A/N- This is my first one shot, if you guys really like this story then I can turn it into a multi-chapter because I have some ideas, but if you don't want it to be a multi chapter, I still have other ideas for one shots, so it's all about what you guys want! Just let me know! and please REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW. Good, bad, happy, sad, all are appreciated!
Disclaimer- Not lucky enough to be Ryan Murphy. I do not own. I know it sucks
"Hey Berry!" Rachel Berry turned around to be greeted with a cherry slushy. She expected this to happen. It's been happening for years now, but the sting never went away. She would always be surprised when they hit her face. It felt like she was slapped in the face by an iceberg, and it just made it worse that it went through (and permanently stained) all of your clothes. Her dry cleaning bill was through the roof. People always thought that she had terrible fashion sense, but in reality, she knew how to dress herself. She might not have the same gift as Kurt, Mercedes, Santana or Brittany, but she knew what looked good. The first week of sophomore year, she came dressed to impress. She remembered wearing a white camisole, under her black blazer that was matched with her yellow and black skirt and her pearls, that she tied to make them more casual. She was proud of that outfit, and that same day was her first slushy. She tried to recover from that and keep wearing her regular clothes, but after that she just gave up. She was not ruining all her clothes because of the juvenile imbeciles in her school who chose to torture her. So, yes, she knew that she looked horrible everyday, but after the 52 slushy, you really stop caring what people say about your clothes. The worst part about the slushies wasn't the clothes, or the dry cleaning bills, or even the humiliation for that matter, but it was the fact that even after 52 of them, they still hurt like hell.
Rachel walked to the bathroom, making her face go hard and expressionless. She pretty much perfected that face about a year ago. The last thing she would ever do is let these people see her cry. She didn't turn around to see her attacker. She knew it was probably one of the guys on the football team. They seemed to take their reign back as her attackers when the hockey players took a hiatus. She expected to see guys like Karofsky and Azimio and sometimes even Puck, so there was no use in turning around. She was extremely surprised and hurt the first time he threw one in her face again. Of course he was the one who started the whole slushy ordeal. She never knew why, but then again she didn't really care at the time because she was in shock, but when he threw the first one in a year, she did really wonder why. Puck, pretty much, returned to his old self after Beth was born and then taken away with her birth mother. He reverted back to being a jerk to everyone, including the glee kids. He never went as far as to throw Kurt in a dumpster, or put Artie in a port-o-potty. He actually never slushied them either because even though he never talked to them in public and still made fun of them every once in a while, he was still apart of glee and he didn't want to ruin that. He did make an exception for her though, he slushied her every so often, and didn't let the guilt of her being a teammate (or the captain) get in his way. Besides, he knew no one in glee was going to say anything to make him stop. They all hated her, except for Finn, but he was too much of a coward to ever stand up for her.
She had pretty much had it at that point. She didn't want to go to glee and she didn't want to be in school. She didn't want to go home either. She just wanted to disappear. She didn't understand why people hated her so much. Sure, she could be pretty overbearing and abrasive, but she didn't think that was a reason to try to ruin someone's life. All she knew was that she couldn't live like this anymore. She hated herself, and that made her want to be gone even more because Rachel Berry loved herself. She never let anyone stand in her way, and although she was a little bit of a Sociopath, she was comfortable enough with herself to know that in the end, her dreams were the only thing that mattered, and she knew that she was good enough to reach them. Well, she used to know that. That was before Julliard rejected her. After everything she worked so hard for, she got rejected. She didn't tell her fathers about it, she got the letter in the mail the day before. They would be so disappointed with her and probably hate her because they wasted so much time, energy and money paying for dance classes and singing lessons and going to her competitions. She knew they would love her less because she was no longer going to amount to anything. She'd be stuck living in Lima, Ohio and going to Ohio State. Her fathers were both extremely successful, and they expected their daughter to be nothing less than what they became. How could she tell them that she failed? She couldn't. Rachel had been contemplating for the last 24 hours whether or not she had anything to live for, and she decided yes, but after today and the reminder of what everyone thinks of her, she realized that she was wrong. She had no reason to be on the earth anymore.
/~/~/~/
Everyone was furious by the time that Glee club was over. Rachel had skipped out on Glee for whatever reason, and they were only a week away from Sectionals. They needed her to be at practice for them to practice. As much as everyone hated it, she was the star of their group and if she stopped coming to rehearsals now then they would never be ready.
"What a diva. She decides that she can just pick and choose when she comes to rehearsal. Like the world revolves around her." Kurt was on a rant about how unprofessional and selfish it was for Rachel to skip out on Glee, and Mercedes, Santana and Quinn were listening and silently agreeing. Everyone knew that his 'Rachel berry is so selfish' rant was actually a 'Rachel Berry, I hate you and you've given me a reason to openly trash talk you' rant. Puck didn't really care either way because he didn't see what the big deal was. She missed one practice. He's missed plenty, even though he has a permanent spot swaying in the back row. Kurt was still ranting, but Puck perked up and started to listen when he went on talking about how he would give her a piece of his mind.
