DISCLAIMER: As much as I'd like to, I don't own Alias or its characters. It is the property of ABC, Touchstone and Bad Robot Productions.
SUMMARY: Nadia-centric
RATED: T
GENRE: Drama/Action/Angst
SPOILERS: This is a Season 5 AU fic.
DISTRIBUTION: I'd rather this is not distributed anywhere without my permission. I'll put it where I want it. But you're still welcome to contact me and try to convince me that my story should be in your fine archive.
A/N: If you came this fic in the hope I have finally written something wherein a young child is not traumatized for life, TURN BACK NOW! This is not that fic.
kindred adj 1: Having a similar or related origin, nature, or character, 2: related by blood or marriage
"I know some people think I'm crazy, still working like this, but I can't go home and sit there and just - be pregnant. Not when the men who killed Vaughn are still out there. It's my responsibility to stop them… so this baby can be safe…"—Sydney, Episode 5.06: "Solo"
KINDRED
By Aliasscape
Copyright 2005
If she moved, they would see.
But what other choice did she have? She couldn't stand there forever. And there was nowhere to hide. It was broad daylight and the shadows were few and far between. She had abandoned the crowds. She had expected the building to provide her more cover but now, she could see it. Or rather feel it. Them. Two of them at least. Closing in on her from either side. She could run. Just bolt. There was really no there other option.
Head towards the street. Head back down the hill. Disappear in the village and lie low. She couldn't go back now. Not back to the place that was home temporarily. She couldn't risk bringing a tail with her.
Or she could fight. Her fingers traced over the cold, smooth metal in her hand, hidden under an oversized sleeve. But to turn and fire--to shoot. The attention it would draw. The attention she didn't need. And she couldn't do it. In spite of everything, she couldn't kill them because that wouldn't be any better than what they were doing.
They were close now. It was now or never. She broke into a sprint. Through the arches, across the concrete floor, towards the corner of the building. The shadow ahead of her was going to cut her off, attack her when she tried to pass. She hung a left, and cried out as metal embedded itself in her back. A fiery pain charged through her and then threw her to the ground. She hurtled face first into the dirt.
She clawed at it with her hands, attempting to crawl away, drag herself if she had to.
The fire surged through her again. She convulsed, but finally rolled over trying to lift her head. The only thing she saw was a boot coming towards her face. She collapsed backwards into darkness.
She awoke in darkness. Her muscles aching. Her back burning. Her wrists numb. And water dripping down her face. She blinked and sputtered, finally shaking her head. She wiggled her arms, but they were tied tightly to the arms of the chair.
A blindingly bright light suddenly shined directly in her face. A spotlight. A flashlight. It didn't matter. She recoiled, shutting her own eyes tightly, and in the darkness the light a mess of red and blue and spots against her eyelids. She squinted as the light lowered from her face.
"Who's there?" she whispered. "What do you want?"
"It's pointless to play dumb," came a female voice, accented by a heavy French accent. "You will talk to us."
She frowned. "I'll talk to my sister. No one else."
There was silence and then the light flicked off and heels tapped the floor. "Just remember that you asked for this," the French woman answered.
The entire room illuminated with light as the door open and the silhouette of a woman appeared in the doorway. Shadowed by the light behind her, the only thing recognizable was the walk.
She lifted her head to watch the woman with a squint. "Sydney?"
The silhouette tilted her head from one side to the other, an apparent confirmation.
"I need to see that it's you."
"Nadia, just tell me where it is." Sydney's voice was impatient.
"That's all you have to say. Just a demand. After everything you put us through?" Nadia felt Sydney's grab and twist in her hair, pulling her head to the side.
"I'm not going to play any games with you. You'll tell me," Sydney said, dark and low. Threatening. "Now, where is it? Where did you hide her?"
Nadia glared, even though it was almost pointless in the dark. "You will never find it. And even if you could, you will never get to her."
Sydney's hand twisted hard, wrenching Nadia's neck painfully. "Where is she?"
"Safe," Nadia gritted out. "Finally, safe."
Sydney backed away. "Nadia, you're being ridiculous. She's always been safe. She's always been taken care of."
"Is that what you tell yourself? Is that why you think you're justified in all of this?"
"Justified?" Sydney laughed. "Of course I'm justified. She's my daughter. Mine. And you took her away from me."
"I had to do it. I'm sorry you don't understand but I had to, Sydney. There wasn't any other way to help her. To help both of you."
Sydney stalked away from the chair and Nadia feared her sister was leaving, but when she reached the doorway, she flipped a light illuminating the room. Then, she walked back over.
