Scars That Don't Show
by IMP
rated PG (whatever the new rating system's equivalent is)
Sum: Set after the end events of GoF, presumably during that school year, though I haven't exactly worked the time-thing out. Hopefully, that doesn't matter much. Harry encounters Neville in the dorm, aftermath of Bellatrix and the Cruciatus Curse.
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"Er…Neville? Are you all right?"
Harry stood in the doorway of the boy's dormitory, dark hair in disarray as usual fallen across his brow, making his face appear exceptionally pale, and the green eyes behind his glasses shone anxious, uncertain.
The round-faced boy on the bed sat with his knees pulled up to his chest, eyes gazing, unseeing at the wall where the dim light of the vanished sun danced across it. He was rocking, rocking back and forth, his mouth open as if to breathe, his pale-ish hair damp and tousled.
"Neville?" Harry persisted, brow creased.
"I know how it feels now." His voice was strangely distant.
Harry opened his mouth as if to reply, faltered, and Neville went on, went on almost as though he spoke to himself.
"I know what it's like. You do too, don't you, Harry?"
Harry began to speak, now distinctly worried and confused.
"Is that what happened in the graveyard with you-know-who?" Neville continued, and though he addressed Harry he still spoke to the wall, his eyes glazed, face pale. "I…I can see how it might drive you mad. You're not mad though. Are you, Harry? I'm not mad, am I?"
"Neville," began Harry uncertainly.
"Harry, I'm not mad?"
"'Course not," said Harry sharply.
"Oh." Neville seemed no more to have heard than to have understood. "Mum and dad are. That's what happened, you know, what happened to them."
"Neville,"
But Neville kept on, oblivious, urgent. "I - I don't s'pose it matters any more," he murmured, "Do you? I am mad, aren't I, Harry? It's what happens. I can't stop thinking about it. I had a dream, Harry. I thought it was real. I could stop screaming, Harry; it wouldn't stop in the dream, it didn't, on and on. Then my mum, and dad," silently, tears had begun sliding down Neville round, pale cheeks, and he rocked, harder and harder, "Do you dream, Harry? Does it happen to you too, again and again? Am I mad, Harry? like mum and dad. Am I -"
"God, Neville, don't be an idiot," said Harry, concern etching every line of his face. "It…-"
"Do you dream about your parents, Harry?" went on Neville, heedless.
"Well…yeah," said Harry. "'Doesn't make you mad."
"I hear them screaming," said Neville, "And that woman- she's laughing, Harry - "
"Neville!-" Harry snapped frantically,
"It won't stop, it doesn't stop, Harry,"
"Look, Neville," Harry faltered, then sat with a sigh on the edge of his bed. "I…I've got nightmares too. I've heard my mum and dad scream," Neville, silent at last but for his tears, rocked, clutching his knees. "I've heard Vol - you-know-who laughing at my dad as he killed him…killed him so he could get to me."
For a long moment Neville was wordless. He rocked and stared and sniffed, trembling; stared and didn't seem to see a thing. "Did he use it on you too?" he asked thickly, swallowing, "In the graveyard?"
Harry stiffened, face very pale in the dusk light.
"Yeah," he said hoarsely, "Yeah he did."
"Does it go away?" Neville slumped at last into an exhausted heap on his bed, knees still pulled tightly up to his chin.
"No," Harry said, "No…it doesn't go away. But it doesn't mean you're mad, just - just - " he stumbled, searching bleakly for the right word. "'s not mad. Just - hurt, I guess. Like…a scar."
Neville's eyes traveled vaguely to Harry's forehead, gaze still broken by tears.
"But 's invisible for me," he murmured. "inside."
"Yeah," said Harry. "Easier that way…o-or," he wavered, staring at Neville. "Maybe harder sometimes."
But Neville was no longer listening, or speaking. Damp brow creased, he had fallen asleep
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A/N: Adieu. Aufwiedersehn. Reviews are welcome. Toodles - IMP