Broken
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the song.
Setting: San Francisco, The Manor, 2006. Leo's clipped his wings for Piper and Victor hasn't come back into the sisters' lives. Melinda was born in 2001.
****
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Remember the good times we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so tired but i can't sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so tired by I can't sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
***
In the beginning she had needed me. To hold her hand, to squeeze it, to hug her and reassure her and hold her for hours on end 'til no more tears came because no more could. Now, nothing. Nothing.
Leo sat, awkward of the stiff-backed mahogany chair in the corner of Piper's room. Piper's room, he thought sadly. Not Leo and Piper's room, not anymore. He stared at her, long and hard, and desperate for a response. Any response would do. A smile, a held-out hand, something in her eyes to tell him she'd be okay.
***
It's funny how we feel so much but cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
***
But nothing came. Just blankness, and beyond that more blankness, stretching for all of infinity.
Piper sat, wrapped up in a moth eaten pink blanket, her knees up to her chin, staring back at him. Or that was what he'd thought hopefully when he had entered the room ten minutes ago. For a split second everything had been normal, Piper was back, and he could hug her and kiss her and tell her how much he loved her.
But it wasn't real. It never was. Every morning he'd wake up in his bedsit, and for a millisecond his life was back. The life he wanted so much. Piper, him..... Melinda. His angel Melinda. But then he'd remember, and have to force himself out of bed, and get dressed, and stumble, hope lost, over to the manor to see his beloved Piper.
She wouldn't sleep, wouldn't eat. Leo sometimes wondered if she was even breathing. He didn't doubt she'd stop herself doing so, if she could summon up the courage. More than once he'd forced himself to check her vitals signs when he went in, despite her flinching at his every touch, and though pain engulfed in his heart to be so close to her, yet so distant...... so far away. He longed to feel her touch, her warmth, to see her beautiful brown eyes sparkle as she laughed. Her smile, when Melinda said something funny or when they played in the yard together, their hair shining in the sun.
***
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
***
She longed for Melinda, Leo could see it in her every blink, her every single minute twitch or jolt. She stared past him, not at him, to a place he didn't know and couldn't see. But with every breath she took, he could see Piper getting worse. All those months ago, when the accident had actually happened, after Mellie's funeral, she would sometimes talk to him. Always silly little things; phrases, sayings, stuff that didn't matter. Small talk. To divert herself from the real issue. He had wanted to shout at her, scream
it; "She's dead, Piper. DEAD!", but he never did. She locked up all the photos, all the happy smiling faces, because she couldn't bear to look at her little angel and not be able to stroke her cheek or hear her laugh. And now this. This endless silence, this torture, this life nonlife.
***
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
***
Leo missed his beautiful daughter terribly too. But he had looked endlessly at the photos he had of his little princess. Watched the video tapes they'd made a thousand times, thanking God each time that they had. He'd allowed himself to cry for his loss. Piper had never cried, not once. She bottled it all up, blanked her face over, put on a cold front with everyone, and then simply stopped. Everything. Talking, sleeping, eating to a great extent. Leo had been forced to watch his wife waste away to a shadow of her former
self. Leo grieved for his lost girls.
"Piper...," he began. A slight twitch. Recognition. Of her name, of his voice, of their love. He hoped.
"Piper, I... I know that you know I'm here. That you can hear me. And I want you to know that...," his voice cracked at pronouncing the familiar words, "...that I love you, that I need you, I need you to come out of this..." he broke off.
Piper turned her head, smiled and threw off the blanket. She got up and ran to him, hugged him, cried against his shoulder, told him that she loved him.
Leo blinked. A moment ago he had been able to feel her limp frame against his, crying against his shoulder, whispering the words he so desperately wanted to hear. But no. Piper was still sitting where she always sat, with the blanket pulled up to her chin, staring into nothingness. Leo brought his head down to his hands and sobbed uncontrollably. Does she see how much I'm
hurting? Does she care at all anymore? Have I lost her forever? Every night, he'd have the same dream of how things used to be, and every morning he'd be forced to wake from a restless sleep, to find it to be a lie, a cruel joke, a hoax. No Melinda. No Piper. No life. The tears stained his cheeks and the grief flooded him once again.
