Title: Introspective
Pairings: Gen, pre-slash if you squint (Destiel)
Characters: Dean, mentions of Castiel, Sam, and others
Warnings: Angst
Spoilers: General Season 7
Summary: Sometimes, Dean thinks.
Sometimes, Dean thinks.
He thinks about the Leviathans and Bobby and Hell and Vonnegut, and sometimes he even thinks about his dad and his wasted, triggering childhood.
He thinks about Jess, and he won't even pretend to feel Sam's pain, but sometimes he even mourns the life Sam could have had, if he hadn't stopped by Sam's place all those years ago and dragged him back in because if anyone deserves a good life, away from all this crap and horror, it's Sam.
Very occasionally, he thinks about Castiel.
About how it ended between them and what would have happened if he had been given another chance.
He thinks he still would have done the same thing, given a redo. Granted, if he knew what he does now, there's no way he would've let Cas handle what he had been doing alone, but if he still didn't know, still had no fucking clue, he thinks nothing would have changed, if he could go back and have that chance.
It makes him feel…pretty shitty, actually. That he's so wrapped up in everything that involves him and Sam, he won't even notice when his best friend is suffering alone. It's…yeah, it's not a good feeling.
Sure, Cas broke Sam's wall, and there'll always be a part of him that never really forgives the angel for that, but he did it as a last resort, because Deanwouldn't back him up, the one time he asked. (Who but your closest kin has done as much for you as I have?)
He wonders if he's learned anything.
He doesn't think he has.
He just…misses the familiar burn of intense eyes against his own, (You think you don't deserve to be saved?) the familiar head tilt, and the soft laughter of his brother when Cas tried to help Sam with his pronunciation and often failed, because Sam may be smart but his foreign language skills are nearly nil.
He misses that familiar sting of the handprint brand on his shoulder, faded pink with time and disconnect.
He just misses, something ache and gaping and unnameable.
He just misses.