"I bet, like, I would have been a great boxer."
"Why would you bet that?"
"Uh, gee, Lissy, maybe because I'm wiry? And cagey? And boxer-y?"
"Not to mention athletic."
"See? I knew you'd come around."
Laxus only sat there, on Mira's couch, glaring down at them. "Would you two shut up? And why are you lying on the floor? There's literally a thousand other places to sit."
"Oy, boss," the seith carped, smoking away at his cigarette. "We're most comfortable like this, yeah?"
"On the ground? Like dogs?"
"Don't knock dogs, Laxus," Lisanna retorted, glaring over at him. "Else I'll tell Mirajane on you."
"I don't have to like dogs just because she does."
"Mmmm...nope, boss. As the man with the best relationship in the world-"
"Awe, thanks, Bicks," Lisanna giggled while Laxus only rolled his eyes.
"-I gotta tell you that, yes, you do have to like everything she likes." Bickslow blew some literal smoke to tie in with his words. "Trust me on this. Everything. It's how come I eat vegetables now."
"They're good for you," Lisanna told him.
"Of course. I know."
Laxus made a face. "You morons eating vegetables-"
"Covered in melted cheese, of course," Bickslow was quick to add.
"There's no other way to eat them," Lisanna agreed.
"-is very different than whether or not I like animals," the slayer said. "I don't have to like things just because Mirajane likes things. That's not how things work. That's not the way that a cohesive relationship works. You have to have your own interests. You-"
"But you do like dogs, right? Dragon?"
Laxus froze, there, on the couch, and glanced over towards the hall that led into the living room. Mira was walking in, of course, and, well, what other answer was there than the one that he gave?
"Of course, demon." Laxus popped right up from the couch at the sight of her. "I like dogs a lot."
"Sure," Lisanna snorted softly to her boyfriend. "About as much as you like vegetables."
"Boss," the man asked in shock, "you like to cover dogs in cheese sauce?"
Making a face, Mirajane glanced down at them before asking, "Uh, what?"
"Nothing." Laxus purposely kicked Bickslow in the head as he stepped over him before going to take Mirajane's arm. "Come on. Let's get going, huh?"
"We don't have to go this minute," she said with a big grin up at him. Laxus' stony face didn't change in the slightest from it. "I mean, your best friend is here."
Bickslow, rubbing his knuckles against his chest, wasn't prepared for Laxus to say, "Of course she is. I did come to get you, demon."
"Awe!" And then she bounced again, to toss her arms around the slayer, though Bickslow only took to glaring up at them then while Lisanna made a gagging noise into her palm.
Gross," the youngest Strauss said as Laxus dropped Mira back down after their hug.
"Grosser," Bickslow agreed because there was no way that the boss should ever say that. He could accept, maybe, the man ranking, like, Freed above him or something, but his damn woman?
"Grossest," Lisanna finished as, shoving up when Laxus tried to kiss Mirajane, she decided she no longer wanted to be around them. "Come on, Bicks; let's go upstairs."
"Sure, Lissy." He was shoving up too, sending the uncaring Laxus' some looks. "Somewhere where friend thieves are not."
The man's babies, who had been enjoying floating around in the cigarette smoke, shrieked "Gross," at the top of their...lungs or whatever it was that they had before trailing after the man.
Mirajane, either not picking up on the hostility or just pretending to be oblivious to it, only waved to them.
"Bye, guys," she sang with her wave, though her other arm stayed around Laxus' neck. Then, beaming up at him, she said, "Well, if they're leaving, then I guess we can be on our way."
"Great."
Because Laxus liked Bickslow.
A lot.
And he liked Lisanna.
A lot.
He'd even come to terms with the fact that, yes, they were together and, yes, they were going to be annoying while they were together and there was nothing anyone could do about it.
And if you can't beat them to death, join them in it.
Err, wait…
The point was that he didn't mind them being together. At all.
They just so happened to be the last thing in the world that he wanted to deal with when he had a very hot date with his demon lined up.
