Oh, Edmund!
AN: Hello audience. You are now partaking in my only Narnia fic, as I am sure I will never write another. I haven't read the books in years, but my friends and I brainstormed this in French class, laughing all the while. It's fairly short, and most definitely kind of cracky.
EDMUND: (*stumbles upon Narnia and promptly begins skipping through the snowy forest.*)
WHITE WITCH: (*rides up to Edmund in her magical sleigh*) Hello, child. May you tell me your name?
EDMUND: It appears that a strange lady who I've never met has approached me in a strange land, and I have no idea how either have come to be here… Edmund! My name is Edmund Pevensie!
WHITE WITCH: Well, Edmund Pevensie, come into my van- I mean, my sleigh, and let all of your dreams come true.
EDMUND: (*scrambles up clumsily in his haste to get into the sleigh*)
WHITE WITCH: Now, Edmund, sit here on my lap. Think of me as a more beautiful, wonderful Santa. I want to know where your siblings are. In return, I will give you anything in the world. Prince of Narnia… one million shining rubies… the most beautiful girl in the world… Anything, just sell your family out, and I will give you anything.
EDMUND: (*thinks about it seriously, his brow puckered slightly*) Turkish Delights!
WHITE WITCH: You want… a Turkish delight? Are you sure you don't want to be Prince of Narnia?
EDMUND: Nope! Turkish delight! (*crosses arm like a whiny child*)
WHITE WITCH: Right… here you go (*swiftly produces a box of Turkish delights*) Now, do sell your family out for me.
EDMUND: (*munches happily on Turkish Delight whilst selling out his family*)
TIMMMEEE SKIPPP!
(*We arrive to find our heroes Lucy, Susan, and Peter trapped in a deep pit in the White Witch's castle*)
LUCY: How did she know we were here?
SUSAN: It'll be all right, Lucy. Don't worry.
PETER: Has anyone seen Edmund?
LUCY: I hope he's all right.
(* Edmund and White Witch appear over them, near the edge of the pit. Edmund is currently eating his 42nd box of Turkish delights.*)
EDMUND: Ha! I hope you like it down there. You know, I've always hated you three! You guys, stealing all the spotlight. Well, I get all the Turkish Delight I want! And you guys are stuck all the way down there, forever and ever! Ha!
(*With a smirk, the White Witch pushes Edmund into the pit and promptly leaves*)
EDMUND: Oh, er, well this is awkward. We're still good, guys... Guys?
(*Lucy, Peter, and Susan approach Edmund menacingly*)
Edmund: (*gives a nervous giggle*) Turkish delight?