Title: Past and Future
Category: Degrassi: TNG
Rating: T
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairing: Jay/Emma
Prompt: #05 - Mail
Word Count: 2,961
Summary: He didn't know why he read it. It was just sitting there, staring up at him like a bomb waiting to go off.
Past and Future
1/1
He didn't know why he read it. It was just sitting there, staring up at him like a bomb waiting to go off. He paced the room, smoked nearly an entire pack, had a few beers and debated on whether or not he should do it. A few years ago, he would've torn it open, read it and burned it without a second thought. But here he was, the letter opened after hours of debate, not burned, just waiting for her to read. He had a lighter in his hand and he was still considering it, but he rolled it in his palm, inhaling a breath through clenched teeth as he glared at the paper he'd read at least twenty times. What a prick!
Apparently, Sean was coming back. He'd been overseas for the last few months, nothing new really. He'd been away off and on over the years. But now he was talking to them, or her anyway. He'd written some sappy letter with all the "I want you back's," he could fit on one page. Jay wasn't the jealous type, usually. Excepting that time in high school when the same girl had him on edge, playing games he wasn't used to, always on his mind and driving him crazy. And now here he was, with her again except now it was more legit and the letter in front of him could be the reason she left him.
He couldn't have that.
He'd worked his ass of to get where he was; with his business and his GED and a not so pretty past far behind him. He was still arrogant and too sarcastic for his own good, but he didn't break into schools and steal crap just for the sake of it or his car. He was the owner of his own auto shop which was slowly but surely getting off the ground and he had a girlfriend that anybody would trip over themselves to have. So he wasn't some bum with no future or stuck in jail like so many had expected of him. He was going places and he wanted her with him when he got there.
But this letter... The one he found sitting in the mail that morning, glaring at him mockingly, it could ruin everything.
He ran a hand through his hair, licking his lips and leaning forward on his forearms, wishing it would just go up in flames on his own and he had no part in it. Even if he did get rid of it, what if Sean showed up later, then he'd look like the bad guy. She'd look at him, ask him what happened to the letter and there was no point in saying he didn't get it because she learned how to know when he was lying and she'd read it in his face as soon as the words came out. So then a fight would break out, privacy and all that shit, and somehow, in the end, she'd end up in Sean's arms and he'd lose the most important person in his life.
So there was no turning back. She'd have to read it, know what it said and what Sean was offering and then make her choice. Sean or him. Which he didn't want, not really, because even though they'd been together these last four years, he's still kinda worried that if Sean wanted to give it another go, she'd shrug her shoulder, say her sorries and run off with him into the stupid ass sunset. But then... maybe it was better than always wondering, right? Fuck. Whatever. She was gonna choose Sean, he just knew it, and he'd have nothing, just like his dad always told him.
He heard the key in the lock and he sat up straight, panicking on the inside despite how calm he looked. The door opened and she stepped inside, arms full of bags. He stood up, walked over and took them all from her.
"Thanks," she said, grinning before she let out a long breath. "They should put an elevator into this place!"
He half-smiled before moving to the kitchen and opening the bags. "You pick up the-"
"Yes, Jay, I didn't forget the game was this Sunday. I got a few bags of chips, I wasn't sure which ones the guys liked. But they're like garbage disposals anyway."
He laughed, digging through the bags and grabbing out things here or there to put away.
"How was work?" she called out to him as she walked to their bedroom, probably changing into something more comfortable.
"Good," he shouted back to her. "Robbie's doing better, but I think I'm gonna keep him shadowing Les for awhile. Don't really trust him with the nice cars yet."
She chuckled before coming out in a pair of shorts and a tank top, pulling her long blonde hair up into a messy ponytail. "When'd you get home?"
"Few hours ago." He nodded.
"Did you grab the mail?" she wondered.
He paused while putting the milk away. His back tensing.
"Jay?"
"Uh yeah, it's... It's on the counter." He cleared his throat, closing the fridge door and turning around. He watched her as she walked over, plucking the pile up before pausing and grabbing the already read letter. Her expression changed before she looked over at him.
"Did you read this?" she asked, her voice calm.
He nodded, eyes falling for a moment.
"You read my mail?"
His jaw clenched. "Left the bills for you," he muttered.
She rolled her eyes. "Jay..."
"I'm sorry, all right? I just... Saw it was from Cameron... I was curious." He crossed his arms over his chest, walked a little closer and stared at her. "Well? You gonna read it?"