"Calm down Beyoncé. I'll go talk to Berry." All of the Gleeks were staring at him with disbelief. They didn't know why he was going to go try to talk to Rachel. He was the worst to her out of all of them, and he probably hated her more than Kurt or Santana did, , so they thought. "I just want a chance to yell at her for a reason. Damn, stop looking at me like that." The rest of his teammates just nodded their heads in finally understanding.
Puck drove to the Berry house ready to give this bullshit rant about her being full of herself and selfish and tell her all the reasons why people didn't like her. He knew that he didn't really believe all the crap he was about to say, but it helped him feel better. Ever since he gave Beth away he's felt so empty and alone. He realized one day when he tripped and spilled his slushy all over Rachel for the first time since they dated, that he didn't feel that way anymore. He felt alive again, and even a little bit happy. He thought that it was just because he missed how funny it was to slushy someone, but when he did it to Kurt, he still felt the twang of guilt in his heart. He knew how horrible it felt to be slushied and when he did it to the other Gleeks, he felt horrible for making them feel that way. Not with Rachel. He felt excited and happy. He felt like he was getting back at Shelby for taking his baby away, for being there at the right time (the right time for her). It was easy to picture Shelby when he slushied Rachel, so he kept doing it. He found other ways to hurt her, and this speech was just going to be another one. He knew it was wrong to take his anger out on Rachel, but by the way he saw it, he was taking it out on Shelby. Rachel never showed that it affected her in anyway, so he told himself that it didn't.
He pulled up to the Berry house and parked in their driveway. He wasn't surprised when he only saw Rachel's car. Her dads usually worked late, he remembered that from when they were dating. Her dad, Hiram, was a lawyer and her daddy, Leroy, was a doctor and they were both very successful. He knocked on the door feverishly and started to get annoyed after a couple minutes of her not answering. He obviously knew she was home. He twisted the doorknob and was surprised to see it actually turned. The girl left the damn door unlocked? Does she want to get raped? Dumbass. Just something to had to the list of things.
"Berry! Get your ass down here!" He didn't hear any footsteps, so he started making his way to her room until he heard her voice.
Never win first place, I don't support the team
I can't take direction, and my socks are never clean
Teachers dated me, my parents hated me
I was always in a fight 'cause I can't do nothin' right
Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can't take the person staring back at me 'cause I'm a hazard to myself
He walked into the room and realized then why she didn't hear him. She was listening to the music with her headphones on and she was sitting by her window with her back turned away from him. He was going to get her attention until he heard what she was singing.
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself, so irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more, I wanna be somebody else
I wanna be somebody else, yeah
Does she really feel like this?
LA told me, "You'll be a pop star, all you have to change is everything you are."
Tired of being compared to damn Brittany Pierce
She's so pretty, that just ain't me
He felt bad for laughing, but he couldn't help but chuckle at the way she changed the name from what he assumed was Britney Spears to Brittany Pierce.
So doctor, doctor, won't you please prescribe me something? A day in the life of someone else 'cause I'm a hazard to myself
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
Yeah
He decided that he wouldn't yell at her. It obviously wasn't a good day. Rachel Berry always sang her feelings and from what he could tell, she felt pretty damn crappy. Even he wasn't a dick enough to make her feel worse. Besides, missing Glee was probably eating away at her already. Chick had no life. No, correction: Glee was her life.
Don't let me get me (don't let me)
I'm my own worst enemy (oooh)
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
So doctor, doctor, won't you please prescribe me something?
A day in the life of someone else
Don't let me get me
I'm a hazard to myself
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself...
Puck got worried halfway through the chorus. Her voice was getting less and less forceful. Usually towards the end of songs, she belts out the words, but she was gradually getting quieter. By the end of the song, he was totally confused because she drifted off. The ending notes were barely audible and she was leaning against the windowsill. He thought that she was just sleeping. He didn't understand how you could fall asleep while singing. It didn't make sense, but everything clicked into place the second he saw the empty bottle of painkillers left on the floor. He stood there shocked. He put it all together: the song, her going missing, and the pills. Rachel Berry wanted to die. He finally moved from his spot and before he knew it, he was picking her up and running her to his truck. He had to get this girl to the hospital before it was too late.