***
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep
***
Piper's heart wept for him. She longed to turn to him and throw the blanket off, get up and run to him, hug him, kiss him, tell him how much she loved him. His lonely sobs echoed through the room. I'm sorry, Leo. Please don't hurt so much. I don't mean to do this to you. If I could just.....No. She couldn't, she wouldn''t, allow herself to run to him. She'd only lose him, like she lost every one she loved, one way or another. Mom, dad, grams.......... Melinda. Piper's heart surged at even the thought of the little girl's name. Sweet angel Melinda...
***
I will remember you
***
Then suddenly, Melinda was there, running in the door, jumping up and down, her chestnut bangs dancing across her face. The little girl held up a model of a cat.
"Look, mommy, look what I made for you at school! It's Kit, mommy, it's Kit! "Piper's excited daughter pushed the cat into her mother's hands and hugged her leg. "I missed you so much today. I love you, mommy."
Piper reached to tuck Mel's soft brown hair behind her ears. "I love you to, sweetheart." She murmured softly. "I love you too."
Then, Melinda was gone. Piper looked around her, startled. Where had she gone? She looked down at her hand. The model was gone. It was another daydream, another cruel daydream. The room grew dark again, and fat raindrops splattered angrily against the windows. Piper's hopes sank and her heart tugged. To not have Melinda..... it was like not breathing, not feeling. Not living. She finally gave into the brave face, the cold front, the persona. Her heart burst within her, filled with grief and heartache and a thousand days of not telling anyone how she really felt. Piper buried her face within her hands, and the tears rolled down her cheeks as the raindrops rolled down the windows. Why were you taken, my angel? So young, so sweet, so innocent...... The question inside of her begged for an answer. Why? When she felt Leo sweep her up in his arms, she didn't try to push him away or keep him at a distance. Their tears fell together, united in grief for their lost angel, their lost Melinda.
***
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
***
"I love you too, sweetheart. I love you too." The words he had longed to hear for so long, spoken by the voice he had longed to hear for so long. Leo lifted his bloodshot eyes to look at Piper. She was looking around her chair, searching for something. She looked at her hand, her brow creasing up in puzzlement. Then her expression changed, to one lacking any hope, any joy. She's in a daydream, Leo told himself. She doesn't know what she's doing. He felt like screaming. Where are you, Piper? What is it you see? Why won't you let me hold you? Then, suddenly, she let out a cry of anguish and buried her head in her hands, shaking and sobbing. Leo goggled, disbelieving. It was a trick, he told himself. You're dreaming. If you go over there, she won't really be crying, she'll be sitting like she always does . He'd be pushed away, his heart broken again.
But something inside told him that, no, this was real. He hadn't seen her do anything for so long, he was staring to mix up fiction and reality. His heart screamed to go and see her, and before he knew what he was doing, Leo leapt up and ran, enclosing Piper's thin, weak figure with his own strong frame, desperately trying to make the pain she felt go away. But at least, he reminded himself, she's feeling it now. The pain, the anguish, the sadness. She has to go through this before anything else can happen. He truly believed that now she had finally cried, she could start to mourn her daughter properly. He sobbed at the thought of getting Piper back, cried that Melinda was still gone, grieved for what they had lost. Their daughter, and so much time. So much time. Piper shook uncontrollably beneath him, as if the magnitude of what had happened all those months ago had finally hit her and she was realising, perhaps for the fist time, that Mel was gone. Leo held her tighter, stroked the hair he longed to stroke, held the hand he longed to hold. Piper pressed her head against his shoulder and her tears run down his arm, as they became his tears too. They buried themselves in each other and together, they let out all the grief, the suffering, the loneliness, the hurt. The love. The lost love. Their lost angel. Their darling, sweet, innocent Melinda.
***
It's funny how we feel so much but cannot say a word
We are screaming inside but we can't be heard
***
Piper awoke, her eyes tired. She had cried for hours last night, cried for her loss. But it felt good, like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, to have finally let the tears fall, to let the grief out. She quickly realised she felt minutely better. Not much, but a little.