"Why?" She scoffed sarcastically. "You could probably recite it to me."
He sighed. "I could but I don't want to."
She stared at him. "So what do you think is going to happen when I read this?" she asked him.
He shrugged.
"No, look at me," she ordered.
He turned back, his jaw tight.
"How long have we been together?" She lifted a brow, lips pursed.
"Four years," he muttered.
"What?" she half-shouted.
"Four years," he said louder, looking away for a moment before returning his gaze to her angry face.
"That's right." She nodded. "Four years Jay... Are you really so insecure that you would think I would-"
"It's Sean, Emma!" he yelled, throwing his arms up. "What am I supposed to think? He was your first fucking love! Your first everything! And now he's writing you, telling you how much he loves and misses you and wants you back. And you think I'm just going to what? Stand by and pretend I don't notice?"
"You're supposed to trust me," she shouted back, face flushing. "You're supposed to trust in us!"
"I didn't throw it out, I didn't burn it like I wanted to," He threw his arms up, "What else do you want?"
"I wanted you not to read it!" she hollered, shaking her head. "I wanted you to believe that after I read it, I would show you, I would share it with you. Not that you would decide whether or not I should get it. It's mine!"
He gripped the counter, his knuckles white as he held his tongue so he didn't say something he couldn't take back.
"I just..." She closed her eyes, rubbing at her forehead as if to push a headache away. "We've had our ups and downs, but I haven't seen or heard from Sean in almost five years... Do you really think I'd throw away what I have for you for somebody I don't even know anymore?"
He looked over at her, his jaw relaxing. "I was just..."
"Scared?"
He scoffed.
She smiled slightly. "It's okay to be scared, Jay..." She walked closer to him. "If your first love suddenly wrote saying she wanted you, I can admit I'd be jealous."
He frowned at her. "That doesn't count. My first love became a lesbian."
She shrugged, grinning. "You know what I mean."
He snorted, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, but I know Sean and I know how you felt about him."
"Felt," she emphasized. "That was a long time ago and I've moved on."
He turned, staring at her as she leaned her hip against the counter, staring up at him sincerely. She reached out for him, her hand landing on his chest.
"Can I read it, you big baby? Or should I just wait until you're not looking and run off to find him now?" she teased.
He glared. "Ha ha, Greenpeace."
She chuckled, walking closer to she could wrap her arms around him. "Whatever he says... I already know how I feel and what's going to happen."
His hands fell to her hips, squeezing lightly. "Yeah?"
"Yeah... I'm in love with a jealous idiot..." She shrugged. "And I plan on staying with him, no matter how many times he reads my mail."
He laughed, pressing his forehead against hers. "So I can read the letter Manny sent you last week? The one that made you blush?"
Her eyes widened. "Uh, no... That one was a little... racy."
"She found a new movie star fuck buddy?"
"Jay! You make her sound so..." She trailed off, frowning.
He shrugged. "Not my fault she's slutting her way up through the social ranks of Hollywood."
She glared, pursing her lips. "She is not... I think she likes this one."
He smirked. "Judging by how you mauled me after you read her letter, I'd say she's more into the sex than him."
She mock-laughed before pressing a brief kiss to his lips. "Finish putting away the groceries, will you? I have to read my latest love letter." She waved the paper around at him and he rolled his eyes, walking back over to the bags, glancing at her over his shoulder every once in awhile.
She moved to sit on the counter, leaning back and chewing her lip as her eyes read through Sean's letter.
He frowned to himself, remembering exactly what it said...
Dear Em,
I know this is years late... I should've done or said something a long time ago and I know that you probably don't want to read what I have to say. Maybe you'll throw this out or maybe he'll find it and you'll just never get it. I don't know. What I do know is that after all these years, you're still the face I see when I go to sleep. You're still who I think of when I wake up and who I want a future with. I know how wrong it is for me to write this to you... I haven't seen or spoken into you in, what? Four and a half years? It's just...
There was a scare the other day. I almost died. I'm not writing for pity though. It's just... In that split second, all I could think was... Is this it? This is my life? What do I have? And I realized it was nothing. I lost you. I lost my friends. I lost my life. And I know that this is years late, but please... Please, I don't want that to be my life. I don't want to look back years from now and know that yeah, I had the chance to say something, to ask for you back, and I didn't. I walked away, again, and I lost you for good.