You know, until he found out that, actually, they were rather simple to deal with, compared to...well…
It all started as they left the house and Mira announced to him that they had to make a stop.
"What? Mirajane-"
"I have to, dragon. I always make him dinner now. And give him his pills. You know that."
"And you can't after our date, because-"
"Because," she said as they walked down the road, dropping her pitch a bit and giving him a rather suggestive look, "I don't plan on our date ending until I have to get up for work in the morning." Eyebrow raise. "Do you?"
Which is all it took for Laxus to get aboard the stop at Makarov's place train.
Though, honestly, he'd have ended up there anyways.
Mirajane. There was just something about her. Other guys saw it, sure, but the way that Laxus experienced it…
"What do you mean," he found himself growling upon arrival, "you don't have any food in your house? At all?"
"I mean what I say, boy." Makarov, after opening the door for them, informed the pair of this. "I have nothing here for you to make, Mirajane."
"But how, Master? I made a list, remember? For you to go down to the market and get?" She frowned as she and her boyfriend came into the man's house. "That was the one thing you had to do today and you promised me last night you would. You said I didn't need to worry about doing it for you because-"
"Now that I'm retired I have to do something. Yes, yes, I recall," he grumbled as he only went to sit once more in his recliner, the old man in a rather crotchety mood, it seemed. "But today I had so much to do here."
"Like what?" Laxus asked as Mirajane went off, going into the kitchen just to be sure the was absolutely nothing in the kitchen to make him. "Huh?"
"Well… Things. Just things."
"Admit that you forgot."
"I did not."
"Gramps-"
"Look, boy-"
"He doesn't even have bread," Mira announced from the kitchen though, honestly, she'd known this. It was, after all, on the list that she'd assigned him. "Or some kind of meat. Master, you don't even have any milk."
"I don't drink milk."
"Oh, Master."
"We'll just bring him something from the restaurant," Laxus decided as Mirajane came back to them in the living room. "Alright? Gramps? And-"
"What sort of place are you going to?"
"What difference does it-"
"Because, Laxus, I want to know what you're bringing me."
"I don't know! A hamburger or-"
"I want," Makarov told them both, "chicken."
"Chicken what?" his grandson asked.
"It doesn't matter."
"Great. Then-"
"No, not great." Mira made a face at her boyfriend. "He has to have food to take his pills with."
"What?" Laxus made a face. "That can't be right. Gramps, is that right?"
"I wouldn't know." He took to crossing his arms. "I hate those pills. I don't need them."
"You do need them," Mira told him with a frown.
"I've lived this long."
"By taking them, yes. So-"
"Can't he," Laxus interrupted their typical pre-pill argument, "just take his pills when we stop by after we go on our date?"
"No." His girlfriend even shook her head. "He has to take his pills now. He can't wait."
"Yes, I can." Makarov glared at Mirajane in a rather odd fashion. "I can wait forever."
"Your forever will be a lot less if you don't take your-"
"Just for one night," the man's grandson continued to complain, "he can't take them late?"
"If for one night you want him to be dead, sure."
"Yes! Yes!" The man looked at Makarov. "I mean, no offense, Gramps, but wouldn't you not mind me being dead if you knew that it would let you get at this faster?"
"Laxus," Mira complained, shoving him when he pointed out to her and not giving Makarov a proper chance to agree.
Which he was gonna do.
Because of course.
"I don't want my pills," Makarov told them both after a beat passed then. "I have been fine all day. They do nothing for me. At all."
"This is nonnegotiable," Mirajane told him simply. When Laxus opened his mouth, she said, "What you want is too."
"Mirajane-"
"We're going to the store," she cutoff both of her men. "Laxus and I. Very fast. To get something to make you for dinner."
"I want-"
"You had a chance to pick out what you want, Gramps," Laxus grumbled as Mirajane turned for the door and, reluctantly, he went to follow. "But instead you forgot to do the shopping."
