE RETURN HIM AFTERWARDS! AND HE'S IMMORTAL!" Naruto cheered "Yeah! Beating up an immortal Akatsuki!"
Then, everyone started beating him up and Chuck Norris fell out of the sky and started owning Hidan and then shot lazers and blew up the Hokage mansion.
"I DECLARE A WAR ON THIS PLACE!" he yelled and blew up the whole place with lazers. He rebuilt his own Hokage mansion and had a huge rave party that involved everyone to beat up Hidan with pool noodles. Then the world blew up into a bunch of sparkles and a giant unicorn at it up and pooped out a bunch of rainbow diarreah liquids.
Hidan sat up in his bed breathing heavy. "Holy.. freaking...crap..." he looked around. He sighed with relief and fell back in his bed.
Then, the door opened. It was Okami, Kitsune, Ketsueki, Neko, Kimi, and Taka with a birthday cake.
"Happy Birthday Hidan!" they all yelled and Hidan screamed, "HOLY CRAP GET OUT OF MY FREAKING ROOM YOU DEMONS!"
Okami growled. "Jeez, SOMEONE'S a cranky head this morning on his birthday! Ew and put some dang clothes on !"
Hidan growled before putting a hand over his face. "Jus..- Just get out.. I'll be out in a minute." Okami sighed. "Okay okay..." she said and shut the door.
He looked at the ceiling and remembered eating a special food Tobi made for him. Tobi said it was 'unicorn food from the gods'
Hidan growled. "I knew eating purple mashed goo with glitter and rainbow sprinkles from Tobi was a bad idea..." and after that, poor Tobi and tied to a log and kicked down a waterfall. The End!
Yeah don't even bother reviewing I was just bored and felt like writing a weird random story of Hidan being tortured muahaha :D OoooOoo! There two rainbows outside right now! :O This must be double rainbow approved 030! i blame this on my sugar highness o_o