I know that you're settled. I know that wherever you are you're probably happy. I know you're still with him and I hope he makes you happy, because if he doesn't... Well, I'm sure you know where I'm going there. But... I want you to know that if you gave me the chance, just one more chance, I would be that guy... I would love you and cherish you and be there for you in every way I could.
So I guess that's it... My last hope for redemption. It's wrong and you'll probably want to tear my head off. But I'm taking the chance anyway.
I love you still.
Sean
He pulled the chips and salsa out of the bag, smiling slightly. Maybe she'd make her famous nachos for Sunday's game... With an extra plate for Spinner, because he'd end up eating them out of house and home if he didn't get his own designated meal. He kept his back to her, trying to distract himself as he put the cereal and ravioli away. He wondered what they were having for dinner that night... He was feeling pasta. He'd even eat her vegetarian style spaghetti.
When he heard the paper close, he stilled for a second before moving to put away the last of the groceries, letting her process. Four years, he reminded himself. She and Sean had never made it that long, had they? Sure he and Emma had their moments; they argued, a lot, but they made up just as quick. There was never an actual break-up. Despite how often they bumped heads, they worked together too. He'd gone this long with her and he was planning on taking it a lot farther. Nothing was official but after all this time, all they'd accumulated together; their apartment, his business, her environmental charity. He figured it was all part of the grand scheme. They'd say their I Do's eventually and maybe try a house instead of their cramped apartment. He didn't know when he started seeing a future, but he knew he saw her in it.
"Jay?"
He stared at the empty bags in front of him and took a breath, turning around to face her. She was still sitting on the counter, the letter folded and sitting next to her. She held a hand out and he walked toward her, standing between the part of her knees. She put her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through his hair, slow and relaxing. Sometimes, he'd come home from a particularly long day at work and they'd lie on the couch together. She wouldn't ask him why he was in such a bad mood because she knew he didn't really want to talk about it. He'd just rest his head on her stomach and pay little attention to whatever was on the TV, instead relaxing into a peaceful nap while she ran her fingers back and forth through his hair, around in circles, rubbing his neck, skimming along the back of his ears, and he'd be lulled away by her touch. When he woke up, he'd be ready to talk; no longer so frustrated he was ready to bite his own head off.
He put his hands on her hips, dragged her closer to the edge and rested his forehead on her chest, his head fitting beneath her chin. She ran her hands down over the back of his shoulders, kneading them. He ran his rough palms up her back and then down before sliding them beneath her loose tank top to stroke her bare skin. He tipped his head, pressing a kiss against her neck, suckling and nibbling her skin before he trailed up higher. She sighed, arching into him, letting her head fall to one side as he kissed up to her ear and across her cheek.
"Any regrets, GP?" he asked, voice low.
She opened her eyes, staring at him a moment before she slid her arms away from him and before he could even question it, she had pulled her tank top up and off, sitting in front of him in just her little shorts, bare-chested and mischievous smile in place. "What do you think, Jay?"
He smirked, wrapping his arms around her waist and picking her up. Her legs encircled his waist and her hands slid into his hair once more as she sat face to face with him, their noses brushing. "You tired?"
"Not at all."
He grinned. "You will be." He left the kitchen quickly, not bothering to close their bedroom door as he dropped on the bed and shed his own shirt. She stared up at him, kneeling in the middle of their bed, her eyes dark with want. He didn't know why he even considered she'd turn back to Sean. Maybe a few years ago, back when she was Sean's Emma... Back when she was willing to let her heart get broken, over and over again, for a boy who could never really handle her. But she had Jay now and he wasn't aiming to break her heart. If anything, he was going to make sure it stayed in one piece and always his. Cameron could go fuck himself; he wasn't getting Emma back, not ever. She was right where she was supposed to be. She reached out to him, grabbed the front of his jeans and drew him forward until he was kneeling in front of her on the bed, their chests touching.
"I want you," she whispered, staring into his eyes.
He ran a hand through her hair before cupping the back of her neck and pulling her into him. He kissed her, possessive and passionate, smirking as she moaned, her hands tightening around the pockets of his jeans, tugging at them, wanting them off. His hand slid down her body, falling between her thighs and rubbing her slow and teasing. He was gonna draw this out until Sean Cameron was the farthest thing from her mind; the only face she was gonna see, awake, asleep, orgasming, was his. The letter was left forgotten; it was just the past wanting another chance it wouldn't get. The future was better; the future was all them.