Title: Scare Tactics
Summary: Sam's tired of Dean's macho attitude and decides to give him a scare, Sci-Fi channel style. Really, really AU for AHBL 1&2. Kind of a Scare Tactics crossover. One-shot.
Rating: K+
A/N: This idea hit me when I was watching Scare Tactics the other night. Just how far would Sam go to really scare his brother? And how could that be incorporated into the show?
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural, or Scare Tactics. Love to watch 'em, though.
Scare Tactics
"So, my big brother, Dean, is such a macho tough-guy, that I want to scare him bad. And I know the best way. See, I'm gonna get our friend Bobby to help, we're gonna hire some actors, slip away to an old ghost town, and…"
-Sam, The Accomplice
-.-
Dean ran to his brother, dropping to his knees and sliding in the mud as the injured man fell forward. It couldn't be happening. Not like this. Not after everything. Not after dad and the virus and the secret and the possession and every freakin' thing that had been thrown at them.
Not some psycho with a knife.
Not Sam. Never Sam.
Dean placed a hand gingerly on his brother's back and drew it away bloody. He tried to get the younger man to hang on, to stay alive, to keep his focus. The only thing Sam seemed to be focusing on was dying.
-.-
It had all come together so perfectly. The staged kidnapping, the actors playing dead in the diner, the sulfur left by the windows and doors. Dean had fallen for it instantly.
Then Bobby had played his part, slipping the hunter a mild hallucinogenic and planting the idea of a vision and Cold Oak in his head.
Sam and the actor playing Jake had heard the rumbling of the Impala as it approached and started the fight, the whole thing a perfectly choreographed dance that had ended in Sam's supposed death in his brother's arms.
Just as they'd planned, Dean had freaked.
-.-
"So," Sam said, looking into the previously hidden camera on of the guys from the show had set up in the room, "he totally fell for it. Carried me in here, kicked Bobby out, and, I dunno, went to take a leak or something." He smiled. "He's gonna be so freaked when he gets back and finds me alive."
-.-
Sam glanced down at his watch and frowned, then looked over to the corner where the cameraman had hidden to film Dean's return. "Where is he?" the hunter asked. "He's been gone for half an hour."
No sooner had he voiced his concern, than Dean walked through the door. "Sammy."
"Hey," Sam said, jumping to his feet and smiling as he flashed a wink at the camera. He expected Dean to run, to scream, to try and shoot him with bullets that Bobby had taken from his gun before the prank had truly begun.
He didn't expect Dean to hug him.
"Uh, Dean?"
His brother's grip tightened. "Sam."
"Aren't you scared?"
"What?" He pulled away.
"Are you scared?"
"What kind of question is that."
"Because you shouldn't be. You're on Scare Tactics!"
Dean blinked. "What?"
"Yeah," Sam said, nodding. "I set you up. Bobby helped. And Ava and Andy." The other hunter, psychics, and actors walked in as the cameraman in the corner revealed himself.
"What?" Dean asked again, his face paling.
"It's a show. Just a trick. Man, you should have seen your face."
"A… trick?"
"Yep. Hey, what took you so long in the bathroom?"
"Sam, I wasn't in the bathroom."
Sam quirked an eyebrow. "Well, then, where were you?"
Dean looked down at the ground. "I went to a crossroads."
Sam's eyes went wide. "Turn the cameras off," he demanded. "Now." He glared at his brother. "How could you do that?"
"I thought you were dead."
"Dean, I… how long did you get?"
Dean finally looked up at him. "One year."
"One year? Shit. Dean…"
"Are you scared?"
"Of course I'm scared, Dean. What the hell were you thinking?"
Dean just grinned. "You shouldn't be scared, Sammy."
"And why not?" Sam asked. "You're going to Hell in a year."
"Maybe," Dean said. "Or, maybe, you're on Scare Tactics."
Sam's eyes bugged. "What?"
Dean nodded as the actors and cameraman began to laugh. "Yep. Turned it right back around on you."
"That's not fair."
"Sometimes life isn't."
"You're still gonna die."
"How?" Dean asked. "Not like I sold my soul." He smirked.
"I'm gonna kill you."
-.-
"He underestimated me, is what he did. See, I've got some friends in high places, including the producer of the show. Helped him out with a problem a few years back ,and he owed me one. Called me when Sammy started planning this. He gave me a heads-up, and we started working on our own scare. Guess that still makes me the master, huh?"
-Dean, The (Real) Accomplice
Wow. I guess that qualifies as a Crack!fic, huh? Now all that I need to know is, are you scared?