Leo! Suddenly she remembered. Remembered, how he'd held her as she cried, stroked her hair, held her hand. How her skin had tingled with his every touch. Nothing had changed. Nothing. His arm lay around her waist, and nothing had changed. She longed for him to hold her at once, reassure her. Melinda. Leo. No, she told herself stumbling out of bed and disturbing Leo as she did so. She couldn't live without him too. At least this way, she could see him. If he died, she'd never see him again. Mom. Dad. Grams.
Melinda. Not Leo to, she begged. Not Leo too......
***
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose.
***
Leo stirred and woke, creasing up his eyes to the early morning light. "Piper..." he spoke softly. He knew that look. She was scared. Something was wrong. Then he remembered, remembered it all. Melinda, the car, so much blood. So much blood. The months of anguish. Piper's eyes looked back at him, actually at him. Last night! he thought. He had given up all hope, nearly. Maybe after last night...
"You have to leave." Piper's voice stated, breaking his heart, all the hope, everything. "I'm okay now. You have to leave." She repeated. "If you're here with me, something will happen. S ... something will happen to you." A lump gathered in her throat at the mere thought of Leo being hurt. She could feel him hurting now, begging the questions he couldn't bring himself to ask. But better he be alive and sad, than dead because of her. Because it happened to everyone she loved, if their were to close to her. It was all my fault, she told herself, it's all my fault. She swallowed the lump and forced herself to look away from those sad, confused green eyes. It's for the best.
Leo's heart begged her, Why? "Piper, I, I don't understand. Why are you doing this? What do you mean something'll happen to me? Like what? Nothing could be worse than this, you, you, pushing me away all the time," he stuttered, struggling to get the words out. He thought last night had meant something. They had finally been able to grieve for their daughter, together, albeit wordless. They didn't need words. They never had. One look said it all, the love, the fears, the hopes. He just needed her. She
needed him too, he could feel it, even if she wouldn't admit it.
She had her back to him, to prevent him seeing the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Leo...." He could hear the tears in her voice. "Please, just, don't ask questions, I..... I can't deal with questions right now. Please, just ... "she trailed off.
"Leave, I know. I have to leave. But why, Piper, why won't you talk to me? Why....... why won't you let me hold you?" There was no use holding anything back now. The questions he had denied himself so many times came tumbling out. "Why can't we be together?"
Piper's voice answered, faltering, wild, out of control with grief and turmoil. "Don't you see? Everyone I ever loved, except you and Phoebe and Prue, everyone I love...... they all die, Leo. Mom died, Dad's probably dead, Grams...." she sobbed. "And ...... Mellie. It's my fault, Leo, all of them. It's all my fault. And if you.......... I couldn't bear it, I couldn't bear it." She broke down into tears.
Understanding washed over Leo, something he hadn't felt in so long. "Piper..." he began. "Piper, it wasn't your fault. None of it." He walked over to wear she had collapsed, and lifted her gently to a sitting position on the bed. "Especially not Mel, Piper, you know that, it was a car."
"But I looked away from her!" Piper cried out between sobs. "It was me. I wasn't looking, and then the next thing....."
So much blood.
"Piper, please, don't talk like that. It was Mellie's time, it was just her time. That car came out of nowhere." Her eyes danced before him, confused, scared.
"What if I'm cursed, Leo?" she whispered.
"Piper..." he kneeled before her. "You're not cursed. It's fate. Everybody has their time, and you can't change that. Even if you had been watching her, it still would have happened."
"No, Leo, you have to go. You'll die. You'll die if you stay with me." Piper stumbled over the words.
"Piper, don't you see? The only time I've ever truly been happy is when I've been with you. All the years I helped people, all the pain I went through.... I'd go through it again and again if it meant I could end up with you. Please don't push me away again. I need you, I need you more than I need anything." His voice faltered as she raised her eyes to look at him. "Piper, everyday, since Mel, since you pushed me away, it's been hell. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and when I do I dream it's back to before, and it hurts...... it hurts so much. And then yesterday, you finally let me back into your heart. Gave me hope where previously there was none. And..... and
now you're tearing us apart again, tearing us in two again." Leo's lower lip quivered, but he didn't care. He wasn't scared to cry in front of Piper. He would have anything in front of her, if only she'd take him back.
