Mary Sue Parody… Pretty strange. Started as a parody of what I would be like if I ended up in Middle Earth, but it warped into something completely unrelated! I would appreciate reviews, but it's not like I'm willing to threaten you with a baseball bat or anything…I'm busy enough with trying to get SOMEONE to vote between LOTR and HP ;-) And I apologize for not having Middle Earth in this chapter, I was trying to set the scene. Geez, it's short. Damn! Oh well, the rest is so much longer (Don't ask about the orcs, you'll find out next chapter...and the floor? I like floors!)

Warning: Serious stereotyping ahead! I mean, I love most of these people, but, well, they're annoying.

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Tolkien's probably spinning in his grave at this moment. Oops! Sorry Prof, I couldn't help it!

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Katie "Phoenix" Andrews glanced impatiently at her watch, and gave an over dramatic sigh. She shook her long mane of (dyed) red hair, before letting out a squeal of delight, following by a quick run down the hall.

She hated this time of year, having no use for Christmas cheer and absolutely despising her relations. And to top things off, her boyfriend was late. Again. Naturally.

But at least she had a freshly waxed floor to slide on. Her movement was suddenly stopped by a conveniently misplaced carpet, and threw her into the conveniently present arms of her long time, on again, off again boyfriend.

"Ah, mon chere! Ah did not know ya felt so!" Nick Lenters drawled.

She pushed herself back and glared at him. "Cut the crap. I've told you before, your 'Cajun' accent sucks. God, I tell you that I had a crush on Gambit when I was SEVEN and you have to act like this. We have a grand total of," she cast a quick glance at her watch, "about 15 minutes before mum and James get back from the airport."

"James is here? Is he still a fantasy freak?"

Grimacing at the thought of her cousin's renowned Lord of the Rings obsession, she sighed and replied, "Worse then ever."

Giving her patented dismissive shake of her head, Phoenix reminded Nick there were more "important" to do then discuss her cousin's social sadness and pulled him into the nearby room.

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And that was the way James found them twenty minutes later.

"Oh. My. Valar." He said as he attempted to back out of the room inconspicuously. But fate was not on his side. The door had swung shut behind him, leaving him trapped.

His cousin looked up in startlement, and her vivid green eyes met his. They begged him to leave and forget what he had seen, a request he was all too happy to comply with.

By that time, Nick had set off a motion of simultaneous events. As he leapt towards James, fury blazing in his eyes, the object of his rage managed to open the door. As the soon-to-be dueling pair spilled into the hall, Phoenix (having hastily redressed herself) attempted to intercept.

It was in vain. The freshly waxed floor, once supposed to be a bringer of great entertainment, was a curse as she felt her nylon socks slip. As she began to tumble down the stairs (so conveniently nearby) she did the only thing that she could think of. She grabbed ahold of Nick's shirt, in a desperate attempt to stop her fall. Need I remind you, gentle readers, that Nick and James were in a desperate battle? The trio flew down the stairwell, and three loud thumps were heard as they reached bottom. Then silence.