Where My Loyalties Lie
"Carver, surely you would not fight against me?"I was in the Gallows Courtyard awaiting further instructions from Knight-Commander Meredith. I looked at my sister and her companions. I knew they were waiting for my reply. My eyes rested on Anders and he was glaring at me. "How can you ask me that, Sis? He destroyed the Chantry. How can you ask me to fight with you?" She blinked her eyes rapidly and I realised she was holding back tears. We had always been at each other's throats and I knew she loved me. What she did not realise was that I loved her. "Your own flesh and blood?" she asked. She made as if she was going to come towards me but he held her back. "Anders, I need to speak to him," she implored. He caught my eye and then he released her. "If you need me, love, I will be here." He stepped back allowing her to come to me. "Please Carver?" she implored. I led her away from everyone. I glanced back at Anders and he was watching me very closely. "Sis, how can you forgive him for this outrage?" I asked. "I love him, Carver. Please do not ask me to choose. I...I cannot," she replied. I threw up my hands. "Sis, he destroyed the Chantry! What hope do you think you have against Meredith now that she has invoked the Rite of Annulment?" She stepped away from me. "Carver, you know very well how unjust the Circle is," she pointed out.
I sighed because she was right. I had seen Templars committing terrible atrocities against the Mages. The radical Templars got great pleasure out of abusing them physically and verbally. Rumours had been going around amongst the more sympathetic Templars about how the women - especially the younger apprentices - had been taken advantage of. I had lain awake many nights hearing their screams of mercy, but I felt powerless to do anything.
I went towards her and reached for her hands. "I know you are right, Sis, but I cannot abandon my orders. She will have me thrown in the Dungeons," I explained. She shrugged out of my grasp. "So you only care about yourself?" She turned her back on me and I realised she was looking for him. He noticed and he came towards her with outstretched hands. I felt angered at this. How could she love him? A murderer? I felt a strong urge to take out my dagger. I watched them for a moment longer and I unsheathed it. I approached them and she was asking him something. His eyes widened when he noticed me. She noticed and she quickly turned around. "Back off, Carver," she warned. She pushed him out of my reach. I ignored her and closed the distance between us. "I said 'back off'." I stared deeply into her eyes and I dropped the dagger. I realised she would never forgive me if I harmed him. She loved him too much. "I...I am sorry, Sis, but I can't help you. My orders are clear, but I will make sure to keep the other Templars away from you. That is all I can promise," I informed her. I turned on my heel, "Carver? Carver!" she called, but I ignored her. She did not realise the sacrifice I was making on her behalf. I was my own man now and I would never allow myself be in anyone's shadow again.
I noticed that the Knight-Commander had finally arrived. She had rallied quite a few Templars. Knight-Captain Cullen was with her and I made my way towards them rather reluctantly because I did not know if I was making the right decision. "Lieutenant Carver, I trust you have had your words with the Champion of Kirkwall?" she asked. "Yes, Knight-Commander," I replied. "And?" I looked back at my sister and she was watching me."She is in firm in her resolve, Knight-Commander," I replied. "Then we have no choice. She will pay dearly for what she has done. You have your orders, men," she informed us. She left me staring after her in disbelief. "She means to kill her and him along with her. I cannot...I will not allow it," I declared. "You best keep that to yourself, Lieutenant," Knight-Captain Cullen informed me. I stood at attention. "Yes...Yes Ser," I said quietly. "Good. Follow me," he ordered. I hung back and glanced back, but the courtyard was empty. "Where are they?" I asked. "In the Gallows, preparing themselves," he replied. I gave another backward glance and I followed him into the Templar Quarters.
Everyone seemed very quiet and nervous. I did not blame them because many of us were going to lose our lives today. I joined my fellow Templars as we awaited further instructions. I did not know what plans she had, but I knew that almost every mage in the Gallows was going to die today and I only hoped my sister was not going to be one of them. Someone sat next to me, but I ignored him. I was not in the mood to discuss anything. "You know, I loved an Amell once." It was Knight-Captain Cullen. I raised my head and waited for him to continue. "While I was in the Circle in Ferelden, I fell in love with a young beautiful apprentice. Her name was Ariana," he explained. I recognised the name. She was our cousin. My Mother used to speak about her when we were younger. "What happened?" I asked. "Nothing happened," he replied. "Because Chantry Law forbids any relationship with mages," I said quietly. "Exactly, but I loved her deeply, sadly she fell to Uldred's influence," he continued. I stared at him in shock. "It broke my heart, because she was one of the best mages we had. She showed no sign of any weakness to demons. You see, she passed her Harrowing with success," he explained. "I'm sorry, Ser," I said because I did not know what else to say. "But how does that justify this?" I asked. "Mages are dangerous, Lieutenant and you better keep that in mind," he warned. "Well, at least you don't have to fight a family member," I muttered. I glared at him and I stood up. "With all due respect Ser, maybe she is right, maybe they do deserve a fair chance," I informed him. "You have said more than enough. Now stand down," he ordered me. I straightened my shoulders and glared defiantly at him. "As you wish," I said through gritted teeth and I walked away.