Piper looked away from him. "Leo, you have to........ you have to....." Two hands on the sides of her head stopped her. Her skin tingled. Leo's hands. They brought her up to look at him, really at him, past the material things, deep into his soul. He was hurting so much. Those eyes, those eyes said everything. Everything she wanted and needed to know. "You have to stay."
Leo blinked, unsure he'd heard her correctly. But he looked in those soft, chestnut eyes, and in his heart he had. The mask was gone. There was Piper, his Piper. The tears rolled down her cheeks freely. "I miss her, Leo. I miss her so much."
Leo wiped away the tears with the back of his thumb. Her cheeks were so soft. He could feel his own tears falling. "I know, sweetheart, I know." He tucked her brunette hair behind her ears, his eyes never leaving hers. "But we'll get through this. Together. We'll get through this together," he repeated softly.
Piper, nodding slightly, smoothed his cheek with her hands, feeling the dampness of his tears. "I love you so much," she whispered, not daring to take her eyes off him. She rested her head on his shoulder. The gesture said it all, her eyes, said it all. No more words needed.
"I love you too, Piper. More than you'll ever know." He wrapped his arms around her, holding her, protecting her, loving her with every breath.
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was darkness, deep and endless light
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light.
Epilogue
Piper, using her free hand, laid the bunch of white orchids next to where her daughter lay. With the other she held on to Leo, needing him. She had never been here before, not to this grave. Their precious daughter's grave. She read the headstone she had never read.
Melinda Wyatt
1st July 2001-
13 March 2006
Sleep sweetly Princess,
You're always in our hearts.
RIP
Piper felt the tears well up, but they didn't fall. She turned to her husband. "We're gonna be okay, aren't we?" she stated. It wasn't a question. Piper turned back to the grave as Leo squeezed her hand.
"We love you so much sweetheart." Leo knelt down beside her.
"So much....." Piper repeated softly. "We'll remember you, we'll always remember you." She looked at Leo. "It doesn't hurt anymore, Leo, to think of her. I feel happy, because she had such a good life, we gave her that, didn't we? I can remember her now, and I can look at the photos, and I just feel happy, because I know she's happy wherever she is. And we'll see her again, someday, won't we?
Leo smiled and squeezed her hand. No words necessary.
THE END
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the song.
Setting: San Francisco, The Manor, 2006. Leo's clipped his wings for Piper and Victor hasn't come back into the sisters' lives. Melinda was born in 2001.
****
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Remember the good times we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so tired but i can't sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so tired by I can't sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
***
In the beginning she had needed me. To hold her hand, to squeeze it, to hug her and reassure her and hold her for hours on end 'til no more tears came because no more could. Now, nothing. Nothing.
Leo sat, awkward of the stiff-backed mahogany chair in the corner of Piper's room. Piper's room, he thought sadly. Not Leo and Piper's room, not anymore. He stared at her, long and hard, and desperate for a response. Any response would do. A smile, a held-out hand, something in her eyes to tell him she'd be okay.
***
It's funny how we feel so much but cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
***
But nothing came. Just blankness, and beyond that more blankness, stretching for all of infinity.
Piper sat, wrapped up in a moth eaten pink blanket, her knees up to her chin, staring back at him. Or that was what he'd thought hopefully when he had entered the room ten minutes ago. For a split second everything had been normal, Piper was back, and he could hug her and kiss her and tell her how much he loved her.
But it wasn't real. It never was. Every morning he'd wake up in his bedsit, and for a millisecond his life was back. The life he wanted so much. Piper, him..... Melinda. His angel Melinda. But then he'd remember, and have to force himself out of bed, and get dressed, and stumble, hope lost, over to the manor to see his beloved Piper.
She wouldn't sleep, wouldn't eat. Leo sometimes wondered if she was even breathing. He didn't doubt she'd stop herself doing so, if she could summon up the courage. More than once he'd forced himself to check her vitals signs when he went in, despite her flinching at his every touch, and though pain engulfed in his heart to be so close to her, yet so distant...... so far away. He longed to feel her touch, her warmth, to see her beautiful brown eyes sparkle as she laughed. Her smile, when Melinda said something funny or when they played in the yard together, their hair shining in the sun.