Nadia glanced around the room. There were moldy, smelly cardboard boxes in the corners. Boards were hammered in two places on the walls near the ceiling, completely blocking out windows. Nadia gripped the arms of the chair and shifted herself, fearing what Sydney felt she needed light to do.
"Nadia, I don't think you're well. You've convinced yourself that you've done the right thing. That kidnapping was the right thing." Sydney rested her hands gently on either side of her sister's cheeks, forcing Nadia to look her in the eye.
"I'm not sick."
Sydney's eyes narrowed. "Then, you must think I am?"
"No," Nadia shook her head sadly. "If you were crazy, there would be some kind of excuse for what you've done. But there's no excuse. I used to think I could help you. Sometimes, I still think maybe I could. But she's the one who has to be protected in the meantime. And it's why I can't tell you where she is."
"Then, maybe you just want her for yourself, to be your own daughter."
"I love her, Sydney. That is why I did this, not for any selfish reasons."
Sydney's eyes brimmed with tears. "Nadia, please...I need her. You know she's all I have left of him. You can't take that."
Nadia frowned deeply. "That really is the only reason you care, isn't it? She's your little piece of him to hang onto. But she doesn't mean anything more to you than maybe his hockey shirt or his favorite coffee mug or--"
The stinging slap to her cheek forced her silent. But she breathed heavily through her nose, fuming at her sister.
"You have no idea how I feel about my daughter. No idea at all."
"I don't think you feel anything about her!"
A harder slap. A finger or two hit her eye and she couldn't stop from blinking as it watered. She couldn't hold it open and looked back at Sydney with one eye.
Nadia swallowed hard. "Better me than her," she whispered.
Sydney's hovering hand recoiled. "I gave you every chance to tell me. You are responsible for what happens now."
"What? You'll let your friend the assassin torture your own sister?"
"If it means, I get my daughter back, I will do anything to anyone that I have to." Sydney stalked from the room, hitting the light on the way out.
The silhouette of the other woman appeared in the doorway and walked towards the center of the room.
"If you are working with my sister, then you must know how little time she's had for her child. You must know whether or not she talks about her and how she does when she does—"
"Quiet," the woman ordered. "I owe your sister a favor and this is what she's asked. And I am not fond of those who take children from their parents." The woman was just beside her now.
A glint of something catching light was her only precursor to the pain she suddenly felt searing through her shoulder as something—a blade--punctured skin and tore through muscle.
She let out a strangled cry, whimpering, shaking as the knife was ripped back out of her. The woman stood there watching her reeling from the pain.
"I will never tell you where she is," Nadia spat out.
"We shall see."
"Nadia? Nadia, open your eyes."
She lifted heavy eyelids just enough that light attacked and then let them slide shut again.
"Nadia? Nadia, please."
She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, halfway, taking in the light slowly, before finally trying to focus.
She felt dead. She was numb in so many places, tingly in others. And she could see a hand that must be her own clutched in her fathers, but she couldn't feel his skin against hers.
She closed her eyes then forced them open again at a contact against her cheek. She opened her eyes and focused beyond her father. Eric. His face was more solemn than she'd ever seen it and there were tears in his eyes.
She tried to turn her head, looking to see who else might be in the room. Her eyes focused in on the doorway and the cold eyes of Jack Bristow. And she realized who she didn't see.
She made her first attempt to test her rubbery lips, and her oversized tongue. "Sy..."
Eric moved closer to her. "What?"
"Nadia, it's alright. You don't have to try to talk yet," Sloane decided.
But she tried again. "Sy..."
Eric processed quickly. "Sy...Syd...Sydney?" he questioned.
She blinked her response, a nod requiring too much effort.
Eric looked to the doorway. "You called her?"
"She didn't answer," Jack responded. "I left a message."
Eric knelt beside the bed. "Sydney will be here soon," he tried to reassure her, taking Nadia's free hand.
Again, she knew she should feel his fingers entwined in her own. But he might as well have grabbed someone else's hand.
She blinked sleepily. She felt lips brush her forehead, surprised at the first real tactile sensation that didn't feel dulled in anyway.
"My Nadia...my beautiful Nadia. Everything is going to be all right now," her father's voice told her gently.
She knew it must be abnormal to feel as content as she felt, when she didn't know where she was or why or what had even happened to her. But there was no pain. That had to be a good sign.
She sank back into darkness without a fight.
"Nadia."
She thought she'd only been sleeping a few seconds, but when her eyes opened, it was Sydney in front of her.
Sydney's whole face lit up to see her. "Nadia!" But then, not her whole face. Her eyes, even as they were glassy with tears, looked haunted and empty someway that didn't match her wide smile.
"Sy..."