"I didn't forget!"
And Laxus didn't want to go to the market. But there he was, in his nice shirt and jeans, taking Mirajane to the market.
"We're going to miss our reservations."
"Then we'll eat somewhere else."
It wasn't fair. Mira looked fine as fuck in her new dark red dress that he bought her and fuck.
He wanted to fuck.
And eat his steak.
Damn Gramps.
Mirajane was fast at the market though. As fast as you could be, anyways, on a weekend when it was super busy.
"Oh no," Laxus groaned when, arriving back at his grandfather's place, arms full of grocery sacks, he caught a scent. "Mira, please don't make me go in there."
"What are you talking about, dragon?" She was bouncing right up the porch steps, hands free of bags because what kind of man makes his woman carry things?
Not one that wants to get laid that night.
"I don't-" he started, but then the front door was opening and there they were.
Fucking Team Natsu.
And not the members he was rather neuteral on. Oh no. Not Wendy. Not Erza. Not effing Gray.
The freaking Salamander and his idiot cat.
And his regular idiot was there too.
Sigh.
"Laxus and Mirajane are back, Master!" Lucy called out to the man, using that title still, regardless of the fact he hadn't gone by it in nearly six months. She'd no doubt heard the approaching and thought she could help. Mirajane only patted her on the shoulder and walked on into the house, but Laxus took a moment, on the porch, to glare at the woman, before moving to dump all the sacks in his arms into hers.
"Oh, yeah, great," the celestial mage complained as she stumbled a bit at the sudden weight while Laxus just headed into the house. "Thank you so much for giving me all these, Laxus."
But that was muttered low and with hopes that he didn't overhear it.
"What are you guys doing here?" Mirajane asked as she found Natsu and Happy in the living room with Makarov, him seated on the couch as they stood above him, grins on both their faces. Laxus really, really wanted to leave then, forget the date, forget the sex, but knew there was no way that Mirajane would allow him to. "Natsu?"
"We were leaving on a job," Happy spoke instead, from his spot on Natsu's head. "A real hard one. So hard that one of us probably won't make it back." Then he paused and glanced over his shoulder at the blonde currently struggling with the massive amounts of groceries that Mirajane bought. "Sorry, Lucy."
"What do you mean, you stupid cat?" she griped as, taking note of her struggle, Natsu rushed to help.
"We just wanted to come see Gramps before we headed out," the Salamander said with a big grin as he took half the groceries from the woman and headed off for the kitchen. Mirajane, noticing this, gave Laxus a glare for his sticking Lucy with them, but he only went to fall into the couch, arms crossed over his chest.
He was not a happy dragon.
"And I'm very glad for that," Makarov said and he had this big plastered on grin on his face, though it fell a bit when Lucy disappeared into the kitchen.
Perving on Mira was great. It was the best. But ultimately, she was Laxus' girlfriend and, in some ways, like a granddaughter to the man. He'd known her since she was young.
Now Lucy…
As Mira and Natsu headed off to, into the kitchen, Happy going along for the ride, the two Dreyar men were left alone.
"Going somewhere special, boy?" Makarov sneered, if only a bit, at the sight of his grandson in his nice button up shirt as well as the scent of some cologne in the air. When his grandson only grunted, the man said, "Come now, Laxus; what's going on?"
"Nothing's going on," he griped "Erza gave Mirajane the night off, I'm in town, she's my woman, we're both young… Do I have to go on?"
"Just seems like a big night, as antsy as you are."
"I'm not antsy," he told the man. "I just want me and my woman to get out of here without- Mirajane, that better not be a full on conversation you're having in there with them!"
"It's not."
"Mira-"
"It's light chatter."
"Just make the man's dang food and-"
"Dragon, behave."
Ugh.
It felt like forever before they were able to get out of there. Natsu and his horde (if two morons could be considered a horde) got out of there first, having to catch the last train out of town for their job. Mirajane, however, felt no time crunch and took her time, getting Makarov a whole dinner cooked (which, he was sad to find out, had no chicken in it, but figured it was best not to gripe, given the broody look on his grandson's face) as well as getting him to take his pills.