***
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
***
She longed for Melinda, Leo could see it in her every blink, her every single minute twitch or jolt. She stared past him, not at him, to a place he didn't know and couldn't see. But with every breath she took, he could see Piper getting worse. All those months ago, when the accident had actually happened, after Mellie's funeral, she would sometimes talk to him. Always silly little things; phrases, sayings, stuff that didn't matter. Small talk. To divert herself from the real issue. He had wanted to shout at her, scream
it; "She's dead, Piper. DEAD!", but he never did. She locked up all the photos, all the happy smiling faces, because she couldn't bear to look at her little angel and not be able to stroke her cheek or hear her laugh. And now this. This endless silence, this torture, this life nonlife.
***
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
***
Leo missed his beautiful daughter terribly too. But he had looked endlessly at the photos he had of his little princess. Watched the video tapes they'd made a thousand times, thanking God each time that they had. He'd allowed himself to cry for his loss. Piper had never cried, not once. She bottled it all up, blanked her face over, put on a cold front with everyone, and then simply stopped. Everything. Talking, sleeping, eating to a great extent. Leo had been forced to watch his wife waste away to a shadow of her former
self. Leo grieved for his lost girls.
"Piper...," he began. A slight twitch. Recognition. Of her name, of his voice, of their love. He hoped.
"Piper, I... I know that you know I'm here. That you can hear me. And I want you to know that...," his voice cracked at pronouncing the familiar words, "...that I love you, that I need you, I need you to come out of this..." he broke off.
Piper turned her head, smiled and threw off the blanket. She got up and ran to him, hugged him, cried against his shoulder, told him that she loved him.
Leo blinked. A moment ago he had been able to feel her limp frame against his, crying against his shoulder, whispering the words he so desperately wanted to hear. But no. Piper was still sitting where she always sat, with the blanket pulled up to her chin, staring into nothingness. Leo brought his head down to his hands and sobbed uncontrollably. Does she see how much I'm
hurting? Does she care at all anymore? Have I lost her forever? Every night, he'd have the same dream of how things used to be, and every morning he'd be forced to wake from a restless sleep, to find it to be a lie, a cruel joke, a hoax. No Melinda. No Piper. No life. The tears stained his cheeks and the grief flooded him once again.
***
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep
***
Piper's heart wept for him. She longed to turn to him and throw the blanket off, get up and run to him, hug him, kiss him, tell him how much she loved him. His lonely sobs echoed through the room. I'm sorry, Leo. Please don't hurt so much. I don't mean to do this to you. If I could just.....No. She couldn't, she wouldn''t, allow herself to run to him. She'd only lose him, like she lost every one she loved, one way or another. Mom, dad, grams.......... Melinda. Piper's heart surged at even the thought of the little girl's name. Sweet angel Melinda...
***
I will remember you
***
Then suddenly, Melinda was there, running in the door, jumping up and down, her chestnut bangs dancing across her face. The little girl held up a model of a cat.
"Look, mommy, look what I made for you at school! It's Kit, mommy, it's Kit! "Piper's excited daughter pushed the cat into her mother's hands and hugged her leg. "I missed you so much today. I love you, mommy."
Piper reached to tuck Mel's soft brown hair behind her ears. "I love you to, sweetheart." She murmured softly. "I love you too."
Then, Melinda was gone. Piper looked around her, startled. Where had she gone? She looked down at her hand. The model was gone. It was another daydream, another cruel daydream. The room grew dark again, and fat raindrops splattered angrily against the windows. Piper's hopes sank and her heart tugged. To not have Melinda..... it was like not breathing, not feeling. Not living. She finally gave into the brave face, the cold front, the persona. Her heart burst within her, filled with grief and heartache and a thousand days of not telling anyone how she really felt. Piper buried her face within her hands, and the tears rolled down her cheeks as the raindrops rolled down the windows. Why were you taken, my angel? So young, so sweet, so innocent...... The question inside of her begged for an answer. Why? When she felt Leo sweep her up in his arms, she didn't try to push him away or keep him at a distance. Their tears fell together, united in grief for their lost angel, their lost Melinda.