"I'm here," Sydney assured her. "I'm here. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you first woke up, but I'm here now."
She tried to smile, but her rubbery lips refused to hold the expression for more than a second. "Sy..."
"Just rest," Sydney answered, gently. "We'll have plenty of time to talk."
Rest hadn't seemed to be what the hospital had in mind. For the first few days, there were regular injections of a blue medicine that she was told was responsible for her recovery. Every day after that, she underwent numerous tests and therapy. She exercised to repair muscle atrophied. There were scans to be sure there wasn't any hidden brain damage. Blood tests checked for toxins and contaminants lingering in her system. And so many other tests that they wouldn't tell her the reasons for but insisted simply proved that she was going to be just fine.
Her father and Eric were at her side daily, but Sydney didn't visit again for awhile. She sent cards, notes, flowers, taped audio and visual messages and stuffed animals. And Nadia had to wonder if that had anything to do with the strange haunted look in her sister's eyes the first visit.
And one day she couldn't help but ask.
"Are you ever going to tell me what happened?" Nadia questioned.
Eric stopped shuffling the deck of cards and looked at her. "What happened…?"
"I'm in the hospital, Eric. I've been in a coma. No one will tell me why. And the last thing I remember was being captured by my aunt in Sovogda. You've all told me that was six months ago. I have a scar from a gunshot wound in my back. Who shot me? Why?"
Eric shifted uncomfortably. "Nadia, I wasn't there—"
"But you must know! I at least have a right to know who shot me."
"I did."
Her eyes lifted to the doorway and met her father's, gravely serious. His eyes shifted from her to Eric. "Agent Weiss, I'd like a moment."
Eric frowned and looked about to protest.
Nadia looked her father in the eye. "Eric, it's okay."
"I'll be right outside," he answered, kissing her and getting up.
Sloane closed the door behind him and came to stand at the foot of her bed. "You were ill, Nadia. Yelena had infected you with the water."
She flinched slightly at the ghosting sensation of a needle pricking her neck. Then, she looked at her father with a realization. "I went crazy? I became one of those…things?"
He nodded.
"That's what you kept checking my blood for? But there was no cure, how could you—"
"We found research, we made a cure. Saving you had been my only focus ever since that day," Sloane assured her. "But until then, the only solution was to keep you in the coma."
"To keep me from hurting anyone. But how did you find me? When did you shoot me?"
"I never worked for your aunt. I know you never believed I did. I defected and went to help Jack, Irina and Sydney. The controls to the machine, they were on a roof and Sydney went up there to deactivate it. You were on the roof, Nadia. And you did everything you could to stop her." His expression was pained.
"I attacked her. I attacked…Sydney?" She couldn't stop the tears.
"You didn't know what you were doing. You are not responsible."
"I tried to kill her, didn't I?"
Her father took her into his arms. "Sydney is alive, Nadia. Focus on that."
"Is that why she won't visit? Why she doesn't want to see me?"
"I can assure you, Nadia that Sydney is simply otherwise preoccupied right now."
She pulled back from her father, aware again that there were things she hadn't been told. "What?"
He just hugged her again.
She didn't get a real response to her question for another week. She had a tablet in her lap to practice her handwriting. She was happy that her dominant hand finally produced readable writing again instead of just uncontrolled squiggles.
The door opened and she recognized her sister's familiar walk. She looked up hesitantly. Her eyebrows rose at her sister's oddly budgy coat and then Sydney removed it and her largely rounded belly was clearly visible under a sweater.
Nadia looked up in wonder as Sydney moved forward. Sydney moved to stand just beside the bed and Nadia reached out hesitantly to touch her sister's stomach. Nadia ran her fingers down it lightly, never pressing before pulling her hand back and looking up. "How far along?"
"Seven months," Sydney responded.
"Vaughn must be so excited," Nadia said, softly with a smile.
Sydney stepped back abruptly, crossing her arms. "He was," Sydney answered.
Nadia's smile lessened.
"Vaughn's dead, Nadia."
"No..."
"He was murdered."
"Oh Sydney..." She reached towards her sister.
But Sydney didn't come close enough. She just continued coldly. "He was shot in cold blood, multiple times, in broad daylight. We got him to a hospital, he had surgery but the damage was...he died right in front of me."
Nadia quivered. "Who? Who killed him?"
"I've been tracking the people responsible. But the man who ordered it--Gordon Dean-- so far, I haven't been able to get to him." Sydney blinked and looked at Nadia. "I'm sorry I haven't been able to be here for you more. I've been out of the country so much—"
"You're still working?" Nadia realized.
"I have to, Nadia."