On the way to the hospital all he could think about was the fact that he stood there and watched Rachel Berry slowly start dying. How could he have been so stupid? He was so confused though. She wasn't the type of person who did this type of thing. She was a happy person. Annoyingly happy. He couldn't wrap his brain around the thought of her trying to kill herself, even as she lay there unconscious next to him. He got to the hospital in record time, but he probably broke at least 3 driving laws. He knew that there was no need to call Rachel's daddy because he was going to be right there. How do you hand the doctor his unconscious daughter and tell him she tried to kill herself? He didn't have enough time to think about it because within seconds he was running into the ER yelling for someone to help.
"Rachel? Is that my Rachel! What happened? Noah what the hell happened?" Puck just stood there with his mouth open trying to find the words to tell him but nothing came out until Leroy Berry yelled at him again with tears in his eyes.
"I don't know! I came to check on her because she wasn't in Glee today. The door was unlocked and when I found her she was drifting into unconsciousness with an empty pill bottle on the floor!" He knew that it wasn't the whole story, but no way in hell was he going to tell him that he came there to yell at her. That he watched her for minutes before she actually passed out. He couldn't tell them that.
"We need to take her into ER. Nurses! My little girl is unconscious! She overdosed we need to take her to the ER. Now!" Puck just sat in the waiting room for what seemed like hours with his hands in his head. She had to be okay. Please Rachel. Be okay.
/~/~/~/
Her eyes fluttered open and she immediately got a headache. The lights were so bright. She tried to move herself to sit up, but she couldn't. She didn't remember anything from before, but it all came rushing back when she realized that she was in a hospital with her dad and daddy sitting at her bedside sleeping. Her dad was still in his work suit and her daddy was in his scrubs and it made her wonder how long she had been here.
"Oh thank god, you're awake!" Rachel turned her head quickly and her eyes immediately widened at the sight of him. She didn't know why he was here! "Mr. Berry, she's awake." He was shaking her daddy and then went to do the same to her dad. They woke up and immediately there were tears in both of their eyes.
"Oh my god! Sweetie you scared us! We are so happy that you're awake." Leroy Berry was kissing her all over her face willing himself not to cry more than he already was. Hiram was squeezing her hand and she could see how happy he was that she was still alive.
"Daddy, why is he here. Why is Puck here?" Rachel had decided to stop calling him Noah. Her friend Noah was kind and sweet to her. He sang Sweet Caroline for her in glee club and he bought her a grape slushie for her to drink, not wear. He even chose glee over football for her (of course in the end it didn't matter, but it was the thought that counts.) This guy sitting next to her wasn't Noah. She could tell that he was caught off guard by the use of his nickname. Not once in her life did she ever call him Puck.
"He found you sweetie. He was the one who rushed you to the hospital. He saved your life."
"Well I didn't want to be saved!" Everyone's eyes shot open in disbelief. Her fathers could not believe that she said that. Where was their happy girl? Where was Rachel Berry?
"How can you say that, Rach? Why-"
"Please don't call me that." The anger from before was gone from her voice but she still didn't want him calling her that. It made her feel like they were friends, and he made it more obvious than anyone that they weren't.
"I'm sorry, Rachel."
"Honey, why did you try to kill yourself. You're so happy and full of life. Why would you want to end that?" This time it was Hiram speaking and the despair in his voice was evident.
"Everyone hates me." Rachel looked down so she wouldn't have to see the looks on the three men's faces. She didn't want to see the sadness behind her fathers' eyes and she didn't want to see the truth behind Puck's. Before they could protest she continued. "I don't have any friends. I get tortured everyday." It was Puck's turn to look down. "No one likes me. Even my teachers just tolerate me, but all of that was okay before. I mean, I want to be liked, but I always knew it was lonely at the top. I knew that it would all be worth it once I got away from here." Rachel stopped talking and her dads looked confused. No of course it didn't sound like an ideal life, but it didn't sound like one worth ending either.
"Sweetie, I'm sorry, but I still don't understand why you would try to kill yourself if you knew all those things."
"I didn't get in." Everyone fell silent and furrowed their brows in confusion almost identically, and Rachel sucked in a breath so she could continue. "I didn't get in to Julliard. I got the letter yesterday. I was so sure that I had a shot at it, but when I failed I thought about ending my life. That has been by dream since I was two, and to know that I already failed hit me hard, but I wasn't going to do it. But then today was just like every other day, and I realized how much everyone hates me. I thought that if they take so much time trying to bring me down, then why don't I just do it myself. They hate me, you guys were going to hate me, and I hate me. I had no future. It seemed like the right thing to do." She didn't know when she started crying but tears were quickly falling down her cheeks by the end of her speech.
"Oh Rachel. We could never hate you. Why would you think that we would?"
"Because I wasn't going to be successful. I was going to be stuck here and amount to nothing. You and daddy spent all that money on me to try to make my dreams come true, and it was all for nothing. You spent for much time and money and it was all a waste."