***
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
***
"I love you too, sweetheart. I love you too." The words he had longed to hear for so long, spoken by the voice he had longed to hear for so long. Leo lifted his bloodshot eyes to look at Piper. She was looking around her chair, searching for something. She looked at her hand, her brow creasing up in puzzlement. Then her expression changed, to one lacking any hope, any joy. She's in a daydream, Leo told himself. She doesn't know what she's doing. He felt like screaming. Where are you, Piper? What is it you see? Why won't you let me hold you? Then, suddenly, she let out a cry of anguish and buried her head in her hands, shaking and sobbing. Leo goggled, disbelieving. It was a trick, he told himself. You're dreaming. If you go over there, she won't really be crying, she'll be sitting like she always does . He'd be pushed away, his heart broken again.
But something inside told him that, no, this was real. He hadn't seen her do anything for so long, he was staring to mix up fiction and reality. His heart screamed to go and see her, and before he knew what he was doing, Leo leapt up and ran, enclosing Piper's thin, weak figure with his own strong frame, desperately trying to make the pain she felt go away. But at least, he reminded himself, she's feeling it now. The pain, the anguish, the sadness. She has to go through this before anything else can happen. He truly believed that now she had finally cried, she could start to mourn her daughter properly. He sobbed at the thought of getting Piper back, cried that Melinda was still gone, grieved for what they had lost. Their daughter, and so much time. So much time. Piper shook uncontrollably beneath him, as if the magnitude of what had happened all those months ago had finally hit her and she was realising, perhaps for the fist time, that Mel was gone. Leo held her tighter, stroked the hair he longed to stroke, held the hand he longed to hold. Piper pressed her head against his shoulder and her tears run down his arm, as they became his tears too. They buried themselves in each other and together, they let out all the grief, the suffering, the loneliness, the hurt. The love. The lost love. Their lost angel. Their darling, sweet, innocent Melinda.
***
It's funny how we feel so much but cannot say a word
We are screaming inside but we can't be heard
***
Piper awoke, her eyes tired. She had cried for hours last night, cried for her loss. But it felt good, like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, to have finally let the tears fall, to let the grief out. She quickly realised she felt minutely better. Not much, but a little.
Leo! Suddenly she remembered. Remembered, how he'd held her as she cried, stroked her hair, held her hand. How her skin had tingled with his every touch. Nothing had changed. Nothing. His arm lay around her waist, and nothing had changed. She longed for him to hold her at once, reassure her. Melinda. Leo. No, she told herself stumbling out of bed and disturbing Leo as she did so. She couldn't live without him too. At least this way, she could see him. If he died, she'd never see him again. Mom. Dad. Grams.
Melinda. Not Leo to, she begged. Not Leo too......
***
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose.
***
Leo stirred and woke, creasing up his eyes to the early morning light. "Piper..." he spoke softly. He knew that look. She was scared. Something was wrong. Then he remembered, remembered it all. Melinda, the car, so much blood. So much blood. The months of anguish. Piper's eyes looked back at him, actually at him. Last night! he thought. He had given up all hope, nearly. Maybe after last night...
"You have to leave." Piper's voice stated, breaking his heart, all the hope, everything. "I'm okay now. You have to leave." She repeated. "If you're here with me, something will happen. S ... something will happen to you." A lump gathered in her throat at the mere thought of Leo being hurt. She could feel him hurting now, begging the questions he couldn't bring himself to ask. But better he be alive and sad, than dead because of her. Because it happened to everyone she loved, if their were to close to her. It was all my fault, she told herself, it's all my fault. She swallowed the lump and forced herself to look away from those sad, confused green eyes. It's for the best.
Leo's heart begged her, Why? "Piper, I, I don't understand. Why are you doing this? What do you mean something'll happen to me? Like what? Nothing could be worse than this, you, you, pushing me away all the time," he stuttered, struggling to get the words out. He thought last night had meant something. They had finally been able to grieve for their daughter, together, albeit wordless. They didn't need words. They never had. One look said it all, the love, the fears, the hopes. He just needed her. She
needed him too, he could feel it, even if she wouldn't admit it.
She had her back to him, to prevent him seeing the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Leo...." He could hear the tears in her voice. "Please, just, don't ask questions, I..... I can't deal with questions right now. Please, just ... "she trailed off.
"Leave, I know. I have to leave. But why, Piper, why won't you talk to me? Why....... why won't you let me hold you?" There was no use holding anything back now. The questions he had denied himself so many times came tumbling out. "Why can't we be together?"