"But the risks to you, to the baby…"
"They killed Vaughn! And that man, Gordon Dean, I stood in the same room with him. He knows what I look like. He knows I'm after him. I can't just let him get away when I'm still capable of going after him."
Nadia looked down, shaking some as tears dripped down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Sydney. I'm so sorry."
Sydney finally moved closer again. "I just…I heard you thought I didn't want to see you—"
"I just didn't know if—"
"I do not blame you for anything that happened in Sovogda, Nadia. You were infected. But you're better now. And you're my sister. And that means more to me than anything."
"I understand now. Everything that you've gone through. There is so much you have to deal with."
Sydney shook her head sadly. "It's no excuse. I should have been here with you more. I can't wait for you to get out of here and come home." She came closer again and bent over to hug her sister.
Nadia hugged her back carefully. "Neither can I."
Two weeks after that, she was well enough to be released. She stayed two days longer as Sydney and Sloane debated where she would be going home to. She could hear them arguing out outside her door.
"She needs someone home with her at all times," Sloane insisted.
"I will make more time. I will be there for her as much as possible. And when I'm not, Eric is two buildings away. He's more than willing to stay with her when I can't," Sydney countered. "We'll make it work. But she should get to come home. And her home here is with me."
Sloane came to speak with her in private after that. "Where do you want to go, Nadia?"
"Sydney shouldn't be alone either," Nadia said, quietly. "Not when she's so far along." She was trying to soften the blow, that she was choosing Sydney's apartment over his house.
Her father was understanding. "If you need anything, do not hesitate to call."
"I won't," she answered softly.
"Careful of the stairs, Nadia."
"Sydney, I'm fine."
"Hold my hand at least."
"So I can take you down with me if I fall? Sydney, I've got it. At least if I fall down, I'm the only one who gets hurt."
Sydney shook her head. "Nadia, you're here so I can help you."
"We aren't going to be like this everyday, are we?" Nadia questioned as she made it to the last step, wobbling only slightly.
Sydney laughed. "Goodness, I hope not."
The door opened again with Eric carrying Nadia's bags. "Special delivery!"
Nadia took in the living room, keeping a hand on the couch as she started across it. "Those can go in my room on the bed, I'll put them away later."
"I switched our rooms," Sydney explained.
"What? You didn't have to."
"I just wanted it to be easier for you to get around with more open floor space. Plus, yours had that perfect little cubby space for a baby's room and eventual toddler room."
Nadia smiled. "Is the baby's room done?"
"Just about," Sydney answered.
"I'd like to see."
Sydney turned towards the room and Nadia followed behind her. At the end of Sydney's bedroom was a pink and white curtain. Sydney pulled it back to reveal the compact but brightly decorated space. Below the single window was a white metal crib. There was a white rocking chair with pillows and several stuffed animals, mostly bunnies. Shelves were nailed on the wall above a dresser. A plush pink rug lined the floor.
Sydney gestured to the white door leaned against the only free wall space. "We have to get the hinges up but then this will close and the baby won't be disturbed by noises at naptime."
"It's beautiful, Sydney. And pink…you didn't tell me. It's a girl?"
"That's what they tell me," Sydney answered with a nod.
"Oh Sydney, I can't wait until she's here. Do you have a name?" Nadia questioned.
"Vaughn and I discussed…." Sydney trailed off. "Nothing's certain yet."
They headed out of the room. Nadia peeked into her own room to find Eric emptying her bags into drawers. "Eric, I told you I'd put them away."
"I didn't want you to have to worry about it," he answered, stepping away from the drawers guiltily.
She swatted at him playfully. "I'm going to have to start doing things on my own you know."
"I'm going to start dinner," Sydney announced from the doorway.
"I'll help you," Nadia decided, taking careful steps out of the room. She stopped to use a side table for support. "Sydney, it looks like you have a message on your machine." She tapped a button.
"Hello, Sydney, this is Lily from Dr. Holden's office. You missed today's ultrasound appointment. Please call us if you'd liked to reschedule."
Nadia looked at her sister, questioningly.
"I forgot to call them," Sydney answered with a shrug, opening the refrigerator. "I knew with you getting out of the hospital today there just wasn't going to be time."
"Sydney, Eric could have picked me up."
"No, I wanted to be here. I knew I could reschedule that."
Nadia nodded. "I think I'd like to come with you."
Sydney moved a pan to heat on the stove. "I'd like that," she responded without looking up. "My dad's offered to go and he's come along a couple of times, but there's still something so awkward about it." She grinned. "I think he'd be relieved if someone took his place."
"I'm happy to do it. I want to see her. I want to think that someday I'll be going through this too," Nadia responded.
Sydney smiled. "Welcome home, Nadia."