Err, well, Laxus forced him to take his pills. By threat of death.
To which Mirajane yelled at Laxus and then got all upset and, well, Makarov hated seeing her upset. He didn't, however, hate seeing her upset with Laxus, but that day for some reason his wires got all crossed and he just caved.
"So now onto the restaurant," Mirajane announced in her upbeat tone as they finally left Makarov to his night, the woman promising to be by to bring him breakfast during her first break up at the hall (that's where he got his lunch and breakfast from typically; Mirajane would take a break and bring it over) as well as to give him his morning pills, the man grumbling accordingly to the latter. "Dragon."
He tried to mimic her vibrancy (or at least the rate that he usually offered up when he was excited), but it was hard. Their reservation was definitely gone by then, they'd have to wait for a table (if they could get in at all) and maybe even have to go somewhere else to eat.
Laxus had really wanted to show Mirajane a nice night. Of just then. Together. The two of them.
Which they could have still had.
Had they not arrived at the restaurant, been offered a chance to sit up at the bar (which they both accepted; Laxus so he could have a cigar to calm down and Mira because she loved being on the other side of one), and found that they weren't the other ones out of their friends trying to have a date night.
"Ah! Big sis! I thought that was you! And look, two empty stools right next to you! What are the odds? Of such manly couples meeting up?"
Because the only thing worse than Bickslow and Lisanna crashing a date was, obviously, Elfman and Evergreen doing the same.
The growl that left Laxus' body as he produced a cigar from his inner coat pocket was so low that no one seemed to hear it. Not even the demon.
Of course, she was much more concerned with bouncing on her stool as she turned to acknowledge her brother and his girlfriend.
"Elfman!" She even clapped her hands. Sigh. "And Ever! What are the chances?"
"Honestly?" the slayer grumbled around his cigar. "What the fuck are the chances?"
That got the woman to give him a glare. "Laxus-"
"Yes," Ever sighed, perhaps a tad disappointed, even in running into the man she so revered. "What are they?"
Honestly, any other time, she would have loved to run into the man without Freed or Bickslow hanging around. Killed for it. But add in the dorky Strausses (and yes, she realized that it was her fault that one of them were there; she was attracted to Elfman, she couldn't help it) and everything went to shit.
At a glare from Laxus, she was also reminded that just the simple act of going out somewhere nice with her boyfriend, if it involved in any way running into he and his Strauss, would also get her on the slayer's naughty list.
And not the good kind either.
Sigh.
"Pretty good, I guess," Mirajane said, voice upbeat once more. "Mmmm. Today so great. I got to go to work-"
"You didn't get to go to work," Laxus grumbled. "You had to work."
Not the way she told the story.
"-then I got to go home and spend all that time getting ready and Bickslow was over and Lisanna was around and oh, of course, dragon here and I are getting time together," Mira went on as only Elfman seemed to be listening, Ever instead flagging down the barkeep to bring her something strong and Laxus more glowering than anything. "Then I got to see Master and Natsu and Lucy and Happy and now you guys! And I'm gonna get a great dinner, thanks to this big lug-"
"I'm not," came the gripe around Laxus' cigar, "a lug. I am a human being."
Was that too much to ask to be recognized as?
"Oh, dragon."
Apparently.
"I'm sure you'll be paying for that dinner in your own ways," Ever mumbled what she thought was to herself, but was definitely too loud as, even with the Strausses between them and in a busy restaurant, Laxus caught it and sent her a deadly glare.
She tried hard to pretend like she didn't notice.
She failed.
If there was one saving grace, it was that they were seated at the bar and Laxus was able to garnish large amounts of alcohol much quicker. His appetite was dulled because of it and his steak and potatoes weren't great, given his senses being off, but it at least numbed having to be around Elfman and Evergreen.
Because they were just unbearable.
