Title: Reasons
Author: Azure the Dragonlady
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Don't own Supernatural.
Summary: (one-shot) Post 3.02 The Kids Are Alright.
Author's Note: This was nagging at me after I watched this episode, so I just had to start writing it. I hope you enjoy and please remember to review and tell me how I went. I haven't seen 3.03 yet, so I do not know what will happen, this is just my take on what Sam may decide to do.

Sam sighed as he sat down on the bed and leaned back on the bed frame. He silently mulled over the information he had gotten about his mum. He'd never thought his mum would have been this involved. More involved then he'd imagined possible, that's for sure. Sam had thought that she was the innocent victim, one that didn't know what was happening to her – like Jess. But then he had found out that she knew more about what was going on then himself and Dean . . . and probably even his dad as well.

And from all the possible sources he could have received this from; it was the least probable one that he would have thought of. First it was the Yellow-Eyed Demon. From the YED he found out that his mum knew the Demon – knew him enough to walk into his nursery that night see the Demon and say in a cold, calculating voice: "You!" Suffice to say, that however he had imagined his mum's voice to be – he wouldn't have imagined it like that, not at all. He guessed he had envisioned his mother's voice as soft, whispering and all the while soothing voice. Sam didn't tell Dean about his mum knowing the Demon – he couldn't not until he knew more about it himself.

And now came some more information about mum's friends just recently. This, and he still had a hard time believing it himself, this information came from another Demon. He let out a small huff at that thought. This very demon saved his life against a fellow demon. Nothing made sense, not any more. Not since Dean came to pick him up at Stanford to search for Dad. Not since he had tried living a safe semi-normal life at Stanford. It was probably even safe to say it went back further then that, since he had been six months hold

Then that Demon, Ruby, who had saved his life, told him the one think he had been dreading to hear, ever since this whole thing had started. That it is because of him – because of something about him – that all this mess ever started. He had been more involved in it, according to the demon, then he'd ever imagined he could be. He hated that – hated who . . . what he still may become. Ever since he had come back from the dead, ever since Dean brought him back he'd been feeling . . .something, something different about him and he didn't like that, not one bit. He knew he had been harbouring so much anger; anger and frustration at anything and everything.

Sam closed his eyes then slowly opened them again, all the while breathing in deeply and steadily, pushing those thoughts away. He gave a small groan and turned his thoughts back to the demon at hand. Ruby knew more then she'd let on today, he was almost certain of it. She had to, he reasoned to himself. But, I have to trust her, he admitted, if only for Dean and to get more information about mum. She might know how to save him and what ever come after that . . . well he'd have to take that risk. Dean was worth it, Sam concluded. He had promised Dean that he'd save him from that deal, and Sam was determined to do just that. Dean's given up everything for me, it is the very least I could do. Dean deserved a life and Sam couldn't . . . wouldn't be the reason Dean dies and even worse – go to hell.

Dean already has so much on his plate. What with him dying in less then a year. But not if I can help him, Sam added to himself, feverishly. That was in addition to Dean looking after him as well. Sam didn't want Dean having to worry about him even more then before and worry about their mum and her friends. Not this on top of everything else. He'd even have very much to show for it really anyway. He'd tell Dean when he got some more information and some solid evidence, Sam decided. Besides, he knew that Dean wouldn't like that fact the Ruby was a Demon. Dean would most likely do anything within his power to keep Sam away from her at best; it was most likely that he'd just send her straight back to hell. Sam couldn't have that, not when there is a chance she could help him save Dean's life and his soul.

Sam looked up as he heard some shuffling outside the Hotel room door. He heard the tell-tale click of the lock and saw the door knob turn before the door swang wide open. He watched as Dean came plundering in, after a night at some random bar, the impala and room keys held loosely in his hand.

Sam sat up and looked at Dean curiously. As soon as they'd left Cicero Dean cranked the music up full blast and they'd driven to another motel a few towns over, so he didn't get a chance to voice his curiosity. "So," he asked. "How'd it go?"

A look briefly flashed across Dean's face, but before Sam had the chance to decipher it, Dean answered. "Alright, I explained everything . . . she took it surprisingly well, considering . . . she didn't freak out or nothin'." A ghost of a smile appeared on Dean's face more disappearing just as quickly. Dean abruptly changed the subject. "Are you ready yet? Are we heading out or what?" Dean threw the keys at Sam. "You're driving," he added.

"Dean," Sam said, catching the keys in one hand.

"What are you doing in here anyway," Dean interjected, successfully avoiding the subject that he knew Sam was about to bring up and cutting Sam off at the same time. "I thought you were packing?"

"Already have. I was . . . just thinking I guess," Sam answered carefully. "Just thinking."

Dean looked doubtful for a second before he spoke. "Sam, you do know what your problem is, don't you?" Sam looked at him and a smirk graced Dean's features. "You think too much, Francis, maybe you need to stop thinking so much and get out, see the sights, I bet there would be plenty in the bar where we next stop, huh . . . huh?" Dean said wittily.

Sam shrugged. "Whatever, man." Sam stopped for a moment before he continued, his mouth upturning into a small smile. "Jerk," he added.

Dean smirked back. "Bitch," he replied, completing their little thing. "Not what are we waiting for? Let's hit the road!"

Sam watched as Dean walked back out the door of the hotel room and his smile faded from his face, giving way to a serious expression once more. With a somewhat reluctant movement, Sam picked up the rest of his bags and headed out the door and towards the impala.

No, Sam thought. No. I'm making the right decision. Dean doesn't need the added pressure. He doesn't need any of this. I'll – I'll tell him when I think I-he is ready. He doesn't really need to know – at least not yet. Sam jerked his head decisively, finalising his decisions.

Everything will work out . . . hopefully. It has to. It just has to.