I stood in the Gallows Courtyard with all this death around me. The Templars had formed a circle around my sister and Anders. She approached the stone form of Meredith and Knight-Captain Cullen approached her. "What have you done?" he asked her. "What I have done?" she asked. "She brought this upon herself, Cullen. That sword was crafted from the Red Lyrium Idol we found in the Deep Roads. It is the same idol that drove Bartrand' brother mad, and you are asking me what I have done?" She looked at him in disbelief and she backed off because he was pointing his sword at her. I realised with crystal clarity, that I should never have been a part of this. I stepped in front of her and pushed her back. "Lieutenant, stand down," he ordered. "Put your weapon away and I will stand down. Can't you see what you have done? Can't you see that she was right all along?" I asked. He said nothing. "Ser, that weapon is what destroyed the Knight-Commander. My sister had nothing to do with that. She was not even near her when she pleaded to the Maker for his help," I explained. "And then how do you explain what Anders did? She was involved with that, was she not?" he asked. She pushed passed me. "Cullen, leave him out of it. I would have done the same in his place," she informed him. Anders grabbed her arms, pulling her backwards. "We need to get out of here," he said. I noticed the circle had grown smaller around us. If I did not act, they would kill them on the spot. I drew my sword. "Sis, go," I said quietly. "But what about you?" she asked as Anders dragged her away. "Don't worry about me. Worry about yourselves. I will find you," I informed her. "I can't leave you behind," she said. "You have no choice. Now go! Go!" I ordered. She reached for his hand and they ran out of the Courtyard. I turned my attention to Cullen. "Stand down or Maker help me. I don't want to kill you, Carver," he said quietly. I caught his eye and I realised we had reached an understanding. I dropped my sword and I allowed him to bind my hands.
"What are you doing, Carver?" Aveline asked as she shrugged away from Donnic. "Leave it, Aveline. I am not going to win this fight," I replied. "They will hang you for this treachery," she pointed out. "Then it will be worth it. She was always right, Aveline. Surely you can see that?" I asked. "I can't allow you to die. Do you have any idea what this will do to her?" she asked. I looked away from her because I knew how difficult my Mother's death had been for her. I had received a few letters from Anders about it, but I had thrown them away. I had realised then how deeply he loved her and I knew she loved him just as deeply. I raised my eyes. "Aveline, I know. I know everything," I whispered. "And you did nothing?" she demanded. "How could I? I am a Templar...," I replied. "Not for long," Cullen reminded me and I hung my head. "Leave me, Aveline," I whispered.
I noticed another Templar coming towards me, but Cullen shook his head. "I will make sure he is punished," he informed them. I straightened my shoulders and caught his eye. "I am ready for whatever punishment you have," I said quietly. He let me go and I followed him back into the Templar Courtyard. All I could see and smell were burning bodies. All this magical talent gone to waste because of one woman's fear. I had always known there were decent mages around, but I was too proud, too resentful to admit it. My Father had always favoured my sisters. When he was alive and we were still living in Lothering, he spent hours with them training them how to use their magic. I always watched from a distance. I envied them and I hated that we had to move from village to village to keep them safe. I realised at a young age that I was good with a sword, but my Father made no move to tell me he approved and I resented that, but now I realised where my loyalties lay and that was to my sister.
"I don't know why I am helping you, Carver," Cullen informed me as he led me into the Templar Quarters. He removed my bindings and I massaged my wrists because they were quite sore. I laughed because I could do with some of my sister's healing. "Magic has its uses," I informed him. "Yes and they have their dangers as well, but your sister, she has a good heart and her intentions were good, but at what cost?" he asked. "She may not realise it, but she is doing this more for Anders than anyone else," I said quietly. "Mmm...That much is clear, but as for you. I have to strip you of your commission. You will return everything to me and then you are to leave," he informed me. I hung my head, because I loved being a Templar. It gave me a sense of purpose, but it was all in vain. "Yes Ser." I removed my armour and I gave him my badge of office. "You will find clothes in that wardrobe," he informed me. "Thank you, Ser," I whispered.
I was standing outside her home and I was reluctant to go in. I did not know what I would find. I knew they would leave the city. I opened the door and stepped inside. The place was in a mess. I realised that they were in a hurry and I could not blame them. They were fugitives and the Templars would hunt them down. I went into their room, but they were not there either. "Where could they be?" I went back down the stairs and into the kitchen. "The cellar, of course. The only way they would be able to leave Kirkwall."
I could hear them talking behind the door and then there was silence and I smiled because they were probably sharing a quiet moment. I quietly pushed open the door and they were locked in an intimate embrace. I watched them for a while longer and they seemed oblivious to the fact that I was standing there. He released her and kissed her on the forehead. "I still can't believe you allowed me to stay with you," he said. "I...I love you, Anders. Our cause has always been the same and I did this for you. It's always been you," she said. "I can't believe you are forgiving me for what I did. I really don't deserve you." She reached for his hand and brought it to her lips. "You deserve me," she whispered. "Thank you for always being there for me," he whispered.
"Sis," I called and she looked over his shoulder at me with utmost disbelief in her eyes. "Carver, what are you doing here?" Anders turned around and wrapped his arms around her. I studied them for a while and I realised the bond of love they shared was too powerful to break. He would never leave her and she would never leave him.
I approached them and Anders stepped back holding her protectively in his arms. "I won't harm her," I informed him. He nodded but he didn't relax his hold. "I came to help. You honestly don't think you can escape Kirkwall without some protection?" I asked. "We intend going through the tunnels. We...We have friends in the Undercity Warrens. They will help us," she explained. "Oh...Sis, may I come with you?" I asked. "So you finally see, Carver?" Anders demanded. "I do and I am sorry for being such an ass. Sis, you were always right," I replied. She said nothing, but I noticed her working her jaw. "I've seen things, Marian, that would shock you," I explained. "It was your decision to join the Templars," she reminded me. "I know that, but you are the only family I've got left, so I am asking you please?" I implored. "Anders?" she asked. "Fine, he can come with us, but I will be watching him," he replied. I caught his eye and finally we had reached an understanding. "We...We better get going. We are no longer safe..."