Elfman, early on in Laxus' relationship to Mirajane, annoyed the slayer in a plethora of ways. He was very needy, took up a lot of Mirajane's free time, and, overall, was kind of just a baby about everything. He loved his sisters, fine, and his guild, whatever, but the tears man. The damn tears.
That's what annoyed the hell out of Laxus.
And the constant talk of other men.
Sheesh. If it wasn't for poor Ever who would be crushed by it (maybe; it might be just what she needed to move the hell on), Laxus might have tried to weasel the big oaf into coming out already. Because, fine, Laxus could appreciate another man and his great qualities, but shit, Elfman was damn obsessive.
And, fine, okay, it also bothered the heck out of him that Elfman, who apparently considered himself a connoisseur, did not find him, Laxus Dreyar, the greatest specimen of all time, to be 'manly', but that was besides the point!
Slowly though, Laxus had become accustomed to seeing passed those sorts of things and, at the very least, tolerating Elfman. At the threat of Mirajane breaking up with him.
It was funny why the chance of losing love could do to a man who spent years claiming he didn't need it.
And, of course, Evergreen, well, Laxus liked her a lot. She was one of his followers, after all. And though at times eh could be a bit much, he definitely had come to see her as a friend.
Together, however, she and Elfman had one of the most annoying qualities that any couple possible could; they fought.
Frequently.
Constantly.
Always.
And they did that night as well.
Over how much Ever was drinking. Over how much Elfman was drinking. Over who was footing the bill. Over how if Ever wanted to be that strong independent woman she was always boast, she should at least pay half. About how if Elfman wanted to keep his girlfriend that he was always boasting about, he better shut the hell up.
Over what Elfman was eating. Over what Ever was eating. Over how they were being too loud. Over how they were bothering others. How they were even bothering Mirajane. How despite her protests, they definitely were.
Over everything.
They fought over everything.
Laxus had never been so thankful for Mirajane not wanting dessert as he was that night. So, when it was time to pay the bill, he did so quickly and whisked her off, more than a bit tipsy, hardly having spoken a word since they began their dinner.
"Dragon," Mira complained, only once they were outside. "You didn't even really give me a chance to say goodbye. You didn't even try to! What is wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with me?" he grumbled as she kept a hand on his arm, her steps having to be much quicker to keep up with his long gait. "What's wrong with you?"
"What? Laxus-"
"Tonight was going to be about us, Mirajane," he carped as they went along. "Me, you, a nice dinner, and then going home."
"That all happened."
"It did not! You made us miss our reservations-"
"I was taking care of your grandfather."
"-forced me to interact with the Salamander-"
"You didn't even speak to him. You were a real grump."
"-and then ruined our dinner by letting Elfman and Ever sit with us."
"No, I didn't. The man asked if you wanted to wait or be seated at the bar; you chose the bar. Then they also got sat there. How is that my fault?"
"You should have told them to go eat somewhere else."
"Like I have that kind of power."
She got a look. Then, with a frown, she changed her answer.
"You could have done that too, you know," Mirajane said. "Sent them away. They listen to you too."
"But then you would have been mad at me."
"As oppose to me being annoyed with you now? For being a big baby about all this?"
"I just," he continued to insist, "wanted to have a nice night. But now we haven't."
"Just being with you is nice for me." Mira's hand fell from his arm and she stopped trying to keep up with him. "Even if we are just going to the market or hanging out with Master or eating dinner with Elfman and Ever. I just love getting to be around you. Shouldn't you me too?"
Huffing, Laxus slowed a bit, to match pace with her, before moving to grasp his demon's hand in his own and lead her along then.
She was so fucking obnoxious.
They went back to his place. It was the only place where they could be absolutely alone.
Or at least Laxus thought.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me."
"L-Laxus, I did not expect the two of you back so soon."
Mirajane elbowed her dragon, for his potty mouth, while he only glared at Freed, who was very busy at the moment, hauling a trash bag from the bedroom and into the open living area, clearly planning on heading out of the apartment.