"Rachel Barbara Berry. I've heard enough. We could never in a million years hate you! We love you too much for that. Please don't ever do anything like this again. We went to all those competitions because we were proud of you and we wanted to see you when you're the happiest, which is singing. We don't think any less of you and there are other options." Rachel's daddy joined into his husband's speech, "We love you so much. That's all that matters. You could never amount to nothing and you will always be everything to us." They hugged her and cried a little bit for the next hour.
/~/~/~/
Puck felt like he was on autopilot. Everything that he just heard cut through his chest. It was his fault. All of this was his fault. For the last two years, he did nothing, but make her life a living hell and he thought nothing of it. He didn't even think about whether or not she had feelings. He didn't care about her. He was the reason why she tried to end her life. He was so worried about her when he realized what she had done. He just wanted to help her and make it better, make her feel better, and he was the cause of it. It was all his fault. She was born to be a star and he spent his high school career making her feel like she was nothing. He tried so hard that he didn't even consider the consequences of her actually starting to believe him. He broke Rachel Berry.
"Sweetie, we're going to go get something to eat and some coffee, would you like anything?" Rachel shook her head no and they just nodded. They knew that she needed to eat something, but it felt too soon to start pushing her.
"I think that I'll go too."
"You can stay if you want." He hesitated for a second. He didn't think that was such a good idea, but who was he to just leave after Rachel invited him to stay. He sat back down and just hung his head. When her dads left the room, it was silent. It made him uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as the words that left Rachel's lips soon after.
"Thank you, Noah, for saving me. For coming to find me." Puck shook his head and Rachel just looked confused.
"Please don't call me that, Rachel."
"I always call you Noah."
"I don't deserve for you to call me that. I didn't come to your house to see if you were okay Rachel. I came to yell at you. The glee kids were all mad that you weren't at rehearsal and I volunteered to go see you just so I could make you feel bad." Puck's voice drifted off, but Rachel didn't know how to feel. She felt angry and stupid that she believed that someone actually cared about her. She was about to tell him to get out, but he started talking again. "I'm so sorry Rachel. I'm so fucking sorry. This is all my fault. You would have never felt this way or tried-" His voice cut off. He choked on his words because saying them out loud made everything seem so real. Rachel started wiping the tears from his cheeks. He didn't know when he started crying, but he didn't even complain about how unbadass it was or push her hand away. He knew that she deserved to see every tear and not have him shy away from his feelings. He needed her to know how sorry he was. "When you tried to kill yourself and you explained why, I just realized this was all my fucking fault and I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to feel that way."
"Why did you slushy me." Rachel's voice was quiet, but Puck heard her, but part of him wished her didn't.
"It was an accident. I swear it was. I know it's fucked up, but when I slushied you that first time again, it made me feel good." Rachel's eyes were full of pain when he said that and he immediately knew that he fucked up. "Oh, god, no! It wasn't because I liked hurting you because I didn't. It's just when I saw you, I saw Shelby and when I hurt you, it felt like I was hurting her. She took my baby girl away, Rachel, and I've never been okay with it. I'm just so fucking sorry. It's no excuse and you will never understand how sorry I am."
"I understand, Puck."
"No, you don't. You're amazing. You're the most talented person I have ever known and you deserve to be out of this town, and I know that with or without Julliard you will make it big and your dreams will come true. I should have never made you feel any less than you were."
"It wasn't just you."
"I was the leader. I could have stopped it. I should have stopped it."
"Puck, I understand, about the Shelby thing. I don't understand why everyone else hates me. I just don't get it. I don't get why you didn't care enough to try to help me. You use to be so nice to me. I just wish that you wouldn't have found me."
"Don't you ever say that to me ever again, Rachel. Not ever again. We don't hate you. I know, I sure as hell don't. Everyone is jealous of you because you might be the only person in this cow town with a guaranteed way out. Everyone tried to stomp you down because of it, and when we all saw that it didn't work, we tried harder. I think you are the strongest person that I have ever met and I will spend as long as I have to trying to prove that to you. Do you think you could ever forgive me?" Puck's tears had finally slowed down to just water in his eyes. The last time he cried like this was when his father left. He never even cried like this over Beth. It wasn't the guilt of possibly being responsible for someone's death, but the fact that he hurt one of the nicest people he has ever known. He killed her spirit, and ruined her will to live. He could never forgive himself, but he would prove himself to her.
"I can't forgive you right now, and I don't know how long it will take for me to do it, but I'd like to try to call you Noah again."
"Thank you." He reached for her and let out a sigh of relief when she didn't try to move it away. He would spend the rest of his life proving himself to this girl if he had to.
I really hope you guys like it. Remember please review and send me any ideas that you may have about making it a multichapter and even ideas of hoe you want the story to go. I'm writing this for the people who like my stories which means I want to write something you want to read! All you have to do is review! Thanks guys!