Piper's voice answered, faltering, wild, out of control with grief and turmoil. "Don't you see? Everyone I ever loved, except you and Phoebe and Prue, everyone I love...... they all die, Leo. Mom died, Dad's probably dead, Grams...." she sobbed. "And ...... Mellie. It's my fault, Leo, all of them. It's all my fault. And if you.......... I couldn't bear it, I couldn't bear it." She broke down into tears.
Understanding washed over Leo, something he hadn't felt in so long. "Piper..." he began. "Piper, it wasn't your fault. None of it." He walked over to wear she had collapsed, and lifted her gently to a sitting position on the bed. "Especially not Mel, Piper, you know that, it was a car."
"But I looked away from her!" Piper cried out between sobs. "It was me. I wasn't looking, and then the next thing....."
So much blood.
"Piper, please, don't talk like that. It was Mellie's time, it was just her time. That car came out of nowhere." Her eyes danced before him, confused, scared.
"What if I'm cursed, Leo?" she whispered.
"Piper..." he kneeled before her. "You're not cursed. It's fate. Everybody has their time, and you can't change that. Even if you had been watching her, it still would have happened."
"No, Leo, you have to go. You'll die. You'll die if you stay with me." Piper stumbled over the words.
"Piper, don't you see? The only time I've ever truly been happy is when I've been with you. All the years I helped people, all the pain I went through.... I'd go through it again and again if it meant I could end up with you. Please don't push me away again. I need you, I need you more than I need anything." His voice faltered as she raised her eyes to look at him. "Piper, everyday, since Mel, since you pushed me away, it's been hell. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and when I do I dream it's back to before, and it hurts...... it hurts so much. And then yesterday, you finally let me back into your heart. Gave me hope where previously there was none. And..... and
now you're tearing us apart again, tearing us in two again." Leo's lower lip quivered, but he didn't care. He wasn't scared to cry in front of Piper. He would have anything in front of her, if only she'd take him back.
Piper looked away from him. "Leo, you have to........ you have to....." Two hands on the sides of her head stopped her. Her skin tingled. Leo's hands. They brought her up to look at him, really at him, past the material things, deep into his soul. He was hurting so much. Those eyes, those eyes said everything. Everything she wanted and needed to know. "You have to stay."
Leo blinked, unsure he'd heard her correctly. But he looked in those soft, chestnut eyes, and in his heart he had. The mask was gone. There was Piper, his Piper. The tears rolled down her cheeks freely. "I miss her, Leo. I miss her so much."
Leo wiped away the tears with the back of his thumb. Her cheeks were so soft. He could feel his own tears falling. "I know, sweetheart, I know." He tucked her brunette hair behind her ears, his eyes never leaving hers. "But we'll get through this. Together. We'll get through this together," he repeated softly.
Piper, nodding slightly, smoothed his cheek with her hands, feeling the dampness of his tears. "I love you so much," she whispered, not daring to take her eyes off him. She rested her head on his shoulder. The gesture said it all, her eyes, said it all. No more words needed.
"I love you too, Piper. More than you'll ever know." He wrapped his arms around her, holding her, protecting her, loving her with every breath.
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was darkness, deep and endless light
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light.
Epilogue
Piper, using her free hand, laid the bunch of white orchids next to where her daughter lay. With the other she held on to Leo, needing him. She had never been here before, not to this grave. Their precious daughter's grave. She read the headstone she had never read.
Melinda Wyatt
1st July 2001-
13 March 2006
Sleep sweetly Princess,
You're always in our hearts.
RIP
Piper felt the tears well up, but they didn't fall. She turned to her husband. "We're gonna be okay, aren't we?" she stated. It wasn't a question. Piper turned back to the grave as Leo squeezed her hand.
"We love you so much sweetheart." Leo knelt down beside her.
"So much....." Piper repeated softly. "We'll remember you, we'll always remember you." She looked at Leo. "It doesn't hurt anymore, Leo, to think of her. I feel happy, because she had such a good life, we gave her that, didn't we? I can remember her now, and I can look at the photos, and I just feel happy, because I know she's happy wherever she is. And we'll see her again, someday, won't we?
Leo smiled and squeezed her hand. No words necessary.
THE END