Ten more minutes and they would have missed one another.
But then, ten more minutes before everyone's conception, the planet would be filled with completely different humans.
Life was a game of seconds.
"I gave you all day," he growled at his most faithful follower, the only one that he thought he could count on not having interrupt his demon time, "to clean this place out. It's what? Nine or ten at night? How are you still here?"
"It's taken me all day to get this done! I've been here since you left at four and only took one break, for dinner, so-"
"Then you shouldn't have taken that break!"
"Laxus, did you make him clean your apartment?" Mirajane made a face. "And how messy did you get this place, since I was here….what? A month ago? That it took him that long-"
"I don't with this shit. Fuck today." Laxus headed on, glaring at Freed as he passed him, before heading towards his bedroom. "Get home from a job, get my woman off work, and you morons still can't give me one damn night with her. Forget this. Forget all of you."
He slammed his bedroom door too, to let it be known, in case they were misunderstanding, that he was upset, before the drunkard went to fall into bed, face first, head buried in a pillow.
Mira and Freed were talking, out there, in the room he'd stormed out of, softly. He heard Mira tell Freed that she'd deal with Laxus, because he was her problem then, not Freed's. He was her boyfriend. Not friends. She was going to fix him.
So Laxus resounded not to allow himself to be fixed. At all. If Mira thought that she could just decide that something was wrong with him and change it, well, she had another thing coming.
And Freed, well, he was mostly upset that he thought that his idol was angry at him, but the woman assured him otherwise and, after a few more whispered things that Laxus didn't understand, Freed left and his girlfriend was coming to join him in bed.
"Come here."
"No."
"Roll over, at least. I need to get you out of your clothes."
Well… Maybe there was something Mira could do to 'fix' him. He should have never doubted her.
Doing so, he blinked up at her as he said, "I wanted us to have a good night."
"I know." He'd shoved off his coat before falling into bed as well as kicked off his boots, so it was just his shirt and pants she wanted to get off. "We did."
"No. Didn't have no witty banter over dinner."
"We had entertainment though."
"Missed our reservation."
"We got to sit up at the bar instead, which was nice."
"Didn't get our pre-date fooling around at your place."
"Okay, that's really no supposed to happen constantly. We just do that most of the time because we haven't had a chance to be alone in so long." Mira made a face. "Besides, you got to hang out with Bickslow and Lisanna."
Bleh. He about barfed.
"I just," he grumbled as Mirajane slipped him out of his pants and boxers, "wanted tonight to be a good one."
"It was a great one," Mira said, once he was naked, as she moved to place some kisses on his hard abdomen. Against the taut flesh, she whispered, "Because I got to spend it with the only man that could make any night great."
He was prepping for one of her corny jokes. Elfman. Makarov. Natsu. Hell, even the dang cat. She was going to say one of those. Not him. He just knew it.
Still, he breathed as she edged her lips closer to his waist line, "Who?"
"Mmmm," Mira hummed, bright blue eyes glancing up at him. "You."
He didn't wanna smile. Not after they'd all contributed to the downfall of his date night. But…
"Mira," he grumbled a bit when, even though her breath was one the area he wanted and she was definitely hovering above it, he wasn't getting the relief he so desired, "why aren't you-"
"You're going to apologize to Freed though. And pay him for cleaning your place. You hear me?"
"Yes," he groaned, rolling his eyes. "I will."
"Good boy." Then, finally, she giggled. "Aren't you one? Dragon?"
"Mmmm," he hummed as she finally got down to what he wanted. "I'm the best one."
And with an ending like that, how could it have been anything, but the best date?
Not gonna lie to you guys, I don't know when I'm going to be getting back completely into Fairy Tail. I thought I would at this point, but it's just not happening, so I guess you can still count on these sporadic one-shots. I hope to finish Closer and Accidents and Incidents, but none of it's coming out the way I want, so it's just more of the waiting game, I guess.